Well, Minnesota became the only option. We leave Monday the 22nd, in 2 cars. Kelly actually got her old job back in Connecticut. She's real excited about that. I don't know where I'll end up as far as work goes, but it will probably be coffee related.

This is going to be so hard. I'm really scared, actually. Scared of BJ and I growing apart. Our lives have been combined since January, and we've treasured every moment. Now they have to go back to being separate. Distance is one of the hardest obstacles in any situation. So many barriers. I don't want to lose him.

BJ says he wants to move to Minnesota. We'll see if that happens. If he does, it won't be for at least a year. I can't say I haven't often considered the whole "It's his turn to make the sacrifice" thing. I'm not keeping tabs like he is. He thinks I do too much for him, but I don't see it that way. He's done SO MUCH for me! And I just feel so blessed to have him in the first place. We're not uneven. Neither does more for one than the other. That's just crazy talk.

My body hates me right now. Sadness makes you tired, and happiness gives you energy. The majority of me is so sad about leaving everything and everyone here, and yet part of me is excited to go home. My body can't decide which one to go with, so I just feel disgusting, and sick. Goofy depressed! A lot of the same old problems will be waiting for me at home when I get there, but I think being away has given me a new perspective on how to handle them. No matter how many problems I have with my mom, or how much I hate working coffee sometimes, home is home.

I was watching "Where The Heart Is" today, and Stockard Channing's character said something great. "Home is where your history begins. Home is where they catch you when you fall." And it's true. That's why I'm going there. Home is usually the first thing you think of, but the last thing you want to admit to wanting when you have nowhere else to go. I wish I could stay with BJ. I wish BJ could pack up his life and leave...but I wouldn't let him do that. He has one year of school left. One year. He loves it in Minnesota. He'll love to live there one day too. Not forever, but for awhile.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Keep Kelly and I in your prayers. Thanks to amazing help from 2 glorious friends (Steph and Carolyn) Kelly and I will be able to make it home. We're renting a second car, and driving separately/together. That means we'll each have to drive straight through without alternating with someone else, which MIGHT kill us. I'm terrified. Please keep us in your prayers.

I'll let you know how it all came out. Until then,

BYE

ME

We met Charlie Kendall today. He was the man who said he would help us at Frazer. Today he told us there's nothing he can do, because we're not working full time in Montgomery. Same cycle, right? You're probably tired of hearing me complain about it. But now it's become abundantly clear that we can't even afford to go back to Minnesota. Going back home is now only a fantasy instead of an option. We're REALLY stuck.

At first I dramatized it in my mind. "It's this or die.." But...now it's real. It's really real now. I don't know what to do. I want to stay with BJ. I want it so bad... but maybe that's the problem. I never get what I want.

After leaving Charlie's office in tears, I went to borrow BJ's house key so I could use his computer. Then I e-mailed Charlie, and the Frazer webmaster, whatever that does. For those of you who want to know, here's what I said:

Mister Kendall and others,

Mister Kendall, thank you for taking the time to meet with my sister and I today. I appreciate, though don't completely agree with everything you said.

As you know, my sister and I will no longer be living in Opelika come Sunday, May 21st. I realize you may think this situation is our own fault. We trusted the wrong person. Like you said, Mister Kendall...even the Bible illustrates how men can't even trust their own brothers. I have been lead astray by many paths of broken trusts. I have a huge problem with trusting people, Mister Kendall. Even you. I apologize.

We are in a dangerous situation, and have been trying to get out of it. We tried ourselves, but are completely isolated from everything and everyone we know. That's why I reached out to Frazer. What better place to go for help? One major goal of a church, in my understanding, has always been to show the love of God to those who may not have recognized and accepted it before. That is why I turned to all of you.

We can't stay where we are, and now the 2 week limit (which is now down to 12 days) has been set. We have nowhere to go. You originally said you would help us find a place to live, but then told me over a week later that Frazer has a committee, and the committee has rules, and one of them is that you must be working full time in order to recieve financial assistance. Then we found ourselves yet again in that maddening cycle. We NEED to get to Montgomery. We can't find a study job without a place to live, and we can't find a place to live without a study job. We have no friends. We have no family. We have no one else to turn to. So I all but begged a church with seemingly endless amounts of resources to help me out. You said you've done all you can do. I understand.

You reminded us again that there is a specific group of people who have been overlooked by the city of Montgomery. Those who work full time, and still cannot afford to live comfortably. Whether or not you intended to, you were insinuating that my sister and I were not working, or not trying to better our own situation. That is extremely far from the truth. I, like millions of others have led a very difficult life. I never ask for help until I run out of every single option. I am a proud person.

I'm 22 years old, and I was the head of a huge drama program at the age of 19. I am skilled. I am intelligent. This wasn't supposed to be me. I wasn't supposed to be begging other people for hand outs. When I was a junior in high school and my mom was dying, everyone I had ever known came out of the woodwork to help me. I became a mother to my siblings at 16 years old. I was my brother's legal guardian. People brought food, and gave money. We had nothing. The medical bills all but bled us dry. I know people help people. I've experienced that miracle. I've just never had to ask for it before.

Mister Kendall, I'm tired. Maybe I was never supposed to be here in the first place. I don't have wood work here. I have nothing. I don't have my friends, or my family... and none of them could help me anyway. I am in a foreign land, and I'm terrified.

I realize your church that I wanted so badly to be a permanent part of does not offer assistance to "people like me". But do they offer assistance to the homeless? As of the 21st, that's what I am. I can't keep knocking on doors. I'm exhausted. I feel like a failure. I'm the reason my sister moved here, and now I've trapped her, and made her life miserable. She's four years older than me, but because I got her into this, she expects me to get her out, and I've tried, tried, and failed. Now we're living a nightmare. I feel so guilty. If not me, can you please help HER? This is my fault. This is all my fault...

I have one final question. Are there any jobs within the church? I will do anything. I'll scrape gum off of tables, I'll file papers, I'll sing, I'll dance, I'll act, I'll direct, I'll shine shoes. If I work for Frazer, would they help me then? Trade one service for another?

I don't know what else to do. I'm out of ideas. Mister Kendall, it's gotten to the point where I wish I could give up and go home. But I can't afford to go home anymore. I haven't got the money to do it. I'm lost, and I'm trapped, and I'm scared... and I keep praying for a solution. I really honestly sincerely thought Frazer was it, that they could help.

You told us to go on Welfare. We don't live here, they can't help us. As of the 21st, we don't live anywhere. Not only that, but Welfare doesn't give you a place to live. So forgive me, but that is the most unrealistic solution I've heard yet.

If nothing else, please keep praying for us. I realize you hear a thousand pleas for help a day... but this is the only one I've ever really made.

Sincerely,
Corrien E. Killmer


Okay God. I'm about ready for that window you're gonna open. The door slammed shut.

