Life is so much fun. I'm exhausted. Exhausted from all the "fun". I'm tired of being upset, but I'm not entirely sure how to get around it. I knew there would be a backlash from mom when BJ left, so I don't know why I'm having so much trouble dealing with it. There's nothing I can't handle, right? Right. Ok then.

I just feel sad. There's no one reason to pinpoint as to why, I just feel sad. Sadness makes you tired. The past two days I've gotten home from work and slept until at least four. My mom has called me downstairs countless times, but I just stay there. I'm not afraid of her threats. There's nothing she can take away from me. I don't need anything she has control over. I guess there's a little bit of happiness in that.

I really do have a lot in life to be thankful for, but there are just moments when you need to be sad. Mom raised the rent due to dad losing overtime, or so she says. The water bill alone is causing problems, she says. My answer to that? Don't ask the girl who takes three minute showers every other day to give you money, cut back on your whirlpool tubs full of water every night! And as far as dad losing overtime, I can understand how housing me would be such a burden on the limited money supply. I barely eat anything at home. I buy half the groceries, and I clean the house. I'm ruining me...I'm a vegetable. Serves me right for having such a fantastic week with BJ. Nothing can compare now. Everything is boring. The only thing I do outside of work and sleep is go to the library to vent to people who don't really exist.

I shouldn't write when I feel like this, it makes things come across as much worse than they really are, I'm sure of it. But I still do have the same question. If you can't afford to live at home, and you can't afford to move out, where do you go? My mom's response to that question? She laughed at me. I want to hide my head in a hole like an Ostrich and pretend that no one can see me, because I can't see them.

But I CAN see them, that's part of the problem. "Aye me, sad hours seem long." How far away is my birthday? Argh...too far. Much much too far.

The girls at work are so sweet. They keep me sane. I was complaining about my mother the money sucker, and how I probably wouldn't be able to afford to go see BJ in the fall, so they said they were all going to pool their tips, and then they also said that we could do a Corrie car wash fundraiser. They're hilarious. It's the "Corrie's trip to visit BJ fund" as Becky so appropriately named it. I would never let them do that for real.

BJ, if you're reading this...I have to tell you. Elke is so sad she didn't meet you. I guess you'll have to come back afterall. Poor thing.

Anyway...I better go now. My head is a jumbled mess. I miss happy. Come back!

Always, Me