You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

my favorite was 12:15am on 12/15...yup.

Yo! So...let's see. Just a quick report. Recently I've been endlessly tormented with horrible dreams, all circling around the same subject matter. They've been driving me absolutely crazy! I am happy to report I think I've banished the dreams.

I've found a new way to deal with the stomach churning subject matter, and it seems to be an unexpected perception of the whole thing. That new angle plus the prayers really have seemed to work. I've been dreaming about BJ instead WITHOUT distractions from happy. That's always pleasant. And if there were any negative things, God has blessed me enough to forget it by the time I wake up.

So I just thought I'd report that I'm no longer attacked at night through my subconscious. I'm okay! But Kelly's not. So let's shift the prayers to her for now. She needs them much more than me.

I love you, big sis.

Yesterday was a happy day! Around 9am, BJ arrived. Kelly had made some glorious glazed orange rolls, so that was breakfast! Kelly and BJ tinkered with the laptops for awhile, whilst I watched the DVD of a favorite of mine, "CAMP". Shortly after that, BJ and I both fell asleep for about an hour, til around noon. Then he and I hit up Little Caesars for a $5 pizza, and then the three of us watched the pilot episode of Dark Angel. BJ has yet to be convinced that it is as good as Kelly and I say it is.

After Dark Angel, we did yet again, a whole lot of nothing. It was around 8pm before we had decided what to do. The rest of the afternoon was spent singing RENT songs (which is never a waste of time) and doing silly dances to cell phone ring tones, and who KNOWS what else!

So that evening, Kelly treated us to Ruby Tuesday...yum yum yum! We all ordered the same thing. The salad bar with a loaded baked potato. Kelly also ordered us some buffalo chicken wontons as an appetizer. If you haven't tried them...you should. For they are yummy. BJ entertained us for awhile with his gay man routine (which he is far too good at) and the waitress spilled lemonade all over my chair while I was in the bathroom. Kelly had to clean it up, because the waitress said 'oops' and walked away and didn't come back.

After that, we came home! BJ and I did our scripture reading for the night, and then he had to go home. It was sad. I have to admit though...I loved it when he started to drive away, then honked his horn at me (while I stood in the door way) and rolled down his window making kiss noises and waving me over. I ran to him for one last kiss before the final goodbye. I am sooooo in love. It's fantastic!

That was pretty much the entire day. Nothing extraordinary, and yet almost perfect. I talked to BJ when he was about halfway home, and hung up when he got there so he could get ready for bed. I fell asleep shortly after that, waking up when he called back to say goodnight.

Today, Kelly and I applied for more jobs. This time in health care facilities, which would be good...because if I fall down almost dead, someone could probably make me not so dead anymore. That would be good. Good health benefits too (duh). We watched little snippets of things, and then I talked to BJ for quite awhile. I'm pretty sure I annoyed the crap out of Kelly, but I just never want to hang up with him...I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm cherishing the days before we get old and crabby with each other. But if I continue with this streak of blessings, hopefully that will never happen. We'll be annoyingly pathetic forever! WEE!

BJ and I started planning out our summer vacation. (He gets a week paid vacation, and we're probably gonna go to Minnesota to see the family!) Hopefully Kelly will be able to join us. We shall see what happens! BJ and I picked August, so we will have maximum time to save up for the trip. We can hit up Valley Fair and The Mall Of America! BJ and I can finally hit Camp Snoopy...which isn't Camp Snoopy anymore. But it will still be fun to get the wristbands and ride stuff. Wee!

Well, I guess that's about all I have for now. I love you all!

Bye bye for now!

Always,
Corrie

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Woot woot!

A lot happens in a day. I'm not as strong and resilient as I thought I was. There have been a lot of lessons learned, and still a lot that I personally have to learn. Attacked by invisible forces in the middle of the night, waking to new questions. Last night, after talking to BJ for a couple hours, it took me awhile to fall asleep. But when I did, it was dreamless for the first time in a long time. I was really happy.

I'm having the hardest time with another issue. Something I used to be proud of. My ability to forgive. Is a good memory a curse? I really think it is. It makes it too hard to forget. Forgiving becomes harder. You can recall every tear, every frown, every ache of desperation. You remember how you felt defeated. You can't forget how alone you felt. Everything stays, nothing goes. Every time you try to "see the light" your memory blasts you with darkness. "Remember when..." is sad now. I have to find another way.


...Dear God...


This pain goes on
Deep inside my heart
Changing all that I knew
This feels so wrong
I'm tired of being angry
But tell me what do I do?
I feel betrayed
And completely overcome
This is the hardest thing I've ever done

I need to find a way to forgive
The way that You've forgiven me
To understand, to know that
Your plan is something
That I don't always see
I need to find a way to forgive
Like You've forgiven me.

We're all afraid
Silenced by the fear
Of the mistakes that were made
I call, I pray
Lord help me to remember
That everybody breaks
Fill me
With Your Spirit and your words
Give me the heart to heal
And not to hurt

I need to find a way to forgive
The way that You've forgiven me
To understand, to know that
Your plan is something
That I don't always see
I need to find a way to forgive
Like You've forgiven me.


AMEN.