Well, not good news time. I feel defeated. I don't know where to go from here. Allow me to explain:

I have loved my time here with BJ, his friends, and his family. I wanted to believe this is where I was supposed to be. Three weeks before I moved, the place I was supposed to stay fell through, so I moved in with his family instead. I tried and tried to find a job, and nothing happened. I was viewed as lazy by most of his family, and that's simply because they had no idea. Nothing was working.

Benlee came along and seemed to be a Godsend. Too bad he wasn't. I moved to Opelika so he could be with Kelly, and that ended up worse than bad. He's now given us 13 days to be out. If he intended to shock us, he failed. We had been planning on leaving for weeks. All he accomplished was eliminating the guilt we have have felt in leaving in the first place. He owns this apartment, so it's his. Plain and simple. We'll gladly leave. If only we had somewhere to go...

Originally Frazer sounded so promising as far as helping us out goes. They told me they'd find an apartment for us, pay the deposits and the first months rent. It seemed to be another Godsend! Wrong again? I think so. I got a phone call today saying that we don't exactly qualify for their charity. In order to recieve financial assistance from them, you need to be working full time. Which leads us to the unbearable cycle yet again.

YOU CAN'T FIND A JOB SOMEWHERE AN HOUR AWAY FROM YOUR CURRENT LOCATION, UNLESS YOU HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE! YOU CAN'T FIND A PLACE TO LIVE UNLESS YOU HAVE A NEARBY STUDY JOB! Yes, thanks for telling me AGAIN!

We are out of money, we are out of resources. We can't afford to drive to and from Montgomery to make money we would have to use on gas to get to and from Montgomery. And in less than 2 weeks, we won't have anywhere to go to and from...from. We have tried and tried and failed and failed in the job department.

Nothing has worked out since I got here. The only thing that's so amazingly wonderful, is being with BJ. We've grown so much, and discovered so much more about each other. We've made it through a lot. A LOT. Lots of obstacles. And now we're stronger, and better prepared to face what's next. So if nothing else, I may have been here just to be able to grow and learn along side him. Through our daily devotions and discussions, we've become pretty solid. Moving away from him will darn near kill me, but not completely. It's going to hurt. A LOT... but if that's what I have to do... we'll survive.

It comes down to this. Unless I have found a SOLID job, and a SOLID (not temporary) place to live within 2 weeks, I'm out. I'm moving, yes... but back up North. BJ and I can make it through the distance, we've done it before. We know we're supposed to be together, but maybe not in person, maybe not in Alabama.

In August, I would begin my never seeing BJ anyway. With work, and school, it's been a long time fear that I would only be a distraction. Maybe I was only here for the here and now, I don't know. I don't regret it, not in the slightest. It wasn't a long vacation, like Debra likes to call it. It was work. Hard work. If my time is done here for now, it will be made clear in less than 2 weeks time.

Kelly and I have things to discuss, I'm sure. We're already talking about how we could afford a U-Haul to get our lives back to MN. We have pretty definite jobs if we did go back, back to the Bou. Can't say that I exactly WANT to do that, but...hey. I'm a legend there, and I'm good at it. We'll see what we see.

That's the update for now. I'm sure some of you out there are made happy by this development, either you want me back in MN, or other may want me out of AL. HAHA! It doesn't matter. It's God's plan, not mine. I have to figure out what it is and follow it.

Over and out.

Me

Time for good stuff. I waited until I could upload the pictures before I talked about this. WEE! Well, when I was around 14 years old, I set a certain goal for myself. Oh, yes. I said I HAD to do this before I died. What's that, you ask? Why... meet my favorite celebrity, of course! At that time, there were two. But surely surely, one was replaced with the other. (Even though I loved them both.)

LONG story shorter. When I was 7 years old, Kelly was in love with Jonathan Brandis. Not wanting to be alone in her teenage obsessions, she assigned my sisters and I our own celebrity to be in love with. Candace was assigned Jeremy Jordan, and Sunnie was assigned Eddy Furlong. No one knows who those people are now. I was fortunate enough to have been assigned Leonardo DiCaprio. It was an arranged love, and I fell into it happily. We had a long term commitment, Leo and I. ESPECIALLY in 8th grade, after Titanic came out. I had loved him since Growing Pains, so I could say he was mine first, but I shared him with my pals.

Towards the end of junior high/beginning of high school... I found another love. He was so good looking, talented, a SINGER, and a Christian. He was a Backstreet Boy, and his name was Brian Littrell. Leo was replaced in my room little by little, but never erased. He remains visible in my room to this day in some degree. I knew meeting Leo would never happened, so I set a "Before I Die" goal, to meet Brian Littrell.

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006 I accomplished that goal. WEE! BJ, Kelly and I drove to Buford Georgia, to a Lifeway Christian Bookstore. We got there what would have been way too late if he had been appearing back home at TMOA. We waited for a little over 2 hours. We entertained ourselves by joking about our new favorite artist. Here is a sample of his work:



That is one of his better ones. It's entitled "Three Wise Men". I will include more of his work, since he makes me laugh. (He was almost on Flight 93 on 9/11, except that he wasn't. Not even close to almost! Now all he has is his art to show his pain. Bless you, Daniel Belardinelli. You are so entertaining! In a bad way!)

So then we met Brian! Here is my proof. The first picture is cute, and the second is classic Brian!






So now I have done it! I have accomplished my goal. Brian put out a spectacular CHRISTIAN CD, (check it out!) and we actually attended his release party. Cool, huh? *sigh* It was a great day, and I experienced it with the two best people possible. And the three of us were so entertaining, I gotta tell ya. We were hilarious. Especially when I tried to teach BJ to change his shirt in public, like a girl. (Put one shirt on over the other one, and then pull your arms in through both, then put them out through the one on top, and pull the shirt underneath out through the neck hole of the one on top) Confusing? Yeah, it was for BJ too. But the girls in the line got a kick out of it!

So that's my update for now. It was a great day. Later taters!

ME!

*Side note before the following: I would say don't hold me accountable for anything below, but it's in the wee hours of the morning when you're most honest. I just wish my honesty always made sense. Please ______, (fill in the blank) don't confront me about any of this. That wouldn't be fair, and I'll just ignore you. Just so you know. Feel free to comment, and enjoy the show. It's late/early, and I'm still awake. Time to be crazy.



Let it out. Get it out. It's 4:30 in the morning, and I find myself in the same position as last night, the night before that, the night before that, the night before that...

So many broken promises, too numerous to count. You try to find your way around, depression seems to mount..

Ah, yes. Fighting, falling, failing. Getting swallowed by another complete circle. LET ME OUT! What's that? You can't hear me? But I've already repeated it so many times. I'm too tired now.

What do you do about the past? What about the pasts that don't belong to you? Those are just as difficult. Sweep away, sweep away, there before but gone today.

Disappear reappear. Leave me alone! I don't care if you're all on your own.

What am I supposed to do now? Fix the world? That would be interesting. I'll snap my fingers, bob my head, keep up appearances, drive away dread.

