I am so sad. Very, very sad. I don't understand what happened. I don't know how I could lose myself so completely, abandoning who I was and how I saw myself just so I could see myself how someone else saw me.

I didn't like what he saw, therefore I didn't like me. I still don't.

I am so sad.

This is really hard. There are so many things I have grown far too accustomed to. It's too hard to not do certain things. I lay in bed at night, just paging through my contacts list on my phone, trying to think of who to text and start a conversation with. It's really lonely here in my head.

I miss my Izzy bug. She's my little nugget and I miss her nuzzles and noises. I lost Cody and had to give up Izzy. I'm really not good at this.

There were things that weren't right. There are things that aren't right. There are things that can change, and there are things that can't.

I guess I will do what I was always taught. Just give it to God and stop the worry. Pray and stay.

*deep breath*

It should be easy to trust God. My excessive trust issues should not include my heavenly Lord and Savior, and yet... here I am.