"FORGIVE" -REAL LIFE
-rj helton, stephanie lewis, dennis matkosky

Okay! So here's my weekend update. Friday night, BJ drove up to Opelika, and He, myself, Kelly and Benlee partook of a lovely dinner of Chinese food here at the apartment. Then we headed off to the movie theater to see "Bench Warmers". It was hilarious! I really enjoyed it...but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a little ping of sadness by not experiencing it with Jamie. He saw it with Mom earlier that day, and of course he loved it. He and John Heder could be brothers. Seriously.

After the movie we went to Waffle House just because Kelly and I had never really been to one. I was the entertainment. A guy in a hideous multi-colored shirt tried to eye/smile flirt with me on his way to the bathroom. I thought it was hilarious, while BJ voiced his concerns and made up scenarios on how he would take him down when he emerged from the men's room. (Which had no toilet paper, because I stole it all. Women need it more anyway.) The guy seemed to scurry back to his seat rater quickly after taking far too long in the bathroom. Methinks he needed toilet paper, and went without. He seemed a little...uncomfortable.

After that, we went home. It was bed time. BJ tinkered with his laptop for awhile. He had just gotten a wireless card for it, and was trying to pick up a stolen signal in Kelly's bedroom. BAD! Don't steal the internet! Unless you let me use it...like I am right now! Bwa-ha-ha!

I made up BJ's couch bed, and got ready for bed myself, and finally at around 3am we were both asleep. The next morning, there was a huge thunderstorm. Cody hates storms. He was sitting on my neck, shaking, and panting right in my face. (He has bad breath) BJ woke up a little before 8am, and came into my room. We cuddled for a little while Cody shook and breathed on us. We eventually got up, took showers, and ate some breakfast Benlee had brought for us.

After breakfast we rushed out the door so BJ would make it home in time for work. I went home with him, because I had been invited to his cousin Joy's baby shower which was later that afternoon. So he dropped me off at his house, he changed his clothes, and then he was off to work. We went to the shower shortly after that. Joy got SOOOO much stuff! Her daughter on the way has been named Elizabeth Katherine, but they're going to call her Ella Kate.

After the shower, we went back to the house. I fell asleep (I think) for a while, and Debra went to the grocery store. We ordered pizza for dinner, and BJ got home around 9:30 (I couldn't wait.) And we did a whole lot of nothing until BJ fell asleep.

The next morning was church, as you know from my previous post. Kelly was able to join us! If you want to read about the sermon, check out Kelly's journal. Twas a good one! After church, we hit Taco Bell. Yum. Then we went to Shakespeare. Kelly was in heaven. We spent a lot of time in the theater building. We had fun in the gift shop!

We walked around outside for awhile before heading to Oaktree for some gas, and then back to the house. We watched an episode of Lois and Clark, and shortly after that it was time to head to Frazer for the Easter musical drama. BJ played in the orchestra, but I couldn't see him from where I was sitting. It was very good, and the music was beautiful. If I didn't have a splitting headache, I probably could have enjoyed it even more.

Afterwards, BJ brought us with him to a dinner they had set up for all the participants, and their friends and family. Hamburgers and hotdogs! Yum. BJ looked really good...

We met up at the house after that, and hung out til around 11. Then it was time to drive home! At one point, BJ chased me down the road for one last kiss. Awwww...

Got home, read some of the Bible, talked to BJ and went to sleep. Another great weekend. More later!

The end

Hello! I'm just wasting time while BJ is in the shower getting ready for church. I guess it's become a pretty normal thing to spend weekends here. It's better than it was before. I think everybody enjoys each other more when they don't see each other every day. That's just a universal truth. For instance... sometimes my mom and I clash so badly, things literally break. Now, however, I really really miss her and enjoy talking to her. Now THAT'S something new and exciting.

There's nothing getting in the way of enjoying each other, like how the kitchen needs to be cleaned, or the laundry needs to be done, or she needs me to run a billion errands. Now it's just conversation!

Anyway, I'll probably write a nice little summary of the weekend when I have a little more time. I just thought I'd waste some space talking about how in love BJ and I are...oh, but that's NEVER a waste of space! Especially when it's in MY journal. (Feel free to make yours just as pathetic, BJ. Hahaha)

Anyway! I do, I love him. He's "The sexiest boyfriend in the world". Haha! Didn't think I'd really write that, did ya Fabio? Love you!

Over and out.

I miss my sister and my Paul. I hope I get to see you someday soon. You two make me happy, and you're one of the greatest couples in the history of the world. Never ever doubt that! You two are my happy thought. You make me fly. I love you both. Don't let yourselves be discouraged. You are so loved and you love each other. SMOOCH! I miss you.

Hello! Hmmm... let's see. What should I write about today/tonight? Well, a quick recap I guess. BJ came to visit Tuesday night. We finished up season four of Alias (the last season we have on DVD... which will lead to significant withdrawal) and then headed to Wal-Mart. BJ picked up some contact solution, The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (for our collection!) and then my beloved bought me a mouse pad. I really needed a mouse pad. Thank you, my love!