DON'T FORGET TO SMILE!

Before you slip further away into debt, remember what it felt like. What's that? Freedom. Now it's laughing at you, taunting you. La, la, la, la! Yes, hear the lovely melody. You won't forget it.

There are worse things, of course. Sometimes life makes perfect sense. And THEN what do you do? It's not a whole lot of nothing today. It's barrels of somethings. Somethings that don't make sense together. It's a bad combination. Pity those who get something from that barrel on their plate. Pity. Witty pity.

I don't have to make sense today. I have the right to be psychotic. Check my license. I'm an authorized maniac. WATCH OUT! Oh, too late. You've been hit. Soon to be discarded by my ever present wit!

Shhh, don't give away your secrets. Soon they'll all think you're insane! But wait, how is that now? You've got the perfect brain. A prize specimen indeed! Frankenstein would be most pleased. Except for that part there, and there, and there... hmm. Everywhere. Mayhaps we disagree. Excuse me...

Are you confused? Oh, you readers out in space. It's okay. If you understood, I'd recommend so many things. Don't worry, I'll leave a trace. Of what? Oh, sanity. It's gone from time to time. but it will return! Along with all things sublime.

What do you do when you hit the bottom? Bounce back! Bounce back! What rhymes with bottom? Autumn? That's a nice time of year, but not here. I'm told the leaves don't even change. That's strange.

Are you okay? You're asking me. Of course! You know? I'm fine. Too often lacking distractions from a destructive state of mind.

Did you know my greatest wish, is to be loved and then be missed?

Don't critique my ramblings, don't ask me to explain. Don't tell me "Corrie, talk to me" don't analyze my brain.

So many things have gone wrong. So many interrupted songs. I'm trying hard to be me, but sometimes I don't know which "me" to be. I wish I made everyone happy, myself included. Sometimes I feel I found a dream, yet I somehow intruded.

It seems it's not MY dream...

But it has to be. My life. Yep, I'm still here. What is it that I fear? Waking up. Oh, yes. But it's not a dream, it's true. You know how I know? Because I'm me. You're you.

WAKE UP AND GO TO SLEEP!

My brain is too full. I need a lull in activity. Wallow in my misery and close my eyes, wake up surprised to find it all to be illusion, an intrusion in my own imperfect world. DELUSIONAL. Confusional...

I used to be a writer. Now I'm just a fighter. Not of any good cause, just fighting myself from day to day, trying my best to find the way.

I'm not alone, not at all. I know that. I know the way, to HIM I pray. He makes it all make sense. But the truth, my head ferments. Rotten truths turn into lies, and friends to spies. Sad, really. Silly!

Once again, don't ask me to explain. It's probably just a game. I say a lot of words, but only noise is being heard. I know, I know. Don't worry. I'll wake up anew, with YOU. No more sick, no more pain, no more worries, no more brain. Wouldn't THAT be insane? No. Nice... a break from boring, mundane.

We'll figure it out, God and I. He's a great guy. He laughs when I feel abandoned, and then he feels hurt that I felt that way in the first place. Now I understand. In the second place.

Crazy, lazy, dazy. Take your pick. Ooey, gooey good, it's thick. What's that? Oh, life. Trudge on through. It's at certain points the stickiest glue. Be careful! Whoops. There goes your shoe. (It's stuck... now what do you do?) Get some new shoes. The ones with the really good traction. ACTION! Take two.

Okay, this is getting lame, it's all the same. I know, I'll go. But first, let's rehearse.

Act One, scene... first. Let's Go! Get on with the show.

"Ahem, good morning friends! How are you today? Splendid? Splendid!"

Ended.

Monday morning report... BJ's truck was broken into last night. The passenger window was smashed in, glass everywhere. They took his CD player, and his entire CD collection, about 120 CDs. Instead of getting angry, he was just grateful he had taken the laptop into the house already, and they didn't take his French Horn. That thing cost more than his truck anyway, and he would never be able to afford another one.

I feel really bad about it, but BJ handles things like this so graciously. If nothing else, he hopes they listen to his CDs. They're 90% Christian artists, so mayhaps he started an unintentional ministry. That would be cool.

SO! If anyone has any CDs they think BJ might like, or can burn copies of CDs he used to have, that would be awesome. I would not be above posting a complete list of what he had. I wish I had the CDs he had so I could make him copies. The only ones he and I both had, were a few movie soundtracks, (RENT in particular) and RJ Helton. He lost all his favorites though. All his Third Day, Mercy Me, WOW CDs... etc etc.

His truck was parked in the street. So was my car, but I'm guessing Kelly's copies of the Evita soundtrack, and the Aida soundtrack scared them off. Who wants to steal showtunes? Nah. Definite deterrent.

So that's the update for now. Hope all is well with you and yours. BYE!

ME!!

Super Cody!


YO! Things have been going pretty okay. Time for the weekend update! Thursday night, BJ came up to stay in Opelika. We watched "Into The Woods" and ate Korean chicken curry stew. (thank you, Kelly! Yum yum!) After that, BJ and I attempted yet again to watch "Dark Angel"... but he fell asleep. Kelly stayed up late watching Alias in the living room, so BJ took my bed instead of the couch, and Cody and I camped out on the floor.

The next morning I got up way too early. I wanted to make breakfast for BJ, but we didn't have any eggs for pancakes. It was then I found a mix Uncle Randy had given us for "Just add water pancake mix". I made pancakes, and we ate them. After breakfast were showers and random silliness.

We headed to the movie theater after that to see "United 93", the movie about the flight on 9/11 that the passengers took over. It was well done, and left the audience in silence afterward.

After that we headed back to the apartment for a throw together lunch. It was yummy though! Then BJ and I headed to Montgomery. And just like every other weekend, we did a lot of nothing. Talking, sitting around, goofing off, making each other laugh. BJ does one mean elephant impression. (Poor, poor screaming child) Then we watched an episode of Smallville that we had missed. Shortly after that we fell asleep.

The next day, BJ and I sat around and whispered "sweet nothings, more sweet nothings, and even more sweet nothings..." until he had to go to work. Then I hug out with Debra and Jack for quite awhile, while uploading a bunch of songs onto the laptop for BJ. He came home at 3 for a quick break and scarfed down a Totino's party pizza.

That night we picked up San Marcos and watched old home videos of little BJ, and Lauren as a baby. Then BJ and I caught up on devotions, then watched one last episode of Smallville that we hadn't seen. Then it was bed time again!

This morning was up and off to church for the 9:30 traditional, and staying until BJ was done playing for the 11. After church we watched a 9/11 special about people who had missed Flight 93 by some strange twist of fate, and were supposed to be on it. One guy was absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure Kelly will write something about him in her journal. It was supposed to be serious, but we were hysterical.

After that, we headed to Arby's, and then the movie theater again (This time with Lauren in tow) to catch the new movie "Stick It". It was really good! The lead actress was hilarious. I enjoyed it. Then we came back, and watched more 9/11 stuff, finishing up with the A&E movie "Flight 93", which focused more on the emotional side, and the families of the passengers.

