Okay, I know I've been neglecting this journal for awhile. But, alas. I've been very not busy! Yes, it's true...as disappointing as it may seem, I'm not moving to New York. Not yet, anyway. Maybe someday. But for right now...well. I sent an e-mail to everyone whose e-mail addresses I had. So for those of you whose e-mail address I DO NOT have, and you read this journal...I'll put a copy of the e-mail in here for you to read, so I don't have to repeat myself. *laughs*

But before I do that, I must tell you a little story. But I don't feel like it. So I'll make it the short version. One week ago exactly, I had just finished putting everything BACK together in my room, after destroying it, trying to pack. Nikki was on her way over to my house, so we could spend the day together. I had made my bed all pretty and everything, and it's a top bunk with a couch beneath it, so I really didn't feel like climbing all the way up there, and ruining it when I was expecting company. (A poster had fallen down from up there, so I HAD to put it back up, but didn't want to ruin the bed to do it) So, I did something I've done a million times before. I held onto the guard rail, put one foot on the windowsill next to the bed, and hoisted myself up, kneeling sideways with my other leg. I put the poster back up, and then twisted around so i could get down. My knee that was securing my position on the windowsill severely dislocated, and I fell backward, headfirst off the bunk. I smacked my head against the floor and bruised up my entire body in the process. SEVERE pain followed, but I miraculously got up and walked around a few minutes later. My knee was fine until later that afternoon, when Nikki and I decided to hang out in a hurricane...long story.

Anyway! The next entry will be that e-mail, and it's important and all that jazz...so. Yeah. I better go get that done and over with. *grins* Later!

Well, let's see... I told Nikki I was leaving. She cried...she cried a lot. Especially when she saw that I had traded rooms with my brother. I felt bad...then I cried, because I am going to miss her SOOOO much! But---she'll come visit me in her all time favorite place in the whole wide world.

There's a lot of bunny poop in the cage next to me...hmmm...maybe I should do something about that. Eh, I'll do it tomorrow. I keep putting EVERYTHING off...including packing. I've only packed two things. My CDs and my DVDs. Silly silly silly. But they're my priorities afterall.

So there's not really much to report at the moment...yesterday was my last day at work. Afterwards, Jan and Becky (my bosses) took me out to eat at "Ingredients". I had never been there, and that was so nice of them! After that, my co-worker and friend Alli took me to Uptown to a coffee house called "Uncommon Grounds"...at least I think that's what it was called...ANYWAY! That was fun! Different for me, but fun just the same.

So! (as you should all be used to by now) There's this guy....heh heh heh. Enough said for now. *luv to Willoughby*

Well, I'll write more later, I'm sure! Peace for now peoples.

I got the New York job. I leave July 17th. So for all you guys out there who have fallen madly in love with me...now's your chance! I'm almost gone! Tell me NOW before I go away forever!

Okay, now that I got that out of my system...Do I want to go? I don't know. As a told my friend Scott, it's like...totally unfair. It's like my life is just like moving out of your childhood home. The place you've comfortably spent your whole life in, no matter how crappy it seemed sometime. Then you decide to move, and you make the house perfect. You fix things up, you get brand new appliances...everything sparkles, and as you leave, you wonder why it was never like that when you lived there....

That's how my life feels right now. As I'm preparing to leave, I realize it's become the life I've always wanted. I've met..."people", I have the perfect job, I've made new friends. I can finally feel things again without being afraid of getting hurt. I feel like a real person, and I don't want to give that up. Start all over. And what if...eh, nevermind. I've already written about that I think. Well...Seriously, people. Don't let me leave without knowing you really truly want me to stay, but then think it would be good for me. That's your line. Memorize it, rehearse it, make it believable. I'm an actress people, therefore very good at detecting a lie! *laughs*

Well, life is hectic, because I leave in about two weeks. This all happened way too quickly! I had to quit my job at the tea room today. I really didn't want to do it, I was so scared. Not because I was afraid they would be mad at me, I knew that once I told them this was really real. I was really leaving, and I was really giving up the perfect job. They were so great about it, and said they expect a Christmas card. I'm still writing theme teas for them via e-mail. I'm going to miss that place so much, I really really am. I only have two days left there, because they're closed for a couple of weeks around Independance Day. WHICH MEANS: I will have a LOT OF FREE TIME. To do things with friends, to attend surprise farewell parties...whatever the case may be!

Well, anyway. I guess I'll be off now. I'm typing away on my new iMac. Heh, it's kinda fun. My sister won it for me on ebay. Only $280! So anyway. Over and out. E-rokin, never stoppin, peace peace peace!

Well...I find out tomorrow if I get the New York job. If I do, that means Kelly and I can go there together at the same time. Driving, I mean. Kelly gets to bring Darla, and I get to bring Harvey. I'm so conflicted. AHHH! Okay. I want to get away, I know that. From everything, and everyone. I'm sick of feeling like I'm in the way. If I leave, I'm finally the one going somewhere. Even if it's just symbolic. I'm not the one who's going to be left behind this time. I'm going somewhere. But am I going the way I'm supposed to?

If I take the job, I can leave my mother and the insane work that goes with her, (although I love her very much...I can't stand her most days) I'm leaving anyone and everyone I've ever encountered in my entire life. I've already expressed my fears of going without being missed...

I'm the cool director, or the older sister figure, or the good friend when the real friends are all tied up. I hate the identity I've created for myself. Because when push comes to shove, and the week comes to an end, I'm the one who sits at home alone. I know there's a billion and a half people who care about me, because they've all told me so. I'm just so...I don't know. Sometimes I feel dead, because I don't feel this emotion. It really doesn't help that the majority of my friends are theater people. ACTORS. I'm so paranoid...I wish I hadn't listened to all the things I grew up hearing. We won't go into that...

If I go to New York, I leave the Tea Room. The only job I've ever had that I've actually enjoyed. They really like me there, and have already designated a billion responsibilites to me that no one else can accomplish. The creative director? Writing theme teas? Finding actors and other entertainment for every event? I really don't want to let them down. But I don't think I have a choice. My mom said if I don't go to college in the fall, I have to move out. I can't afford to move out with the hours I have at the tea room since they hired too many people. So I had to find a way to move out, so I did. I'm a New York Nanny...almost. My mom continually tells me I'm going to fail...that makes me want to go and prove her wrong. But I have to do what's right for me...if only I knew what that was.

I'm so scared I met the man I'm supposed to be with here in Minnesota, and I didn't realize it? Sure, God has a plan, but he also gave us free will so we can make mistakes. What if this is a huge mistake and I can end up a failure all alone? Why won't someone ask me to stay....

I need to stop thinking that way. Everyone's life will go on whether I stay here or not, and I don't like my life here. I like my job, but that's not enough to keep me out of the dark places I traveled to before. AHHH! Well, I'll find out tomorrow. I'll decide tomorrow. I may possibly collapse into a lifeless heap...tomorrow. I'll let you know... peace to all. Especially to me. AHHHHHHHH

Okay, everyone! Read a story and learn a little something! Go to http://settledfor.blogspot.com and enjoy! I only have the intro up, but trust me. I don't have to plan a plot, it just comes to me when it feels like it.

Nothing has happened really to update you on. My parents know about New York and I'm not dead yet. That says heaps! Maybe this is the right thing to do? I don't know...good glory. I need to go to bed. My brain is all worn out! Later, peace out!

Good glory! I'm doing very very badly at keeping this thing updated. It's been 20 days! I'm HORRIBLE! Okay, who cares? It's my journal...lordy be. Anyhoo! What's happened? Sunnie graduated! Yay!!! That job in New York? It seems like it's really going to happen. They even say I can bring Harvey! I'm so happy....I think.

