I used to be really great at recording the mundane day to day of my life. The random goings on that wouldn't particularly be of any interest to anyone other than myself. I don't know if it makes sense that I am lamenting the loss of that ability or not. Hmmm...

It's possible that my every day goings on don't stray too far from ordinary. Each day I get up, go to work, go home, go to bed. I suppose it's that may for the majority of the general public. I suppose what keeps it interesting is what goes on within the mind of the individual. Dreams and aspirations! I've so many of those, it's hard to keep track.

I have always been talented in the area of dreaming. I can disappear into my imagination whenever I want. I used to actually get giddy the prospect of taking a long walk and creating a new story in my head. Oh, the stories I've told myself! They're so great! I create fantastic beginnings. It's the endings that lose my interest. Maybe because there's no such thing as an ending. Life keeps on going. How do you stop telling someone's story? You just get to decide that it's over? Maybe that's why Nicholas Sparks always kills someone off. Otherwise the story would never be satisfied.

I've lived several different stories within my life, too. Some of those stories have endings. In some ways, some of those endings were either actual physical deaths, or deaths of another nature. Either way, they ended. Then there are the stories that haven't ended. Those are the ones that haunt me.

Haunt can sound so negative. I suppose it typically is. There are some things that I want to be haunted by. I don't want to lose them. I don't want to give them up. Haunt away!

Life feels good right now. I don't entirely know how to explain it. I've been receptive to the voice of God for the first time in a very long time, and now everything makes more sense. It's pretty disappointing when you realize that several of the struggles you have faced were your own fault because you weren't listening. You weren't receptive. It's enraging, to be honest.

You can't help but wonder how many things would have been different if I would have figured it all out sooner. As much as I would like to dwell in those thoughts, I've come to the conclusion that God is not the biggest fan of what-ifs and maybes. He's more about the here and now, and here and now he has shown me a few mind blowing things, that I am pretty excited to see come into fruition.

Everything I have ever wanted actually seems POSSIBLE now, which I'll admit has not been the case in years past. There was always something in the way, something hindering me. Some of those things I caused myself, but some I really didn't. God instilled in me a deep devotion to family, so that really isn't something I would have been able to banish from my head.

There's this intense giddy excitement about all of the possibilities that are ahead of me now. It's as if everything is finally falling into place. I've become the woman I need to be to fulfill the plan God has for me. It's pretty awesome! I'm completely me for the first time in...gosh. I don't know how long it's been. I'm not the same person I was, but I am EXACTLY who I need to be. It's comforting. I know who I am, I know what I want, I know what HE wants, and I'm ready. I'm ready for all of it, and I am ready to do whatever it takes.

Even my hair color is me. It's a good feeling. A GREAT feeling. So happy...and terrified...and interested...and curious...and scared...but TRUSTING. Yes. Trust in the Lord always.

I plan on it.