My, how things change.
There's so much going on right now, but I just can't write it down. We'll get to some things later, I'm sure. Right now, however, there's something I'd like to address. I drove to Montgomery today to visit BJ's family for Debra's birthday. When I got here, BJ told me he had a visit at Oaktree. The visit was from Laura's mother. Apparently Laura DOES read my journal, and was offended by an earlier entry. She showed the entry to her mother, who went to speak to BJ on Laura's behalf. So...
To Laura (and her Mother) --
First of all, I really was unaware that Laura read this journal. To be quite honest, I can't help but wonder why. Then I put myself in her place, and yes...I would be curious too. I am sorry if you were offended by what I wrote. I almost wish you had known me at the time I started this journal. Throughout my life, I have hidden away things rather than say them out loud. I was quiet, shy... soft spoken. I never said anything to anybody. When I started this journal, I made a vow that I would never do that again. I warned people that if they didn't know what was going on in my head, that they really shouldn't read it. It's my JOURNAL... I write about my life, and what's good and bad within it at a certain moment in time. I know you never encountered my dramatic warning, but that's me nonetheless.
When I first met BJ, he told me about your relationship. As our relationship has continued, I've learned more and more. Sometimes more than I think I would like to know. A lot of it has been hard to handle. I had a lot of things swimming around in my head. Everything I've given to BJ has been a first for me. Whereas everything he's given to me has been a second. He says it doesn't feel that way to him, but hopefully you can understand where I'm coming from.
In the entry that offended you I mentioned that I didn't know you personally. I only have what his friends and family have told me to go by. I understand that this is not fair to you. Of course they're going to say things about me to make me look better. I'm here NOW... it's nice to hear, I admit it... but that doesn't exactly mean it's true. I know you had a lot of wonderful times with BJ and his family. Sometimes I wish they really were ALL bad...but I know that's not the case.
Laura, I am jealous of you. You got a lot of firsts from BJ that I'll never have. Sometimes I feel threatened for no good reason. I've struggled with it a lot. Especially after what Kris said in BJ's journal. Being me and having experienced my life and all its drama (believe me... you don't want to know... ) I thought maybe you still wanted to be with BJ, and that statement would give you the "green light" so to speak, to go for it. I know you never gave any indication of that whatsoever, and I've never even communicated with you... but being completely isolated from anything and everything I've ever known has really turned me into a nutcase (at times...)
I want you to know I respect you and your history with BJ. I know a lot of things went wrong in that relationship, mistakes on both your part and BJ's. I also want you to know that I really truly love him, and he has rescued me from so many things I thought I would never be able to recover from. Because of you, BJ has learned and grown so much. You helped mold him into the man of my dreams. I am forever in your debt...in some strange way. I really truly sincerely thank you, Laura.
I'm sorry you were hurt by that other entry...I'm glad your family wanted to protect you. I wish I had my family right now. I have to tell you that the only reason I wrote all that, is because that's what I do. I'm a writer, Laura. I've struggled with BJ's past for a long time, and only wrote about it once. That's the only way I know how to fix things. If I don't write them down, they never get better. I wrote down all of the things BJ told me about your relationship (minus some things out of respect) and since you didn't hear it from him, it seemed wrong. I don't blame you for that. I shouldn't speak on his behalf... but he and I are a united front.
In the future, don't be afraid to confront me on anything. I admit I was angry that your Mother felt it necessary to tattle on me to BJ. I didn't think it was fair for either of you to think you had that right. (Especially since BJ both knew and supported my entry. He thought it was healthy.) I was under the impression that there was no communication between the families. If you find any other reason to contact BJ about me, I urge you to come to me first. If that seems weird to you, don't let it. It will probably be the weirdest for BJ.
I thanked you in the other entry, and I'll do it again. I hope you learned just as much as he did. I'm sorry if you felt your past was broadcasted through my journal. Honestly, Laura... aside from BJ, my sister Kelly, and maybe two friends... no one reads this. I've lost touch with everyone. That's part of the reason why I feel so isolated. So if you feel even further offended by me reaching out to you through my journal... I didn't know another way to go about it.
God Bless you, Laura (And your mom, I apologize I don't know your name) and I am sorry for hurting you. I hope and pray your life is joyful and truly happy. If you feel like you need to talk to me, or BJ...
director@plansee.org
Thank you.
