I'm exhausted. Life is such a ride. And right now it's at one of those jilting turns that turns my stomach and gives me a headache at the same time. Let's attempt that whole short version thing.

I don't understand Kris. I try to have conversations with him abouot how grateful I am to him, and how much his friendship means to me, and he doesn't really continue the conversations, and then tells people I want nothing to do with him. He says sometimes he wishes he had never joined ksite. (which basically means he wishes he had never met Kelly, and therefore I never would have met BJ.) Then he says I'm just BJ's internet girlfriend...no I'm not...then says Kelly, BJ and I are a clique that we don't want him to be a part of. And that's not all! He's told BJ he's afraid of gettinng between us, or messing things up, or afraid that I don't like him and things w ill be strained that way, whatever. So I try to talk to Kris, and thank him for everything, and how BJ and I couldn't have happened without him, and tell him how much he and his friendship means to me. Both times I tried he had to go. Then he has the nerve to tell people I want nothing to do with him. AHHH! I'm just really hurt and confused by him. BJ and I are not an internet relationship, not at all.

Anyway...that wasn't short. I suck at short. What else is new? I took on another job @ Avalon. We'll see if I end up dead. I'm sleepy. All the time. Lately, Ii just have felt like I don't exist. There's been this constant tension between my mom and I. I seriously haven't seen her or any other member of my family for almost a week. I've just been sad. Incomplete. A ghost. I haven't existed. I go to work, I run errands, I go to sleep. I go to work, and the cycle continues. It's sad but true.

Sunnie is moving out in October. Maybe I'll see her more then. She's home as little as possible. I understand... she's with Paul. I'd be with BJ if I could.

In other news...I got home from work today and was told I was getting kicked out of my room. Why? Because my uncles Scott and Danny made a surprise visit. I was very happy to see them, and I'm so glad they're here, but they're here because my Grandpa is visiting from Arizona for possibly the last time. He got really sick really fast, and I just feel...more sad. I really really love him and I probably have to say goodbye. I feel like I spend way too much time saying goodbye to people. I don't want to do it anymore.

My uncles leave on Saturday, Joey and Melissa get here on Sunday, and Kelly gets here the 20th. Then she and I leave the evening of the 24th, and I see BJ the 25th! Then I'll be able to breathe. I love him so much.

So that's it for now. I'm exhausted...