Now here we are, doing a whole lot of nothing yet again. Blah Blah Blah! So I'm gonna end this here! WEE! Bye!

You Are 19% Selfish

In other words, you're a warm, caring considerate person. Just make sure to get your way sometimes. There's a fine line between unselfish and pushover.

How Selfish Are You?

Huh...I guess I agree


Sometimes I get so tired of dogs. Darla eats everything. This morning she ate a popcorn bag. Not a bag of popcorn, just the bag the popcorn was popped in. She tears it to shreds and leaves a trail. Any food wrapper she can find, any and all bathroom trash can items (her favorites being used sanitary napkins) her own waste...it's just gross! Need I remind my readers that Darla ate her CHILDREN from her second litter of puppies? After hearing that crunch crunch, I shall never be the same.

BJ is coming to visit tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that. We both get in these moods when we feel like we've been away for a really really long time. It's strange, yet true. There's a lot of stuff going on right now, lots of questions floating around in my head. Needless to say there are the money issues. Like how the crap am I going to scrape together this months' car payment? Eekers! Gas money is...non-existent. Nikki comes to visit on the 9th, and I have to figure out how I'm going to pick her up from the airport. I have no idea. NO idea. Birmingham is 2 and 1/2 hours away from here. It has to happen though. I NEED to see her. I NEED it.

So anyway. I really don't have anything to do but complain right now, so I'm just gonna quit now. Sorry and all that. I want to crawl into a hole and hide. Sound good? Splendid.

Bye Bye

Oh my I almost forgot! My Nikki is coming! My Nickleby! She's coming May 9th through the 13th, and I can't WAIT! I'm so excited. I just hope I have enough money to go get her. She's flying into Birmingham, which is 2 1/2 hours away from where I am. But it will be worth it. I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't WAIT! And that picture above is from her Semester at Sea livejournal, I didn't have another one, but... if you don't know her, you should! She's one of the BEST people you will ever know. I'll introduce you! Just say the word.


Anyway, there's another long, really long, did I say long? There's an entry below this... *cough* continue...

My goodness. I am sleepy. Guess what time it is? WEEKEND RECAP! WEE!!! Oh, it was grand, grand grand. So, like I said... Thursday I arrived in Montgomery for Debra's birthday. I had crocheted her a purse (With Kelly's assembly help) and threw a few odds and ends into it to complete the gift. We went to San Marcos, I had never been there... but I was sorta not feeling 100% anyway. The journal thang was kinda bugging me, but I fixed that. (I think I hope)

Anyway! After dinner we went to Movie Gallery, and then BJ headed to Wal-Mart. Still wasn't feeling too great. BJ knows why... we left Wal-Mart and then went on back to the house. Kelly called shortly after that. We had planned to go to La Vergne Tennessee Sunday with Benlee, to visit Randy, Jackie, Melissa, Joey, and Melody. HOWEVER... Kelly and Benlee broke up. He cancelled the trip.

Kelly was upset when she called, relaying a lot of the conversation to me, and things that were said about some people very near and dear to me. I was really...upset. When she mentioned the cancellation of the trip, I started to cry. I have been going through serious family withdrawal. I couldn't WAIT to see them! Not only that, but Randy is the relative who has seen Grandpa most recently. I wanted to hear how he was REALLY doing. Grandpa always says "Oh, I'm all right." I was sitting outside the house on a lawn chair just sobbing my eyes out. BJ came out and wrapped his arms around me. That's when the house of cards collapsed.

Everything caught up with me at once. I wanted to not be alone here so badly, I feel like Kelly being unhappy with her situation is all my fault! Then thinking about all the other little snowflakes turned into a snowball really, really fast, and it just kept growing. Thank you GOD FOR BJ!!!!! I can't say it enough.

BJ is so gifted, and so grounded, and so in tune with God. I am in awe of him more often than not. He does what others are afraid to do, and he says what needs to be said. He's humble, and he will admit to his own mistakes before ever pointing out somebody else's. Sometimes people don't know how to percieve him. Well, that's okay. BJ is patient. He doesn't disappear.

He's had many opportunities to disappear out of my life, but he hasn't. I love him so much. Lauren came out to check on me, so I started to walk quickly down the street, box of kleenex in hand. BJ caught up, running behind me in his sox. There was lightning around us, but it was okay. God carefully guided BJ to say what he knew I needed to hear. Sometimes I'm convinced he's an angel.

Eventually I calmed down, and we went back to the house. We talked awhile longer, and then explained the whole situation to Debra, who had been worried about me. We talked with her for quite awhile. Then BJ and I both made a journal entry. Eventually we went to bed. The next day, BJ was off! We woke up and did bunches of nothing yet again. We did our devotions, we made some phone calls... BJ got to talk to my Grandpa. (So did I) He couldn't talk long, he was very weak. It was so good to hear his voice. BJ is convinced Grandpa is going to hold out for awhile, until we get the chance to see him. Grandpa told me I have a jewel in BJ, and he's so proud of me for finding someone so wonderful. He said it made him so happy to know that his little Corrie was going to be well taken care of. I cried, I cried, and I cried. And there of course was my Knight (no longer in training...he's a true graduate!) wiping away my tears.

Honestly the day was kind of a blur. The night before had been so yucky, so I was just enjoying being with him. We took a nap somewhere in there, went to McDonald's, went back to the house, watched a movie. (Joseph, King of Dreams) and then I got ready to leave, but Jack and Debra wanted me to stay. They were afraid I would drive right into a thunder storm. I didn't object!

Saturday BJ went to work at noon. I accompanied the family to Kasi's 5th birthday party. To be honest, I had gotten my period the day before, and was feeling somewhat anti-social. But I was still oh so fun! It's true. And Kasi...she's just too cute. You can't not love that little girl.

After the party I took Lauren and Joni home with me to Opelika. They really wanted to meet Darla, and they really wanted to see the apartment. We hung out for a few hours, and then took Kelly with us back to Montgomery. Thursday night when I was all upset, BJ said "We're going to Tennessee on Sunday no matter what." I argued that we couldn't afford it, but he said too bad, he would take care of it, and I had nothing to worry about. He kept his promise.

We left at 5:30 the following morning, so we would make it in time for Randy's service. It was an AMAZING sermon, and I was so glad BJ got to be there. I always get excited when I see him interact with my family, and... I just can't even describe how happy I was being there. I haven't felt that way in a long time. There were so many incredible moments. BJ said it best when he said if you're not different when you leave a church service, something is wrong. We were all different when we left that church service. In a GRAND way!

After church it was back to the Berg's for Jim n' Nick's. Melissa and Joey joined us, and the fun began! It was hilarious. We hung out for hours, and soon it was too late to drive home, so we stayed. BJ and Randy had male bonding time with themselves...and Steven Segal. I gotta say it was fun listening to their man giggles from down the hall.