We came home around 1:30am and were greeted by some wonderful strawberry milkshakes that Kelly had made for us. I made up the couch for BJ to sleep on, and before I knew it he was curled up under the blanket, nearly completely asleep with his milkshake still in hand. It was so adorable... I hated forcing him to get up and take out his contacts.

The next morning we did a whole lot of nothing. We lounged until around 11, and then I made breakfast. We did a little more lounging, and then asked Kelly to join us in a game of Scene It. Kelly won. (duh) After that, we ate pizza and watched "Outbreak". Nothing like pizza while watching a movie about an infections disease that makes you bleed from your eyes (and everywhere else) while making your organs liquify. Yum!

After the movie, we headed to Tiger Town and hit up Office Depot for some ink cartridges (for Kelly) and BJ checked out what kind of wireless internet adapter to get for the laptop I gave him. Woot! Woot! Yeah, anyway.

After that, home again. Did a little more nothing, and then did our devotionals. It was grand. It doesn't matter what we do together, I'm always happy with him. He makes me laugh. We did a lot of laughing. That's not nothing. That's laughing. And it feels really good.

Moving on! As promised I will now show you an adorable baby picture of adorable Cairo. I still get sad when I think about him. I feel like I gave up a friend. I know he's happy, and I know he's well taken care of, but I wanted to be the one to take care of him. Sometimes I think I screwed the whole thing up. But would keeping him of been selfish? I don't know. But hey... he was a gift from my beloved Amber...and she made a lot of people happy. I guess I need to get over myself. Cairo has blessed many people. Take a look at this little guy, and you tell me that you wouldn't fall in love with him too!





Isn't he just adorable? If you know how big a box of Irish spring soap is, you can see just how tiny he was. And then if you look at the pics below, you can see that in Jamie's arms...he is quite huge. Kelly, who is sitting behind me, wishes for me to inform you of the following:

I just burped. (and this is what I REALLY said afterward.) It tastes like banana peppers. And pickles. Which taste quite similar on a good day. (It's true, and this IS Truth Be TOLD, afterall.)

ANYWAY. Yes, Cairo. He's a big boy now, but he has been a blessing to so many people. He may not have been the buddy to me he was originally intended to be, but he has been a little puppy miracle. He's helped my mom out a lot, for instance. My Grandpa (her dad) is really not doing well. He's in stage four of his cancer, which is how far along my mom was with hers before her miracle. That's why she hasn't given up hope. It's really hard for her. She's told me so many times how raising Cairo has been an amazing distraction. A new baby, since our doggies are family. She loves him very much, and he's a wild and crazy young one, so that keeps her busy whenever she's home.

But as for Grandpa, he doesn't have much time left. It makes me really sad, because BJ never got to meet him. I really don't think he will. It's almost laughable sometimes when my mom tells me "You don't understand. This is my dad! My parent. It's too hard to watch this happen to him. You have no idea." I'm like...whoa. HELLO! I went through the same thing with her! I think she forgets that. She doesn't forget how almost dying affected her, which I don't expect her too. But now...she's seeing the other side of the spectrum, which I think she really underestimated before. Nobody is ready enough to watch a loved one die. No one can be prepared to make post-death arrangements. No one wants to talk about a will, nobody wants to think about the end.

My great Aunt Lorraine called up my Grammy (who has been divorced from Grandpa for a long time) and asked her to ask my mom to gather pictures of herself and her dad (Grandpa) for photo arrangements for the funeral. My mom was outraged. She was so angry. That side of the family claims to be so spiritual, and she just couldn't believe that they had no hope. I don't think they believe in miracles. They all heard about my mom, but none of them witnessed it. None of them believed in it.

I really love my Grandpa. None of us got to spend as much time as we wanted to with him growing up. Kelly, being his very first grand child got really spoiled... but I think I weaseled my way in there good enough. I'm the only grandchild whose Graduation he attended, the only grandchild to go stay with him in Arizona. That was a good trip. It was me, Grandpa, and Grandma Isabelle. We drove down there from Minnesota after a family reunion in their luxurious towncar. It took 3 days. Each night we stopped, the got me my own hotel room. the first night we stopped in Kansas, and the second night we stopped in New Mexico. It was the first time I had ever seen Cactus on the side of the road, and I was enthralled.

Grandpa learned the hard way that summer to appreciate my quiet side. That man has been the source of a lot of different emotions for every member of his family. But for me, all the memories have been good ones. I guess I'm blessed that way. I can only remember him after he had calmed down. (He was an alcoholic. But back then, NOT drinking a lot was wrong. not the other way around.)

My memories of my grandpa are awesome. This one thing he did would amuse me for hours. He would hand us a broom stick, and had us hold it p horizontallly in the air. He would leave the room, and one child would touch the broomstick in one specific spot. Grandpa would come back, sniff the broomstick up and down, and point EXACTLY to the spot where one of us had touched it. I still don't know how he did it.

He always gave us presents, and gave the best hugs. The last time I saw him was this past summer. One last reunion... they got everyone together for what they all honestly believed to be the last time. All my uncles came up, and it was good. Lots of laughing. I couldn't stop hugging my Grandpa. He had a cough, and we compared inhalers. (We had the exact same one) I don't want to believe that that was the last time I would ever see him alive. I want to be like my mom. I had hope for her, I need to have hope for him too.

