My head is heavier than normal. Does that happen? Maybe my brain is swelling. It certainly feels like it is. I discovered movie making software on my computer, and so I've been playing. I'm supposed to have a video ready to go for Getdown tomorrow, and I thought I would go the high tech way. Should have known better. I can't get it to work! It's driving me nuts. Oh, well. I had it working before, but now? No...

So, today after I wrote in here...I took a nap. (Preparation for the day ahead, you see.) I stared out my window for a good half hour staring at my buried car. It was tragic. BJ called me on his lunch break (yay!) and we chatted about how my car can get me from point A to point B, and what would happen if my car only got me to point A.5...we're so weird. It's great.

After that, I cleaned Jamie's room. His friend Andrew is spending the weekend, and I didn't want Jamie and Andrew to have to live in that sty...it was a huge undertaking, but I had nothing better to do. My car was under a mountain!

After I cleaned up that room, I made a smoothie and watched half of "Face On A Milk Carton". I remember reading that book in 5th grade...

I finally huffed loudly, before bucking up and walking out into the snow to assess the damages. I was up to my thighs in snow...there was NO WAY I could get the driver's door open. The plow had not only covered the car, it had nearly elevated the car OFF THE GROUND by shoving a ton of snow underneath it. That car was going nowhere...

After an hour of shoveling, I had 90% of the car revealed. Another hour of pumping the gas and going backwards and forwards proved to be...worthless. EVENTUALLY...I got the car out. I didn't hit any trees! Afterwards, I fell on the floor heaving, trying to get my lungs back to normal.

Dad went to go meet mom and Sunnie for dinner (Sunnie was getting rewarded for her good grades) and Andrew and I waited for Jamie to get off work. He finally did, and I went to pick him up. They've been in his room ever since, and I watched The Hallmark channel for a bit, before retreating to my room to work on the doomed Getdown video.

Everyone came home shortly after BJ called me after seeing Phantom for the 4th time. I think he wants to beat me. He can probably do it...I have no means by which to keep him at bay. Oh well...

I was being beckoned to view a film with the family, but I decided against it. My video has failed, and now here I am...complaining to no one in particular.

Tomorrow is Sunday, which means church... and I'm going by myself again. That really makes me sad. Sunnie works...mom and dad...don't get me started. And Jamie? He follows their example. I'll be there, though. Yes indeed.

I guess that's all for now...I'm sleepy. Thanks for being such a good listener...you adorable little blog you. Who else would I tell my nonsense to?

Til next time, this has been :

Me!

WHOA! Yeah...thought I'd start out overly energetic, and maybe it will come across that i have a tiny speck of energy left in me. It's a lie, but...you know. ANYWAY!

yesterday! Yesterday was Friday, and I had to work at 6:30 am. An hour LATER than usual, so it was all good. 6:30 - 1:30. I was working register, like usual...being the nazi of brewed coffee. Didn't work with Sam though, which is sad...because she's my favorite! But I worked with Kate who's my #2. It's fo fun being sarcastic and brutal towards one another. It's a great relationship we have!

Yesterday was Tony's second day...and guess what? INCLUDING Elke (our manager) everyone is incredibly annoyed by him. Don't get me wrong, he's nice and everything...he's just...I don't know.

He told me SOOO many times about how he was going on a blind date that night, but he really didn't want to, and how the night before he had gone to visit his girlfriend of the past two years, and found her in bed with another guy. (And you're going on a blind date already? Hmmm...) So he had 'spent the entire night by myself, crying my eyes out'. Awww... poor guy. And then guess what he told me? His LAST girlfriend of 2 1/2 years was killed in a car crash the day he had decided to propose to her. TRAGIC!

I was talking to Karley about how excited I was to have 2 days off in a row, and Tony was like "You have Saturday off? We should hang out! Where do you live?" I laughed politely, and made a big squiggle movement with my arm and said "Over there." and he was like "No, seriously. I need an address." THANK THE LORD someone came in through the drive-thru just at that moment. Darn...had to go do my job.

So he's just sort of been hounding everyone, specifically me for some reason. I don't get it. I'M NOT USED TO THIS!

So then! Went home, and picked up Sarah on the way. It had been snowing all day, and by the time I went to go get her, Ramsey County had already declared a snow emergency. We got back to my house okay, and then we watched "A Cinderella Story". (laughs) I love that movie!