My mom told me repeatedly that if I didn't get going and go to college, I would have to move out. So I found a way to move out. Now she's saying that it's too far away, she'd miss me too much, and that I don't have to go to college yet. What a transition! But I convinced myself that I had to go, I WOULD go unless there was some dramatic reason God gives me to stay. I feel completely and totally panicked, because I have this feeling there's a reason just staring me in the face, and I'm not seeing it. I'm like that, I'm afraid. The worst part is? I feel like I won't be missed. Sure, the hard work I do will be missed. But there's no one here that's really going to be heartbroken over my departure. Not that that's what I'm looking for. I just...wish that someone would ask me to stay. I'm sure everyone feels that way when they're going to leave. But being asked to stay because it would make a difference to someone else...it wouldn't happen. Accuse me of being sad and pathetic, I probably am. But it scares me that I don't feel like I make a dent in anyone's life sometimes...

So! I wish someone would throw me a surprise going away party. All my life I've wanted a surprise party. I've never had one. But that fear inside...no one would come! Really...who would. No one even came to my birthday party. I sound like such a loser! Ahhh! It was my own fault, anyway. I let my insecurities ruin things for me. And other stupid people...ah, well. I'll throw myself a party. I'll take me out to a movie. (Like I did today. Oh, yeah. Saw "From Justin To Kelly." Go American Idol first season! My favorite forever!!!) Is it wrong to think I've found a reason to stay? I told Kelly about it, and she laughed at me, telling me my supposed reason is stupid. What if it isn't? What if it's the reason God sent? There's just...something I can't talk about yet. We'll see what happens. God, please don't keep me in suspense for too much longer!

You know what? I really want a boyfriend. Laugh all you want. I have my reasons. People warn me against them, people tell me I'm lucky. Whatever whatever whatever! I'd like to find out for myself thank you. I want to matter to someone. I don't matter to most. Not in a mattering way. *laughs* Sure, I'm a swell pal when you need one. When you don't...well, you don't. I love so so so many people. I don't leave enough of me left to love me. I need someone else to love me, and teach me how to love me too. *laughs heartily, throwing head back...coughs as she inhales mosquito* Dang bugs...

Well, let's see! If this New York thing happens, I have to quit my job at the Tea Room, and I don't know how...ahhhhhh...Well, I better sign off for now. I am sleepy, and alas. I work in the morning. I will try my very hardest to keep this thing a little more updated. Oh! I'm starting a new story, based on certain parts of my life. It's tentatively called "Settled For". I think I'm going to put it in an additional blog, so anyone and everyone who reads this thing, could also read my story! It's going to be fantastical! I hope...maybe this is the big one, guys! The one to be published! It has promise, it does it does!

Peace out, yo! E-rokin all the way to Nantucket! (Will explain some other time)

Hey there howdy hi how are ya? Me? Oh, thank you dear person for asking. I'm just peachy keen fantastic! What's that? You didn't ask me anything? Well, then! Too bad for you! Because I'm the one making up this fictional conversation, so "you"...whoever you are, should have no say in it! Literally! Because....NEWS FLASH! You don't exist! Okay...

If you've read my journal before, hopefully you've realized I'm not all here, there, or anywhere. I float...

Okay, I am seriously sleep deprived. Guess what! No, I'm not visiting to New York, I'm MOVING there! I hope...maybe? I don't know. We'll see what we see when we see it. If we don't see it, then I have a problem. Yeah, hopefully I too shall have a nanny job in New York. Not too far from my beloved sister methinks. I get my own floor! Meaning multiple rooms, not just the floor....I get walls and ceilings too....!!!

In other news, however not nearly as exciting...the theater banquet was lovely...but not nearly as lovely as the day AFTER the theater banquet. I worked all day on Friday, it was exhausting. Jamie worked too, his first day alone on the job. (I got him a job as a dishwasher at the tea room) I got home, and giddily realized that my pay check from the district center had arrived. (I had to go fill out an application and W4 at the district center, to be officially hired as the assistant theater director) So! I opened it up...and my jaw actually really truly dropped....I couldn't make a single noise! I had gotten paid $300 for the one act. I was expecting less, because I had worked a lot harder on the one act....but the district had calculated all my hours, and do you know what they came up to? Do you KNOW???? $908.72!!!!! I couldn't believe it! So...here's the deal...

The first person to call me, and say to me, and no other person "My monkey ate all ten of my toe nails with devon cream on top with a side of Queen's Blend jam"...I will take you out to dinner...my treat, you drive...

Welcome to my world, welcome to my world, welcome to my world of.....boys? That's the only thing I could think of that rhymes with toys....which you would only understand if you've been to the FAO Schwartz in TMOA, or anywhere else...and heard the song that plays when you walk in...I'm gonna go there tomorrow! Well, not necessarily the toy store, but to the mall of america. I have to get Nikki a birthday present...

Speaking of Nikki! Today was her grad party. I knew no one, with a side of strangers. But it was fun, nonetheless. Kelly couldn't come with me, because she didn't feel good. Nate came...the love of Nikki's life...they were salsa dancing on the back deck. I took pictures. Yay for me! I be so dang cool...don't touch me, you'll freeze! I was sly sneaky too...I took pictures through the window....well, not all of them. Anyway!!!

I should go now, because I'm not technically allowed to be online right now. I know, major rebel! More huge energetic can't stop talking about it updates on New York later! By the way...all you people out there...come to Sunnie's grad party! It's Saturday, June 7th...2-6. I'll be expecting you...heh heh heh. Later! E-rok out, bay-bay!

OKay, I have to explain what I wrote about earlier. I was super mad at Sunnie, because I KNOW she read the journal Nikki and I write back and forth to each other in. How did I know this? It was missing, and i found it on her bed, hidden beneath all her blankets. She denied it, asked me how dare I accuse her of something like that...made me feel terrible, when I KNEW she did it! She denied it profusely, but then confessed in a letter. She hates my online journal, and she still doesn't know that I am still boiling mad at her. So if she reads this, my honest holds nothing back which is totally my right journal...then so be it. AHHHH! She drives me insane! Her letter was as follows:

"Corrie-

Yes, I read PART of your journal. Just one part. Although, I know I was in the wrong, and that there is no excuse, you need to hear me out. Yes, I denied it at first, and I'm sorry. It's been on my conscience. But for you to come to my work was wrong. I understand you feel hurt and betrayed. I'm going to tell you why I did what I did, and for once- believe me. Try to understand that I have feelings too. You're not the only one that hurts. Not a day goes by where I don't feel betrayed by you. You're a good sister to me, with a loving, giving heart. We're obviously different. And I know I can be very selfish. One huge difference that sets me apart from my sisters is that I always tell what's on my mind, and share my feelings. You do not. You act like a stranger. I know you don't trust me, and I'm sorry to hear that. Every time you and I are close, I do something to screw it up royally. The reason I always feel betrayed by you is yours and Nikki's constant battle against me--because of TIm. (Side note...AHHHH! SHE'S INSANE! Okay, sorry. Back to the letter) You're always going to hate me for dating him, and I'm beginning to wish I never did.--Just because everything about that relationship will always rest on my shoulders. Tim used me, or maybe he didn't. But we all learn from our mistakes, and I was a mistake. He probably wishes he never dated me. I know you always hated the thought of your jerk of a sister dating what you call your best friend. Please stop making me feel like crap about it. Let things be okay. There was a time when I cared for him more than I even cared for myself. No one understood. But because Nikki is your best friend, her feelings matter the most, which I understand. But ever since your online journal, I stopped trusting both of you. It's you two against me always. I saw Klecker's name, so I read THAT page, and I was right. I hate that you won't let us be friends, but what you say goes. And it's always been that way. I'm the younger dumb one that has no feelings. But under all that selfishness,is enough sensitivity, hurt and anger to last me a lifetime. Just be grateful you have a best friend, and never a boyfriend. It's not all it's cracked up to be. It all stabs you in the back. Just like what I do best to you. I'm sorry."