Anyway, that went from happy to sad really fast. I hope BJ calls soon. Time to read the Bible. Love you all! Talk to you soon.

Corrie

Just had to share a couple pictures with you! Sunnie just sent these to me. Thank you so much for the pictures! They're the cutes things ever! The top is best friends, Winnie and Cairo. Cairo was my little baby puppy...he's not so little anymore! Under that is Jamie and Cairo...Jamie and his dog. He needs that. Then there's the moody brother all by himself with his new haircut (thank GOD!) and then finally...Cairo all big and stuff. I'll have to post a picture of when he was teeny tiny so you can all be in disbelief with me! Look below all the beautiful pictures for the journal update. I just can't believe how BIG Cairo is! Good heavens...

Hey all! Well, I don't really have much to report, but for some reason I felt like writing. Maybe that means I should be working on something worthwhile...but to me this journal IS worthwhile. Sometimes, anyway.

So what's happened since yesterday? Oh, that's right. Nothing. So I guess I won't talk about the day to day. Instead... I'll reflect. Ah, yes. Reflection. What shall I reflect on? A couple weeks ago Kelly and I were given 20 canned items from Benlee's parents. A sort of welcome gift, and it was awesome! One of these items was a can of salmon. Kelly and I decided to turn it into salmon salad and eat it on crackers. What I did not expect to find upon opening that can, was entire fillets of fish. Complete with the bones, and the spine. Ew? Yeah. But I got rid of the bones with a messy scraping of the fork. It was completely disgusting, but the end results were tasty. I realize that that wasn't much of a reflection, but it was indeed informative. Necessary? Absolutely not.

Moving on. I miss my family, but I miss home less. BJ is home now, so wherever he is, I'll be okay. I never in a million years thought I would be able to feel that way, but that's really how it feels. "I'm crazy in love with you..." Why, thank you Mister Helton. I shall eternally adobt your sentiments in reference to a love of my own, thank you very huge.

My brother is a poop. I've been begging him to agree to come down and visit this summer. He absolutely refuses to get on a plane by himself, the big baby. So Kelly and I came up with the best plan. We'd invite him around the time BJ, Kelly, Benlee and I plan to head to Florida for a Disney/Universal vacation. We'd PAY his way! He said no. AGHH! What a brat. He's just scared. If one of his pals was with him, he'd be okay. But if he brought Andrew, all he'd do is chase ofter the girlies. Good thing Jamison "Doesn't have time for girls right now." Oh, yes. I raised him well. My little genius musician poop. I hove him. Yes, I mean hove. Hate/love. I could say "late" love/hate, but that's just confusing. Is hove a word? I dunno. Maybe I'll ask the spell check. I've never spell checked before. Why start now? I'm not proud...just lazy.

Kelly has told me repeatedly that I should write a young adult fiction series. Something like the princess diaries, only without the princess and the diaries. Wouldn't that be awesome? That might sound to some like a heap of nothing, but...you don't even know! I'm so brilliant sometimes. Kelly says someone should be filming me. I think in my better moments I would make an excellent sitcom. Catch me at a bad time in life, and you have a soap opera. Put it all together, and you've got a Lifetime Original Movie! YES!!! I know Debra would watch it FOR SURE!


I just burped up the canned boney salmon. Gross.


Darla smells nasty. That's something we Darla lovers have always had to live with. If you haven't seen it and you're a close friend of mine...someday you HAVE to witness Darla farting her way up the stairs. It's priceless. Endless entertainment! Too bad we live in an apartment now. Although, sometimes she does run up to Benlee's. I haven't had the chance to catch the show yet though. Maybe I'll set her up. I've got a can of chili in the cupboard. (Which we also got from Benlee's parents) The reason why I bring this up, is because Darla is lying on the bed behind me. She just gave the grand finale of the show...only without the stairs. Can you get gas from jelly beans? Because she ate a whole bunch of them today. Jolly Rancher jelly beans to be exact. Just the grape ones were left. They're my least favorite. Darla likes them though! Too bad she doesn't smell like grapes...

I applied at Best Buy today. That would be fun! I think BJ and I would definitely enjoy the employee discount. Woot, woot! So many applications...so many high hopes.

RENT lovers! Kelly and I ventured to the post office the other day. We were so excited as we traveled down 7th street...we entered downtown Opelika and were absolutely ecstatic when we realized we were passing "Alphabet City" Oh, yes. Kelly laughed hysterically at me as I dodged traffic attempting to get a stellar picture of "Avenue A"...I don't think it worked all that well. We don't know how far into the alphabet the streets go, because we didn't go further than the post office.

"It was my luck day today, on Avenue A..." Ah, yes. BJ does such a grand imitation of Angel. You should all hear it sometime. Stupenda!

So anyway, about that YA fic series. The inner ramblings of some teenage girl. For those of you who read Downside...it would be like that, but with a completely different plot and completely different characters! But maybe I should keep Scarlett Calvin. That could be cool! Hmmm...I wonder. I like her. She would be me in highschool. I'd just write out my whole highschool life and change the names. Oh, that would be brilliant. I think I'll keep Jeremiah Bob. Because that's just HILARIOUS! Ooh...I'm getting excited.

