I don't hate today. I didn't hate yesterday either. In fact, life is getting better. Not that it was exactly bad before, but...hey. I've learned how to ignore some things and let them slide. I can't change people, and I can't make them see things the way I want them to see them. That's pretty much darn near impossible. So! How are things? Let me tell you.

People still complain about me talking to BJ too much. Except that I don't, I really don't. Kelly, I wish you could have been around when Paul basically lived in our house, then you really wouldn't be saying these things to me now. Your sisters are in love, why is that a bad thing?

Before BJ came along, long before BJ came along, I was not a happy person. I was continually attacked by my parents, and I would turn to Kelly. Every single time I'd call her and beg her to rescue me. If ever I needed anything, she was who I would call. A movie buddy, a trip to Target, a place to stay... that's just the way things were. But then she moved out East. I tried it for awhile and it didn't work out. The thing is though, not having Kelly near by made me fend for myself. I get along with my parents because I had to. I take myself places because I had to. If there's a disaster, I handle it on my own. Sure, she'll hear about it...but I would handle it. That's the way it had to be. I became an independant person. I don't depend on her to make me happy anymore.

Before BJ my days were filled with silence. People say he takes up so much of my time. Well...what occupied that time before? NOTHING. I wasn't going places, I wasn't doing things with people, I wasn't spending hoards of time with my family. Every one in my life has their own life. GOOD!!! Jamie has friends, and he doesn't come home after school. Sunnie doesn't even live at home anymore. My mom loves to shop shop shop and I've never in the history of the world enjoyed doing that with her. BJ didn't change my routine. What DID change my routine though was my work schedule. 3:45 every morning...I'm a freaking zombie. Those silences would be more frequent now than ever, except that I have something to fill those silences with. Kelly's at work, Jamie's at school, parents are gone, Sunnie is gone... I'm alone a lot, but I don't feel alone anymore. I have BJ. Stop hating me for it.

People blaming BJ for them missing me is really starting to get to him. No one is falling over themselves to spend time with me, and the truth of the matter is I don't want them to. I'm BORING. You never know what you've got until it's gone. Nobody wanted to occupy my silences until I found something else to fill them with. Something that wasn't my family. You didn't miss the boat, it never set sail. It's been docked with a hole in the bottom for years. I repaired it, and now it floats, but it still isn't going anywhere. Not until January anyway. WEE! Oh, it can't come soon enough.

I'm sick and tired of people making me feel bad for changing. I'm not a depressed psychotic teenager anymore. I don't write melancholy poetry, and I don't resent everyone for smiling. I'm the one smiling now. The tables have turned and I'm happy. Sunnie understands me, which I never thought to be possible. I'm really sad she's gone now. I miss her.

Sunnie and Paul... I've learned so much from them. Sunnie and Paul...he lived down the street from her and they would still be on the phone and AIM at the same time. Sunnie and Paul...they are each other's worlds, and nobody ever got enraged at them for it. Why me?

I know the difference. Sunnie's world has always been a lot bigger than mine. Family was there, but not as prominent. She had places to go, and people to go with, and so we got used to her needing other people. She loves her friends, and especially her boyfriend, and that's always been Sunnie. What has Corrie been? The cold shouldered loner who claimed that she didn't need anybody outside of her family to make her happy. So no one ever got used to her phone conversations, or her longings to be with someone else. But for me...it's just that one person. All that desire concentrated onto one human being, but Sunnie always had hers more spread out, and so no one really noticed. She fit into that scene, and the picture was widely accepted. My picture looks crude and artificial, so nobody likes it. Well, tough. God's the artist, so deal with it.

I wish Corrie and BJ were immediately accepted like Sunnie and Paul. Don't get me wrong, everyone loves BJ, and they love that I love him...but they don't want me to change. I'm sorry, but I have to. The rest of my life is going to be with this man, and I need to know him.

Anyway...to sum it up, I'm just tired of people saying I don't spend time with them, or all I think about is BJ blah blah blah. I'm around everyone so much, you'd think they'd be sick of me. I wish they would tell me what they really want...but they don't. They're scared of something. They do things without me all the time. What are they talking about????

Moving on. I had THE BEST TRIP TO ALABAMA! It was so wonderful. I kinda felt like I was in the way,(BJ and his family were in the process of moving) but...I still had a wonderful time. Here's the short version:

1. Friday, October 7th-- Arrived in AL, went to Wal-Mart, ate dinner, fell asleep...

2. Saturday, October 8th-- Day trip to TN!! BJ met Randy, Jackie, Melissa, Joey, and Melody! Jackie made dinner. We got home at 2:30am.

3. Sunday, October 9th--Went to church at Frazer for both the traditional and contemporary services. THEN we hit up the Montgomery Zoo for FREE!! We even got a train ride. After that we visited Kris and family, ate some chicken, watched EVITA...well, tried to...(BJ and I fell asleep...sorry Kris!)

4. Monday, October 10th-- FAIR DAY! First, we went to the new house so they could show me around, and hung out with the family a bit. Then BJ and I hit the Alabama National Fair! I really did have a wonderful time. Granted, I got a little sick on a couple of the rides, it was one of the greatest days of my life. I even got to fulfill a little fantasy of mine of kissing at the top of the ferris wheel. *te-he-he*

5. Tuesday, October 11th-- Hung out at the house, cuddled a bit, brought mom some lunch at work, went shopping for my mom's birthday present, visited Nicole at her dorm, went home, ate dinner, watched Cellular, fell asleep, woke up, went to new house at 1:30am or so to find my Bambi DVD BJ had packed with his stuff, went to "wal-mart" (haha) came home, went to bed...

6. Wednesday, October 12th-- woke up, snuggled, cuddled, sniffled, went to Oaktree, went to dad's shop, went to airport, tearful goodbye... home again, time to celebrate Mom's birdthay! Wee...

So that was the trip in a nutshell. When I first got there, BJ greeted me with a bouquet of roses, and a heart shaped balloon that said "I Love You", and then he presented me with a ring. It was his mother's, and it's going to serve as a promise ring. I was so...wow. I was so happy. It made me really happy...I love it so much. I love HIM so much!! I really miss him. He's coming up here for like...a day in December for my birthday. (December 15th for those of you who have forgotten). And then I move in January!

In other news, Caribou is interesting. Elke has taken another job managing a new store in Maplewood. Fazoli's is becoming a Caribou with another bou-thru, and it is opening December 31st. I plan on moving mid-January, so I offered to move with Elke and help her get started for a couple weeks. She was all for it! Part of it was selfish, because I didn't want to waste my time trying to impress another manager when I can just follow the one who loves me to a store right by the mall. Yes! Anyway...so yeah. Today was fun at work, I was really entertaining with my broadway parodies...Caribou style. Elke was begging me to perform at some annual Caribou meeting or something. I said I would if she gave me a million dollars. She said she would work on that. HAHA!

Well, I better get going. Later taters!!

Me