AHHHH! OKay. Time for me to pick this thing out completely... Ah-ah-AHEM! I'm not the only one that hurts....DUH! Which is why I spend the majority of my time listening to hers...and everyone else's problems. Only relating my own experiences if they seem like they will help. I never tell her anything that's wrong, because she'll forget about it the next second anyway. She always tells me what's on her mind, and her experiences, how she feels, etc. That's true. I act like a stranger? That might be true...but it's not like I have a choice! She doesn't show any interest in anything about me. The first words out of her mouth everyday I see her, are something about herself. Never fails. She never inquires about anything in my life. No wonder I'm a stranger to her...she doesn't want to know me. I don't trust her, and I'm glad she knows that. That's out of the way. She bad mouths me to people, she "gets together" with guys who USE ME TO GET TO HER!!! What kind of sister does that? Not one that you trust, that's for sure. Now then, the Tim thing comes in. Good glory, let it DIE freako!

Nikki and i have a constant battle against her because of Tim? I missed it...I must be missing in action, because I've never even seen the battlefield. How could I hate her for dating him, when I'm the person who got them together in the first place? Come now, what kind of sense would that make? I was little miss matchmaker. She's BLIND! Delusional...gee whiz...How could I hate the thought of them dating when it was my doing? That's DUMB! Stupid, stupid, stupid. How do I make her feel like crap about it? If anything, she gets mad at me, every single time Tim and I have a conversation that doesn't include her in it. We've been friends since 4th grade, get over yourself! I can't say it enough...the world does not revolve around you just because you dated my best guy friend. Nikki IS my best friend. But I always put Sunnie first in everything. I stopped talking to Tim, because she said he hurt her, and it hurt her even more for me to be his friend. But he didn't stop being mine. I hate myself for giving things up on her behalf all the time...Nikki is my best friend, because she actually takes the time to know me. She knows everything about me. She can finish all my sentences for me. She loved Tim too...but she knows he and I were friends. She loves that we still are. Because she knows me, and she knows how much Tim means to me. We go way back. Sunnie still hasn't gotten the picture yet. He's my friend. Her making out with him one time too many didn't change that, and never will. He didn't use her to get to me, so she can't even draw a comparison there. I owe her nothing.

So she read the journal, because she's jealous. Flat out simple jealous. I'm close with my friend, and she wants to be me in that scenario. I'm flattered....ha! What did she read in that journal...oh yeah. NOTHING! She read what Nikki wrote about wondering if Tim Beier had told Klecker that Nikki knew the information Sunnie herself told her, and she wondered what he thought about her knowing about it. It was nothing she didn't know you complete and total SPAZ! As far as me not letting the two of them be friends...where in the world does that come from? How could she think that low of me? She's insane...I can't stand it. She doesn't know me at all. She doesn't know one single thing about me! She's completely involved in her own little world, with her own little circle. She wants to keep these circles so separate...but she wants everything in my circle to become a part of hers, and she wants me out of all the circles altogether! Well, that's not up to me. Talk to the people you want to take away from me, Sunnie...seriously. I'll always be their friend....

I love how she said never a boyfriend too...that's great. Lovely. She said it all stabs you in the back. Like TIm did? If that's what she thinks, then why is she trying so hard to be his best and closest friend? Stop contradicting yourself, psycho. Wake up and realize that everyone has their own life, own problems, and own circle. Maybe YOU'RE the one who's out of the picture. Before you hurt someone else, I just thought you should have a little wake-up call. Are you awake yet?

Anyway! Okay, that's the last time I write about that. THat's it, that's final. I'm done hurting and feeling bad for nothing. I'm breaking all my bad habits. Anyway! So. Ahem...moving on. Tomorrow is the theater banquet. Yay fun! I'm excited! This past Monday, Tim Beier and I went to a movie. We saw Bruce Almighty, which is very funny. Especially when the person next to you drops a pop can during the silent serious part! (heh heh, Tim!) Nah, it was fun, and it was nice to spend some time with him.

So in other news, Kelly is moving to New York. Yeah, isn't that fantastic? I'm so excited! She's driving there...WITH ME AND NIKKI!!! ROAD TRIP TO NEW YORK, BABY! How excited am I??? My DREAM! And I get to go with Nikki. Woo-hoo! Kelly has a job in New York as a Nanny for $350 a week! She is so so so so happy! Well...

That concludes this entry....I'm going to go watch a delightfully funny comedy starring my current obsession. Later tators!

AHHHH! So guess why I haven't written...come on! Guess! Because I was GROUNDED AGAIN! Why this time you ask? Well, because someone in this house has been stealing things from my mother...no one *cough* knows who. (Actually we all do, but she didn't confess, so we all had to suffer) Anyway, backing up, up and away!

So, the Alice in Wonderland tea. It was stressful before we actually got there, got ready...yah. I was scared. It went really really well though. Turns out the Mad Hatter (me) had somehow become the villain. Boy did those kids HATE me...in a good way. *laughs*

Well, I really think I should write later. Why? Because I am super pissed off at Sunnie, and I decided not to write it all down until she tells me her side. Whatever that is...I could care less right now...

But besides that, there's an awesome new person at work, and I'm super excited! And my dad took me to a 50's restaurant last night...and I bought myself a new toy! (Will explain later) And gosh darn it, my dreams are way too realistic! I can STILL smell him....uh....bye!

Goodness gracious, am I falling behind with this thing. Okay...I'll be as brief as possible...because quite frankly, I don't want to be writing right now. Hmmm....

So! I got a new bike last night. I am thrilled beyond belief. It is fun it is fun! So what if it is somewhat old fashion granny like? It doesn't make my back injuries any worse, and it's incredibly comfortable. Not one of those world famous butt breakers if you know what I mean. ANYWAY! So, that's thrilling.

Lauryn is gonna be my Alice in the tea thing this saturday! Good glory lordy be. I'm the mad hatter. Which would make me the star. Good thing I have years of day care work under my belt. I have to be annoyingly entertaining. I'm good at that anyway though, right?

Moving right along! Mother's day was fun. I was the favorite child. I spent too much money on her, gave her some awesome things. I'm a great daughter. Still waiting for her to realize that....

Today I worked my butt off. I felt really not good. It was weird. I was dizzy, I was faint, I was over tired....planning this silly Alice tea, working myself to death at work and at home...I've been feeling not good for awhile now. Maybe I'm dying...yeah, please. Hold the tears. Oh wait, there aren't any! Ha! No worries. There wouldn't be from this end either. ANYWAY....

I saw the finale of Dawson's Creek tonight...cried like a baby. It was wonderful! I taped it, of course. This was after Jamie and I went on a bike ride to the beach, which was completely deserted. We bounced around, both pretending we actually know martial arts, throwing sand at each other and what not. Our frolicing ended with a lively little game of "King of the Hill" which was really "King of the pathetic sand mound..." but it was fun, nonetheless. Then we went home, I had to do chores...then I watched Dawson....2 hour finale.