-Corrie
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
| Your Hidden Talent |
 You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers. |
WHOA! That's pretty close. Indeed. Elke used to say that about me all the time... when I'm up and when I'm down. Interesting. Very interesting. Anyway!
So, yesterday BJ came up to surprise me again. Boy, do I love that man. I got giddy when I found out he was on his way. Hopping up and down like a little kid. He treated us to the wonderful $5 Little Caesars pizza, and brought a movie to watch. It was nice having food that wasn't Tuna or Pirates of the Caribbean cereal. (And it was HOT!)
We watched "Into The Blue" while it absolutely poured outside. After the movie, BJ and I did our devotionals. (2 Kings 4-5 was our scripture reading for the day). And then BJ acted out soda commercials with his Sierra Mist can. You know that diet Pepsi commercial with the Diet Coke stunt double? Yeah...he's silly *smiles*
It was a short night, but a wonderful night nonetheless. This is indeed a short little update, but I just don't feel like I have much to say today. Ah, well! Keep the prayers a comin' for the job/money thing. Things are getting kinda difficult in that department. (Actually they're already there... and we're going crazy.)
I always love hearing from those I love, so please e-mail me sometime! I would LOVE it! I really really would. And I would RESPOND! Come, friends! Be friendly!
Love you all, and hope to hear from you soon!
ME!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Oh, thank you Lord. Last night was wonderful. BJ and I had the most amazing conversation. Everyday inside of everyone, there's a spiritual battle going on. I just feel like mine has been intensified. Depression has tried to sneak back in, and I couldn't let that happen again.
I've been dealing with a lot. I'm overly concerned with the past, and how people view me in the present. I've always liked to believe I don't care what other people think of me, but that is so far beyond the truth. I care. I care too much. My physical appearance has always been a factor with that...and attacks on that perception come several times a day.
BJ and I had a conversation last night, with God right in the center of it. Everything that's been pushing me down was gone. The evil images, thoughts, and memories in my head were gone for the first time in months. They couldn't even come close to me last night. It felt so good. I had tears in my eyes from time to time, as BJ and I really laid it all out on the table. We discussed in detail how everything in our past lives has prepared us for our relationship.
BJ had a previous relationship, I never did. It didn't go well for him. There were a lot of mistakes, a lot of shame, and a lot of action out of obligation. He wasn't happy with it. Sometimes I have a problem dealing with his past, because I didn't have any similar experiences. He's very honest about it, and has told me absolutely everything. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's better or worse to know everything. Of course it was before he knew me, but certain things about our relationship that I truly treasure, were someone else's before they were mine. He made promises of forever to someone else. I never have. Sometimes thinking about all that really pushes me down. He's my first, my last, my only. I'm not his first, but he tells me I'm his only. He was with Laura for 2 and 1/2 years, but I get forever.
Since the beginning of our relationship, I have been compared to Laura. Everyone in his family has had something to say. They never portray Laura as anything but a prolonged mistake, making me look better in the long run. BUT-- I don't know her at all. I only have to go on what my future in-laws have to say. "You're so different from Laura, thank God! She would say..." blah blah blah. I can't wait to stop being a Laura comparison, and just start being me. I'm nothing like her, so let me be myself. She seemed to be everywhere. But BJ put everything Laura in the bottom of the trash can. Pictures, papers, stuff. There was a lot of her, but not now. Now she exists only in history.
That's been a struggle. Since BJ has only had the one past relationship, it was a big deal both during, and after. It greatly affected his life. Sometimes he wishes that relationship had never taken place, but at the same time realizes (and has told me many times) that his relationship with Laura had to happen, he had to make all those mistakes. Doesn't mean God necessarily wanted him to be in a relationship like that, but since he went ahead and did it anyway, he wanted him to learn from it. BJ faced a lot of conviction and guilt during that time, but came out of it gratefully. He was glad it ended, and felt free. Because of that, he was able to realize and embrace all the lessons he learned from his mistakes.