Well, I guess I could ramble on and on about nothing forever...waiting for BJ to call so we can do our devotions for the night. I get to see him tomorrow! Can't wait!!! WEE! Can't help it, I love the guy! I really, really do. In his journal, he called me his future wife, and his gift from God. *sigh* I melted...just a little.

OOH! Sunnie IMed me! I miss my sissy. So I'm gonna end this now and talk to her. I love you guys! E-mail me! Send me mail! I love it all! BYE BYE!

ME

I just thought I'd post a little pic of the other love of my life, Cody. He's the absolute best doggie on the planet. He and I are BOTH in love with BJ. Seriously. Say "BJ" around Cody. I dare you! He goes nuts. My little 11 year old baby boy. That's 77 in doggie years. He's an old man that's finally starting to act like a puppy. I love that dog. Boy, do I love that dog.

Yo! So anyway. Weekends are good. Really good. I'm @ BJ's right now. He's still sleeping, for at least another 15 minutes. Then it's time to get ready for church! Yay! Anyway. I love BJ.

So. Friday night BJ was supposed to spend the night in Opelika, but was unable to make it. He showed up shortly after 8am instead on Saturday. We watched a little Alias, cuddled a bit, talked to Kelly...then we ate some lunch, watched a little more Alias, and then hit Target with Kelly and Benlee.

BJ bought Lois and Clark season 2, so we have to add that to our list. But I haven't told you about our list! I compiled an alphabetized list of all the "entertainment" BJ and I have. It's the master list of BJ and Corrie's entertainment library. Awesome! Wee!

Anyway. After Target we watched a little Smallville, and then headed on back to Montgomery. The Deans were gracious enough to let me do some laundry, and then BJ and I headed out to pick up some dinner for the family. (With a brief browsing stop at Wal-Mart.)

After dinner we caught up on devotions/scripture readings...which included reading 13 Bible chapters from 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel...and then a devotional as well. We fell a little behind in our Scripture reading. But now we're all caught up! We typically read 2-4 chapters a night...whatever the "read the Bible in a year" outline says.

We visited with Jake, Danielle, and Little Jack for a short while before heading off to bed.

Which brings us to today! Church soon, and Kelly will join us, and then BJ heads to work at 1. A simple weekend, but a fabulous weekend. I LOVE him so much. He makes me so happy...*sigh* Sometimes I feel overwhelmingly pathetic.

IN other news, a job should be finalized soon. So should other things methinks. BYE!

OH MY GOSH!!! MY MOM DIDN'T LIE! JOHNNY DEPP IS HER OTHER HUSBAND! AND I'M THEIR LOVECHILD!!!!

Your Daddy Is Johnny Depp

What You Call Him: Dada Why You Love Him: He takes you to church

Who's Your Daddy?

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

INTERESTING... I agree. At least I think I do. Do I? Am I popular?!? WEE! Well, I used to be...then I relocated. Hmm.


Word to your brother...and his friends. Speaking of brothers, I miss mine. He's fantastic. I miss his laugh, and his humor. He makes ME laugh, and I miss that too. BJ makes me laugh a lot though, so I'm not totally deprived. Laughter is the best medicine in so many situations.

So! What has happened this week thus far? Not too much. Kelly and I have been busy little bees job searching, unpacking, learning the neighborhood, stuff like that. Organization and re-organization can be really fun! No lie. Kelly has so many shoes. And I have more closet space! Oh, what a funny world.

BJ came by and surprised me AGAIN Monday night. I was so excited. I just light up whenever I see him, and I feel...good. Whole. I'm just so happy with him. Kelly and I watched Benlee and BJ put together an additional shelf, identical to the one I had assembled the day before. Let's just say they complicated it for themselves. I had to resist the urge to take over. I let the men be men. It sure was funny though.

After that, we did a little karaoke. It was hilarious. Moulin Rouge karaoke...need I say more? What a find that karaoke CD turned out to be. I has been the source of endless hours of entertainment. I discovered an old audio tape of Jamie and I singing all those songs...Kelly found it somewhat disturbing that Jamie and I were singing those songs to each other, what with the "We should be lovers..." yeah. Fun stuff. I think it's hilarious. Especially since it was back a ways, and Jamie was going through puberty, complete with the squeakies...priceless. Brilliant black mail if you ask me...except that Jamie doesn't get easily embarrassed. That sucks. I've got nothing.

After the karaoke, BJ and I viewed an old favorite of mine, "Sorority Boys". I saw it shortly after it left theaters originally, and have told BJ many many times that he would enjoy it. He did.

Toward the end of the movie, I couldn't really breathe. Every breath resulted in a sharp pain followed by a hacking cough. I coughed my throat to pieces, and locked myself in the bathroom to rinse out the blood. I had warned BJ about these episodes when he and I first started getting "close". He asked me awhile back what I would need him to do in case something like that happened.