It was so good, seriously guys! It ended the way I secretly wanted it to, but didn't think it would...good glory, I was happy. She chose PACEY! YAY!!!! Which if you don't watch it, you don't care, but I don't care if you don't care, because I care and it made me incredibly happy. Why? Because Dawson bugs me. Not only that, but I simply adore Joshua Jackson. He's fabulous! One big reason why...I was in a movie with the kid. Ah, yes. Mighty Ducks 3! We go way back, yo! Nothing like spending the day with the guy to make you fall madly in love with him. Hopefully he's not shallow like...NEVERMIND!

Well, that basically brings us to the present. I most likely forgot a billion and a half things I would have liked to write down...but I simply cannot recall them at this time. Therefore farewell....I leave you with this. "I am God's art project. If he had a refridgerator...I'd be on it." -e-rok

Well! I missed the Windjammer's show...which if you didn't know already, I really wanted to see. I was planning on Sunnie telling me when it was, since I talk to no one, and no one talks to me. She said she would. She disappears last night with a group of friends, la-di-freakin-da....and when she comes home, I ask her where she was. She says "The Windjammer's Show". I felt like she hit me over the head with a frying pan. I didn't let on that it bothered me. She complains endlessly that Kelly and I don't include her...we include her in every way possible. Never ONCE does she go out of her way to make me feel welcome in any type of scenario. And the Windjammer's show? Choir was MY thing...but geez. She must be thrilled. She has the school to herself, no annoying older sister to cramp her style. Doesn't feel obligated to include me now, since they're "HER SCHOOL EVENTS" and I am completely out of the picture...out of sight, out of mind. It hurts. It hurts REALLY really bad. I won't say anything though, because she'll say something about "I was out with MY friends, not your friends. Excuse me for having a life..." and I seriously can't take another stab wound like that. So I'll keep my mouth shut, thank you...and I'm not exaggerating...she's given me that speech a few billion times. As if I could get any lower...

ANYWAY! Cheer cheer cheer...I only wrote that, because I've been keeping it in, and that's unhealthy. Also, I promised myself I wouldn't hold anything back, just because I am now aware that people actually read this journal. They read it, obviously, because they want to know me. ALL of me. So they'll get it. Gets to be a little too much for you? Harsh reality? Skip over it, don't ridicule me for it later. It's a journal. You can't get mad. HA! So there...onward ever onward

So...my older sister Kelly has taken to sleeping in the bathroom. Not only is that incredibly strange, it's incredibly disgusting! Now, in all fairness, we do have a very nice, very spacious upstairs bathroom. It used to be a bedroom for goodness sake! However, it is now a bathroom, with a missing toilet handle. A broken toilet to put it plainly. Though that stays true, my brother still thinks it is completely acceptable to still USE the broken non-flushing toilet. (For only his 'number ones' mind you) Could you, for one moment, imagine the stench that that creates after awhile? She still sleeps there. My mom has kept a fish tank that she's supposedly going to take care of...the water is almost gone, and most of the fish have already completely rotted away to nothing...very very smelly. Still sleeps in there. Now granted, it's dark and it has a lock but STILL! How completely and totally unsanitary! Not to mention strange...

In other news, I really do like my job. Very very much. I get a lot of hours, paid well plus tips...awesome co-workers, free food pop and juice...it's great. I really really like it. And I'm GOOD at it! No changes there...

I've been out bike shopping lately. I really want a new bike. The last one I had...I sold many many moons ago, so I would have enough money to fly halfway across the country to be with a boy who was in love with my sister...while pretending to like me. If you don't already know that story, then you'll have to ask me about it some other time...because good glory! I cannot write it all down now, I'd be online all night! Well then...

I bought a new movie. "Catch Me If You Can". If you haven't seen it, you should. And if you're gonna buy it, get it at Target. It comes with a free bag of those new "Popables" things. (I got the milky way ones) So, we all watched that last night. I fell asleep...of course. Now, I must ask you all a very important question:

What do you think of this new Orange Mountain Dew phenomenon? This "Live Wire Orange ignited" thing? Personally, I quite enjoy it. Being a fan of orange pop from way back, I was pleasantly surpised when I happened upon this fun new beverage. It's...dare I say...even better than my already beloved "Slice", because it's quite orangey...but still has that Mountain Dew kick to it. I really truly like it. Whew! Not that that's out in the open...moving on (It's only 50 cents for a 20 oz at Target right now...I've purchased a...few....within the last few days...hahaha)

Well! I am currently involved in a rather intruiging conversation about super heros with Tim Beier, and drilling the date JULY 9TH into Jessi Campbell's memory...(The day "Pirates of the Carribean" opens...we are both very excited.) So I fear I must leave you now. Plus, I work tomorrow, and don't feel like being dead when pouring hot tea toward people sitting beneath me....later all! Peace! E-rok out, bay-bay!

Well, I know I don't update enough anymore. I'm very sorry. I can't remember properly what's been going on with me recently, I apologize. I work a lot...I love my job! It's amazing. I'm perfect there. Get this...I'm even writing a "Titanic Murder Mystery Tea" starring me, as the loud boistrous british gossip queen. How great is that? Wonderfully wonderful if you ask me! What else has been going on with me...oh, yes. There's always that...

I've decided to enter this Christian talent competition. Much like American Idol...only without the TV show...hahaha. Anyway, grand prize? A recording contract! There's this certain aspect yet to be determined, but we'll see what we see! Wish me luck! PRAY for me!

Onward ever onward. My parents are officially completely insane...I had an overall good weekend. I worked on Friday and Saturday, which I really truly honestly don't mind. Saturday was prom night for everyone I know...not me though. Home alone I was...well, no not really. I watched "Halloween: Resurrection" with my brother. It was giggles. On Sunday, Kelly Jamison and I went and saw the new X-Men flick...truly enjoyable...up until the end. Stupid ending. I should be a film critic. Maybe I could make some people forget to be stupid...hehehe. Today (monday) I didn't work, so Kelly and I went to see...don't laugh... "The Lizzie McGuire Movie". It's a guilty pleasure of ours, that show...

After the movie, we met up with Nikki at Sbarro, for our weekly baked ziti outing. Nikki had to fill me in about prom. Anything and everything. The ups, the downs...I wish I could have been there with her. ANYWAY! Today....I'll try to make this as short as possible...

When my mom got home, she had Jamie and I unload this painting from her car that we can't afford. We brought it in, Jamie was arguing with her, he let go without thinking, and CRASH! There went the painting, the glass shattering all over the kitchen floor. My mom went quiet psycho, and retreated to the living room, mumbling something about us intentionally trying to ruin her...after that, Kelly Jamie and I disappeared into my room to watch a movie, as our parents had another money battle. Voices rose, and all of the sudden my dad popped into my room, commanding us to follow him to the basement to tear up the moldy carpet...we thought he was joking, until we heard mom screaming at us hysterically to listen to him. We paraded downstairs, while my mom screamed/cried hysterically...out of control bloody murder...I was so confused! She was screaming, tears running down her face "I can't take it anymore! Nobody helps me! This house is falling apart, and I'm the only one keeping it together! I can't do this by myself! You are all so ungrateful!" And other things like that. Claiming we never did anything. I looked around...the house was spotless. Why? I had cleaned it all this morning, on my DAY OFF!!!!!! Freak...total freak. She's mostly irritated with Kelly, I guess. The basement is trashed with her stuff, etc etc etc...whatever. Didn't make me feel any better. SO! We all went down to tear up carpet, feeling terrible about ourselves. I had a severe asthma attack... la di da...all better now.

So, that basically sums up where we are now. My dad thanked me a lot for helping. I get to go back to work tomorrow. After watching one and a half episodes of Dawson's Creek of course! So, I guess I must be off. I'm over tired...too much "not doing anything". Later tators!

