Today was an interesting day! I had a moment of weakness last night and couldn't sleep very well as a result. My stomach kept me up, but my cloud of a bed relaxed me somewhat. (I'm still praying for the someday tempurpedic.) My stomach hurts so bad when my mind wanders to places it shouldn't. It's like God's warning signs. Corrie! Knock it off! Te-he-he. So, as a result I was very sleepy and somewhat zombie-ish this morning.

Jeremy came in at 5:45 to start his shift. He was not feeling well either. What a pair! We had good conversations though. I really love him. He helps keep me sane. He brings clarity to my jumbled thoughts. We figured out something today that I hadn't thought of before. It makes a LOT of sense!

Later on Jeremy had to roast, so it was just me and Peter. IN the nicest way possible...Peter is complete incompetent. It's more like working by myself. He just gets in the way! He takes orders, screws them up and I have to correct them and fix his mistakes, while making all the drinks, restocking things, grabbing bakery, and waiting on customers. Then while he sees me running around like a crazy person, he stands there and watches, going "Um..should I do something?" HECK YES YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING! GOSH! So I say "Um...you could make the drinks you just rang up. I have about 12 I'm making on drive." He looks at me, blinks, and says "Oh." And proceeds to take at least five minutes on each drink. But enough complaining. I really like Peter as a person. He makes me giggle. And working with him actually makes time FLY because you never stop moving...around him.

After work I zipped home to help with the sale, though I really wasn't much help. I ended up selling my entire LOTR action figure collection for $75.00 WOW!!! When I think about it, I know I spent WAY more than that, but people don't typically like to spend that much on toys at sales. But whateva! I wasn't about to complain! Paul's cousin Erin was there helping out again, and she and I have a lot in common. We ended up trading things we each had brought to sell. She got my personal karaoke gadget (you plug it into an MP3 player and you can hear yourself sing along in the ear phones...) and I got roller skates! Saweet! I used to zip zip zip all over the place on roller skates back in the day. I was WAY excited. I tried them out this evening...I need practice, OH BOY!

A couple days ago, I invited my dad out on a date. Tonight was the night! We each showered and looked nice, and left the house for a 5:10 showing at the new Rosedale theater for "Bourne Ultimatum". It was FANTASTIC! And Dad had a blast. He was very very thankful, saying he hadn't had fun like that in a long time. We got popcorn and half lemonade half Sprite...and got butter topping on the popcorn... because we're never allowed to with Mom. We were living it up!

After the excellent movie I treated Dad to his all-time favorite, Willow Gate. They've completely changed! They built like...the great wall of Willow Gate outside, so you walk through a little passageway, it's adorable! They re-did the front, and offer a completely different menu! Aside from the old favorites, they've added an entire Thai section and lots of other new things to try. Lots of seafood! It's incredible. We ate too much. We purposely ordered more than we could eat so we could bring Mom a feast.

Now home again, and reflecting on life. It's amazing how fast things can change, and how different ones perspective can be from one day to the next. Life is not easy by any means, but things that i thought were making it easier before, were actually adding far too many complications. More than I needed! I like where I am.

It's still good to get away though! That's why I'm so excited about my trip! And again, I'm stupid. I'm flying INTO North Carolina, but they actually live just inside of South Carolina, so I was right the first time. So I'm going to say I'm going to both! So there! Rachel is so so excited. She can't wait either! Things to look forward to! Yay!

Also there's the Renaissance Festival. Did I mention that already? I ordered a costume online. I'm so excited! Laugh all you want, last year was the first time I dressed up, and I had a blast! And it was a 2 minute costume...this one will be real! It's my Era! Curves were in, chunky was good! Thin meant you were going to die. It's just the truth! I am unbelievably attractive at the Renaissance Festival, and Ophelia opened my eyes to exactly that. The attention I got was amazing! Jammer is going with me. He wants me to order him a Monk costume. It comes with the bald head wig. NOOO! A Medieval Monk. No, Jamie. No! He wants it badly. We shall see.

Even little times away are things to be excited about. Next week I'm house sitting for the worship Pastor at First, Brad. That'll be fun! A little retreat all for me. Yeah... you're so jealous!

Well, I guess that's it for now. It was a good day! Tomorrow is the first Saturday I've had off in about a million years. I hope I can handle it!

Later taters!

-ME

What UP?

So! Let's see. Jammer cut his hair off. YES! I win! What? No, just that I've been begging him to do that forever.

Tomorrow is the opening of the garage sale Sunnie has worked her little butt off on. People from multiple families have donated items to sell for our family to keep the profits, can you believe it? Sunnie is selling a REALLY NICE couch and love seat if anyone is interested. But come on by! Or if you have stuff you don't want and want to let us sell it, that would be fine and dandy too!

My trip plans are finalized. And it's not South Carolina, it's North. I'm an idiot, that's all. Why this sudden trip, you ask? Well, when Andi and I ended our relationship I was kinda bummed, realizing I had nothing to look forward to. I was intended to go with them all to Missouri for Tim's graduation. I have no idea whether or not I still get an invite, but along with many other realizations, I decided...hey! Who needs them? Haha...no, not like that. But I can take a trip on my own! I was excited to go on a trip, so I planned one myself. I'm going to stay with Uncle Scott and Aunt Rachel for about five days. August 31st through September 4th. Rachel is thrilled!

It's weird how happy I am about life right now. Kelly and Andi are taking their time away from me, or whatever. Actually, I think I'm taking my time away from them. I miss watching movies and stuff, but once the initial shock wore off, and I was honest with myself, everything was okey dokey. Kelly is holding onto the drama for whatever reason, even though she knows FULL WELL why I panicked. Whether she decided to share that information or not, I have no idea. But the best part is...is I don't care.