There were times when I couldn't catch my breath. I was coughing so hard, that I was gasping for air, and didn't get enough before the next coughing attack would start. BJ was so calm, and did everything I had told him about beforehand. He soaked a rag with scalding hot water and put it over my mouth. The steam opened the air ways and moistened what needed to be moistened, and soon the coughing turned to gasping, which turned to labored breathing, which turned to wheezing, which turned to normal. It took awhile, but BJ was amazing. Usually it takes a lot longer to get one of those things under control. But that's because I usually do it myself. BJ had put me to bed, covered me up to stop the shaking, and then got the rag. He kept reheating it so that the airways didn't have time to block again. I know for certain it would have been a lot worse if he hadn't been there.

He had to drive home shortly after that. Let's just say it was a long night. He had gotten me through the worst, but boy was I tired the next day. I hate my lungs... I hate my problems. I hate cigarettes, but they're never gonna disappear completely. Second hand smoke kills, people! It kills PEOPLE! Especially people like me. Bah. It's just not fair.

ANYWAY. Life is pretty good. I'm glad Kelly is here. She's having a difficult time with some aspects of the move, but overall I think it was a good decision. Or maybe that's just the "I'm happy to have part of my family here!" part of me talking. It's nice to have family, that's for sure.

BJ told me awhile ago that his ex-girlfriend had told him that she didn't think anyone would ever be good enough for his family. I can definitely understand why she felt that way. I think she also said it was because everyone loves BJ so much. They really do. Everyone wants him around all the time. Which, as the girlfriend, can make you feel like a villain really fast. And whether they mean to or not, they resent you for taking him away. Becoming so important to him, that he puts you in the position of being a priority to him. I LOVE being in that position. And because BJ is so important to so many people, it makes me feel that much better that I am in fact on his radar, and a very important part of it. I could definitely feel the stresses, and hear the whispers. I was taking the golden boy away. They miss him, I miss him...it's never easy for anybody. But that's how life works. Children grow up and start their own lives, and parents hate it. That's how it's supposed to be. ESPECIALLY when said child is like BJ. Everybody loves BJ. (Especially me) It's not just his family, his friends too. He loves me, wants to spend time with me...and I become a bad guy. It's more intense because I'm here, and there's no chance for him to feel the sting from my friends and family. Sometimes I wish he could...someday he will. Bwa-ha-ha!

Anyway, it's all good though. The first girlfriend wasn't the one for BJ, they all say that. They all say I am. BJ's mom in particular wants him around the most, and even she has really embraced the fact that I'm his future, and he's my future. She told BJ that she's seen me take care of him, and I've shown a continuing willingness to ALWAYS take care of him, and that's what let her know for sure. That really made me happy.

My mom has had doubts about BJ since day one. Sometimes she'd say wonderful things, sometimes she'd say not wonderful things. Recently however, between her conversations with BJ, and the things she's heard from me...she says she's really excited about BJ, and knows for certain he's husband material. She knows he'll take good care of me. Kelly told mom about the breathing episode, and that made her really happy. Made me really happy too! No one has really helped me through one of those things before. I was quite sick, and still very happy to know that he was taking care of me. REALLY taking care of me. I love him so much.

So anyway. Monday night was good with only a little bit of scary. Tuesday I was still sick, but we went to Auburn University employment services, and what did they tell us to do? Well, they directed us to a computer and told us to apply online. Which I had already done. No one believes me when I tell them unless you want to work at a gas station or a restaurant, most jobs want you to apply online, or come in and apply on their in store terminal. Even Caribou makes people apply online now. Isn't that hilarious? Sad, but true. Unless you have connections, you have to connect with jobs via internet. Boo.

Wednesday, (yesterday) I woke up early and got ready for BJ to come over. He arrived sometime after 9am, and I made breakfast for BJ, Kelly and I. (pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs) We hung out and I gave BJ some presents from Kelly...(a digital camera, the Phantom of the Opera RED DEATH costume, and the Alias first season companion book, with bonus DVD) then we hit Target, Little Caesars (Only $5 for a large pepperoni pizza all day every day!) came home and watched "Envy", then watched some Alias, and then went out to a movie. What a grand, lazy day! I loved it. Then we came back, BJ and I did our devotionals and a scripture reading, then he had to drive home, and then I went to sleep.

Which brings us to today! And there's not much to write. So bye!

Another fantastic weekend with my love! I drove down there early Saturday morning, and we spent the day together. We brought his dad breakfast, we went shopping, we came home and watched 3 episodes of Alias! Then we went to meet his Daddy for an AA "chip" celebration dinner. I enjoyed the actual being there with BJ and his father part, and the hamburgers were good...but my lungs suffered somewhat. Okay, a lot. But I think it was worth if. 3 out of every five people were smoking, so there was a lot of second hand smoke around...and with all my lung/health issues, it was interesting. I concentrated on the breathing thing, and that way I didn't have a coughing attack or anything of that nature. ANYWAY!

After that, we went on back home and BJ installed he printer disk on his computer, and his (our) laptop. I was invited to spend the night, so yay! More time with BJ. Then we went to Jake's friend Les's house, and I watched the peeps play Halo for awhile. There were seven in all playing, and I was determined to figure out how the game worked. I watched, and I watched...and I failed. Ah, well. I am so NOT video game savvy it's almost laughable. Not almost...it is.

