Last night was interesting. The parents were screaming at each other. After we had consumed our cold Taco Bell dinner, mom came home from shopping. The moment she walked through the door, she started yelling at everyone. No matter how hard I try to not let her comments bother me…they still hurt, and you can just feel something inside you plummet to the ground. You’re weighted down, and you feel like you’re as worthless as she says you are. No matter how untrue it all is.
She was picking fights with Jamie over everything that’s happened within the last ten years. He was freaking out. Then, dad made the horrible mistake of coming upstairs from the basement. Bad, bad idea. Mom started screaming at him about why he hadn’t stained the cabinet Jamison made, or why he hadn’t finished the ceiling in the basement, and how he never finishes what he starts. She justified this anger by telling dad she had had a bad day. Well, so had he. Not to mention he had to come rescue his daughter at Taco Bell… (hehehe)
So, I most of it was the same old same old. It started about dad not getting things done, and then mom actually YELLING AT HIM for working too many hours. “If you came home at a decent hour, these things would be done and I wouldn’t have to keep telling you to do them!” WHAT THE FIDGET?!? So, he comes back with “If you would stop spending the money, I wouldn’t have to keep making it!” And so she does this huge dramatic sigh, and says “Whatever you say, Bruce. You go on this vacation by yourself.”
Honestly? I little glimmer of hope shot through me, saying ‘Can we really do that?!? AWESOME!’ But, yeah right. Not gonna happen. So she sits down, puts her head in her hands, and says “Everyone is always attacking me.” And dad, infuriated by her dramatic ploy yet again, turns around and all out screams: “Right! Because everyone in the world is an asshole but you!” Jamie and I took one look at each other, and quickly made our escape. Up the stairs we went, ne’er to return. That’s when the mutual screaming began. I tried not to get upset when my mother stated over and over again how she has no help around the house, and she does everything herself. “I do everything here! You all just walk around and reap the benefits of my work! I don’t get a paycheck! I just give and I give and I give! Just because you have a professional job, I’m supposed to feel sorry for you that you work long hours? My hours never stop!” = That made me laugh. My gosh! What is wrong with her??
So, Jamie and I hid in my room, in the dark. Why does the dark help? Maybe she won’t find us. There have been times when dad runs out, and she goes looking for us because she’s not done screaming. I went online to update Kelly on the latest family drama. Mom just makes me feel bad even when I know I have no reason to feel bad.
Anyway… BJ called shortly after, then he had to go. Then I went through those movie posters. Got some pretty good ones! So I had to call Kelly to tell her. Then BJ called again. We chatted for a bit, and he made me laugh. Good timing for a laugh, I must say. Then I fell asleep.
Today is Sunnie’s birthday. I woke up this morning at 8:30, and walked into her room. I sat on her bed, and started tapping my finger on her temple. She groaned and looked at me with one eye, and I said “Happy birthday.” Nice and quiet. She mumbled a quick “Thank you” before rolling over. I asked her if she wanted anything special for breakfast, and she said ‘pancakes’, but instructed me to wait until she woke up. So, I woke Jamie up, and he and I watched “The Forgotten.” I had low expectations because Kelly didn’t really like it, but I actually really did. It was a good movie.
After the movie I cleaned the house, and the monster awoke (mom). I busied myself making Sunnie some chocolate chip pancakes. After that, I went upstairs and went back to bed. I feel really REALLY not good today. I could say I don’t know why, but I know… It’s my sugar week. (be confused, it’s allowed)
Paul arrived soon after, so Sunnie disappeared. I drove Jamison to work, and then went to Target to buy a present for Sunnie on his behalf. Poor me, since my car wants to blow itself up, I had to drive my mom’s with the CD player in it. WOO! I blasted the Phantom soundtrack for all the world to hear…or just me (really really loud).
Got home, went to lay back down again. Ew, I felt unwell. I dozed off, and my mom was screaming at me “You got a package from Kelly!” WOOOOOO!!! I raced down those stairs, grabbed the box, tore it open, and there. Alas… my Phantom Of The Opera official companion book. She had had to order it for me, due to the fact that I don’t have a credit card. I paid her for it, but she had to order it. And it took it a long long time to get here….argh. No Popsicle for me.
So! I got yelled at for opening the box in my mother’s presence, and I got yelled at for tearing the plastic off and setting in on the table. I’m a failure. What do failures do? They go back to bed.
I took another mini-nap and then called Kelly. We talked for too long about dumb stuff, and then I got yelled at again. I went down to the basement , where I was being summoned, and looked on in horror as I realized my mother had completely destroyed…everything! My peter pan display was all but displayed. It had been disassembled, and all the books were scattered across the floor. WHAT THE HECK! I said “Why would you do that?” And what did she say??? “You said yourself you were tired of it, and were going to take it down. Besides. This is MY house. If I want to change something, it‘s up to me. You just have to live with that.” WHAT THE HECK! I decorated that entire room! She said it was MY theater! And the display? Like I would ever say that! If she KNEW what I went through for that thing. Good grief. I started to feel the bile rise. I was completely nauseated. I turned to go back upstairs, and she said “Where do you think you’re going? I told you I needed your help.” and I said…and shouldn’t have said “I can’t be around you right now.” and went back upstairs. I sat at my desk chair staring at the wall, terrified that I had just caused the next world war. That’s when I got called again.
I walked downstairs, feeling ill for multiple reasons, and mom and Paul were in the kitchen, eating chili cheese dip. Mom turns to me and says “I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t realize that Peter Pan thing meant so much to you. You can go put it back up. I didn’t throw any of it away.”
Man…sometimes I just…It’s over my head. So, I put it back up. That pretty much brings us up to now. I still feel unwell, but it’s Sunnie’s birthday. I’m writing this in a word document, so I can just copy and paste later. We’re eating tacos and angel food cake. If anything exciting happens between now and when I paste this…I can add it on! Until then..
Check ya later!
C’est moi
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