Both BJ and GOD have told me that since BJ went ahead with that relationship, God decided to bless him anyway. He needed all of that in order to become the man God knew he had to be for me. And it's true. He made a lot of mistakes with Laura, so he wouldn't have to make them with me. My life hasn't been easy, and sometimes I make loving me difficult. BJ has learned to stick it out, just like he did with Laura. He tells me he felt like that relationship was over after the first six months, but he held on because he believed love to be a choice, and he had to choose to stay in love with her, and therefore try harder to make it work. He wouldn't give up until he had done absolutely everything he could to make it work. I asked him then "If love is a choice, does that mean you could choose to stop loving me?" And he looked at me, and said "No way. That's impossible."
The latest person to compare me to Laura was Kris. He did it in BJ's journal, which BJ later deleted. He said that he honestly believed that Laura was a better match for BJ. He didn't mean it. He was saying a lot of things, but that's the thing I had been inwardly struggling with...so it stuck to me. Laura reads BJ's journal. Reading that gave her power over me without her even knowing it. It probably made her feel good about herself, but... Kris didn't even like Laura. He probably did in the beginning, just like he did me. But BJ is and was devoted in relationships, and jealousy comes into play a lot when a friend finds someone they want to be in a relationship with. They end up spending a lot of time with that person. I think when BJ fell in love with me, Kris started viewing me the same way he did Laura. One problem though... I'm not Laura. I never demand "us time". I encourage his friendships, and feel guilty that he doesn't really see anybody anymore.
I've read old entries from BJ's journal, and have read all about his friends. Friends he never sees anymore. He says a lot of it has to do with Huntingdon. He took time off from school, so since he didn't see them around campus, it was easy to slip away. He also says seeing them makes him feel guilty for not staying in school. He associates a lot of those relationships WITH Huntingdon, which really isn't fair to the people who genuinely thought of him as a friend all around.
I don't believe I ever did anything to hurt Kris the way he thinks I did. When I entered into my relationship with BJ, I entered with a lot of insecurities. I had no one on my side...I was entering a world where no one knew me, no one could vouch for me... I was entering BJ's world as an outsider. I was so scared. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to make good impressions. When Kris started disliking me, I was devastated. I was failing. Kris had a network here, I didn't. I didn't have a support system, I didn't have anyone to stick up for me. I wanted so badly to be accepted and liked... and it wasn't happening. I can honestly say I never wanted anything, but to be Kris's friend. I never did anything but exist, that resulted in the distancing of Kris and BJ's friendship. They still get together and do things, and the only thing that bothers me is that I feel like I can't be a part of that. BJ's always open and honest about his time and conversations with Kris, but parts of me still feels like he feels guilty...like he's having an affair or something. I can't deny I don't feel that too...because who wants their boyfriend to hang out with someone who thinks his girlfriend is an evil life ruiner?
Kris said a lot of hurtful things. I told him he was cruel. He told me all he ever saw in me was bad. That's why I said he was cruel. Mainly because he had never seen me at all, so he never got the chance to recognize anything good OR bad. He never got to know me, he never talked to me after that first trip down here. I guess I'll never know why. I know what he SAYS happened, but I still cling to the hope of hearing the truth. I don't care what the truth is, it's always better than the "not truth"
Kris says he no longer has a problem with me. He says he's glad BJ's happy. I just hope someday he takes the time to really get to know me, and then he'll see... he did an amazing thing in getting me to come down here in the first place. It was his idea. Whatever his motives were, he succeeded in making his best friend very happy, and me happy...which might not matter to him, but it matters to me.
Anyway, after that long conversation last night... I took a little time with God and myself...and I forgave. I forgave everything and everyone. Things I didn't even know I needed to forgive. And now... the son is shining.
I don't know how many people read this journal o' mine. It was linked to BJ's, and I make posts other places, so who knows how many people click and read. If Laura reads this... I'm grateful to you for helping BJ become the man he is today. You probably didn't know that's what you were doing, but you did. And he's wonderful. I'm glad your relationship with him happened. I only hope you learned as much as he did, for you to use with the one God has chosen for you.
If Kris reads this...I look forward to talking to you. I still cling to the hope of trying those tacos you promised me way back when!
And if Kris's Mom reads this, thank you for EVERYTHING you've done. Everything with Kris, and everything with the medical aspect of my life. I have an appointment on Monday.