We went back home awhile later, around 12:30am. We went to bed when we got home. The next morning was up for church! We hit the 11 o'clock traditional service, and were joined by Kelly and Benlee. After that, BJ and I headed back home to squeeze in one more episode of Alias before Little Jack's birthday party. We were successful in our mission.

The party was adorable. Elmo was there. Granted, he was seven feet tall...he traumatized all the childred present, except for little Jack. It was so adorable! I met mroe relatives and extended relatives, and relatives through marriage, and family friends. It was a really enjoyable party. BJ and I had to leave early, because he had to work at 4.

I drove on back to Opelika. When Kelly got home we assembled some household furniture, and then headed out to the movie theater to catch the last showing of "She's The Man". I love that movie...might sound jouvenile, but first of all...it's modernized Shakespeare. SECOND...Amanda Bynes is hilarious. She just is. We watched her grow up on a screen, and I just love her! "I'm a bad a** hunky dude!" Got home, talked to BJ and did our scripture reading...*love him*

Last night before I headed out to the movie, BJ called to let me know he and Kris were gonna go bowling and talk for awhile. I was really happy to hear that. Kris may not want to have anything to do with me, but that's not how I feel about him. He's really important to BJ AND to me... but he doesn't believe me, he doesn't trust me...and I'm really sad about that. My dad has told me since I was little that not everyone in this world is going to like you, and you have to learn to deal with that. I just wish I had actually DONE something to make him feel that way. The unfortunate thing, is that that just isn't the case. It drives me crazy, because I can't fix it. I can't MAKE him like me. He would rather know, embrace, and believe in the version of me that he invisions...that person he's portrayed doesn't even exist.

BJ has decided not to keep Kris and I apart, and see each person separately. He told Kris he wants him to accept me, because "Corrie is THE ONE for me, and she's always going to be here..." But again, I live in Opelika. So technically Kris can see BJ anytime, and I probably wouldn't be there. I'm sure he's happy about that. I cherish and encourage Kris and BJ's friendship...I just wish I could be a part of it. Not the villian, or the enemy, or anything like that. I always said I didn't come between Kris and BJ...but I did. I really did. THe only thing is though...I didn't put me in the middle, Kris did. I'm trying to take myself out. But I don't want to be an outsider. ANYWAY! Enough of that. It's always the same inner argument. No one is listening except me.

Which brings us to today. I woke Kelly up at 9 am, and after my morning chat with BJ she and I went for a walk with the doggies. We came home, made some smoothies, and set to work on DVD organization, bathroom stuff...etc etc. Lots of moving things about. I guess I'll write more when I have more to write about!

Later!

C'est moi!

The move was successful. The apartment looks nice. There have been different...situations. Everything is pretty okay. I'm just glad she made it here safely. Darla has Cody again. Cody likes to pee on Darla. Just like old times.

I get to spend the majority of my weekend with BJ. Very nice... I love him so much. Tomorrow is his nephew/God son's birthday party. We went and bought him some Elmo DVDs today. I also picked up a baby shower gift for Joy.

Life is good. Life is interesting. BJ's computer has been repaired! I'm using it right now...and that's why I'm gonna go now. Because I'd rather be talking to him!

BYE!

Kelly arrives today. It will be good. BJ is coming over tonight. I can't wait! Last night there was really bad weather. I've never minded storms before, but...this time it was different. Seek shelter...not very comforting words when you're all by yourself. Cody was a nervous wreck. We survived.

I didn't get much sleep, but ah well. It will be my turn to fall asleep BEFORE BJ for once. I think he's going to have an interesting day today, after a conversation he's supposed to have. I hope it all goes well.

Last night he had a conversation that was not so good, but...hopefully that situation will get better too. I wish I could get rid of the problems I was born with, but unfortunately that's beyond my control.

I'm not making sense, and I don't have to! It's my journal, so ha!

Bye!

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Well, duh! I knew that already. But don't know about the DJ or dancer thing...ah, well!

Hello! I had a fantastic weekend. On top of that, Kelly gets here tomorrow, along with Darla! Cody gets his wife back. I wonder how he feels about that...hmmm...

ANYWAY! I think I will now tell you about my weekend. It was good. I had true uninhibited fun for the first time in a long time. So! BJ was here Thursday night, and then he left a little after 1pm on Friday. It was determined shortly after that, that I would drive to Montgomery Friday night instead of Saturday morning (because I was going to BJ's cousin's wedding with him on Saturday) so we got extra time together!

I got there a little after nine pm, and then BJ and I watched "What Lies Beneath" while dining on some pizza. HIs mom was on her way home from another wedding, BJ's dad and Lauren were visiting Jake, who had recently returned from Pakistan. So it was just the two of us for a little while.

We went to bed shortly after that. The next day, Saturday...we hit McDonald's for breakfast, and then whipped out Alias season 4. We watched about 3 episodes. Quality time with Sydney Bristow and friends. After that, we watched stuff about the Disney Cruise line on the travel channel. I loved pointing out all my favorite parts to BJ. He can't wait to go with me someday. I love that ship. I'm telling ya. It's fantastic. I can't wait to look out at the romantic sunset while standing on the boat deck and NOT be by myself, wishing BJ were there. It will be spectacular.