While there, I saw a pack of pics from Randy's trip to visit Grandpa. I barely recognized him in the pictures. He looked so old, so frail, so tiny, so sick. He didn't look like the man who would sing Elvis songs and play the guitar and bring us illegal fireworks. He was in a wheel chair, and had an oxygen tube under his nose. He looked so sick. So sick... so sad. My chin was wobbly, but I know he'll be through with it soon.

We left at 6am the next morning, and then drove back to Montgomery. BJ headed off to work at noon, and then Kelly accompanied me to the "woman's doctor" shortly after that. Kris's mom Carolyn was amazing in helping me fix this part of my drama. She actually went to high school with this doctor man, and she called them and set up a payment plan, since I don't have insurance. BJ is paying for it, and I am just so blessed. There are so many wonderful people in this world. I had to GO to the doc because I have to take BC to regulate my womanly monthly funly stuff. My previous health care provider wouldn't give me anymore without an exam (because I didn't have one at age 21 like you're supposed to) and so I had no standing prescription. Then I ran out of everything else...ANYWAY.

I had the ultra fun pelvic exam, and the doc asked me "So, why did you stop taking the pills? (I've been off for two months) Did you just run out, or did you stop for another reason?" (He asks as he has his hands up you know where....) For some strange reason, the following response had both he and his nurse in stitches. Kelly heard the laughter erupt from the lobby. (She figured it must have been my fault. I tend to entertain when at all uncomfortable.) Propped up on total display I answered cheerfully "Oh, I ran out. I ran out of pills, I ran out of money, and I ran out of insurance." I was just telling the truth, but they were hysterical! Maybe they were just really bored. They laughed a lot. The nurse told me I have great humor, and asked if the Minnesota cold makes you witty. I think that's quite possible. Quite.

Anyway, he gave me a three month supply of BC for absolutely free, and then told me to call if I need anymore. I was doing a happy dance, I was so thrilled. One crisis taken care of! God WILL figure it all out, and he will use amazing people to help reveal his plan. (Like CAROLYN! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!)

After that, went to BJ's to visit him since he was conveniently on his lunch break. He went back to work, then we hung out with the fam for awhile before heading back to Opelika. Now here I am! And my butt is sore from sitting here...and I am oh so tired. I think I will go fall over dead now.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my heavenly weekend. I fear I was spoiled. I know I was...can't wait for a repeat.

Peace out, yo.

ME

My, how things change.

There's so much going on right now, but I just can't write it down. We'll get to some things later, I'm sure. Right now, however, there's something I'd like to address. I drove to Montgomery today to visit BJ's family for Debra's birthday. When I got here, BJ told me he had a visit at Oaktree. The visit was from Laura's mother. Apparently Laura DOES read my journal, and was offended by an earlier entry. She showed the entry to her mother, who went to speak to BJ on Laura's behalf. So...

To Laura (and her Mother) --

First of all, I really was unaware that Laura read this journal. To be quite honest, I can't help but wonder why. Then I put myself in her place, and yes...I would be curious too. I am sorry if you were offended by what I wrote. I almost wish you had known me at the time I started this journal. Throughout my life, I have hidden away things rather than say them out loud. I was quiet, shy... soft spoken. I never said anything to anybody. When I started this journal, I made a vow that I would never do that again. I warned people that if they didn't know what was going on in my head, that they really shouldn't read it. It's my JOURNAL... I write about my life, and what's good and bad within it at a certain moment in time. I know you never encountered my dramatic warning, but that's me nonetheless.

When I first met BJ, he told me about your relationship. As our relationship has continued, I've learned more and more. Sometimes more than I think I would like to know. A lot of it has been hard to handle. I had a lot of things swimming around in my head. Everything I've given to BJ has been a first for me. Whereas everything he's given to me has been a second. He says it doesn't feel that way to him, but hopefully you can understand where I'm coming from.

In the entry that offended you I mentioned that I didn't know you personally. I only have what his friends and family have told me to go by. I understand that this is not fair to you. Of course they're going to say things about me to make me look better. I'm here NOW... it's nice to hear, I admit it... but that doesn't exactly mean it's true. I know you had a lot of wonderful times with BJ and his family. Sometimes I wish they really were ALL bad...but I know that's not the case.

Laura, I am jealous of you. You got a lot of firsts from BJ that I'll never have. Sometimes I feel threatened for no good reason. I've struggled with it a lot. Especially after what Kris said in BJ's journal. Being me and having experienced my life and all its drama (believe me... you don't want to know... ) I thought maybe you still wanted to be with BJ, and that statement would give you the "green light" so to speak, to go for it. I know you never gave any indication of that whatsoever, and I've never even communicated with you... but being completely isolated from anything and everything I've ever known has really turned me into a nutcase (at times...)

I want you to know I respect you and your history with BJ. I know a lot of things went wrong in that relationship, mistakes on both your part and BJ's. I also want you to know that I really truly love him, and he has rescued me from so many things I thought I would never be able to recover from. Because of you, BJ has learned and grown so much. You helped mold him into the man of my dreams. I am forever in your debt...in some strange way. I really truly sincerely thank you, Laura.

I'm sorry you were hurt by that other entry...I'm glad your family wanted to protect you. I wish I had my family right now. I have to tell you that the only reason I wrote all that, is because that's what I do. I'm a writer, Laura. I've struggled with BJ's past for a long time, and only wrote about it once. That's the only way I know how to fix things. If I don't write them down, they never get better. I wrote down all of the things BJ told me about your relationship (minus some things out of respect) and since you didn't hear it from him, it seemed wrong. I don't blame you for that. I shouldn't speak on his behalf... but he and I are a united front.

In the future, don't be afraid to confront me on anything. I admit I was angry that your Mother felt it necessary to tattle on me to BJ. I didn't think it was fair for either of you to think you had that right. (Especially since BJ both knew and supported my entry. He thought it was healthy.) I was under the impression that there was no communication between the families. If you find any other reason to contact BJ about me, I urge you to come to me first. If that seems weird to you, don't let it. It will probably be the weirdest for BJ.

I thanked you in the other entry, and I'll do it again. I hope you learned just as much as he did. I'm sorry if you felt your past was broadcasted through my journal. Honestly, Laura... aside from BJ, my sister Kelly, and maybe two friends... no one reads this. I've lost touch with everyone. That's part of the reason why I feel so isolated. So if you feel even further offended by me reaching out to you through my journal... I didn't know another way to go about it.

God Bless you, Laura (And your mom, I apologize I don't know your name) and I am sorry for hurting you. I hope and pray your life is joyful and truly happy. If you feel like you need to talk to me, or BJ...

director@plansee.org

Thank you.

-Corrie

Take My Quiz - on - QuizYourFriends.com!

This is really dumb, but I couldn't resist. I made a quiz about myself, that's how pathetic I've become. It should be easy, because everybody already KNOWS everything!

