Craziness!

The world seems a little...off lately. All the things I'm used to haven't been there. It's confusing. Let's see. Where do I begin? I have to make this as short as possible.

Elke is being so nice to me, she really is. She wants me to stay. She keeps saying "Oh, Corrie!" Like I'm just so adorable. And "Corrie, you are SO good at your job!" No negative critiques, like I used to get.

Day before yesterday (which was Friday) I had a blah day. One of those...blah days. I worked from 5:30-11 on drive-thru (surprise surprise) and then I went home. I took a nap, then my mom went shopping. I was planning on taking myself to the movies, because Sunnie is gone for the weekend and loaned me her car. (woo!) So what do I do when I could be mobile? I stay home and watch a movie that made me bawl my eyes out on Lifetime. Makes sense. It was really snowing a lot though!

After that movie, I attempted to write. But I was sad. For a variety of reasons really. I just felt...off. I talked to Kristin for awhile, and she e-mailed me pictures of Edmond...he's so old. It was so depressing. I'm going over there on Wednesday, I guess.

I sat and stared at the wall for awhile. (Really) I thought about a lot of things. A lot of the things I thought about I had thought about before. So far, that's all I can do. Think about them. I waited on the couch for Jamie to get home. The day before had been his 16th birthday, and we had planned to watch the present I gave him the next day. (Earthsea)

He got home, and I was almost relieved. Enough time by myself, dummy! Gives me too much time to wallow. So, we watched the movie (it was good! Better than I thought) with dad, actually. He'd come home early. Then mom came home...after that movie, I went to bed. Early... and slept. Slept too much. I never woke up like I usually do. The phone never rang like it usually does. Saturday therefore, was very off balance.

I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday, gave myself roughly 10 minutes to get ready. (So I'd have enough time to remove the mountain covering Sunnie's car) Went to work, they put me on drive-thru. (DUH!) And it was the slowest thing EVER! Normally there's never a break in the cars. I only had two rushes my whole shift! I was so...confused. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was aggrivated, because not having my continuous 'I want to kill myself I'm so busy' drive-thru, my mind had way too much time to wander. It wasn't good. Thankfully...my shift ended without too much mental damage.

Everyone had been so nice and funny...that it didn't feel right. Like there was a secret I didn't know abou. I walked out to the car, and noticed I had two new voicemails. The first one was from Amy Turnbull, who's Pastor Steve Turnbull's wife, who wanted me to come up with something fabulous for Good Friday. HA! A little too late for that. I still don't even have a proper name database for all these people! Grr argh!

The second message was from Dom Rodriguez. Who's that? Oh! Well he's the father of the kids I was a nanny for in NY. Basically, it was a message begging me to come back. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's what I did. I laughed! Yeah right! What the crap! Never in a bazillion years! If I move outta this place, I'm not moving east again, I guarantee it! I prefer the south...

So, that was hilarious. I went home and fell asleep...in my coat and Caribou clothes. My mom laughed hysterically. I just literally fell over on my bed with one arm over my head...flat on my back. I don't know why I was so tired.

My mom decided the whole family was gonna go to Eagle Brook last night, then out to dinner at Buca, and then to the movies to see The Ring Two. So we did...

I don't like Eagle Brook, and it was like a recession in a way, like I was sliding back. My old life wanted me. New York, Eagle Brook... but I want no part of it. No! The service was blah, and I wanted to leave. It all feels so fake to me. All the high tech presentations don't say anything to me except "ooh, look how we use your money! Give us more so we can make another movie montage!" It bothers me. They don't even have a cross anywhere visible in that entire building. Except on Easter. BAH!

Afterward, we ran into Amy Carey...whoa...and Paula Bolt. We talked to Paula for a long time (mom and I) Well...more like I stood there with a few sarcastic comments. i couldn't help it, I was crabby! Paula suddenly turned to me and says "I just can't believe how pretty you are. You're beautiful! You've grown into such a beautiful woman." And I was like...um...k...

THen we went to Buca, and that was fun. My crabiness went away for awhile. Then to the movie. I sat next to Jamie. Jamie likes to touch my arm. When he wants to show me things, when he's scared, just when he wants to tell me something. Not just my arm, my shoulder...he likes to tap. Lately, I've despised it all of the sudden. "Don't touch me!" And not just from Jamie. I don't like anyone to touch me. They're not...the right people. The affectionate...whatevers aren't the affection I need anymore. Ready for the next station in life, please. It's weird...but I'm being so un-nice, and I can feel it. I'm tired of so many of my undeserved responsibilities. But I can't get out without help. And back to New York is NOT the answer. Ha!

Anyway, time for church. Write more soon... argh.

Corrie