And if no one else reads this except BJ and Kelly, I'm okay with that too. I'm kinda glad I wrote about what I wrote about. I had stayed away from it, but it's out there now. So to Kelly... hang in there. And to BJ (who just called to say he loves me on his short trek to the little Oaktree gas station from the main store...I love you too!) I love you so much. From my beginning to your end and back again. (smiles) Thank you for your patience, and your understanding. Thank you for last night. THANK YOU GOD FOR LAST NIGHT!!! He really has blessed us, BJ. I treasure every moment with you, especially those that we put God in the center of. You're my miracle. I doubted your existence for way way too long. Now you're here, and I thank God for you every day.
This ended up being a longer entry than I had anticipated. I feel freedoms in things that tied me down before. I'm grateful to everyone who helped me get there, even though some people didn't even know they were a part of it. God used your pasts to teach me things, and then blessed me and BJ with that wonderful conversation last night.
I think I could go on all day long...so I guess I will stop now. I love you ALL.
ME
I've been dealing with a lot. I'm overly concerned with the past, and how people view me in the present. I've always liked to believe I don't care what other people think of me, but that is so far beyond the truth. I care. I care too much. My physical appearance has always been a factor with that...and attacks on that perception come several times a day.
BJ and I had a conversation last night, with God right in the center of it. Everything that's been pushing me down was gone. The evil images, thoughts, and memories in my head were gone for the first time in months. They couldn't even come close to me last night. It felt so good. I had tears in my eyes from time to time, as BJ and I really laid it all out on the table. We discussed in detail how everything in our past lives has prepared us for our relationship.
BJ had a previous relationship, I never did. It didn't go well for him. There were a lot of mistakes, a lot of shame, and a lot of action out of obligation. He wasn't happy with it. Sometimes I have a problem dealing with his past, because I didn't have any similar experiences. He's very honest about it, and has told me absolutely everything. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's better or worse to know everything. Of course it was before he knew me, but certain things about our relationship that I truly treasure, were someone else's before they were mine. He made promises of forever to someone else. I never have. Sometimes thinking about all that really pushes me down. He's my first, my last, my only. I'm not his first, but he tells me I'm his only. He was with Laura for 2 and 1/2 years, but I get forever.
Since the beginning of our relationship, I have been compared to Laura. Everyone in his family has had something to say. They never portray Laura as anything but a prolonged mistake, making me look better in the long run. BUT-- I don't know her at all. I only have to go on what my future in-laws have to say. "You're so different from Laura, thank God! She would say..." blah blah blah. I can't wait to stop being a Laura comparison, and just start being me. I'm nothing like her, so let me be myself. She seemed to be everywhere. But BJ put everything Laura in the bottom of the trash can. Pictures, papers, stuff. There was a lot of her, but not now. Now she exists only in history.
That's been a struggle. Since BJ has only had the one past relationship, it was a big deal both during, and after. It greatly affected his life. Sometimes he wishes that relationship had never taken place, but at the same time realizes (and has told me many times) that his relationship with Laura had to happen, he had to make all those mistakes. Doesn't mean God necessarily wanted him to be in a relationship like that, but since he went ahead and did it anyway, he wanted him to learn from it. BJ faced a lot of conviction and guilt during that time, but came out of it gratefully. He was glad it ended, and felt free. Because of that, he was able to realize and embrace all the lessons he learned from his mistakes.
Both BJ and GOD have told me that since BJ went ahead with that relationship, God decided to bless him anyway. He needed all of that in order to become the man God knew he had to be for me. And it's true. He made a lot of mistakes with Laura, so he wouldn't have to make them with me. My life hasn't been easy, and sometimes I make loving me difficult. BJ has learned to stick it out, just like he did with Laura. He tells me he felt like that relationship was over after the first six months, but he held on because he believed love to be a choice, and he had to choose to stay in love with her, and therefore try harder to make it work. He wouldn't give up until he had done absolutely everything he could to make it work. I asked him then "If love is a choice, does that mean you could choose to stop loving me?" And he looked at me, and said "No way. That's impossible."
