I can't really decide how to feel right now. Things that shouldn't bother me do. People who shouldn't be strangers are. Things change so much. People change so much! That's nothing new... but it feels new. It always feels new and unexpected no matter how used to it I SHOULD be. It still feels... bad.

I don't really know how to react. I feel myself withdrawing from people as much as possible. I don't necessarily want to withdraw... but I just am. I guess that happens when you have to give up on something that was a huge dream come true... didn't quite make it happen, and now I feel like disappearing. I didn't ever really feel like it was right in the first place though, so why am I even upset?

My mom has a surgery tomorrow for a tumor in her side. She was supposed to have it almost 2 weeks ago, but her potassium levels were too low. Usually they're too high, so that's different.

It's weird living this life... my little sister is getting married, so it's 2 full years of Sunnie's wedding, and everything else is just sort of... minor. Unimportant. Kelly is out living a dream life on the east coast with her dream nanny job. For awhile I was actually making my big dream come true, but it just didn't work out. I stay boring, mundane, and invisible. It's my own fault. I've perfected the art of blending in.

Sunnie is always annoyed with me or mad at me, and I'm constantly being lectured for doing absolutely nothing wrong. I'm tired. I don't seem to have any motivation. Blah. This is just a blah entry.

I'm happy for all of those people who are unbelievably happy. I just wish that I were one of them :) I wish I didn't lose people. I misplace them, and can't seem to find them again! It's ridiculous. *laughs* Eh, who needs em? ... I do.

I love you. And that's not a crime. People love people, and say it to each other all the time. Even you do. You can't say it to me, but you can say it to others. Oh well. I love you anyway.

Goodbye.