I'm exhausted. Life is such a ride. And right now it's at one of those jilting turns that turns my stomach and gives me a headache at the same time. Let's attempt that whole short version thing.

I don't understand Kris. I try to have conversations with him abouot how grateful I am to him, and how much his friendship means to me, and he doesn't really continue the conversations, and then tells people I want nothing to do with him. He says sometimes he wishes he had never joined ksite. (which basically means he wishes he had never met Kelly, and therefore I never would have met BJ.) Then he says I'm just BJ's internet girlfriend...no I'm not...then says Kelly, BJ and I are a clique that we don't want him to be a part of. And that's not all! He's told BJ he's afraid of gettinng between us, or messing things up, or afraid that I don't like him and things w ill be strained that way, whatever. So I try to talk to Kris, and thank him for everything, and how BJ and I couldn't have happened without him, and tell him how much he and his friendship means to me. Both times I tried he had to go. Then he has the nerve to tell people I want nothing to do with him. AHHH! I'm just really hurt and confused by him. BJ and I are not an internet relationship, not at all.

Anyway...that wasn't short. I suck at short. What else is new? I took on another job @ Avalon. We'll see if I end up dead. I'm sleepy. All the time. Lately, Ii just have felt like I don't exist. There's been this constant tension between my mom and I. I seriously haven't seen her or any other member of my family for almost a week. I've just been sad. Incomplete. A ghost. I haven't existed. I go to work, I run errands, I go to sleep. I go to work, and the cycle continues. It's sad but true.

Sunnie is moving out in October. Maybe I'll see her more then. She's home as little as possible. I understand... she's with Paul. I'd be with BJ if I could.

In other news...I got home from work today and was told I was getting kicked out of my room. Why? Because my uncles Scott and Danny made a surprise visit. I was very happy to see them, and I'm so glad they're here, but they're here because my Grandpa is visiting from Arizona for possibly the last time. He got really sick really fast, and I just feel...more sad. I really really love him and I probably have to say goodbye. I feel like I spend way too much time saying goodbye to people. I don't want to do it anymore.

My uncles leave on Saturday, Joey and Melissa get here on Sunday, and Kelly gets here the 20th. Then she and I leave the evening of the 24th, and I see BJ the 25th! Then I'll be able to breathe. I love him so much.

So that's it for now. I'm exhausted...

Wuzzup? Yeah, I didn't think so. Anyway! I'm in a pretty good mood. Not really sure why. At the library again. Maybe gonna grab a few movies. I'm unbelievably tired, but that's okay. It's a rainy day, so it will be nice nap time when I go home. Work has been work. I did bar again today, and Sunnie came to visit. That was nice. So what's been going on? Sheesh...why can't I ever remember when I set out to write something in this thing? I'm losing it. Oh, well. Let me think.

I want a Golden Retriever! And I'm gonna get one someday too. Or a Lab. We shall see. I want a big doggie, along with my little fluffer ball, Cody. He's the best dog in the whole wide world, so I hardly doubt any other dog could come close.

So...let's see. Any juicy details about anything? I LOVE BJ! Oh, that's no secret. Darn. Hmmm... I need a new bed. There's a juicy secret. No, not really. I just can't sleep on it anymore. It hurts my back. I need a new back. Anyone tired of theirs and wanna donate it to the cause? Oh, if only things worked that way.

Elke was telling me how great I was yesterday. That was fun. How much she appreciates me, and how much I mean to the store. Cool.

So...Everything that I have running through my head I shouldn't write about, and won't write about, but it's all I want to think about, so everything else just kind of gets lost in the fog. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (I'm talking about...Plan See of course)

So here's some news. My grandma forever has been trying to get me books about script writing, stage direction, casting and directing, blah blah blah. Yesterday she offered to get me a book on how to set up a successful church drama program. HA! Funny lady. She just doesn't think I know what I'm doing. Then she read See Me Through. She apologized endlessly for doubting me and kept saying "I had no idea you could do this! This is so GOOD!" Hehehehe. That made me happy.

So let's re-cap my weekend. Friday, Andrew came over. Saturday, I worked in the morning, drove Jamie around, and then took Jamie and Andrew to the movies. (Talking to BJ on and off throughout the day) We saw "Dukes of Hazzard". It was very much a Jamie kind of movie. Then I went home and went to bed, then talked to BJ. Jamie and Andrew were SOOOOOO loud all night, I got no sleep. I woke up in a lot of pain, from all the tenseness, and just the...no sleep. I couldn't get up and go to church. Instead, I went downstairs all greasy and sweaty from the tossing and turning from the night before, ate some of my mom's blueberry bread, and we watched "Untamed Heart" on TV.

My Grammy showed up later and I ended up going home with her. We ate lunch, watched "The Fighting Temptations" and then she read See Me Through while I chatted with BJ. I went home around 7:30pm, showered, and then had my dad read See Me Through. Then I talked to Kelly for a long time, and then I watched Cheaters with my mom. Then...I went to bed, and talked to BJ. Then I worked. Wee!

Yeah, my life is sooooooooo exciting. But it is, actually.

Everything I've ever wanted is at my fingertips now, and that IS really exciting. I'm in love with a wonderful man, people are reading the things I write, I write and direct dramas, and I'm IN CHARGE of a church drama program... I have a connection to RJ Helton, I mean...geez! Life is good. It's not perfect. (Perfect will come when I no longer live at home).

So, that's all I have to say for now. Later taters!

Me