The latest person to compare me to Laura was Kris. He did it in BJ's journal, which BJ later deleted. He said that he honestly believed that Laura was a better match for BJ. He didn't mean it. He was saying a lot of things, but that's the thing I had been inwardly struggling with...so it stuck to me. Laura reads BJ's journal. Reading that gave her power over me without her even knowing it. It probably made her feel good about herself, but... Kris didn't even like Laura. He probably did in the beginning, just like he did me. But BJ is and was devoted in relationships, and jealousy comes into play a lot when a friend finds someone they want to be in a relationship with. They end up spending a lot of time with that person. I think when BJ fell in love with me, Kris started viewing me the same way he did Laura. One problem though... I'm not Laura. I never demand "us time". I encourage his friendships, and feel guilty that he doesn't really see anybody anymore.
I've read old entries from BJ's journal, and have read all about his friends. Friends he never sees anymore. He says a lot of it has to do with Huntingdon. He took time off from school, so since he didn't see them around campus, it was easy to slip away. He also says seeing them makes him feel guilty for not staying in school. He associates a lot of those relationships WITH Huntingdon, which really isn't fair to the people who genuinely thought of him as a friend all around.
I don't believe I ever did anything to hurt Kris the way he thinks I did. When I entered into my relationship with BJ, I entered with a lot of insecurities. I had no one on my side...I was entering a world where no one knew me, no one could vouch for me... I was entering BJ's world as an outsider. I was so scared. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to make good impressions. When Kris started disliking me, I was devastated. I was failing. Kris had a network here, I didn't. I didn't have a support system, I didn't have anyone to stick up for me. I wanted so badly to be accepted and liked... and it wasn't happening. I can honestly say I never wanted anything, but to be Kris's friend. I never did anything but exist, that resulted in the distancing of Kris and BJ's friendship. They still get together and do things, and the only thing that bothers me is that I feel like I can't be a part of that. BJ's always open and honest about his time and conversations with Kris, but parts of me still feels like he feels guilty...like he's having an affair or something. I can't deny I don't feel that too...because who wants their boyfriend to hang out with someone who thinks his girlfriend is an evil life ruiner?
Kris said a lot of hurtful things. I told him he was cruel. He told me all he ever saw in me was bad. That's why I said he was cruel. Mainly because he had never seen me at all, so he never got the chance to recognize anything good OR bad. He never got to know me, he never talked to me after that first trip down here. I guess I'll never know why. I know what he SAYS happened, but I still cling to the hope of hearing the truth. I don't care what the truth is, it's always better than the "not truth"
Kris says he no longer has a problem with me. He says he's glad BJ's happy. I just hope someday he takes the time to really get to know me, and then he'll see... he did an amazing thing in getting me to come down here in the first place. It was his idea. Whatever his motives were, he succeeded in making his best friend very happy, and me happy...which might not matter to him, but it matters to me.
Anyway, after that long conversation last night... I took a little time with God and myself...and I forgave. I forgave everything and everyone. Things I didn't even know I needed to forgive. And now... the son is shining.
I don't know how many people read this journal o' mine. It was linked to BJ's, and I make posts other places, so who knows how many people click and read. If Laura reads this... I'm grateful to you for helping BJ become the man he is today. You probably didn't know that's what you were doing, but you did. And he's wonderful. I'm glad your relationship with him happened. I only hope you learned as much as he did, for you to use with the one God has chosen for you.
If Kris reads this...I look forward to talking to you. I still cling to the hope of trying those tacos you promised me way back when!
And if Kris's Mom reads this, thank you for EVERYTHING you've done. Everything with Kris, and everything with the medical aspect of my life. I have an appointment on Monday.
And if no one else reads this except BJ and Kelly, I'm okay with that too. I'm kinda glad I wrote about what I wrote about. I had stayed away from it, but it's out there now. So to Kelly... hang in there. And to BJ (who just called to say he loves me on his short trek to the little Oaktree gas station from the main store...I love you too!) I love you so much. From my beginning to your end and back again. (smiles) Thank you for your patience, and your understanding. Thank you for last night. THANK YOU GOD FOR LAST NIGHT!!! He really has blessed us, BJ. I treasure every moment with you, especially those that we put God in the center of. You're my miracle. I doubted your existence for way way too long. Now you're here, and I thank God for you every day.
