To everyone I know, don't know, would like to know, would like to forget...JUST KIDDING! I have a little announcement to make.

Some of you may or may not have heard that I was moving to New York. If you have heard, then you know I was leaving today, the 17th. WAS is the keyword here, because I didn't leave. I didn't go. I'm NOT going.

If any of you who knew I was going, really KNEW me, you knew I didn't want to go. People have been telling me they could read it on my face as plain as day. When people would ask me if I was excited, I would say no. But I thought I had no other choice.

My parents continually told me that if I didn't live my life the way they planned it out for me, college when and where, etc etc, I would have to move out. I had no way of moving out, at least not yet. So I found a way. A nanny in New York. Seemed perfect. I wanted it to be perfect. But to me, it felt like a trap. I put on a good face, convinced myself it was perfect for me, and began the preparations. I had to quit the perfect job for me here, because I had to get away from home.

The people I was going to be working for? The woman was a stay at home mom, real hoity toity, really social, really...rich. Sickened me. She just wanted someone to take her children away, so she could go out and have fun with the other socialites. It bothered me, but it was good money. I HAD to be happy...right? But I wasn't. Something felt very very very wrong. But I had no other choice. None. Nope. Nada.

One of my biggest reasons for leaving, is that I felt I wouldn't be missed. Sure, my friend of convenience status would be missed. My cleaning skills would be missed. My 'I'll listen to your problems without giving you any of mine' reputation would be sadly missed. But i didn't feel like anyone knew enough of me to miss me. But I've often found myself living in that woe is me world. But...enough negative influences can do that to you, forgive me for it or not, that's just the way it is.

Anyway...a few days before scheduled leaving day, I saw my dearest closest most beloved brother like friend I've ever had. He saved my life, waking me up in the process. So, I have to say a thank you just to him.

"Edward"-- Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over. You proved what I didn't think was possible. That people care, and that I'm stupid. I don't resent that of course, I appreciate it. Thank you for the prayer, and thank you for being the messenger. And thank you so much for sticking by me. I know I've most likely made it difficult. You're one of the only people who can see past the circumstances, and know that sometimes, people just have to lose control, and lose themselves. Because otherwise, they'd never know they needed to find their way back. Most people can't see that, and that's sad. But you've always been there when I needed a hand to hold onto, and this time, you had help. God bless you! Thank you for helping me realize I DID have a choice. Thank you for helping me realize the right one. Thank you for helping me to let go and let God. And thank you for being my friend, and my brother. I love you very very much, and I expect to see you more often! *grins*

He, among a few others have offered me a home, to get me out of this house. If things go down a bad road again, I hope those offers still stand! Please let me know *laughs*

Maybe this news disappoints some of you. Maybe you thought you were rid of me, or maybe you thought I'd actually make it somewhere. Well, taking care of children 24/7 doesn't leave much room for broadway. If it's meant to be, I'll get there someday. I'll find a way. As for right now, I'm figuring things out. I have A LOT to figure out, believe me...but I'm so relieved. I wasn't ready for it, and it wasn't right. They needed me for at least a year anyway, and...that would be a trap. I don't want to be someone else's care taker forever. As "Edward" told me...I't would be a waste of all my talents. *Grins*

Well, one last little list of thank yous...Ed, thanks again bro. You're a lifesaver. You finally let me cry, and made it okay to do so. Beier, sorry for being so hard on you. You did what you did, because you're human. Can't expect anything else, because that would be silly. I need to stop doubting caring people, right? JESSI--sorry to disappoint you! Now, our original plans. 70 times was it? The Pirates are waiting. I'm on #4, how about you? SARAH-- Funny how you waited until the day I left to write me. Too bad I'm still here, huh? Now you actually have to practice what you preach *laughs* LAURYN-- Well, I guess you never got around to that surpise party, huh? Oh, well. I forgive you! My birthday is in December. And I'm simply overjoyed that your older sister is still gonna be around for ya! Hope you are too. SCOTT--- you knew it from the beginning, but respected me enough to figure it out on my own...with a little help from God, of course. Always and forever. CHRISTY-- We can still be friends, YAY! We'll keep up with the guy stories then, huh? And are ya ready to go bunny shoppin?? Unless you already did...*whines* And to everyone else: I love you, even if you hate me. And that's the way it goes.

Corrie

Okay, I know I've been neglecting this journal for awhile. But, alas. I've been very not busy! Yes, it's true...as disappointing as it may seem, I'm not moving to New York. Not yet, anyway. Maybe someday. But for right now...well. I sent an e-mail to everyone whose e-mail addresses I had. So for those of you whose e-mail address I DO NOT have, and you read this journal...I'll put a copy of the e-mail in here for you to read, so I don't have to repeat myself. *laughs*

But before I do that, I must tell you a little story. But I don't feel like it. So I'll make it the short version. One week ago exactly, I had just finished putting everything BACK together in my room, after destroying it, trying to pack. Nikki was on her way over to my house, so we could spend the day together. I had made my bed all pretty and everything, and it's a top bunk with a couch beneath it, so I really didn't feel like climbing all the way up there, and ruining it when I was expecting company. (A poster had fallen down from up there, so I HAD to put it back up, but didn't want to ruin the bed to do it) So, I did something I've done a million times before. I held onto the guard rail, put one foot on the windowsill next to the bed, and hoisted myself up, kneeling sideways with my other leg. I put the poster back up, and then twisted around so i could get down. My knee that was securing my position on the windowsill severely dislocated, and I fell backward, headfirst off the bunk. I smacked my head against the floor and bruised up my entire body in the process. SEVERE pain followed, but I miraculously got up and walked around a few minutes later. My knee was fine until later that afternoon, when Nikki and I decided to hang out in a hurricane...long story.

Anyway! The next entry will be that e-mail, and it's important and all that jazz...so. Yeah. I better go get that done and over with. *grins* Later!