Hello all! Long time no write, I know. The play ended wonderfully. The cast parties were a blast on Friday and Saturday! On Saturday, Tim and Tim came to see the show. I had been having a..."problem" before they got there. Joel came to the show, and of course...I hoped for the impossible, and was too scared to do anything about it. Ashley came to the Friday show, and when I was on stage, she was the only person not looking up. So you can only guess how that went. Oh, well. I'm sick of trying.

I've spent my whole life worrying about other people. When the story ends, I end up by myself, left behind in the dust. I give too much of myself away, and stupid, stupid me...sometimes I let myself believe I might get the same in return. Never. Stupid hope...it's abandoned me before, I wish it would now. Sometimes hope seems overwhelmingly overrated. Hoping sets you up for unbelievable disappointment if you ask me.

I didn't let it get to me...too much. I will tell you this though. On Saturday, I figured Joel would come. He always goes to the last show. However, I was not as prepared as I would have liked to believe I was to see both Tim and Joel at the same time. I hadn't seen Tim Beier since my party way back in March. We've resolved things online, but come now. Online drama! Good glory. So I wasn't as ready as I thought. On top of those already rather difficult scenarios, bad things had been happening to me all day, which just kept weighing me down, and making me weaker and weaker...too weak to handle the approaching evening. I had what I can only describe as a panic attack after Tim and Tim got there. I had to quickly excuse myself, so everything I had been holding in forever didn't burst out in front of the entire audience.

I rushed backstage, and found Kaitlin, who knows almost everything about everything. I told her I couldn't do it...any of it. (She knew what I was talking about, I won't record it here) and then I just burst into tears. I stopped handling everything momentarily. Sometimes you just have to let it out. I need to do it more often, methinks. Anyway, there was suddenly a circle of support around me. Gosh, I love theater. Megan Koegel was there, and she has become extremely important. She seemed as if she were about to cry when I gave her a thank you gift and a card. I gave her Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Piglet beanies dressed up as the Beatles. (They no longer sell the Eeyore Ringo...) I think Megan knew what I was talking about, when I had said to Kaitlin back there "I try so hard to make things better. I've done it all my life, but no one else wants to even try. They'd rather shun me and blame me for things I had no control over. I put myself in too many stupid situations, and they all catch up with me at the same time. I can't win." Megan growled, and shook her head. I thought she was mad at me. I guessed she wasn't when she came to check on me in the dressing room to make sure I was okay, and told me "I love you so much!" and we laughed.

After I composed myself, I realized I was supposed to be onstage soon to introduce the show, thank people, etc etc. I ran around to the front of the theater, and swung the door open. My jaw dropped as I realized Holly was already talking onstage. Then she shouted "There she is! Eeryone turn and point!" So everyone in the audience turned around and looked at me, applauding. When I got up on stage, I was presented with a beautiful bouquet of roses from my cast and crew. After our "speech" I went back into the audience and sat between Tim and Tim. Beier asked if I was better now. I lied, and said yes. Lying is never good, but he doesn't want to know about my problems, so what was I supposed to say? I loved having Klecker around me again. We had a blast watching the play, it's hysterical afterall. I was so proud of them. Klecker and I had fun remembering events from our own theater experiences.

After the play, I had to lock up. Which means waiting for everyone else to leave. Klecker and I layed on the couch on stage, and tried in vain to recite our favorite scene from "Harvey". We picked up right where we left off with our Mary/Edward routine. I miss him so much...

Well, I don't want to make this a long entry. I'm not even supposed to be online right now! Yes, I know. Total rebel... the party that night was right by my house! I didn't know that until we got there. I showed Lauryn my room. Tim and Tim came with me. I talked to my mom, told her where we were, how late it would go. She claims that never happened...which is why Sunnie and I got in huge trouble/kicked out/grounded/yelled at/screamed at....because we never called. i walked home instead, but mom says I never did...oh well. They make me laugh. My dad isn't speaking to us, I guess. All the better for us if you ask me!

After the cast party, Tim and Tim came over and hung out in my room for a little while. It was fun, and I hope we can hang out again soon. I didn't realize how much I truly missed Klecker until he had to leave again...*whines*! ANYWAY....yesterday was set strike. I hid from the work like I usually do. Lauryn and I hid in the costume loft and told each other our life stories. It was very fun! I love her so much...she's great. She and I are SERIOUSLY going to do a lot of stuff this summer. So are the other "Cocktails" people. Never ending cast party this summer! Yeah, baby! Brett, Kaitlin, Kyle, Nicole, Lauryn, Drew and I all went to Applebee's last night. We were there for hours! It was so much fun. I love those guys, man. I love hanging out with Drew, too. I never knew I would. He wants to be a writer. Need I say more? *laughs* He said he wanted the advice of a professional. We all talked with him about his current girlfriend problems. He and I ended up talking about it one on one in the parking lot. We "took a walk". Because I was the only person who has actually conversed with his girlfriend. Never in a million years would I think that Drew Combs would ever want to "Talk to me privately" *laughs* If that would have happened early last year, Sunnie woud have slaughtered me! He's gonna do a lot of stuff with us this summer, too! Never ending cast party yo yo yo! Movie fests, beach parties, costume parties! And of course the banquet! I don't think I've ever been this close with an ENTIRE cast before. Not ever, i don't think. I love them all soooooo much. Lauryn and I are already going through withdrawal. We already planned out a time for me to call her today. She's....so amazing. One of my best friends, I can honestly say. I gave her something I never told anyone about. The something I had in my pocket everytime I got a part in a play. It's legendary. Well, anyhoo....after Applebee's, I came home, then Kelly and I went to the last showing of "Identity". Kelly really liked it. I didn't like it as much as I hoped I would. It was...eh...okay. Then we went to Perkin's at around 11 something. Then I fell asleep...then I woke up this morning, watched Dawson's Creek for 4 hours, while cleaning the house. Then my mom woke up. Joy joy joy...enough said. And so now, I am done writing in here. I shall write again when something interesting happens! Later, over and out. Peace, yo!

Well! Tonight was opening night. Thanks for the prayers, everyone, it was FANTASTIC! There were a few goofs, but that's to be expected. They were amazing, I looked amazing...as amazing as I can, and I felt great about it...(I got hit on!....I think....perfect stranger, but fun all the same.) The audience laughed at every remotely funny part, and I couldn't have been happier. It was awesome. I was awesome! The play went spectacular, I can't say enough about it.

Afterward, the cast and crew went to the traditional Thursday night Perkin's party. Lauryn Zinke and I (Who is my TWIN, I swear) Discovered that we are so much alike. We got the ball rolling when we both ordered a lemonade at the exact same time. Then we decided to split a chicken caesar salad, because it's our favorite. Then that lead to movies, music, etc etc etc. Now we've decided we're going to have girly get togethers and talk until the sun comes up.

Perkin's was a blast, I got to learn things about people I didn't know before. Such as Drew wanting to be a published Science Fiction author? Which lead to him asking me all about my writing, every part of my writing...AHH! That's always an interesting conversation. It was fun getting to know more about him. And more about...*cough* Nevermind!