This ended up being a longer entry than I had anticipated. I feel freedoms in things that tied me down before. I'm grateful to everyone who helped me get there, even though some people didn't even know they were a part of it. God used your pasts to teach me things, and then blessed me and BJ with that wonderful conversation last night.
I think I could go on all day long...so I guess I will stop now. I love you ALL.
ME
Monday, April 17, 2006
Yay for Easter! Early early yesterday morning, Kelly and I got up and got ready for the day. We had to leave the apartment by 7 in order to get to BJ's by 8. He wanted to get to church really early for the 9:30 traditional service. Church of course was splendid! The music was so beautiful...there was even a touch of the drama thang, and you KNOW I'm always up for that!
After the service, we chatted with the fam for a bit. (Jack, Debra and Lauren came...which made BJ really happy. You could see it all over his face.) Since BJ was playing in the orchestra, he was also going to play in the 11 o'clock traditional, and meet Kelly and I at the contemporary service halfway through. We ended up not doing that, though. I think I've done that once or twice before and went to both complete services, but not yesterday.
After church we went back to the house for a bit before heading to Maw Maw and Papa Tom's house. Spent time with the Searcy side of the family before heading to Nana's to visit with the Nave side. We stayed for awhile and watched the last reel of "Jesus of Nazareth" on the history channel. I grew up watching that movie twice a year, but BJ had never seen any of it.
After Nana's we went back to the house again and did random nothingness for a long time. Amy, Jason, Kasi, and Gracie came to visit after awhile, and Jack had a lot of fun video taping them being adorable! Kelly got sleepy, so we tried to keep the noise down so she could nap. BJ and I went into his room to do our devotions. After that, we spent a few hours just laying there, holding each other, and talking. Not all of the subject matter was perfect, but being with him was. I could lay in his arms forever. It's the best feeling in the world. It feel so safe. WONDERFUL.
We started telling stories after that. And so now I will share one of those stories with you! I really enjoyed this story. It's a good one. Ahem! Read on!
Once upon a time, there was a little boy. All he wanted was a bike. Everyone else had a bike. He wanted one too! He thought he would never get a bike. One day, an older friend of his gave him some great news.
She told him "I think I have the perfect bike for you. This bike hasn't been used all that much, and you've never really had one before. I wouldn't steer you wrong. I think you'd really like it!"
He was intrigued. He agreed to try the bike. When he saw it, it didn't seem like it was the bike he had always dreamed of, but at that point...he was just SO excited at the prospect of actually having a bike, that he would take what he could get.
He took the bike on a test run. It seemed to veer to the left a bit, which wasn't where he was trying to go. He shrugged it off, deciding that he could look beyond it. He liked the bike! It took him where he wanted to go! He was just so happy to have any bike at all.
He learned to love that bike. At first he wasn't sure he could, but he managed to somehow. The first six months he had that bike, he had a blast! He had fun with his bike. He grew confident with his bike, and thought about trying a couple bike tricks. He had never had a bike, so he didn't really know what he was doing, but he was fascinated by the ramps, and the jumps...and when he tried, it seemed like the bike knew what to do! But one too many times, he landed the wrong way on the seat, and he didn't really like the bike jumps anymore. He felt like the only thing he really accomplished was getting dirty. He decided he didn't like all the bruises he was getting from falling off, so it was determined that maybe being a hip cool bike stunt professional was not for him.
After awhile he started getting tired of the bike. Everything started to bother him. The rusty chain, the awful color, the dented tire rim, the crooked seat. The bell didn't work. It made a screeching grinding noise all the time that made his whole body tense. Something had to be done! He decided not to ride the bike for awhile. Instead he wanted to concentrate on fixing it up. The bike still worked, and he still wanted a bike. He didn't feel like it was fair to give up on the bike yet.
He gave up riding the bike for awhile, and conentrated on trying to make it the bike he had always wanted. He bought the bike a brand new bell. He gave it a new coat of paint. He fixed the tire rim. He stood back every once in awhile and admired his work. When it looked more like the bike he wanted, he'd take it out and ride awhile. It wasn't long before the seat would tilt, the paint would chip...and all the old problems would show through again.
