The last entry I wrote disappeared, so I kinda lost interest in this journal for awhile. And then Kelly arrived almost a week ago, and things were...different. I haven't had the time to write, I guess. But now I do, after being sent to my room like a 2 year old for the 20th time this week. Why this time? Because Kelly called me a Nazi, and I told her to shut up and stop calling me names. I got in trouble.

She called me a Nazi, because she was eating the ice cream Sunnie and I got for Christmas, and I growled at her for not asking my permission. She yelled back with "Corrie! You're such a Nazi, and you're so selfish! I'm sick and my throat hurts." (Word to the wise...dairy is the LAST thing you consume if you have a bad cold...duh!)

So, ever since Kelly arrived...I realized something. I didn't miss her as much as I thought. Her need to constantly belittle me so she can stand firmly superior wasn't missed...just forgotten. I forgot how small she makes me feel. And of course, since she's the eldest, and the one who has returned to mother dearest after four months...she's been endlessly praised, while I've been criticized for not being more like her...

I've cried too many tears this week. I'm back to invisible. It's not all Kelly's fault, and of course...we've had our fun. But I can't take all this again...now I remember what it feels like, and how much my entire body aches at the end of every day when the pressure starts to let up.

She arrived on December 23rd, and the next day was Christmas Eve. Holidays are never carefree at the Killmer house. My mother was a ball of stress for no reason, because the children were the ones doing everything. Nagging, yelling, pain pain pain. We ate some snacks and opened presents. I started to feel bad for my mom, because everything Kelly and Sunnie got from her seemed to be tossed aside unwanted. They didn't keep their opinions to themselves, either.

I got "Scene it?" so I was happy. (A DVD movie trivia game) It ended well enough, with me getting up extra early to clean up the HUGE mess left from gifts and food, so as to avoid the inevitable storm to follow. Then I was designated the official turkey baster..fun fun fun. My grandpa had flown in from Arizona for christmas for the first time in over 12 years. We were very very excited. But of course, my mom made it rather hellish with her continuous contradictory remarks of "Why is no one helping me in here!" and "Get out of here, I need to work by myself!" She even took to calling me useless when I tried to do all 3 billion and 50 chores at once she had given me... My mother was convinced everyone was out to get her, causing my father to almost cry before he retreated to the basement. She claimed she was as cheery as could be, while we were all spoiling her holiday. Yep...that's right. ALL OF US were the problem. She's perfect.

My grandpa, however (her father) actually stated "Penny really does drive those girls crazy, doesn't she?" to my grandma. FINALLY some recognition! We're not insane! WOO-HOO! Anyway...Christmas flew by, with my mom forbidding us from talking or laughing at the table. My grandpa gave us each $20, and then Kelly and I split to go see "Cold Mountain". It was good.....

The next day, Kelly, Diana and I went to Duluth to spend the day/night at Diana's apartment. Nothing too exciting. We basically just played "Scene It?" The whole time. Awesome, awesome movie buff's game.

We game home from Duluth on the 27th, and then I went to Target to spend a gift card. (It WAS for Candace...but due to some...difficulties...all of Candace's presents were distributed amongst the family) I got some LOTR books, some soup, a movie, and my mom made me buy her some coffee filters... Then TODAY!

I got up for church. Took an hour to convince Kelly and Jamie to go. I felt sooooo not good. I had slept in crappy positions during the whole Duluth thing, so i was in major major pain. (That combined with car accident injuries) Having not slept much at all last night, because of pain, I decided not to drive. No big deal, I always go with Sunnie. But Sunnie and Kelly insisted I drive, because of space. There was enough space, they just...yeah. I couldn't turn my neck (not safe for driving) and I had the worst worst worst feeling...whenever I've had those, something really really really bad happens. But like I'm gonna tell them that! They'd laugh in my face. I was seriously...so not okay feeling! So I said I wouldn't drive. (Besides, I hate driving with kelly in the car...passenger seat driver to the MAX!!!!) Then they both set in on me. Boy did they ever. Kelly couldn't drive because she was "dizzy". Whatever...Kelly is so good at making you feel like you're the smallest most insignificant unworthy being on the face of the planet, I swear. ANYWAY!

So I told them Jamie and I would go to Eaglebrook with Granny. So we did. After Kelly badmouthed me some more. Grandma was the happiest person alive though, I swear. She said she had been really depressed every week, because she was all by herself. I still don't like that church though. But i have no idea where else I fit in. I'm lost...

So! After church we were all...I was cleaning. Sunnie and Kelly were elsewhere. Jamie was playing. Mom was grring at me about not doing enough housework. Then Kelly and Sunnie came home, and we played with our cell phones and got new backgrounds and rings. (Background= Pirates, Ring = I Move On from Chicage)

Mom started shrieking, saying "Get out of the house! I want it to myself so I can do houseowrk! (All of which I had already done) So we decided to go see a movie. Then...Nikki called. We had absolutely nothing to talk about. The only person she had had time to see was Lurae. Isn't that special? Grand, fantastic. Last night I had a dream I told her I hated her, and she said "I know." I don't hate her of course, but apparently my subconscious does...hmmm... NO! Don't think so. I'm just...hurt by my own insignificance, I guess. Ahhh....

So! We had a boring awkward conversation about nothing. Then my spirits just...went flat, and my soul felt like it was deflating. Without saying a word, I got ready to leave. Jamie noticed, and followed me to the car. Then Kelly got the hint and got in after me. I'm back to that point in life when every little thing irritates me. Like, Jamie had movied my car trash sack to the other side, and I freaked out, yelping "This is MY car!" So, we drove to the theater in near silence. Then thank GOD! Jessi called my cell phone. My only friend! I was overjoyed. She invited me to her birthday party next weekend. Then she noticed I sounded a bit...weird. So we decided she would come over tonight around 7, and she'd give me my birthday present, and we'd chat.

So! We saw "Cheaper By The Dozen" which was very enjoyable. Then I went home, showered, organized my DVD wallet, and then Jessi came. She gave me a Spanish choir CD from Spain, awesome awesome. And she also gave me a chocolate bar from Spain. AWESOME! Then we chatted. I love her...she just...always helps me. Then we played two games of "Scene It?" and then one game of "Lord of the Rings" Monopoly, The Trilogy Edition. Then she went home. That's when I got sent to my room, for getting upset that Kelly ate my ice cream... Life's peachy keen fantastic, can you tell?

So, another compaining entry, but seriously. When else do you write? So the entry that got deleted was about Jessi coming home, i think. And she and I and her mom going to see return of the king...it was fantastic, and I was ecstatic to have her back home. She's going to Mexico next month for another three months, but then I have her for the summer. We're gonna make a movie or write a play. We haven't decided yet...

Well, one true friend in life makes it a life worth living, right? So I gotta keep going, because I've got something going for me. Besides...if I died now, I'd never meet Mister Wonderful...whoever THAT is....riiiight.

Over and out, I love all of my invisible faithful readers.

Peace out, yo...

Corrie