So...it's been awhile. I know I have a lot to say. I just don't even know where to begin!

I've lost the writing bug, and I'm looking for him. I have named him Shakespeare. Have you seen him?

Here is my motivation-- MY SISTER IS FLIPPING AWESOME!!!!! Do you even KNOW what she did? I have a novel I'm writing. In my head. I need to get it down on paper...er...screen. Biggest draw back? My crap top. Kelly had been amused numerous times by our instant messenger conversation in which I had to compensate the loss of several functioning letters on my keyboard. I believe it was cursed by previous owners/users. Enough said.

ANYWAY! Kelly decided to make a gigantic investment in my future. What did she do? Like you don't already know. She bought me a BRAND NEW LAP TOP! Can you even believe it?? No bad memories attached, and it's gorgeous. I am so in love with it. Now I just need to find that pesky Shakespeare. I can't let her down. She says I have to write that novel, now that I have no excuses left.

SHAKESPEARE! Once an entire day could be spent together, just you and I. How I long for those days! Come back to me my sweet! Shakespeare, Shakespeare...wherefore art thou Shakespeare?

*sigh* I went googling around and found my old Smallville fan fic on the Kryptonsite archives. It's pretty freaking sweet! I'm funny. I'm hoping by reading that, and re-living the "Scarlet" adventure, I will rediscover my voice and fully develop the main character in my book. I'm excited to get to know her! She's pretty awesome.

So, wanna know something weird. I'm DATING. Like... dating for real. Not hopping from one relationship to the other, but meeting people. Going out to dinner. Talking, conversing... and like, having a life. It's kinda fun! I've found though...strangely enough, that after two bad relationships, I've learned to give myself more of a chance. Maybe I was desperate before? Or maybe just stupid. Probably both. ANYWAY. I've figured something out. I deserve better. I deserve to be picky. I deserve to say what I want, and not just bend and mold myself into what I think THEY want. And do you know what happens? I am admired for it. I am sought after, and asked out, and it's insane and I barely know how to handle it. I am my own person now. I make my own choices, and my own mistakes. (which there are many, but I'm still figuring me out)

I have been many people outside of myself for other people...if that makes any sense. I settled. I am furious at myself for that. I talked myself into being happy, because I thought I had no other options. I was miserable, and the people I was with were miserable. But aside from my stupid moments, I am mostly happy with myself. I like me. I am enjoyable! It feels good. There isn't all the drama and what ifs attached to absolutely everything. If I say something that disagrees with people, instead of back pedaling and sounding like an idiot, I stick to it, and stay myself. It feels good.

I could keep rambling about this forever. Blah blah blah. But I won't. My mom is craving Mama's, and I must oblige! Hehehe... I don't mind.

Bye!