The following is nothing other than a rant. A tribute to the 'woe is me' moments that swallow me every once in awhile. These things are so trivial, but still... they exist.

I've previously lamented the fact that I will never be included in another person's wedding. I was in Sunnie's, and I was in my cousin Melissa's. I look at pictures of all of the friends who have gotten married, and they tell me it isn't a very big deal, but that's because they've never been without it. I've never had a friend close enough to want to include me in their biggest day. Yes... that's a big deal to me. Helping with a wedding, yes. I am put to work. This too is an honor. It's just different. You know what I mean. I want to stand with them in their wedding photos that they will have for the rest of their life. I want to wear the dress and hold the flowers. I just want to be a part of it. I don't care if it's stupid to admit that. It's just true.

To be fair, when everyone was of the age where they were forming those long lasting bonds of friendship, I was dealing with things that were well beyond their level of comprehension. What would I want to say to the people who tell me it doesn't matter? You have no idea how great it feels to be something to someone, when you've spent far too long being nothing to everyone. True, the "nothing" is a mere feeling, but it's a feeling not without a substantial amount of circumstance to back it up. I want so badly to be declared that important to someone. I know I'll never be a maid of honor, because... I'm just not that person to anyone. I didn't even make the cut for Sunnie's wedding. People who have had that honor view it as almost nothing. They just don't get it. To have that validation of importance to someone you really love...that would be remarkable.

It's a very loose comparison, but take for example God's desire to have us declare our love for Him proudly and openly. Praising in private comes across as being ashamed. Like I said, loose comparison, because I'm not God. Not even close. But I can understand wanting to be loved out loud.

It feels good... I would imagine :)

You know what I love about blogging? I never have to explain myself...

My next complaint. I see people who have gone through hard times who have been adopted into other families. They had nowhere to go, and were welcomed with open arms, and still maintain a family like relationship with all involved. Why didn't that happen for me? Why didn't anyone recognize my need for that and take me in? People who call me their best friend? I am a stranger to their families. That makes zero sense. Boo. It's because I was too strong. Crap.

I remember when my Aunt Ruthie told me that. Everyone had been taking care of everyone else, but when it came to me, I was on my own. When I asked her why, she said "Corrie, you have always been so strong. You took care of everyone. I never in a million years thought that you would need me." Well, shoot. That just plain sucks.

And why do people tell me to tell them things, and then when I tell them things, they say "I don't know what to say." Well, then! Just be like everyone else and live in the fantasy world where absolutely nothing is wrong with me and stop asking questions. Please and thank you.

I'm sure there are other things I can needlessly complain about, but... seeing as how I am at work and have to start closing, I can be done with my ridiculous ramble. For now.