Me and my Baby

I have a lot to learn. I have to learn to let go. I have to learn to forget. I have to learn how to not think about a past I wasn't even a part of. I need to stop obsessing. I need to learn to be happy. I'm really bad at letting myself be happy.

Remember way back when to the beginning of this journal when I flooded it with Nick Carter lyrics? Some of them are just so perfect. I think I shall begin again! Yes. I will. As cheesy teeny bopper as it sounds, I still love Nick Carter's album. Speaking of the BSB, Brian is AWESOME! Brian Littrell, ladies and gentlemen. He's got a new single out entitled "In Christ Alone". My beloved BJ was amazing enough to download it as a ringtone. I love my baby!

So anyway. Back to lyrics. I think the one I have selected for today is just downright perfect. Enjoy! (Especially you)

"Help Me"

I wish I could define
All the thoughts that crossed my mind
They seem too big for me to choose
I don't know which ones to lose
When I'm falling down so far
I think I'll never see your light
Bouncing off of me
Shining down here from your eyes

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here

It's like I got the signals crossed
With messages I can't decode
Half asleep, never wide awake
And I'm in complete overload
I got so much information here
And nothing I can really grasp
I should know the truth
But I'm too afraid so I have to ask

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here

Wanna know you
More than anything
I need you
In my every dream, you're there for me
Do you love me?
For who I am, no angel
Just an ordinary (wo)man

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle
Trying to understand why I can't
Why you're such a riddle
Got my eyes crossed
I'm thinking so hard and I know I'm missing the mark
Can you help me sort out
All this information
I'm just rackin' my brain, baby
Paying attention
But I'm still lost
And at all costs
I gotta know

So! What's up? Oh yeah. That's my question to answer. Let's see. What happened first? Oh, yeah! Valentine's Day! It was wonderful. It came in stages. First BJ brought me a balloon decorated with roses and fluttering butterflies attached to the outside. Then he had to go back to work. THEN he brought me three beautiful red roses in a vase with a red bow around it that said "I love you" everywhere.

That was when he came home that evening, and I was already dressed and ready. He got dressed in a suit and tie. (A Winnie The Pooh tie with hearts. It was so cute!!) We hung around for a bit, and then it was off to dinner!

BJ had made reservations for us at Dabbo's, a restaurant he had actually done some valet parking for a few times. They had a delicious Valentine's Menu. There were four choices, with no prices listed. (But c'mon. It was Valentine's Day, it was really nice, it was expensive. But it was SOOOO good!)

They had the cutest little boy dressed up in a tux giving roses to all the ladies. BJ has the sweetest, most intense stare sometimes. He would look at me from across the table, and I could hardly breathe. I would whisper 'what'? And he would just look at me and say "I love you." Oh my gosh! I melted.

After dinner, we stopped at his friend Aaron's house. It was really nice meeting another one of BJ's friends. Aaron is so funny. I really enjoyed meeting him.

After THAT, we went to Huntingdon to visit Nicole. She gave me a yellow rose. Aww! We chatted for awhile, and BJ pretended to be a CIA agent. I told him he wasn't quite convincing enough with the Winnie the Pooh tie. He was so funny though! Huntingdon has as a security entrance, and you have to push a button to get out. That was BJ the misplaced CIA agent's job.

So that was Valentine's Day! Lots of hugs and kisses. I had a wonderful time. It was perfect. I love you, BJ!

The days after that have been filled with packing, cleaning, arranging...I've been helping his mom Debra organize stuff so everything looks good for the bridal shower she's throwing here on Saturday. That just happens to be the same day I move out. Hehehe! Hopefully. Did I mention that? Probably. But if not...I'm moving to Opelika, Alabama on the 25th. Kelly will be joining me there on the 19th! Her boyfriend, Benlee lives upstairs from us, and he's helping us out BIG TIME!

The whole move thing has me excited AND terrified. I like being alone, I do. But being with BJ every day, and then not being with him at all, that can be a struggle. It will probably be good for us, but I'm still worried. I'm also worried about finding a job. That's always hard, and even harder when you don't really know where you are. I guess we'll see what happens.

In other news, I've gotten BJ addicted to so many things I love! Probably at the top of the list is ALIAS. We've watched almost three seasons in less than a month. What else does he love? My favorite drink! Half lemonade, and half lemon/lime soda. (Sprite, Sierra Mist, etc...) Also, my favorite snack, Clementines! They don't really exist here, but he works at a grocery store, and special ordered himself 4 crates. It was splendid! He's so funny. Especially about Alias. He fits it in whenever possible. No matter how tired he is, he can fit in another episode. It's fun re-watching them all. So much happens in that show, that it's impossible to remember everything!

Well, anyway. Life is good. I really miss my family, but I love being with BJ. I've got my Cody, and soon Kelly and Darla will be here too. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Cairo has officially become Jamie's doggie. That was really really tough, but overall that is the best decision for the puppy. Let's just leave it at that. Cairo's happy, Jamie's happy...I feel like I lost, but hey. At least I gave him an excellent name.

So that's it for now, more later! G'bye!

ME