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

WHOA! That's pretty close. Indeed. Elke used to say that about me all the time... when I'm up and when I'm down. Interesting. Very interesting. Anyway!

So, yesterday BJ came up to surprise me again. Boy, do I love that man. I got giddy when I found out he was on his way. Hopping up and down like a little kid. He treated us to the wonderful $5 Little Caesars pizza, and brought a movie to watch. It was nice having food that wasn't Tuna or Pirates of the Caribbean cereal. (And it was HOT!)

We watched "Into The Blue" while it absolutely poured outside. After the movie, BJ and I did our devotionals. (2 Kings 4-5 was our scripture reading for the day). And then BJ acted out soda commercials with his Sierra Mist can. You know that diet Pepsi commercial with the Diet Coke stunt double? Yeah...he's silly *smiles*

It was a short night, but a wonderful night nonetheless. This is indeed a short little update, but I just don't feel like I have much to say today. Ah, well! Keep the prayers a comin' for the job/money thing. Things are getting kinda difficult in that department. (Actually they're already there... and we're going crazy.)

I always love hearing from those I love, so please e-mail me sometime! I would LOVE it! I really really would. And I would RESPOND! Come, friends! Be friendly!

Love you all, and hope to hear from you soon!

ME!

Oh, thank you Lord. Last night was wonderful. BJ and I had the most amazing conversation. Everyday inside of everyone, there's a spiritual battle going on. I just feel like mine has been intensified. Depression has tried to sneak back in, and I couldn't let that happen again.

I've been dealing with a lot. I'm overly concerned with the past, and how people view me in the present. I've always liked to believe I don't care what other people think of me, but that is so far beyond the truth. I care. I care too much. My physical appearance has always been a factor with that...and attacks on that perception come several times a day.

BJ and I had a conversation last night, with God right in the center of it. Everything that's been pushing me down was gone. The evil images, thoughts, and memories in my head were gone for the first time in months. They couldn't even come close to me last night. It felt so good. I had tears in my eyes from time to time, as BJ and I really laid it all out on the table. We discussed in detail how everything in our past lives has prepared us for our relationship.

BJ had a previous relationship, I never did. It didn't go well for him. There were a lot of mistakes, a lot of shame, and a lot of action out of obligation. He wasn't happy with it. Sometimes I have a problem dealing with his past, because I didn't have any similar experiences. He's very honest about it, and has told me absolutely everything. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's better or worse to know everything. Of course it was before he knew me, but certain things about our relationship that I truly treasure, were someone else's before they were mine. He made promises of forever to someone else. I never have. Sometimes thinking about all that really pushes me down. He's my first, my last, my only. I'm not his first, but he tells me I'm his only. He was with Laura for 2 and 1/2 years, but I get forever.

Since the beginning of our relationship, I have been compared to Laura. Everyone in his family has had something to say. They never portray Laura as anything but a prolonged mistake, making me look better in the long run. BUT-- I don't know her at all. I only have to go on what my future in-laws have to say. "You're so different from Laura, thank God! She would say..." blah blah blah. I can't wait to stop being a Laura comparison, and just start being me. I'm nothing like her, so let me be myself. She seemed to be everywhere. But BJ put everything Laura in the bottom of the trash can. Pictures, papers, stuff. There was a lot of her, but not now. Now she exists only in history.

That's been a struggle. Since BJ has only had the one past relationship, it was a big deal both during, and after. It greatly affected his life. Sometimes he wishes that relationship had never taken place, but at the same time realizes (and has told me many times) that his relationship with Laura had to happen, he had to make all those mistakes. Doesn't mean God necessarily wanted him to be in a relationship like that, but since he went ahead and did it anyway, he wanted him to learn from it. BJ faced a lot of conviction and guilt during that time, but came out of it gratefully. He was glad it ended, and felt free. Because of that, he was able to realize and embrace all the lessons he learned from his mistakes.

Both BJ and GOD have told me that since BJ went ahead with that relationship, God decided to bless him anyway. He needed all of that in order to become the man God knew he had to be for me. And it's true. He made a lot of mistakes with Laura, so he wouldn't have to make them with me. My life hasn't been easy, and sometimes I make loving me difficult. BJ has learned to stick it out, just like he did with Laura. He tells me he felt like that relationship was over after the first six months, but he held on because he believed love to be a choice, and he had to choose to stay in love with her, and therefore try harder to make it work. He wouldn't give up until he had done absolutely everything he could to make it work. I asked him then "If love is a choice, does that mean you could choose to stop loving me?" And he looked at me, and said "No way. That's impossible."

The latest person to compare me to Laura was Kris. He did it in BJ's journal, which BJ later deleted. He said that he honestly believed that Laura was a better match for BJ. He didn't mean it. He was saying a lot of things, but that's the thing I had been inwardly struggling with...so it stuck to me. Laura reads BJ's journal. Reading that gave her power over me without her even knowing it. It probably made her feel good about herself, but... Kris didn't even like Laura. He probably did in the beginning, just like he did me. But BJ is and was devoted in relationships, and jealousy comes into play a lot when a friend finds someone they want to be in a relationship with. They end up spending a lot of time with that person. I think when BJ fell in love with me, Kris started viewing me the same way he did Laura. One problem though... I'm not Laura. I never demand "us time". I encourage his friendships, and feel guilty that he doesn't really see anybody anymore.

I've read old entries from BJ's journal, and have read all about his friends. Friends he never sees anymore. He says a lot of it has to do with Huntingdon. He took time off from school, so since he didn't see them around campus, it was easy to slip away. He also says seeing them makes him feel guilty for not staying in school. He associates a lot of those relationships WITH Huntingdon, which really isn't fair to the people who genuinely thought of him as a friend all around.

I don't believe I ever did anything to hurt Kris the way he thinks I did. When I entered into my relationship with BJ, I entered with a lot of insecurities. I had no one on my side...I was entering a world where no one knew me, no one could vouch for me... I was entering BJ's world as an outsider. I was so scared. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to make good impressions. When Kris started disliking me, I was devastated. I was failing. Kris had a network here, I didn't. I didn't have a support system, I didn't have anyone to stick up for me. I wanted so badly to be accepted and liked... and it wasn't happening. I can honestly say I never wanted anything, but to be Kris's friend. I never did anything but exist, that resulted in the distancing of Kris and BJ's friendship. They still get together and do things, and the only thing that bothers me is that I feel like I can't be a part of that. BJ's always open and honest about his time and conversations with Kris, but parts of me still feels like he feels guilty...like he's having an affair or something. I can't deny I don't feel that too...because who wants their boyfriend to hang out with someone who thinks his girlfriend is an evil life ruiner?