Jamie called for a ride home for the tea room, so I left Sarah with the movie to go get him. My car was already buried! It had only been 45 minutes! It was covered with 7 inches of snow. SO! After digging my car out, I drove about 10mph to Down Town White Bear to go get him. It normaly takes me about 3 minutes... took me about 15 :) I pick Jamie up, and we slide all the way home.

Then Sam calls me, and says she wants to make up for the sleepover that didn't happen LAST weekend. She lives in Roseville. I asked her repeatedly if she was sure she wanted to drive here, and she said yes. So...she did. We didn't have a big enough driveway for our 5 cars, plus Sam's car...and you can't park in the street because of snow plows...so! My dad parked my car in the lawn, my mom's on the walkway, and the two trucks, Sunnie's car and Sam'e car in the driveway.

Sam, Sarah and I watched "Without A Paddle" while I text messaged back and forth a bit with BJ *evil grin* I had already seen it! We ordered pizza (poor poor pizza man) and had a blast! Then Sarah had to go home. Sam and I chatted, looked at pictures, and caught her up on The OC. I kept falling asleep! BJ called briefly, and we had to limit the conversation to around five minutes...or it wouldn't have ended...ever.

Three episodes later, Sam and I both went to sleep.

9:15 this morning, her roommate called, crying that she was an hour late for work, because the plows had completely buried her car. She was surrounded all the way up to her trunk. Sam had to leave to go help her, so I had to get my mom's car out of the way...*growls* I don't want to talk about it! I was up to my knees in snow, so guess how hard it was to get a CAR out of there? I did it nonetheless, because NOTHING can stop me!!! Well...

Anyway! Sam left, and I finally had the guts to look at MY car in the front lawn. The plows...had covered it. It will never again see the light of day. It's a snowbank with a red roof, that is all it is! Thank GOD I don't work today! What would I do??? It's...terrible. Dad drove it there, I'm not messing with it. But my poor car!

So that brings us up to now... I cleaned the house, and now I'm completely housebound. BAH! I don't want to! I have two days off, I don't want to do NOTHING! Or maybe that's exactly what I want to do... but with mom home? Ha! Not gonna happen.

Well, I better go. I'm online illegally again. Love you all!

Au Revoir!

Peace, yo

Wow! Yesterday was crazy cool, man. Totally. Word. Today was pretty cool too. Now I have to go back and think about why…

So yesterday I left off saying I had to go to Granny’s apartment. So I did! I told her I’d be there by 12:30, after I went to the library to return my rentals. (Raising Helen, Wimbledon, and Garden State) So I get there, and NO answer when I rang at the security entrance. Ooh…Granny. You said you had to run quickly to the store! That was an hour and a half ago! And you live across the street from the store!

So, since I’m a regular at that building, on of her neighbors let me in after she checked her mail. I wait in the lobby for awhile, then I went upstairs and cruised the hallway back and forth. Half an hour goes by. No granny. It was around then that my bladder started to freak out. I had to pee soooo bad! So…I left granny a note on her door, and drove home. (All the way home…the full what, two blocks? Anyway…)

So, I am sooo tired, after getting up at 4am. I drift off to sleep after running around doing misc. chores for mommy dear. I doze off, and the phone rings. It’s grandma calling, apologizing endlessly for losing track of time. Unable to hurt her feelings, I drag myself out of my warm cozy bed, and head over to her apartment once again.

She has a habit of making four different meals at once, and expecting me to eat all of everything! She made chicken fajita wraps, as well as chicken patty sandwiches, and garlic mashed potatoes, AND chicken wild rice soup. WHAT?!?! Craziness, and I wasn’t hungry…I was tired!

She wanted to watch the end of the movie she had been watching earlier, and I was soo bored. She dozed off, and so I had fun text messaging BJ. He and I were sending each other Phantom lyrics back and forth. That kept me busy.

Granny woke up eventually, and then I said I had better go home. Pointless visit, but a visit nonetheless. I got home, and completely collapsed. I fell asleep from 4-6:30. I made dinner for myself since Sunnie and Jamie had already eaten, and mother was “returning” at the mall. Then I sat down for another exciting episode of American Idol! Woo! Then it was time for Alias!!! Fabulousness.

After Alias, I went online and chatted with Kelly, BJ, Kelsey, Zach, and Lee. I ended up asking BJ a rather complicated question, and he said it would take too long to type out, so he gave me a call.

