We met Charlie Kendall today. He was the man who said he would help us at Frazer. Today he told us there's nothing he can do, because we're not working full time in Montgomery. Same cycle, right? You're probably tired of hearing me complain about it. But now it's become abundantly clear that we can't even afford to go back to Minnesota. Going back home is now only a fantasy instead of an option. We're REALLY stuck.

At first I dramatized it in my mind. "It's this or die.." But...now it's real. It's really real now. I don't know what to do. I want to stay with BJ. I want it so bad... but maybe that's the problem. I never get what I want.

After leaving Charlie's office in tears, I went to borrow BJ's house key so I could use his computer. Then I e-mailed Charlie, and the Frazer webmaster, whatever that does. For those of you who want to know, here's what I said:

Mister Kendall and others,

Mister Kendall, thank you for taking the time to meet with my sister and I today. I appreciate, though don't completely agree with everything you said.

As you know, my sister and I will no longer be living in Opelika come Sunday, May 21st. I realize you may think this situation is our own fault. We trusted the wrong person. Like you said, Mister Kendall...even the Bible illustrates how men can't even trust their own brothers. I have been lead astray by many paths of broken trusts. I have a huge problem with trusting people, Mister Kendall. Even you. I apologize.

We are in a dangerous situation, and have been trying to get out of it. We tried ourselves, but are completely isolated from everything and everyone we know. That's why I reached out to Frazer. What better place to go for help? One major goal of a church, in my understanding, has always been to show the love of God to those who may not have recognized and accepted it before. That is why I turned to all of you.

We can't stay where we are, and now the 2 week limit (which is now down to 12 days) has been set. We have nowhere to go. You originally said you would help us find a place to live, but then told me over a week later that Frazer has a committee, and the committee has rules, and one of them is that you must be working full time in order to recieve financial assistance. Then we found ourselves yet again in that maddening cycle. We NEED to get to Montgomery. We can't find a study job without a place to live, and we can't find a place to live without a study job. We have no friends. We have no family. We have no one else to turn to. So I all but begged a church with seemingly endless amounts of resources to help me out. You said you've done all you can do. I understand.

You reminded us again that there is a specific group of people who have been overlooked by the city of Montgomery. Those who work full time, and still cannot afford to live comfortably. Whether or not you intended to, you were insinuating that my sister and I were not working, or not trying to better our own situation. That is extremely far from the truth. I, like millions of others have led a very difficult life. I never ask for help until I run out of every single option. I am a proud person.

I'm 22 years old, and I was the head of a huge drama program at the age of 19. I am skilled. I am intelligent. This wasn't supposed to be me. I wasn't supposed to be begging other people for hand outs. When I was a junior in high school and my mom was dying, everyone I had ever known came out of the woodwork to help me. I became a mother to my siblings at 16 years old. I was my brother's legal guardian. People brought food, and gave money. We had nothing. The medical bills all but bled us dry. I know people help people. I've experienced that miracle. I've just never had to ask for it before.

Mister Kendall, I'm tired. Maybe I was never supposed to be here in the first place. I don't have wood work here. I have nothing. I don't have my friends, or my family... and none of them could help me anyway. I am in a foreign land, and I'm terrified.

I realize your church that I wanted so badly to be a permanent part of does not offer assistance to "people like me". But do they offer assistance to the homeless? As of the 21st, that's what I am. I can't keep knocking on doors. I'm exhausted. I feel like a failure. I'm the reason my sister moved here, and now I've trapped her, and made her life miserable. She's four years older than me, but because I got her into this, she expects me to get her out, and I've tried, tried, and failed. Now we're living a nightmare. I feel so guilty. If not me, can you please help HER? This is my fault. This is all my fault...

I have one final question. Are there any jobs within the church? I will do anything. I'll scrape gum off of tables, I'll file papers, I'll sing, I'll dance, I'll act, I'll direct, I'll shine shoes. If I work for Frazer, would they help me then? Trade one service for another?

I don't know what else to do. I'm out of ideas. Mister Kendall, it's gotten to the point where I wish I could give up and go home. But I can't afford to go home anymore. I haven't got the money to do it. I'm lost, and I'm trapped, and I'm scared... and I keep praying for a solution. I really honestly sincerely thought Frazer was it, that they could help.

You told us to go on Welfare. We don't live here, they can't help us. As of the 21st, we don't live anywhere. Not only that, but Welfare doesn't give you a place to live. So forgive me, but that is the most unrealistic solution I've heard yet.

If nothing else, please keep praying for us. I realize you hear a thousand pleas for help a day... but this is the only one I've ever really made.

Sincerely,
Corrien E. Killmer


Okay God. I'm about ready for that window you're gonna open. The door slammed shut.