For awhile there was this urgent need...a need to let them know why everything happened the way it did, and for them to get excited WITH me. My world got tipped over and I was dizzy, and shocked and confused as to why it had happened. I guess that wasn't allowed. I was supposed to be silent and perfectly okay to keep my distance and give up my every day routine for the sake of the comfort of those around me who were all going about life as if nothing had ever happened. Now when I get to the point where it feels like nothing bad happened and I'm actually OKAY...that's not all right either. It's exhausting! Geez Louise.

I'm pretty much fantastic now, and still look forward to when they're fantastic too. I guess I don't understand why Kelly isn't. She's got a pretty sweet deal. Pretty much nothing to worry about! But alas... it feels good not to have that urgency for contact. I've got better things to do! LIke now...Harry Potter night!

BYE!

Alas...it is me!

Fo sho! I... don't know

So, I sent out a mass e-mail tonight from work (where I do my best e-mailing) asking people to come on in to Dunn Bros and join the eClub so we can win pizza. Pastor Steve Turnbull and his wife Amy and their two kids ventured all the way to my store just for THAT! I couldn't believe it! He said it was also because he wanted to visit and that they love me. AWWWWWWWWW! He's such a fantastic guy. I felt really goofy though, I didn't think anyone would take it THAT seriously. But it made me happy.

In other news, Jammer might come with me to SC. We'll see! He's got a job at the state fair this year, he'll be working 17 hour days for two weeks solid, and making a lot of money! It'll be worth it. Then it's off we go! I hope I hope.

He and I hit up Wal-Mart tonight for "300" and "Hot Fuzz"... he was absolutely thrilled. I let him get the 2-disc special edition of each. He's spoiled rotten. But I love him! And that's all I've got for now. Jams and me ordered pizza. (His maybe almost first girlfriends favorite kind of pizza...because she told him to try it. Pineapple and banana peppers. YUM!) G'night!

I'm going on VACATION! Woot, woot! South Carolina here I come! Things are good in the neighborhood! Life is peachy keen, jelly bean! Guess what else? We are well on our way to winning the pizza. Confused? Come see me at Dunn Bros and I shall clear up the mystery.

Talked to old friends today. It was refreshing! It's always fun to have people affirm what you already know. Bwa-ha-ha! Thanks for the chats pals. I'm so EXCITED about so MUCH! Yeah...you wish you were me.

Later taters!

MOI!

You are a Total Romantic

For you, love is like a fairy tale. Or magic. Or a Meg Ryan movie. Problem is, you sort of want all three. You bring the spark in the relationship In turn, you expect your guy to keep the fire burning Not a bad deal, as long as you find the right Prince.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic Girl?

It's all officially over now. Part of me is relieved. There were a dozen things that drove me crazy in that relationship, but I honestly believed I could change them. Or at least I hoped I could. I needed to be needed, I wanted to be wanted. I got that for a little while, but it turns out Andi was confused the entire time, but just went with it because he didn't know what else to do. I think I was definitely the wrong person to be confused with!

I made a lot of mistakes. One of the biggest ones was looking the other way when there was something I didn't like. I figured looking past faults was better than being alone. Silly, but it made sense. Even Kelly got tired of him giving her the finger.

I was in love with his family, and that's the wrong reason to stay in a relationship with someone. I wanted to be a part of it all, and so everything else that went along with it was worth it. He wasn't what I needed. He wasn't even what I wanted. But as long as I thought he wanted me, nothing else mattered. It felt too good to give up. So yes, it did hurt to lose it, but if someone had told me the truth sooner, it would have actually made sense.

I'm glad Kelly told me the truth. She thinks I'm putting her in the middle of some huge battle, but there is no battle. It's gone now. When I thought that he actually had had real feelings for me in the past, I thought that that meant I should try to salvage what I could. But... there was nothing real there, other than his admiration for my creative genius. Can't really blame him, I guess. I am kinda fantastic.

Maybe one day we can be friends. Maybe even business partners or bandmates like we had planned. Who knows? I can't predict the future. There was no real romance, and I knew that. There was attraction though, and that felt real. But there was always something missing. I just thought...oh well!

He really cares about me as a person/friend, and I really care about him too. And I DO love him..as a person and a friend. I was in love with his family, and in many ways, I found him to be a creative genius as well! And that was really exciting. I saw great things in the future! Maybe they're still there. Projects, not a relationship. Not anything other than friends, anyway.

Andi was like a drug. When I first started taking the Andi drug, it was fantastic! It took me away from my wretched reality and gave me permission to laugh, and to feel other emotions. But then it became an addiction, like an urgent need to have more Andi to feel better. I got lost in it willingly and freely. When I came off the Andi drug, I went through withdrawal. It was panicky and scary, and I was wobbly wondering if I'd ever be able to make it without the potent drug. Then I would start to feel better, realizing things I didn't see before. But then there he'd be (usually my fault) and it was like taking another hit of the drug, and it all started all over again. Andi detox...that what has brought me to this point. And I can breathe!

I wasn't in love with him like I thought. I was in love with the illusion, and love like that fades quickly. Our relationship happened so fast, that it really shouldn't surprise me how fast it's fading away into the background. It's unfortunate how crazy things had to be... but like any drug, it was unhealthy.

What should have just been a close friendship turned into something it shouldn't have, but I don't regret it. I'm glad I know him! And I'm glad that I am able to understand myself better, and the way I react to things. People give crazy advice, but it turns out I'm smarter than a lot of people. I just had to listen to my gut!

Andi and I both should have spoken up sooner. We were both uneasy about so many things, but neither of us ever said anything for fear of upsetting the other. How dumb is that? Oh, well. Too late now. Time for new frontier. Onward!

Thank you Lord for clarity. Thank you THANK YOU! I'm so glad I'm not crazy...