We then got ready for his cousin Misty's wedding. We took our time, and therefore barely made it to the wedding on time. It was a beautiful ceremony. I would sneek glances at BJ every once in awhile. I loved being there with him. BJ's mom was on my other side, and she leaned over and said "That's gonna be you two one day!" and she told me later she kept picturing that it was me and BJ. Cute! Can't wait.

The reception was beautiful, and tons of wonderful food. I talked bunches with his cousin Joy. She's so funny, and just so...I really like her. She has such a healthy attitude about every difficulty she is facing right now with her pregnancy. She's so strong. I really admire her.

Later on, I met the bride's father, Uncle Byron. I had spoken to him a few times on the phone, and he told me when he met me, he and I were going to dance together. He had heard so much about me, and how I was perfect for BJ, and how happy I had made him...so he wanted to dance with me. I met him the first time at the reception, and he gave me a hug and was holding onto my hands, and said "Finally. Welcome to Alabama! And welcome to the family. I'm so happy you're here. So happy!"

No dance there. I had mentioned to BJ 'I'm not dancing with him!'--but I didn't think he was serious in the first place. Pretty soon after that, people were filtering out. BJ was expressing his disappointment that the bride and groom had not tossed the bouquet/garter. He had wanted he and I to catch them. He told his mom that, and she grinned and was like "Does that mean you want to be the next to be married?" and he just grinned and put his arm around me.

Shortly after that, I was standing next to Debra and uncle Byron. BJ went to go talk to his aunt Diane. Suddenly Uncle Byron handed his punch glass to Debra, and turned toward me. He put one arm around my waist, and we were suddenly dancing. "Let's see how Miss Minnesota can move!" I laughed, and the wedding photographer started snapping pictures. "Smooth!" said Uncle Byron. It was so cute.

We went home shortly after that. I was in such a goofy mood. BJ and I were in his room, and Debra came in and asked BJ if he could write her a blank check for groceries. He said that would be like suicide. She told him he would be paid back, and that he could tell her how much she would be able to spend. I was so out of it. I said "Five dollars. You can buy butter. And you can buy milk. And you can make...buttermilk." We all laughed about it a little too long, and a little too hard.

BJ and I drove to the ATM to give his mom cash instead. Then he and I went to Lifeway (A Christian store) and had fun picking things out for our future home. We're both excited about the "lighthouse room". Yes! We spent about an hour in there I think. Then we went to Books-A-Million for a little bit. After that, we headed to the movie theater. YES!

We saw "She's The Man" a modernization of Shakespeare's 'Twelfth Night' starring Amanda Bynes. It was hilarious! BJ and I really enjoyed it. After that, home again. We watched one of my silly home videos. BJ fell asleep, so I 'put him to bed' and then camped out on the couch.

Sunday morning, BJ came in and woke me up around 8am for church. We both woke up on the couch a couple hours later. Hahaha! Sadly, we missed church. We woke up and caught up on devotionals after eating some breakfast. Then we ran a couple errands for Mom, picking up some complimentary Zaxby's on the way home. We ate lunch, and then BJ was off to work, and I was off to Opelika.

Sounds like a simple weekend, but it was one of the best of my life. I'm so happy to be happy. I love you, BJ.

BYE!

Your Irish Name Is...

Isobel O'Neill

What's your Irish Name?

Cool! I didn't know I could do those things in here! But I never really tried. Happy Birthday Jamison! You're the best little brother I've ever had!!

In other news, life is grand. God has been working so much in my life, and it all seemed to become clear in one day. I've been having a lot of doubts and fears lately about a lot of things, and with God's help, I figured out what everything was stemming from. It's so funny how everything can become so CLEAR so FAST!

BJ came over last night, and it was just...*sigh*. There was no tension, no things left unsaid, everything was out in the open...and the "problems" I thought were there before were so insignificant. I had mentioned in here earlier that something has changed in our relationship and I couldn't figure out what it was. Well, with God's help I did. Everything feels so good now. SO GOOD!

I know I sound a little cryptic, but I don't think I could properly explain what I mean if I wanted to. Just know that I'm happy now. FINALLY! I'm always happy to be with BJ...but now I'm happy inside and out, and that's a huge deal to me. I kept getting teary eyed last night...out of pure joy. I just couldn't believe how easy it all was. I finally accomplished something that I've always had trouble with. I let go and let GOD. I needed to do it a long time ago, but I was so so so scared of everything. Blaming anything and everyone for any minor detail that may assist me in my pity party. Just like the commercials say...depression hurts everyone. I'm so glad it's over.

I think I'm going to leave it at that now. I'm really starting to embrace the fact that I didn't leave my life behind, I just decided to start another one. A good one! Time to start living it.

I AM SO IN LOVE! And finally I can just nestle up with that fact and get cozy. I'm not scared anymore. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, thank you! Last night also, real quick I must say...BJ and I experienced an awesome little exchange of
dialogue". Primarily BJ...so you should click on the link to the right and read his latest journal entry.

I love you all! Write me a letter! ...please?

ME!