He put more and more money, time and effort into the maintenance of the bike, but things just kept going wrong. He began getting so frustrated with the stupid bike! This wasn't what he had dreamed of! This wasn't what he had wanted at all! This wasn't his dream bike, and no repairs could ever change that! He started to really not like the bike. Everything would drive him crazy. Sometimes when he rode it to get where he needed to go, he would imagine another bike. He felt really bad, but still enjoyed coming up with different scenarios in his head. Nothing he added to his bike could make it into the bike he wanted. That made him feel terrible, but he still held on. He couldn't abandon the bike.
One day, he was riding his bike, trying to find little things about it that he liked. He listened to the bell, that even though it was new, started sounding just as bad as the old one. The bike tire seemed to be bent, going every which way but the right one. He started peddaling harder, hoping that would straighten it out. It only seemed to get worse! He could feel the anger building up. All of a sudden, the stupid rusty chain snapped, and he was thrown violently from the bike. That was it! He had had it! He was so angry. He kicked the bike to the side of the road, and left it there. He was done!
A few days later, he went back and found the bike. It was still there. All he could see was the rust, the chipped paint, the wobbly seat, the bent tire rim, that stupid bell. He did what he had to do. Everyone knew the bike was his, and if someone else had found it lying there, he could have gotten in trouble. He dragged the bike to the junk yard, and said his final goodbyes. For some reason, saying goodbye made him happy. No more junk bucket bike! Since the chain had broke, he couldn't ride it. He had nothing left to give the bike. It wasn't his anymore...and that made him happy!
He went a long time without ever having another bike. For awhile he thought he would never have another one. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Quite awhile later, he saw another bike in a store window. It seemed so far away, so unattainable. After awhile, he realized just how badly he wanted that bike. That beautiful bike was the ONE and ONLY bike he had ever really wanted. He knew it was perfect for him. He was too scared to go for it. Everyone around him knew how badly he wanted that bike.
One day, he went outside and there it was in his driveway! It had a tag on it, and his name was written right there. He couldn't believe it! How could he be so lucky? So blessed? He was so happy. The bike was so shiny and new. Nothing like the rust bucket. He hopped right on, and the ride was so smooth! It was marvelous!
His mom gave him a beautiful shiny bell for the bike that had been hers when she was a little girl. It looked perfect on the bike. The bike of his dreams! He was happier than he never knew possible. There was no way he would EVER leave that bike at the junkyard!
And then the little boy and his dream bike lived happily ever after! --THE END!
SEE? Great story! And a great Easter. I love you, BJ! More later!
Me
After the service, we chatted with the fam for a bit. (Jack, Debra and Lauren came...which made BJ really happy. You could see it all over his face.) Since BJ was playing in the orchestra, he was also going to play in the 11 o'clock traditional, and meet Kelly and I at the contemporary service halfway through. We ended up not doing that, though. I think I've done that once or twice before and went to both complete services, but not yesterday.
After church we went back to the house for a bit before heading to Maw Maw and Papa Tom's house. Spent time with the Searcy side of the family before heading to Nana's to visit with the Nave side. We stayed for awhile and watched the last reel of "Jesus of Nazareth" on the history channel. I grew up watching that movie twice a year, but BJ had never seen any of it.
After Nana's we went back to the house again and did random nothingness for a long time. Amy, Jason, Kasi, and Gracie came to visit after awhile, and Jack had a lot of fun video taping them being adorable! Kelly got sleepy, so we tried to keep the noise down so she could nap. BJ and I went into his room to do our devotions. After that, we spent a few hours just laying there, holding each other, and talking. Not all of the subject matter was perfect, but being with him was. I could lay in his arms forever. It's the best feeling in the world. It feel so safe. WONDERFUL.
We started telling stories after that. And so now I will share one of those stories with you! I really enjoyed this story. It's a good one. Ahem! Read on!
Once upon a time, there was a little boy. All he wanted was a bike. Everyone else had a bike. He wanted one too! He thought he would never get a bike. One day, an older friend of his gave him some great news.
She told him "I think I have the perfect bike for you. This bike hasn't been used all that much, and you've never really had one before. I wouldn't steer you wrong. I think you'd really like it!"
He was intrigued. He agreed to try the bike. When he saw it, it didn't seem like it was the bike he had always dreamed of, but at that point...he was just SO excited at the prospect of actually having a bike, that he would take what he could get.
