Well, Minnesota became the only option. We leave Monday the 22nd, in 2 cars. Kelly actually got her old job back in Connecticut. She's real excited about that. I don't know where I'll end up as far as work goes, but it will probably be coffee related.

This is going to be so hard. I'm really scared, actually. Scared of BJ and I growing apart. Our lives have been combined since January, and we've treasured every moment. Now they have to go back to being separate. Distance is one of the hardest obstacles in any situation. So many barriers. I don't want to lose him.

BJ says he wants to move to Minnesota. We'll see if that happens. If he does, it won't be for at least a year. I can't say I haven't often considered the whole "It's his turn to make the sacrifice" thing. I'm not keeping tabs like he is. He thinks I do too much for him, but I don't see it that way. He's done SO MUCH for me! And I just feel so blessed to have him in the first place. We're not uneven. Neither does more for one than the other. That's just crazy talk.

My body hates me right now. Sadness makes you tired, and happiness gives you energy. The majority of me is so sad about leaving everything and everyone here, and yet part of me is excited to go home. My body can't decide which one to go with, so I just feel disgusting, and sick. Goofy depressed! A lot of the same old problems will be waiting for me at home when I get there, but I think being away has given me a new perspective on how to handle them. No matter how many problems I have with my mom, or how much I hate working coffee sometimes, home is home.

I was watching "Where The Heart Is" today, and Stockard Channing's character said something great. "Home is where your history begins. Home is where they catch you when you fall." And it's true. That's why I'm going there. Home is usually the first thing you think of, but the last thing you want to admit to wanting when you have nowhere else to go. I wish I could stay with BJ. I wish BJ could pack up his life and leave...but I wouldn't let him do that. He has one year of school left. One year. He loves it in Minnesota. He'll love to live there one day too. Not forever, but for awhile.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Keep Kelly and I in your prayers. Thanks to amazing help from 2 glorious friends (Steph and Carolyn) Kelly and I will be able to make it home. We're renting a second car, and driving separately/together. That means we'll each have to drive straight through without alternating with someone else, which MIGHT kill us. I'm terrified. Please keep us in your prayers.

I'll let you know how it all came out. Until then,

BYE

ME