It was a grand time. I was sad to see it end. I learned that Matt Wood si going to be famous, and that I am determined to keep in touch with him! Reason being because I'm going to be mentioned in his Oscar speech if it kills me! *laughs*

I have a confession to make. A quick one, because I'm tired and need to sleep, so I can get up and work tomorrow! I miss being the star. I can't say it any other way! I miss the applause, I miss the "Oh, you were so good up there", and I miss the flowers. The bouquets of flowers! Tonight, Dan Dutcher's mom gave me a rose, and I almost cried! She was the only one. I'm not saying that I deserve all these flowers or anything...it's just that...I wish I could have some. It's such a great feeling. I don't know, I can't explain it. You know what I REALLY want though? Laugh all you want, but I'm being honest. A BOYFRIEND to come to one of my theatrical endeavors, and HE gives me flowers. That's going to happen to me....someday. It's such a silly trivial thing to fantasize about, but you go without it your whole life, and you do fantasize about it. Silly things...but they're not silly to me. They're dreams...silly to some. You know...another confession.

I've been watching a lot of Dawson's Creek lately. It's on every morning before I go to work. Here's my confession. I want very very badly to have a guy best friend. Like Jen and Jack, or Joey and Dawson...I'm just so jealous! I don't know why it's so different...I just want a guy best friend. I want a guy friend to call me regularly, because we're best friends. I want to go with him places, because we're best friends. And then I'll have a boyfriend, in addition to my guy best friend. And when the boyfriend turns to crap, my guy best friend will be there for me, and reinstate over and over again that not all guys are evil. Afterall, my best friend would be a guy...so if you're a guy, and we're ALREADY friends, step up to the plate and be my ultra-close best friend! I want I need I crave! I have no other positive male role models in my life...*pouts*

Well, that's that. Guy best friend, wherever you are...bring me flowers tomorrow night. I need the smile. Peace out, e-rokin forever more.

Okay, I'm sleepy, so I'm just going to record the most interesting thing that happened to me recently. Last night, Sunnie and I went to the Avril Lavigne concert at the Excel Energy Center. Kelly had bought the tickets for Sunnie's birthday in January. Kelly decided she didn't want to go, so yay! I got to go! Woo-hoo! Anyway...it was Easter night. Easter dinner was less than perfect, but isn't that how it always is? I think so, yes. Anyway!

Kelly dropped us off, and we waited outside for awhile to get in. When we got in, we got lost. We didn't understand the tickets, because we are illiterate, rare concert goers. At least to the Excel. Anyway, we were ping-ponged back and forth for awhile, security guards arguing with each other over where we were allowed, and not allowed to go. FINALLY...Sunnie and I ended up on the St. Paul Club level, with plush leather chairs, and bar seats. Sure, we were far away from the stage, but we could see everything. It was pretty cool. Besides, looking down at the mob on the floor...I was glad I wasn't down there. SCARY! I've had enough bad experiences in mosh pits, thank you very huge!

So, we sat in our little seats, gazing joyously at the chaos below. Sunnie decided to go souvenir shopping. We battled the crowds on the main floor, so she could buy an Avril poster. We made it back to our seats shorty before the first opening act made their grand appearance. They were a French/Canadian group called "gob". Interesting, to say the least. They had a simply excellent drummer. Very very talented. Anyway, their tunes were catchy, and Sunnie and I looked at each other menacingly as they announced that they would be signing autographs after their performance on the main floor, section 122. We agreed quickly to go meet them, walking forever to get there...

We got in the long line, each bought a copy of their CD...due to a slight mix-up...she and I ended up near the front of the line. To make this as short as possible...we met them, got autographs, chatted a bit, left and went back to our seats. (We saw Drew Combs and Ali Linde, which was fun! Thousands of people, and we see friends. Good times!) We watched the second group "A Simple Plan", and then waited for Avril to come on. She did about 45 minutes later. The first time I had heard her perform live was on MTV, and she was really bad. So I was quite impressed when she did amazingly well! It was very enjoyable, and Sunnie was simply ecstatic. She is quite an Avril fan! It was fun seeing how happy she was. That always makes me smile. I was less than energetic, because I never sleep, and I was in excruciating pain. But it was still incredibly fun! We had met celebrities, seen three great performances! It was an excellent night. But it wasn't over yet.

After the show ended, Sunnie called our dad to inform him that he could leave to come and pick us up. Sunnie insisted that we go to the nearest souvenir stand, so she could buy a keychain. The crowd was monstrous, and I had to question our sanity as the lines seemed to be at a stand still. We waited, and waited. We got a little closer about every ten minutes. We were about three feet away from the counter when this guy sort of weazled his way in front of me, next to Sunnie. He put his arm around her waist, craning his neck to see behind the counter.

"Scuse me darlin'..." he said to her, his arm still around her waist. She looked at him strangely, and he looked back at her with a questioning stare.

She said back politely "Oh, it's okay." He let his arm "casually" slip DOWNWARD off of her, and then strode away. She gazed after him, squinting in confusion.

I laughed, saying "What the heck was that? Weirdo..." Suddenly, Sunnie's jaw dropped, and she clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Corrie! That was the drummer from 'Gob'! I swear it was!"

"Yeah, right Sunnie. No way."

"No, it was! Give me my CD! I'll show you!" I pulled her CD out of my pocket, and handed it to her. She anxiously pulled her insert out, and pointed to a picture. "See? That's the guy!" I looked at it skeptically, totally not buying it. I decided to let her believe it, just because it would be a fun story to tell. Suddenly, the guy who had had his arm around my sister's waist climbed up on top of the souvenir counter, as one of the employees behind it shouted out

"Ladies and gentlemen! The drummer from "Gob"!" And then he proceded to sign autographs, and sell copies of their CD...I couldn't believe it! I turned to Sunnie in shock and said

"Sunnie, you just got groped by a rock star!" She laughed giddily, her love of drummers becoming more apparent as she let it sink in. We tried to make our way over to the guy who had earlier been openly flirting with Sunnie, (So she could flirt back, of course. She was going to seductively ask Gabe (that was his name) to sign her jeans.) but just as we were getting somewhat close, my dad called the cell phone to tell us he had reached the Excel Energy Center.

We had his autograph either way, and we left with a truly great story...a factual story...to tell everyone. The CD that we bought of theirs is actually pretty good. I wasn't sure I would like it...but aside from the occasional bad word, I really enjoy it. And the fact that the awesome drummer I hear wanted my sister....that just makes me giggle. It was a great night, and I don't think either of us will forget it! Still doesn't beat Mark McGrath calling me his Angel, but I'm always on the lookout. Peace out, yo...I'm going to sleep!

PS- the play opens this Thursday, the 24th. Everyone is slipping a bit. Come and support it! A lot of my furniture is performing! *laughs* Love ya, later tator.

Goodness gracious, lordy be, heavens to betsy! Do you know what I found out? If I miss my designated time slot on either Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday for online time...I do not get to go on at a different time, other than my alloted slot. AH! That is ridiculous! I found this out when on Monday, Kelly and I decided to go to a movie at 9:10 pm. I missed my slot, and was warned upon my return home that I was not to go on the computer, but rather go directly to bed, because my first day of work was the next day. YAY!!!

So, yes. I got the job at The Avalon Tea Room. Today was my second day. So far so good! I like it. I've learned a lot in just two days. However, I feel like this whole new job thing did not happen at the best time.

I am completely stressed out! I have a new job to learn, the play is...less than perfect...(it opens a week from tomorrow, F.Y.I) I have a drama to perform on Friday...that I have to write! And I have complete and total writer's block...I have a packet of music to learn that I just got today, that I have to learn by Friday...and...dear journal of mine...I just got my period, which makes everything seem ten billion times worse that it really is!