Kris said a lot of hurtful things. I told him he was cruel. He told me all he ever saw in me was bad. That's why I said he was cruel. Mainly because he had never seen me at all, so he never got the chance to recognize anything good OR bad. He never got to know me, he never talked to me after that first trip down here. I guess I'll never know why. I know what he SAYS happened, but I still cling to the hope of hearing the truth. I don't care what the truth is, it's always better than the "not truth"

Kris says he no longer has a problem with me. He says he's glad BJ's happy. I just hope someday he takes the time to really get to know me, and then he'll see... he did an amazing thing in getting me to come down here in the first place. It was his idea. Whatever his motives were, he succeeded in making his best friend very happy, and me happy...which might not matter to him, but it matters to me.

Anyway, after that long conversation last night... I took a little time with God and myself...and I forgave. I forgave everything and everyone. Things I didn't even know I needed to forgive. And now... the son is shining.

I don't know how many people read this journal o' mine. It was linked to BJ's, and I make posts other places, so who knows how many people click and read. If Laura reads this... I'm grateful to you for helping BJ become the man he is today. You probably didn't know that's what you were doing, but you did. And he's wonderful. I'm glad your relationship with him happened. I only hope you learned as much as he did, for you to use with the one God has chosen for you.

If Kris reads this...I look forward to talking to you. I still cling to the hope of trying those tacos you promised me way back when!

And if Kris's Mom reads this, thank you for EVERYTHING you've done. Everything with Kris, and everything with the medical aspect of my life. I have an appointment on Monday.

And if no one else reads this except BJ and Kelly, I'm okay with that too. I'm kinda glad I wrote about what I wrote about. I had stayed away from it, but it's out there now. So to Kelly... hang in there. And to BJ (who just called to say he loves me on his short trek to the little Oaktree gas station from the main store...I love you too!) I love you so much. From my beginning to your end and back again. (smiles) Thank you for your patience, and your understanding. Thank you for last night. THANK YOU GOD FOR LAST NIGHT!!! He really has blessed us, BJ. I treasure every moment with you, especially those that we put God in the center of. You're my miracle. I doubted your existence for way way too long. Now you're here, and I thank God for you every day.

This ended up being a longer entry than I had anticipated. I feel freedoms in things that tied me down before. I'm grateful to everyone who helped me get there, even though some people didn't even know they were a part of it. God used your pasts to teach me things, and then blessed me and BJ with that wonderful conversation last night.

I think I could go on all day long...so I guess I will stop now. I love you ALL.

ME

BJ and Corrie - Easter Sunday - April 16th, 2006

Yay for Easter! Early early yesterday morning, Kelly and I got up and got ready for the day. We had to leave the apartment by 7 in order to get to BJ's by 8. He wanted to get to church really early for the 9:30 traditional service. Church of course was splendid! The music was so beautiful...there was even a touch of the drama thang, and you KNOW I'm always up for that!

After the service, we chatted with the fam for a bit. (Jack, Debra and Lauren came...which made BJ really happy. You could see it all over his face.) Since BJ was playing in the orchestra, he was also going to play in the 11 o'clock traditional, and meet Kelly and I at the contemporary service halfway through. We ended up not doing that, though. I think I've done that once or twice before and went to both complete services, but not yesterday.

After church we went back to the house for a bit before heading to Maw Maw and Papa Tom's house. Spent time with the Searcy side of the family before heading to Nana's to visit with the Nave side. We stayed for awhile and watched the last reel of "Jesus of Nazareth" on the history channel. I grew up watching that movie twice a year, but BJ had never seen any of it.

After Nana's we went back to the house again and did random nothingness for a long time. Amy, Jason, Kasi, and Gracie came to visit after awhile, and Jack had a lot of fun video taping them being adorable! Kelly got sleepy, so we tried to keep the noise down so she could nap. BJ and I went into his room to do our devotions. After that, we spent a few hours just laying there, holding each other, and talking. Not all of the subject matter was perfect, but being with him was. I could lay in his arms forever. It's the best feeling in the world. It feel so safe. WONDERFUL.

We started telling stories after that. And so now I will share one of those stories with you! I really enjoyed this story. It's a good one. Ahem! Read on!


Once upon a time, there was a little boy. All he wanted was a bike. Everyone else had a bike. He wanted one too! He thought he would never get a bike. One day, an older friend of his gave him some great news.

She told him "I think I have the perfect bike for you. This bike hasn't been used all that much, and you've never really had one before. I wouldn't steer you wrong. I think you'd really like it!"

He was intrigued. He agreed to try the bike. When he saw it, it didn't seem like it was the bike he had always dreamed of, but at that point...he was just SO excited at the prospect of actually having a bike, that he would take what he could get.

He took the bike on a test run. It seemed to veer to the left a bit, which wasn't where he was trying to go. He shrugged it off, deciding that he could look beyond it. He liked the bike! It took him where he wanted to go! He was just so happy to have any bike at all.

He learned to love that bike. At first he wasn't sure he could, but he managed to somehow. The first six months he had that bike, he had a blast! He had fun with his bike. He grew confident with his bike, and thought about trying a couple bike tricks. He had never had a bike, so he didn't really know what he was doing, but he was fascinated by the ramps, and the jumps...and when he tried, it seemed like the bike knew what to do! But one too many times, he landed the wrong way on the seat, and he didn't really like the bike jumps anymore. He felt like the only thing he really accomplished was getting dirty. He decided he didn't like all the bruises he was getting from falling off, so it was determined that maybe being a hip cool bike stunt professional was not for him.

After awhile he started getting tired of the bike. Everything started to bother him. The rusty chain, the awful color, the dented tire rim, the crooked seat. The bell didn't work. It made a screeching grinding noise all the time that made his whole body tense. Something had to be done! He decided not to ride the bike for awhile. Instead he wanted to concentrate on fixing it up. The bike still worked, and he still wanted a bike. He didn't feel like it was fair to give up on the bike yet.

He gave up riding the bike for awhile, and conentrated on trying to make it the bike he had always wanted. He bought the bike a brand new bell. He gave it a new coat of paint. He fixed the tire rim. He stood back every once in awhile and admired his work. When it looked more like the bike he wanted, he'd take it out and ride awhile. It wasn't long before the seat would tilt, the paint would chip...and all the old problems would show through again.

He put more and more money, time and effort into the maintenance of the bike, but things just kept going wrong. He began getting so frustrated with the stupid bike! This wasn't what he had dreamed of! This wasn't what he had wanted at all! This wasn't his dream bike, and no repairs could ever change that! He started to really not like the bike. Everything would drive him crazy. Sometimes when he rode it to get where he needed to go, he would imagine another bike. He felt really bad, but still enjoyed coming up with different scenarios in his head. Nothing he added to his bike could make it into the bike he wanted. That made him feel terrible, but he still held on. He couldn't abandon the bike.

One day, he was riding his bike, trying to find little things about it that he liked. He listened to the bell, that even though it was new, started sounding just as bad as the old one. The bike tire seemed to be bent, going every which way but the right one. He started peddaling harder, hoping that would straighten it out. It only seemed to get worse! He could feel the anger building up. All of a sudden, the stupid rusty chain snapped, and he was thrown violently from the bike. That was it! He had had it! He was so angry. He kicked the bike to the side of the road, and left it there. He was done!

