Yay for crabby day! Because I was. REALLY crabby. I'm not entirely sure why. Everything just annoyed me. I opened Caribou today as usual. Karley was late for the first time. Everything was going fine.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're just annoying people? That they're sick of you? I know that wasn't really the case, because I was barely saying anything. But as soon as I did, someone would jump on me, make fun of me...whatever. Sure it was all in fun. It usually is. Sarcasm is thick in the Caribou drive-thru. But for some reason today, I felt like the only one who was getting picked on. Probably because I was. Oh, well. I probably deserved it.

Jon irritates me to no end. He thinks he's hilarious, but he seriously pisses me off. He likes to throw things at me. Milk caps, clutches, straws, rags... he likes to put things on my register when I'm in the middle of an order. He likes to hit buttons when I'm waiting on a customer. He likes to pretend to get in my way when I try to walk to the back room. He's thirty something, married with two kids, and he is less mature than my sixteen year old brother. He's a shift supervisor, and so he likes to boss me around, even though he knows that I know way more than he does. I want to hit him every time he talks to me. I hate how irritable he makes me. One bad apple, I tell ya.

So he was probably why I was so crabby. ARGH! And the girls who are supposed to make coffee for the DT and just...didn't. So everyone was mocking the way I talk and laughing and saying "Corrie, shut up. We're not your friends." And I know they're kidding, but they're probably right. We all do it to each other, nobody likes you, etc etc. We never mean it. But today my head made it feel real. I was irritated annoyed and just plain crabby, and then people were calling me crabby, which made me more crabby, and then I was crabby at myself for being crabby, and I just needed to leave.

When there were lulls in the drive-thru is when my mind would wander and I'd start feeling sorry for myself. I got mad at myself for doing that too. But it just makes you think... all these people I see every single day, and I spend more time with them than anyone else in my entire life. They're work buddies. But they're surface. If I had a problem in my life, there's not a single person among them who I would call or want to talk to. Ironically, until Kelly moves home, the two people I would give the "3am emergency need to talk" call to live miles and miles away.

BJ is so crucial to me, that I find it difficult to talk to anyone else about anything. He and Kelly are the people I want to inform first, and then I go from there. Where does that leave me? Completely and totally phone dependant, and when I'm sad, I have a pile of pillows to form around me so they can hug me back. I'm pathetisad. I know it.

So I was depressing myself with the realization that these people around me could basically care less. The people that I care about most aren't around. (Til Kelly gets home August 20th!! WEE) And the person I really want to be with...well...he's elsewhere. I feel bad, because I have nobody else to complain to except those two people. Sucks to be them!

I realized something else. I am fabulous at making work friends. Reason being is because the relationships are so surface, that's it's safe. I don't have to let them anywhere near me, and they don't really want to. Friendships are hard work, and I think I'm too exhausted. I'm not saying I don't welcome new friendships, because I do. I just think work friends can't be trusted. Haha... you never really get a chance to know each other.

Anyway. So I was mean and crabby today, and I didn't like myself very much. But I'm better now. I think I got an idea for a new book. Wee! So anyway. I think that's all for now. Almost...

I'm going on a road trip to Alabama! Providing I get the time off...or not. I'm going anyway! With Kelly. Just the two of us, in my little white Neon. Yes! That's good news. So now I'm done. Really truly. Peace.

Me