Okay, back to pleasantries. So Kelly and I went to the movies on Monday. We saw a movie I had been wanting to see for awhile, and no one else did. Yes, I wanted to see "What A Girl Wants". I made Kelly go with me. Turns out, we both ended up liking it a lot more than we thought we would. I liked it A LOT! It made me smile. In the movie, for those of you who don't know, there is an incredible guy. His name is Oliver James. He plays the teenage love interest. (He's really 23 in a couple months) In the movie, he REALLY sings, and acts exceptionally well! This was his very first movie, and finding him was a fluke. I know, because I saw the making of/behind the scenes on E!

ANYWAY! Kelly and I both fell in love with Mr. Oliver James. So much in fact, that after the movie, we drove to miscellaneous discount stores looking for the sountrack, hoping they were open late. (they weren't.) So! First thing the next morning...Kelly and I (before work) went to Target. No luck...but alas the Kelly Clarkson CD had come out! Which was the main reason I went there. We were there so early, the lady had to find the box and dig one out for me. I was the first person to buy that CD at Target! Ha ha ha! Anyway. They were all out of the "What A Girl Wants" soundtrack. So we went to Wal-Mart!

Oh, Wal-Mart...Wal-Mart had two copies. Just two! And after looking at the track listing, and seeing TWO songs by Oliver James...the two copies became ours. Then...we got a bit sidetracked. Cheap DVDs! What to do, what to do...before we knew it, I had about 15 minutes to get to work. We rushed to the cashier, and the dude...was the slowest person ever! I couldn't believe it....I was late to my first day on the job. Why? Gosh darn you Oliver James! HA! I am so compeltely and totally kidding!

Anyway, I must give Nikki the credit for discovering him first...even though I would have liked him without her help...she did see him first. I've given her enough guys...it was her turn to return the favor. *LAUGHS!*

Speaking of Nikki, she and I...because otherwise we'd never know ANYTHING...started a back and forth journal. Just like middle school! But thank God I thought of it *laughs* We've already gotten plenty of use out of it. Nikki stopped by the tea room today to drop it off. Sweet girl....we've been playing phone tag for awhile, so we both went crazy! We need to see each other more than once every other week gosh darn it all. Alas, alas, alas...

Well a lot of things have happened since I last wrote, most likely...but I can't remember what they were for the life of me! To sum it all up...the play people are semi driving me crazy, new job is...bad timing...scary drama thing...cute movie guy...yeah, really can't think of anything else! The only other things are probably complaining, so that's no good... heh heh heh (My mom is going off Paxil, an anti-depressant, makes her even worse than usual, and makes her feel sick. Life is grand....)

So! That's that. Enough for now...I'll write more tomorrow if anything happens. I won't be able to write, however, if I miss my designated hour! And what with late play rehearsals and all...I just don't know....later tator! Peace out!

I really don't feel like writing. Why? I'm not sure. So I'll be brief. I woke up this morning EARLY to a phone call from one of my mom's medical contacts. Then I watched "The Making of The Color Purple". Then I fell asleep for about an hour. Then I got up, cleaned the house. Then...my mom eager to get some fresh air and get rid of her nausea...demanded I drive her around with the windows down.

I drove to the apple orchard, I drove downtown Stillwater, and then...now what kind of sense does this make...I drove my poor pukey feeling mother to Taco Bell, so she could have a taco and a burrito supreme. Yah, that's what I thought.

After driving my Mom around for a couple hours, I went home and called Nikki. She came and picked me up, so I could help her make some cookies. It was fun. Then she drove me home, and then...then I watched Sister Sister on Disney, then took a shower, then watched Friends, then fell asleep. (For about 20 minutes) Then I got up and made dinner. Then I watched "Without A Trace" Good show...you should watch it.

So that brings me to now. I'm watching That 70's Show...funny funny. And I was writing in my journal, but now I'm done! I have to go back to my conversation with Jessi...discussing whether or not we would enjoy biting Orlando Bloom...peace out. *Pray for the play*

Well! It seems that I may have a job! *woo-hoo*!! On Tuesday, I had an interview at "The Avalon Tea Room". I think it went really well! They said they would start me at more than I asked for...(which means I would get $8/hr) It seemed like I got the job. They kept saying things like "When you work here..." and "Be thinking about ideas for our theme teas"....so it seems pretty gosh darn promising!

After my very good interview, I met Kelly over at Keys. She and I split our favorite, the Keys Chef Salad with ranch dressing. Then I ended up spending the whole rest of the day at my grandma's apartment. She was glad I was there...she was having a pretty hard time.

Nikki called me over at my Grandma's, and I was so excited! I still hadn't talked to her since I was at her house that night. Anyway, she couldn't talk long (as usual) so we made plans for the next day (Today--Wednesday) to go out to lunch. She has early release now, so she's very excited *grins*

After I left my grandma's later that evening, my mom and I decided to watch "The Color Purple". That is the ONLY movie that makes me cry every single time I watch it! It's unbelievable. It is such a good movie. If you haven't seen it...you should. You really should. It is sooooooo good. After the movie, I was standing in my room, pulling my blanket down, in the dark...when my dad walked in. I greeted him, he didn't respond. He held a piece of paper out to me, and I took it. He didn't say anything, just turned and walked away. I thought I was in really big trouble! But...I wasn't.

The piece of paper he handed me, was an e-mail he had recieved from my old music director from Eagle Brook church. I had auditioned for him a few times, but never got a part. (It wasn't because he didn't like me...the drama lady didn't...don't even get me started on her.) ANYWAY, my dad has become pals with this guy, so he used my dad as a connection to me. The e-mail he wrote my dad was basically asking him to ask me if I would be interested in being the lead vocal/drama performer in their Good Friday service at his new church in Stillwater!!!! He had remembered that I was talented, I guess, and sought me out. We've attended that church only once...I was so excited. I get to be on stage again!! I get to perform! It made me very very happy.

This morning, my mom woke me up, to ask me if I was awake yet. *laughs* Is that not completely and totally ridiculous? Then I stayed in my room as long as hmanly possible...watching the rest of my current "to fall asleep to" movie, "The Temptations". Also a very good movie. Bio pics usually are. I cleaned out Harvey's cage, organized things that didn't need organizing...then I went downstairs to face my list of chores. I will not dwell on the mother problems that occurred today. She's insane, I already know that. No need to illustate all the examples...except one. It made me laugh. She kept insisting she never asks me to do anything, that she does way more than I do. Then she said "Who do you think kept the house spotless last with all by herself?" And I looked her right in the eye and said "Not you." And she pointed at me, and all dramatically said "That's a lie. You know it is. God's listening." I tried so hard not to laugh! Does she honestly think this house cleans itself? Because she can't think she does it...unless she really IS insane...I say it casually, but I think it might be true...I won't go into it, or I'll be writing all night! *laughs*

I did my chores, made some homemade chili in the crock pot to be ready in time for dinner, and then I left with Nikki. Shortest lunch ever between best friends! We had no time. We went to Sbarro, to have a food we both discovered the other one loves as well. Baked Ziti! Then she dropped me off at rehearsal....no comment....then I came home. My brother Jamie and I walked up to Super America and bought some pop just for giggles. Then we walked home, and watched Driven: Jennifer Lopez on VH1. Then...*giggles* I watched Dawson's Creek. Then I finished making dinner. Then people ate...then we watched the news as a family, and then Jamie and I let Harvey out and watched him do his gymnastics. And now I'm here! All in all everything is all in all together and pretty gosh darn good. So! Tomorrow, I have no plans until Nikki calls...she and I are going to make cookies for her French teacher, hopefully. And spend some actual TIME together! We need it methinks. Well...good things are going to happen for me soon...I can feel it. Only bad thing? There's a basketball game on instead of That 70's Show. HA!! Well, I'm gonna head on out now. I'll go complain about how stressful the play is becoming in a future entry. I have not the energy now. Later tator! I'm out...peace!

