Things get slippery. Do you know what I mean? Well, I know what I mean, and I suppose that's all that matters. Ha.

It's almost as if you find your footing on top of a mountain, and you're just about to straighten your back and enjoy the view, and you realize that the top of the mountain is covered in ice, and down you go. You reach out frantically to hold onto a rock or tree as you slide down, but everything pulls out and falls with you. This is discouraging, to say the least...because if the ground is cold enough for it to be covered in ice, it should be solid enough for tree roots to not pull out of it. Whatever. You're falling. You should concentrate on that...

I had so many things and people to hold onto, and I was just about to stand up straight and take it all in, and now... ice. The bright side? I will stop falling eventually. Sooner or later, I will reach the bottom. Hopefully I won't suffer too many injuries. Or, you know... die. Nah, I'm a survivor. Chances are, the things I was holding onto for support before, are already at the bottom, waiting to catch me. That's a comforting thought.

Ow. My head hurts.

I think I get excited, and then I hold on too tightly. Lennie from "Of Mice and Men" comes to mind... "I'm gonna love him and keep him and squeeze him..." Dead mouse. That's it... I've killed them all. I've loved them to death. Suffocation. Dang it. Well... tough. I love on purpose with purpose. Deal with it.

I can't control everything, and I really need to learn to let go of some things, but other things... I really don't think I should let go of them. I think that would be a very bad idea. I don't know. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. I'm going to be a great parent someday, because I already know all about the tough love and setting boundaries. Sweet. You know what? I've spent far too long parenting my parents. I wonder what it would have been like to have been a kid for as long as most people.

I know I had it better than many, but I don't know any of the people who had it worse, so it's hard sometimes to keep things in perspective. That's why I write, I suppose. That way I don't sound heartless and self involved in reality. I get it all out in rants and written whispers. Throw myself a literary pity party... it helps, it really does. It doesn't necessarily solve any problems or make anything better, but it does help. It helps me breathe.

*sigh*

I hate it when people cancel plans. I hope their reasons are better than mine. When I cancel, its usually because I'm too busy hiding from the world. Hmmm...