At the library...WEE! Because my computer has no internet...AGAIN! WEE! Fun stuff, yo. Not the Maplewood library though (my favorite) because I have no car, so I had to walk to White Bear...which will just have to do!

So, tomorrow is Easter. Yup! Turkey day. Paul is home, and last night (Good Friday) he and Sunnie helped me out with that Drama. It went very very well! I was worried over nothing.

Crazy! People from the Channel 13 cast are here! This is nuts! *hides* I wonder if I am hated by them. Oh, well. I don't care. So!

Nothing really all that interesting to report. Life is pretty life-like. Work, sleep, eat, sleep again...fun phone calls...work, sleep, eat, sleep again... and then meetings and drama galore! Wee! I have no internet once again, so that's always giggles. I really have nothing to write about in here...but I have a whole hour of internet time, and nothing to do with it. Oh, well. I COULD update Downside, since I have to re-write the whole thing anyway. Eh...I don't wanna.

So... work is normal, life is normal... and tomorrow is Easter. Ooh...I wanna dye easter eggs. I think I will...after I walk home. So! So there.

Later! I'm gonna go look at DVDs now.

Me

WOO! Yay! That last journal entry took forever to write, and I thought it disappeared! But it didn't! Turns out the ol' gal pulled through. Why is my journal an old gal? Because... I'm so weird. Sheesh.

So! Preparations and nerves away for tomorrow! (Good Friday) Lots of work to do, and no time to do it. All I wanna do is sleep.

Last night I started re-watching "Shattered Glass" because I started watching it a long time ago, and never finished it. So I had to start over. Pretty good so far! Then I had a fun talk with BJ. I'm such a goof sometimes. Bah...anyway! Woke up too early again, and got ready too early again. Checked my e-mail...got some junk from allposters.com. THEN OFF TO WORK! Woo!

I opened with Kelley, who is someone I've come to enjoy more and more. She used to scare the crap outta me, but I've learned how to deal with her. We blast music in the morning whilst we brew coffee and arrange scones...how relaxing. We tell stories, complain about Elke...she used to be one of my sister Kelly's best friends...but they haven't talked in a million years. She makes me laugh, she's SOOOOOO sarcastic. So am I sometimes, so it makes for some interesting conversations. If you didn't know us, you'd think we absolutely despised each other.

Then I was on drive-thru. (duh) Busier than any other day recently. I had the worst pressure headache and stomach ache combined...I drank so much water I was floating, and we were too busy for Travis to cover for me. I got to work with both Travis and Aaron, who are two of the highschool kids, and they just crack me up. They're on spring break, so they get to work mornings with me. And oh, yes. It's a priviledge!

Aaron was on bar, and he decided each completed drive-thru drink deserved to be accompanied by a song! So he hummed the hobbit's theme from LOTR every time he handed me one, and I just cracked up. Then we came up with a system. If it was an espresso drink, it got Star Wars. If it was a cold drink, it was LOTR. If it was chai, or another kind of tea, it got Indiana Jones. I was laughing so hard. Then we decided we were in "Caribou the opera" and soprano sang everything we said to each other. Yesterday, Aaron would only respond to me if I spoke to him in a british accent. I asked him why...and in a very BAD accent, he said "Baycuz it would mik may hoppay!" - spelled the way it was spoken.

So work was more enjoyable today. I came home at ate my turkey cherry salad Kelley gave me, and then Mom, Jamie and I went to go see Miss Congeniality 2. Oh, how fun it is to laugh! Mom and Jamie were sitting on either side of me, and I was leaning forward, so they kept leaning behind me to talk to each other. ARGH! Uncool, man. ESPECIALLY when they pulled my hair and put a mint down my shirt. Bah.

So, mom dropped us off at home while she went to Super Target. Jamie went to Matt's so I'm here on my own. Time for a nap! That's what I say! Sleepiness. Dangadoodle! Sunnie's home. My nap will have to wait. I have to go bug her and jump on her or something. She's so fun to annoy. She tickles me, she really does. Paul will be home tomorrow for Good Friday - Easter. He gets to celebrate with both his families. Ours being one of them...well, off I go to pester. HUGS!

Peace, yo.

Life is fun! - Or at least it can be - Anyway. Things are getting back to normal. Just needed to breathe. Yesterday was crazy, but possible. I made it work. What am I talking about? I'll explain.