Know what I forgot to mention last night? While I was helping my mom with the picture frames, my Dad was attemtping to hang this painting my parents had bought on their anniversary trip to South Carolina. He hit a stud...or whatever he said, and all of the sudden we heard a HUGE crash. I thought it was coming from the kitchen. I ran in there to see what had happened, and didn't find anything. My dad figured out that since he was pounding in one wall, whatever fell would be on the other side of that wall. Which would make that the entryway bathroom.

My dad could barely open the bathroom door. The huge mirror...beautiful mirror...had fallen and shattered. Guess who got to clean it all up?? That was really un-fun. My dad broke it though, right? So I don't get the seven years bad luck. I better not. I've already had 19!

Today, I woke up and got ready for Holly to stop by and grab the "Cocktails With Mimi" T-shirt templates. Then my mom woke up, and I got chores. Then she left to go to granny's house, and I did my chores. Then I went to theater rehearsal. I got the strangest feeling when I was there. No one acknowledged me like usual unless I went up to them...(Except for Lauryn, who is just the sweetest person ever I love her to death!) And yet everyone had the same look. And I'd say hello, and it seemed like they didn't notice.

One person in the cast that I will always appreciate, it Andrew Backenstoss. No matter what's going on, or how much input Megan gives...he will still ask ME the questions, and treat ME like the director. That really makes me feel good. He will say "Corrie, what do you think?" And suddenly my opinion matters again. He makes me feel visible, and I appreciate that sooooooo incredibly much. And he's such a talented actor! If I continue doing this, I hope he does too :) He's an incredibly talented sophomore, and we're lucky to have him !

I left rehearsal early, still feeling ill. It never ends. Then I went up to my room, and fell asleep. For those of you who know me? You know that doesn't happen.

I slept until seven, so it was about 2 and 1/2 hours. Jamie woke me up, telling me Nikki had called. I called her back right away, and was severely disappointed when I was told she wasn't home. I haven't talked to her since she was there when I had that conversation with Tim. I crave talking to her. I hate feeling like that. She's the only person I can't wait to tell everything to. She's so good at being my friend. She doesn't talk to me endlessly about people I've never heard of without explaining in detail who they are. She always makes sure we're on the same page, so we can be there for each other. She appreciates the things I know no one else will. And I appreciate the things she knows no one else will. And Nikki...Ryan Merriman? I'm there with you so far. The only thing I will forever complain about, is that she's so gosh darn busy! I'm glad she is, because the things she's busy with, are things that make her happy. But we go weeks without talking to each other, and it's so dumb! Because when we finally are able to have a conversation, we have hours of things to tell each other that we haven't been able to tell anyone else! And all too often, has she had to say "I have to go..." Before I can tell her absolutely everything. It's frustrating...but I know that when I DO get to talk to her, she'll be the person I need to respond.

Nikki and I have a pretty remarkable friendship. We've never had a fight or any type of argument. Never. There were only two instances that came close...and it wasn't even close...it was far from bad. The first time was last Valentine's day. Before the school year had started, I had invited Nikki and Lurae to share MY senior locker. I was so proud of it..."Yes, you may share it with me...I am so generous..." Well! My dream all through highschool, was to have my locker decorated for Valentine's day. Last year? It was. I couldn't believe it...I was thrilled when I opened it. It was overflowing with chocolate boxes, candy hearts, teddy bears, cute little notes. They were ALL for Nikki and Lurae. Not even a "Happy Valentine's Day, Corrie..." and it was from who I thought was our mutual friend Matt. It was MY locker! Even if they were closer with him than I was...didn't he realize that it would be completely and totally depressing if MY locker was decorated for other people? He knew it was my locker! That's just...not nice. Anyway, unable to say anything to him, I took it out on Nikki and Lurae. I refused to let them enjoy it. Nikki arrived late, and rushed up to me in the foyer to say Happy Valentine's day. I stormed off, and Nikki's jaw dropped. I yelled something at her about "Go look at MY locker!" and an extremely sarcastic "Happy Valentine's Day!" I avoided them for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, I couldn't stand it. I had written her a long letter of apology, and all was well. She gave me a hug, and said she understood, and felt bad about what had happened. She's amazing. That locker thing still has a twang of hurt though....*sniff*

The second and last thing, was when I had been invited to the movie "On The Line" about a month in advance. I was invited to see it with her, and our casual mutual friend Sheri, Sheri's sister, and her sister's best friend. A couple days before the movie opened, Nikki approached me, and told me that she was asked to uninvite me, stating I wasn't part of the group...that they wanted to keep it their N SYNC crowd...I couldn't believe it. I didn't understand why it would matter who was sitting next to you in a dark theater. Tons of people would be there who weren't part of their *N SYNC group...it seemed so silly to me. I started to cry. Nikki drove me to rehearsal in silence. I cried silently the whole way there to myself, staring out the window. It was a Friday, so I wouldn't see her until Monday. Before the weekend was out, she had called me in tears to apologize. I had stopped being mad at her before I had gotten out of the car that day. She just tried too hard to make everyone happy, and didn't quite know what she was doing...

Those are the only conflicts there have been between she and I. Stupid and trivial, right? Exactly. Barely even conflicts! And we've known each other for a long time. Been friends since we met, practically. That's how I know we'll probably be friends til the end of time. It's just that great, yo! Not many people have a relationship like that. In fact, I can't think of anyone. We've never disagreed on anything, we have all the same views, morals...it's unique. We never judge each other, because it would be like judging ourselves. We're too much alike *laughs*. I can always make her laugh, and she can always make me smile. And I made her a mean collage, man! *grins*

Well, I gotta get going, methinks. I have a job interview tomorrow morning! I hope everything goes well, so my mother will stop the threats! Unfortunately, Sunnie failed her driver's test today, so we both have more training to go through. Well, I shall write more later, to let you know all about tomorrow! Later tator. Peace out.

Dang, I done missed a day. Know why? Sunnie and I are now limited to three hours a week. One hour on Monday, one on Wednesday, and one on Thursday. This is so ridiculous, I can't believe it. WHY am I on right now then? Because I'm on illegally. That's right. I'm such a rebel. So I better make this quick!

Yesterday, I did everyone's chores like usual. Drove to Kowalski's, picked Sunnie up, and then was dropped off at my Grandma's for a really exciting day of...watching an old black and white movie, after I made her dinner. Which I love doing, so it's ok! Then I came home, and watched bits and pieces of movies my dad tried to make my mom and I watch...but it just wasn't happening. They were THAT bad. My poor dad, he has really bad cinematic taste...*laughs*

Today, I was woken up by my dad knocking on my door. He and I had to drive to Big Lake to pick up our old couch, which Holly wants to use for the set of the current play. We did that, it was a trial.Getting it, bringing it back to the theater, locked doors, keys, fireplaces...messy. Anyway!

After that Sunnie and I had to go to my Grandma's to help her unload her groceries. Then we ended up staying there for HOURS because no one would come pick us up!

Then we came home, I watched American Dreams, took a shower...then we ate, and then I helped my mom organize picture frames...then I went online illegally. AHH! Why is my life so boring right now? I swear, it'll get interesting soon.

I have a job interview on Tuesday at the Avalon Tea Room. Wish me luck! And by the way...the play? Cocktails with Mimi? April 24-26. So come see it!! Well, I better be going, I hear parental units afoot. PLEASE e-mail me! I feel so out of it without my nightly conversations with all of you loved ones of mine *whines*. Well, anyhoo...peace out, chat at ya later. E-rokin, now we're talkin!