I am worthless. Maybe not entirely, but that's how I feel. I've come to notice something. Well, I suppose I've noticed for a very long time... but I didn't realize how broad it was until just now. My personal worth has been replaced by the worth of my fiction.

Whenever anyone talks to me, regardless of how the conversation started, it always turns to my writing. I am not the one to turn it there. Sometimes it comes across as them hitching their wagon to the star before it rises. The problem with that, is that the star feels that much less inclined to rise, because it's incredibly weighted down.

People could talk to me forever about my books. They don't so much enjoy talking to me about me. There are a select few...

BJ could talk for hours about my characters and plot points and get lost in that world and their personalities. He would ask difficult questions about their development and thoughts... he couldn't even ask me how my day had gone. Compared to my fiction... I am worthless.

When I talk about my book and the possibility of its publication, I am met with excitement, and communications that I had been severely lacking. Everyone wants to know what's new with the book... not so much what's new with me.

When I have a problem that's very difficult and raw, it's averted by a quick reminder "Someday you'll be a famous writer, and..." oh. Okay.

I often get the impression that people want to know me because of my writing, and put up with me because I'm the writer. Maybe BJ only wanted the writer. He only liked talking to her, anyway. "Where are Clark and Lex?" That is after all, how we met. That makes sense... he only liked me when I was the writer. When I had writer's block or was otherwise engaged, he rarely talked to me. I was cranking out chapters of Haunted just to get an email from him in the mornings.

It all makes sense now...

Or maybe I'm trying just too hard to rationalize things.

Why is it that it seems that everyone wants to be in MY life (writing) but nobody wants me to be a part of theirs????

I don't have any of the answers. Everyone likes my characters better than they like me. I can't really blame them... I like my characters better too...