Yesterday was Tuesday...crazy drive-thru shift. But some of my regulars are just so great, it's hard not to smile. They're so sweet! They like me, they REALLY like me! Ba-ha-ha. Anyway! So...crazy shift, went home... mom and I were going to go see Ice Princess, but I knew she would change her mind. She went to "return a few things" and said she'd be back in an hour. HAH! Not likely. It's okay. I took a nap. Then I continued with my back to back viewings of Superman 1-4. I finished #3 and then remembered I had to return a movie to the library.

No car! So I walked. Er...without my inhaler. Oh, well. Wasn't that cold! Except that it was! But I figured out a trick. I had my headphones on listening to RJ Helton. If I can't HEAR how bad my breathing is, I don't panic as much and I'm just fine. I can feel how tight and strained it is, but I'm not as gaspy. Cool, huh? Not really.

I came home and wrote a bit of a little somethin somethin, and then I started #4 at like...a quarter after five. I ate some soda crackers and drank some Sprite. I can't remember the last time I wasn't tired and just plain...ill. I'm creating a monster! I really am. Anyway, anyway. At 6:30 Kathy Stauff picked me up to gow ith her and plan out the Good Friday service. YAY!

No, it was fine. I always enjoy spending time with my sister's boyfriend's mother...weird yet true. But anyway! We read all the scripture readings, and came up with all these scenes, and then we raided the costume room...well, the heater/sewing/junk room... and found costumes for Mary, (me) Mary Magdalene (Sunnie) Peter, John, and Jesus. We needed three guys, so we decided Paul would be one of them, and then we raided the college and young adults group to find two more. And we did! These two amazing lifesaver guys...Joe and Andy. I don't know their last names, but I know they're Jesus and Peter! *whew* We spent a lot of time on it, and my head was spinning. But we got it done. Then I found out something fabulous!

Kathy and Sarah told me they saw the church budget, and there was a new program that they were allocating money to. Guess what it is? DRAMA! There's an existing drama program! I can't believe it! And I'm in charge...that terrifies me. That's...going to be a lot of work. We're going to do a prop and costume drive...I'm in charge...I'm in charge...it's mine, mine, mine...

As much as I love the directing aspects, I miss being on stage. I told Kathy that. So what does she do? She calls her sister who works for Oops! Dinner theater. AHHH! That's the same place Becky from The Avalon Tearoom called and told them that "There's a girl in White Bear you need to have on your stage!" Craziness.

So that was yesterday. I was so dead when I got home. Went online quick to check my e-mail. Got one from Perry about upcoming leaders events, and one from Pastor Steve about upcoming sermon series meetings. Lots of hard work on the horizon. But I won't back down!I hope I hope I hope...

Today, got up at the butt crack of dawn and went to work. I WASN'T on drive-thru...I didn't quite know what to do with myself. Aaron is in highschool, so he's the afternoon drive-thru pro, but he took my place this morning...(he's not so good at the morning rushes) and I was his super-glue. (I get everything people order in the drive-thru) For some reason Kate was really in an un-good mood. I can deal with that, really. But...she decided that she would take it out on me, not everyone else. So...she just wouldn't talk to me all day. Okay... I had a blinding headache. Literally. Every few minutes I'd get this horrible pain behind my eyes and semi-black out. Shaking the whip canisters today almost threw me over the edge! I was so overly happy to leave work today. Then I had my "date" with Kristin.

She picked me up, I went over there to visit with her and Edmond. He's...HUGE! So much hair! I took pictures. He's not only walking, he's running...it was almost depressing. I love that little boy so much. He's still so cuddly. No talking yet, but he held my hand and showed me his new world. It was almost like he remembered me. I wonder if he did.

Mike wouldn't acknowledge me presence...oh, well. Whatever. I was there only for a little while. He's such a cute little boy. I love him and miss him so much. So so much.

I came home and tried to get script stuff done. I tried to get things accomplished, but I felt so not good! I went online for a little while, and BJ called me on his break. Then I helped mom in the laundry room and then I fell asleep. When did I wake up? Oh, 8:30!!! What the crap? I missed half of Alias! So I couldn't watch the second half. Then I made myself dinner. And now here I am writing in here!

Mom and Sunnie just came home. Mom bought me an outfit at Old Navy. Yay! *grins* Now I'l talking to Paul and Lee online...but Sunnie needs the internet. She's so funny... she gave me sunglasses because they made her nose look crooked. Te-he-he! She makes me laugh.

So... that's life for now. I work at 5am again, so I should go to bed. Thanks for listening! For those of you who read this...please pray that my health problems stop being problems. I prefer seeing to blindness, and smiles to vomit. So! Love you, take care.

Me

Craziness!

The world seems a little...off lately. All the things I'm used to haven't been there. It's confusing. Let's see. Where do I begin? I have to make this as short as possible.

