New approach to life. This is becoming increasingly necessary. I am not in control. If it happens, it happens. I just have to do what I'm told, follow the path. What happens isn't up to me, I just have to roll with it.

I can't spend countless nights agonizing over what was or wasn't said, what I do and do not understand. I can't! It will all go exactly the way it is meant to, and I just have to trust that. No expectations, just living. I can do that...

Yeah right.

Everybody wants to be loved every once in awhile. We all need someone to hold onto, just like a helpless child...

Good lyrics. I've been loved, but not like I should have been. I love too easily, and I get ruthlessly hurt and tormented. Crappy Valentine's Day to all. I'm a scrooge, I know. I'm so scared of ending up all alone. It seems I have two options. Stay alone, or get hurt over and over and over again.

Please stop what you're doing, wake up and realize that I'm roadkill. I'm not dead yet, but if you keep running me over, I will be. I am an actual human being. True, I resemble a pancake more often than not, but I promise... my brain is still functioning, and pain of all sorts still registers.

One step closer to becoming a hermit...

I can't control ANYTHING. It's not in my hands, it's in His... but he gave us all free will, so nothing is for sure when His plans include other people. You can still end up with your face in the mud. Best laid plans.

Sometimes I picture God as like a soccer coach, and he has every play perfectly mapped out. He gives me my pep talk, and sends me on my way. This is what we've been training for, I know exactly what to do. Then someone from the other team "accidentally" kicks me in the knee and I'm down for the count. Face/Mud. Boom. I crawl back to God, and He sucks a big breath through his teeth and is all like "Ouch. I'm sorry, Corrie... you were doing EXACTLY what I told you to do. I was hoping the other team wasn't going to do that, but... well... free will and all." and then I get a little bit angry. "Seriously, God? You knew that was going to happen? No fair!" And then He reminds me that he knows all, and knew that He would also be there to comfort me afterward. Then I feel dumb for getting mad. Onward and so forth. You get the picture.

I just kind of want to be taken out of the game. Put me on the bench, coach. I'm exhausted...

I believe God speaks through dreams. He has done it for hundreds and hundreds of years. If something works well, you keep it up. Dream speaking works. It's a seed planted into the deepest parts of my subconscious. So deep, that it becomes engrained into my thoughts and stays with me throughout the day. Depending on the message, sometimes it never goes away.

I have been plagued with various fears and insecurities lately, and I think God finally had enough. "Corrie, that's it! Stop worrying about what ifs and maybes! You're not supposed to know the future, that's my job. However... you are needlessly torturing yourself and I need this to stop. I am going to give you a glimpse. Pay attention."

The images and scenes he showed me were all of the things I had been hoping for, while silently and intensely fearing that they were already slipping away from me. Worry is a silly thing, if you think about it. Torturing yourself isn't going to change anything. Worrying won't force something into existence.

Life is about to happen. I've seen it! I've heard it. I think I'm frustrating God a little bit, because He has had to show me twice now. I let the doubts of others snake their way into my brain. No more!

I will be strong enough to carry this assurance for myself and whoever else needs a reminder. I know my role, I know my mission, and I am ready.

In His name...