I start at Caribou on Saturday. Wee. Let's hope it's better than last time. Yup.

This entry really has no real point. Things are pretty much the same. My mom is on my back about everything, and I'm confused about everything. YAY! But not about BJ. I love him. NAF. ANYWAY! I was browsing my Dad's picture files on his computer, and found some old favorites...well, just old. NEW favorites, because I had never seen them before. So, I thought I would share. Some are from 2002, when I looked very different. Different hair, and braces. And yet, the only pictures I've ever seen of myself in which I really truly found myself the slightest bit attractive. Odd? Yes. There have been a few since then, but very seldom are these pictures. ANYWAY! On with the show.



This is me and the elusive Candace. The last time I saw my sister was later that year. This picture was taken on Thanksgiving, of 2002. The last time I really saw her was Christmas the same year.



This picture is of me and Sunnie, somewhere near Christmas I believe. 2002 again. Just so you know, our hair may match perfectly, but I got it done first. First!



Just the faces. Do we look like sisters? He he he.



This picture is HILARIOUS! My dad the hippie. Oh, gosh! It's so bad it's great. His eyes look so droopy! This was one of those pictures where someone tries to get your attention, and you look up, and the picture haunts you for the rest of your life. This was back in 02' again, when my dad had vowed that he would not cut his hair until he retired. It got longer than it is pictured here, and he began to believe that we were ashamed to be seen with him. That's possible... anyway, he cut it. But that's hilarious!



This picture makes me laugh! I don't remember it being taken AT ALL! It was our hiking trip up North (me and my dad), and I look so confused. I have no idea what I was looking at, but I totally look stupid. "Water? What's that?" Oh, gosh. HAHAHA!

Anyway! That's all for now I guess. I really had nothing all that important to say. Just wanted to share my discoveries. There are more, of course. But I'll save those for later. BYE!

You Are Jean Grey

Although your fate is often unknown, you always seem to survive (even after ). Your mind is your greatest weapon, literally! Powers: telepathy and telekinesis, the ability to project thoughts into the mind of others, communication with animals

Which of the X-Men Are You?

I should never write in the wee hours of the morning. Morning always brings a little sunlight. I talked to BJ again around 2am. He had had his friend Nicole over.

We uncovered quite a few more fears. Most of them were mine. Why am I so scared of everything all the time? Because it feels like I'm going backwards, and before... I didn't have BJ. I didn't have the things I wanted. I'm scared that going backwards means losing things I didn't have before. I know that's crazy...

I was half asleep while I was talking to BJ. But I remember some of the crazy things I was saying. "Time used to bring me things. Bring me gifts. It would bring me promises of 'see you tonight', or 'see you tomorrow'...and now the only promise it brings is months away, and after that...there's nothing. There are little crystals of hope floating around in the air...things I want. But I ignore them. You try to grab onto them, and all they do is let you down. They never keep their word. You have to wait for them to become reality, and that takes forever. Sometimes it never happens."

So on and so on. I do have hope, and I do look forward to things. BJ starts school after he's here in August, so I'm just a little scared about that. He wants it, he needs it, I want it for him, and need it for him. But that probably means I won't see him for a year... between work and school, he can't go anywhere else.

People have done things like this for a hundred years, and a hundred years after me. Their husbands are in the military, or something like that. I just feel sometimes like I already did all that, and now it's time to be together. Most people got to date in person, and spend time together, and all that stuff. We did it backwards, so that's why it feels backwards now.

Ok, enough complaining. There are a lot of lessons to be learned here. I'm not gonna lose BJ. He's not gonna lose me. We won't let that happen. I have a LOT to be thankful for. I'm glad he's stronger than me... I just wish it didn't seem so uneven at times. BJ is such a blessing, and the reason why this is all so hard, is just because I love him so much. I want to be with him. My heart hurts.

Anyway, in other news... my room is an easter egg, but I'm trying to make it my own. My mom turned it into a room fit for a 12 year old, with bunnies, and dolphins, and purple/lavender everything with a big lime green rug, and flowers everywhere. It IS pretty, it's just not what I would have picked. But it's going to be a guest room "when I'm gone"... whenever that will be. Everyone makes preparations for when I'm not around, that's so...great!

So I tried adding some of my personality up. RENT poster, pirate calendar, Garnier print, Brian Littrell, theater stuff, and lots of picture frames.

So that's all for now. I wish my head would shut up.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is low. You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable. You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea. While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

The Five Factor Personality Test