Elke is being so nice to me, she really is. She wants me to stay. She keeps saying "Oh, Corrie!" Like I'm just so adorable. And "Corrie, you are SO good at your job!" No negative critiques, like I used to get.

Day before yesterday (which was Friday) I had a blah day. One of those...blah days. I worked from 5:30-11 on drive-thru (surprise surprise) and then I went home. I took a nap, then my mom went shopping. I was planning on taking myself to the movies, because Sunnie is gone for the weekend and loaned me her car. (woo!) So what do I do when I could be mobile? I stay home and watch a movie that made me bawl my eyes out on Lifetime. Makes sense. It was really snowing a lot though!

After that movie, I attempted to write. But I was sad. For a variety of reasons really. I just felt...off. I talked to Kristin for awhile, and she e-mailed me pictures of Edmond...he's so old. It was so depressing. I'm going over there on Wednesday, I guess.

I sat and stared at the wall for awhile. (Really) I thought about a lot of things. A lot of the things I thought about I had thought about before. So far, that's all I can do. Think about them. I waited on the couch for Jamie to get home. The day before had been his 16th birthday, and we had planned to watch the present I gave him the next day. (Earthsea)

He got home, and I was almost relieved. Enough time by myself, dummy! Gives me too much time to wallow. So, we watched the movie (it was good! Better than I thought) with dad, actually. He'd come home early. Then mom came home...after that movie, I went to bed. Early... and slept. Slept too much. I never woke up like I usually do. The phone never rang like it usually does. Saturday therefore, was very off balance.

I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday, gave myself roughly 10 minutes to get ready. (So I'd have enough time to remove the mountain covering Sunnie's car) Went to work, they put me on drive-thru. (DUH!) And it was the slowest thing EVER! Normally there's never a break in the cars. I only had two rushes my whole shift! I was so...confused. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was aggrivated, because not having my continuous 'I want to kill myself I'm so busy' drive-thru, my mind had way too much time to wander. It wasn't good. Thankfully...my shift ended without too much mental damage.

Everyone had been so nice and funny...that it didn't feel right. Like there was a secret I didn't know abou. I walked out to the car, and noticed I had two new voicemails. The first one was from Amy Turnbull, who's Pastor Steve Turnbull's wife, who wanted me to come up with something fabulous for Good Friday. HA! A little too late for that. I still don't even have a proper name database for all these people! Grr argh!

The second message was from Dom Rodriguez. Who's that? Oh! Well he's the father of the kids I was a nanny for in NY. Basically, it was a message begging me to come back. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's what I did. I laughed! Yeah right! What the crap! Never in a bazillion years! If I move outta this place, I'm not moving east again, I guarantee it! I prefer the south...

So, that was hilarious. I went home and fell asleep...in my coat and Caribou clothes. My mom laughed hysterically. I just literally fell over on my bed with one arm over my head...flat on my back. I don't know why I was so tired.

My mom decided the whole family was gonna go to Eagle Brook last night, then out to dinner at Buca, and then to the movies to see The Ring Two. So we did...

I don't like Eagle Brook, and it was like a recession in a way, like I was sliding back. My old life wanted me. New York, Eagle Brook... but I want no part of it. No! The service was blah, and I wanted to leave. It all feels so fake to me. All the high tech presentations don't say anything to me except "ooh, look how we use your money! Give us more so we can make another movie montage!" It bothers me. They don't even have a cross anywhere visible in that entire building. Except on Easter. BAH!

Afterward, we ran into Amy Carey...whoa...and Paula Bolt. We talked to Paula for a long time (mom and I) Well...more like I stood there with a few sarcastic comments. i couldn't help it, I was crabby! Paula suddenly turned to me and says "I just can't believe how pretty you are. You're beautiful! You've grown into such a beautiful woman." And I was like...um...k...

THen we went to Buca, and that was fun. My crabiness went away for awhile. Then to the movie. I sat next to Jamie. Jamie likes to touch my arm. When he wants to show me things, when he's scared, just when he wants to tell me something. Not just my arm, my shoulder...he likes to tap. Lately, I've despised it all of the sudden. "Don't touch me!" And not just from Jamie. I don't like anyone to touch me. They're not...the right people. The affectionate...whatevers aren't the affection I need anymore. Ready for the next station in life, please. It's weird...but I'm being so un-nice, and I can feel it. I'm tired of so many of my undeserved responsibilities. But I can't get out without help. And back to New York is NOT the answer. Ha!

Anyway, time for church. Write more soon... argh.

Corrie