I don't know if life is getting easier, or if I am just getting better at surviving it. Sometimes I think I have successfully dealt with a situation or memory, only to realize later that I had only stuffed it away, ignoring it for as long as possible.

Every once in awhile, nostalgia will ram into me harder than I'm prepared for. The tiniest thing will trigger it. A song, a phrase, a color... I miss my Mama. I miss my friend. I miss the person I did everything with.

I find that I'm irritated easily these days. People tend to complain about the most frivolous things. I almost resent them for it. If I were being honest, it's not almost. I am resenting them for it. People complaining about the tedious tasks and repetitive nature of the job at Caribou is really getting on my nerves. It's your job. Do it. Stop complaining about the same things over and over again.

The person I had lamented the short dating life with before, has turned out to be someone I am positive I don't want to date. Ironic, isn't it? I've spent a great deal of time with him. I know him. Most days it would be difficult to detect whether or not he even likes me. Besides, I am almost certain my heart has landed elsewhere. We will leave that alone for now.

I repeated my visit to New York to stay with Kelly this summer. I took a ten day vacation, and finally saw all of the touristy things in New York I had never been able to see before. I didn't see them to the full extent I would have liked to see them, but we will do that next time. Next time accompanied with someone special, I'm sure of it. At least I am hoping for it...

I am close to finishing Granted, but still so very far away. Finishing it terrifies me and thrills me simultaneously. I wish I knew what would happen, so I know how broken I would end up being if the book never happened. I have accidentally pegged my entire future existence on it...

Sunnie and Paul have moved back into the house with my Dad and Jamison. It was a brilliant idea all around, and everyone will benefit. I feel like I am gaining my family back, bit by bit by bit.

Dad has taken up cigars. 21 years of no smoking down the drain. Way to go. It's not cigarettes, I know. Yet. He reeks of smoke, and I can't stand it.

Well, I have some writing to do I suppose. I need to finish it. I need to find out what happens next in both stories, the book and my own life. Please let it go the way I want it to, please please please...

Dear Lord... you know the desires of my heart, and if I haven't too badly screwed up my chances, I hope and I pray that my plan matches up with your plan. Help me stifle the stupidness, and allow me to let go of the fear and apprehension. Help me take a leap, Lord. Help me fall into your arms. Amen.