A few days later, he went back and found the bike. It was still there. All he could see was the rust, the chipped paint, the wobbly seat, the bent tire rim, that stupid bell. He did what he had to do. Everyone knew the bike was his, and if someone else had found it lying there, he could have gotten in trouble. He dragged the bike to the junk yard, and said his final goodbyes. For some reason, saying goodbye made him happy. No more junk bucket bike! Since the chain had broke, he couldn't ride it. He had nothing left to give the bike. It wasn't his anymore...and that made him happy!

He went a long time without ever having another bike. For awhile he thought he would never have another one. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Quite awhile later, he saw another bike in a store window. It seemed so far away, so unattainable. After awhile, he realized just how badly he wanted that bike. That beautiful bike was the ONE and ONLY bike he had ever really wanted. He knew it was perfect for him. He was too scared to go for it. Everyone around him knew how badly he wanted that bike.

One day, he went outside and there it was in his driveway! It had a tag on it, and his name was written right there. He couldn't believe it! How could he be so lucky? So blessed? He was so happy. The bike was so shiny and new. Nothing like the rust bucket. He hopped right on, and the ride was so smooth! It was marvelous!

His mom gave him a beautiful shiny bell for the bike that had been hers when she was a little girl. It looked perfect on the bike. The bike of his dreams! He was happier than he never knew possible. There was no way he would EVER leave that bike at the junkyard!

And then the little boy and his dream bike lived happily ever after! --THE END!




SEE? Great story! And a great Easter. I love you, BJ! More later!

Me

*SIGH* -- In case you didn't know, I love BJ. ANYWAY! Yesterday (Friday) was lazy. Kelly was working diligently on her livejournal, and I kinda did a lot of nothing yet again. Around 2 I took a shower and got ready to head to Montgomery. Kelly braided my hair, and then the mail came! We got a package from Mommy. I got a pink stuffed bunny, and Kelly got a white lamb. They're so cute! And my dad FINALLY sent me the memory chip from my camera that he had "somewhere in his desk at work" that had the pics I took from BJ's first trip up to see me last July.

I headed out to Montgomery around 3:40, with a quick stop at the gas station. When I was a little over halfway there, Sunnie called my cell phone. I answered happily, not having heard from my little sister in awhile. She wasn't calling with good news.

Turns out my mom was in a car accident yesterday afternoon. Sunnie was upset because no one was returning her phone calls. A witness of the accident called Sunnie from Mom's cell phone. My mom slowed for a pedestrian, and the car behind her wasn't paying attention. They hit my mom at full speed. Her seat snapped in half and she ended up being thrown to the back seat.

She was taken away in an ambulance and immediately put in a neck brace. She couldn't move. This was all Sunnie knew at that point, and no one was telling her otherwise. So she called everyone she could think of.

Turns out my mom is okay. She even got to go home last night. (Still in a brace.) She's supposed to go on a belated anniversary trip with my dad tomorrow, but I'm not sure if that's really going to happen.

I'm still in Montgomery, and BJ is getting ready to head to work. We had a rather long discussion about a bunch of stuff last night, and didn't go to bed until after 3. I was grateful for the conversation though. Lots of good things came out of it. I think the plague is gonna go away. HOORAY!

So that's about it for now. Keep my mom and her Hawaii trip in your prayers. I love you all! (Especially BJ my love...duh!)

ME

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

my favorite was 12:15am on 12/15...yup.

Yo! So...let's see. Just a quick report. Recently I've been endlessly tormented with horrible dreams, all circling around the same subject matter. They've been driving me absolutely crazy! I am happy to report I think I've banished the dreams.

I've found a new way to deal with the stomach churning subject matter, and it seems to be an unexpected perception of the whole thing. That new angle plus the prayers really have seemed to work. I've been dreaming about BJ instead WITHOUT distractions from happy. That's always pleasant. And if there were any negative things, God has blessed me enough to forget it by the time I wake up.

So I just thought I'd report that I'm no longer attacked at night through my subconscious. I'm okay! But Kelly's not. So let's shift the prayers to her for now. She needs them much more than me.

I love you, big sis.

Yesterday was a happy day! Around 9am, BJ arrived. Kelly had made some glorious glazed orange rolls, so that was breakfast! Kelly and BJ tinkered with the laptops for awhile, whilst I watched the DVD of a favorite of mine, "CAMP". Shortly after that, BJ and I both fell asleep for about an hour, til around noon. Then he and I hit up Little Caesars for a $5 pizza, and then the three of us watched the pilot episode of Dark Angel. BJ has yet to be convinced that it is as good as Kelly and I say it is.

After Dark Angel, we did yet again, a whole lot of nothing. It was around 8pm before we had decided what to do. The rest of the afternoon was spent singing RENT songs (which is never a waste of time) and doing silly dances to cell phone ring tones, and who KNOWS what else!

So that evening, Kelly treated us to Ruby Tuesday...yum yum yum! We all ordered the same thing. The salad bar with a loaded baked potato. Kelly also ordered us some buffalo chicken wontons as an appetizer. If you haven't tried them...you should. For they are yummy. BJ entertained us for awhile with his gay man routine (which he is far too good at) and the waitress spilled lemonade all over my chair while I was in the bathroom. Kelly had to clean it up, because the waitress said 'oops' and walked away and didn't come back.

After that, we came home! BJ and I did our scripture reading for the night, and then he had to go home. It was sad. I have to admit though...I loved it when he started to drive away, then honked his horn at me (while I stood in the door way) and rolled down his window making kiss noises and waving me over. I ran to him for one last kiss before the final goodbye. I am sooooo in love. It's fantastic!

That was pretty much the entire day. Nothing extraordinary, and yet almost perfect. I talked to BJ when he was about halfway home, and hung up when he got there so he could get ready for bed. I fell asleep shortly after that, waking up when he called back to say goodnight.

Today, Kelly and I applied for more jobs. This time in health care facilities, which would be good...because if I fall down almost dead, someone could probably make me not so dead anymore. That would be good. Good health benefits too (duh). We watched little snippets of things, and then I talked to BJ for quite awhile. I'm pretty sure I annoyed the crap out of Kelly, but I just never want to hang up with him...I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm cherishing the days before we get old and crabby with each other. But if I continue with this streak of blessings, hopefully that will never happen. We'll be annoyingly pathetic forever! WEE!

BJ and I started planning out our summer vacation. (He gets a week paid vacation, and we're probably gonna go to Minnesota to see the family!) Hopefully Kelly will be able to join us. We shall see what happens! BJ and I picked August, so we will have maximum time to save up for the trip. We can hit up Valley Fair and The Mall Of America! BJ and I can finally hit Camp Snoopy...which isn't Camp Snoopy anymore. But it will still be fun to get the wristbands and ride stuff. Wee!

Well, I guess that's about all I have for now. I love you all!

Bye bye for now!

Always,
Corrie