He took the bike on a test run. It seemed to veer to the left a bit, which wasn't where he was trying to go. He shrugged it off, deciding that he could look beyond it. He liked the bike! It took him where he wanted to go! He was just so happy to have any bike at all.
He learned to love that bike. At first he wasn't sure he could, but he managed to somehow. The first six months he had that bike, he had a blast! He had fun with his bike. He grew confident with his bike, and thought about trying a couple bike tricks. He had never had a bike, so he didn't really know what he was doing, but he was fascinated by the ramps, and the jumps...and when he tried, it seemed like the bike knew what to do! But one too many times, he landed the wrong way on the seat, and he didn't really like the bike jumps anymore. He felt like the only thing he really accomplished was getting dirty. He decided he didn't like all the bruises he was getting from falling off, so it was determined that maybe being a hip cool bike stunt professional was not for him.
After awhile he started getting tired of the bike. Everything started to bother him. The rusty chain, the awful color, the dented tire rim, the crooked seat. The bell didn't work. It made a screeching grinding noise all the time that made his whole body tense. Something had to be done! He decided not to ride the bike for awhile. Instead he wanted to concentrate on fixing it up. The bike still worked, and he still wanted a bike. He didn't feel like it was fair to give up on the bike yet.
He gave up riding the bike for awhile, and conentrated on trying to make it the bike he had always wanted. He bought the bike a brand new bell. He gave it a new coat of paint. He fixed the tire rim. He stood back every once in awhile and admired his work. When it looked more like the bike he wanted, he'd take it out and ride awhile. It wasn't long before the seat would tilt, the paint would chip...and all the old problems would show through again.
He put more and more money, time and effort into the maintenance of the bike, but things just kept going wrong. He began getting so frustrated with the stupid bike! This wasn't what he had dreamed of! This wasn't what he had wanted at all! This wasn't his dream bike, and no repairs could ever change that! He started to really not like the bike. Everything would drive him crazy. Sometimes when he rode it to get where he needed to go, he would imagine another bike. He felt really bad, but still enjoyed coming up with different scenarios in his head. Nothing he added to his bike could make it into the bike he wanted. That made him feel terrible, but he still held on. He couldn't abandon the bike.
One day, he was riding his bike, trying to find little things about it that he liked. He listened to the bell, that even though it was new, started sounding just as bad as the old one. The bike tire seemed to be bent, going every which way but the right one. He started peddaling harder, hoping that would straighten it out. It only seemed to get worse! He could feel the anger building up. All of a sudden, the stupid rusty chain snapped, and he was thrown violently from the bike. That was it! He had had it! He was so angry. He kicked the bike to the side of the road, and left it there. He was done!
A few days later, he went back and found the bike. It was still there. All he could see was the rust, the chipped paint, the wobbly seat, the bent tire rim, that stupid bell. He did what he had to do. Everyone knew the bike was his, and if someone else had found it lying there, he could have gotten in trouble. He dragged the bike to the junk yard, and said his final goodbyes. For some reason, saying goodbye made him happy. No more junk bucket bike! Since the chain had broke, he couldn't ride it. He had nothing left to give the bike. It wasn't his anymore...and that made him happy!
He went a long time without ever having another bike. For awhile he thought he would never have another one. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Quite awhile later, he saw another bike in a store window. It seemed so far away, so unattainable. After awhile, he realized just how badly he wanted that bike. That beautiful bike was the ONE and ONLY bike he had ever really wanted. He knew it was perfect for him. He was too scared to go for it. Everyone around him knew how badly he wanted that bike.
One day, he went outside and there it was in his driveway! It had a tag on it, and his name was written right there. He couldn't believe it! How could he be so lucky? So blessed? He was so happy. The bike was so shiny and new. Nothing like the rust bucket. He hopped right on, and the ride was so smooth! It was marvelous!
His mom gave him a beautiful shiny bell for the bike that had been hers when she was a little girl. It looked perfect on the bike. The bike of his dreams! He was happier than he never knew possible. There was no way he would EVER leave that bike at the junkyard!
And then the little boy and his dream bike lived happily ever after! --THE END!
SEE? Great story! And a great Easter. I love you, BJ! More later!
Me