Around five hours later, the phone conversation ended. It was great! We covered a lot of ground. He probably learned more about me than I had originally intended, but hey…what are you gonna do? When it gets to the wee hours of the morning words just start coming. I hope I didn’t bore him…he did his share of talking too though, so it should be all good!

It made for quite an enjoyable evening, and thank the Lord I didn’t have to work at 5 today! That means I would have gotten about one hour of sleep. Thankfully, I didn’t work until 9:30. I rarely work a late morning/afternoon shift, so I was a little nervous. Different people than I’m used to. No Sam, no Kate…me and the …other people.

Anyway, I get to work, and there’s a huge line at both the drive-thru and in the lobby. I hope right in, and don’t notice the guy I’m kind of tripping over. I had never seen him before, but I figured it was because he was one of those afternoon guys. Still though, I thought I knew everyone by now! But no…didn’t recognize him.

This guy went into the back to unpack some of the coffee prepack, and I got sent to start the dishes. Elke came back and was like “Oh! Corrie, this is Tony. He’s new.” Ah-ha! Makes sense. Greetings. Salutations. He fit in nicely throughout the day, and wasn’t scared by my humor. I was being totally goofy, because I had actually gotten sleep and wasn’t a zombie! Elke’s roommate is working at our Caribou for the next couple of weeks, and she and I really hit it off. It was excellent! She’s a SS, so she was “in charge”, but in a good way. We had a blast! Tony was fun too, but a little weird. He was like “Yeah, I just moved here.” Says he out of the blue. I asked him where from and when, and then he was like “I don’t know anyone here, and I don’t know where anything is.” Ah, says I. “Maybe you could show me around sometime.” Huh? No, probably not…I can’t even find the Oakdale theater without going to mapquest! I’m so dumb sometimes though, because I laughed and said “Yeah right”. and didn’t explain my reasoning. He looked…hurt? I don’t know. He’s an attractive guy, I guess…maybe that’s why I didn’t get it.

When he was leaving, he was like “Now I’m just gonna go home and be bored. Do nothing. All by myself.” and I was like (somewhat proudly) “That’s all I ever do! That’s what I’m gonna go do too!” And he was like “You should come visit me! I live on Rice Street.” Then he repeated his exact address about five times. Was he…no, could he….was he serious?

I didn’t know, because how would I know? I don’t even know what I’m talking about NOW! Anyway, he left, work was still fun, I love Emily she’s great!

I got off work, and took a bath, and now I’m writing this. I got my wish and starting a week from this coming Monday, I get double shifts almost every day! LONG hard days, (5:30 am - 5pm) but it’ll be worth it. I need the money desperately.

So that’s all I’ve got for now. The OC is starting in half an hour, so that’ll be good. As far as the rest of life goes, I’m not sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong…got that? Good.

Love you all so much! Especially you! Yes, YOU! Who else would I be talking about? You’re my favorite! I’m so glad you’re a part of my life. Let’s be pals! I love you to infinity and beyond!

Peace out

Me!

Word! To yuh bruthuh!

Whatever. Weirdo. ANYWAY! I'm so saddened...everyone I talk to is viewing Phantom of the Opera again and again and again, and I'm not! Why?!? No money, nobody to see it with. Any out of state pals feel like taking a mini-vacation? I'll count out pennies for that from my jar, but not to go see it by myself. BAH!

I'm obsessed, and my obsession has been halted. But I've been sick, too...so it makes sense. NO IT DOESN'T! Death bed or not, The Phantom would make it better, right? I thought so...

So, the Corrie sanity relief fund is now accepting donations. We take cash, checks, and most major credit cards. You can also purchase a "Clever Corrie" gift card for any cash amount, and recieve a unique quote or insult for each dollar you place on that card.

No, but seriously. I've made a bunch of new pals at good ol' Caribou, but none of them are my kind of freaky! Sam's such a pal, but we're total opposites. Everyone "adores" me, but nobody wants to go watch Phantom with me, what is that?! Craziness, that's what it is.

So last night I watched the premier of American Idol. Totally laughed my butt off! Some people are so dumb. Sarah called to tell me that she found out her baby is going to be a girl, and she wants to name her Hayley. I'm very happy for her, and disappointed at the same time. She's not ready to be that "old".

EVERY single person I know from high school (who I've seen recently) Is either married, engaged, or pregnant. It's HORRIBLE! I don't even have...well, anything. But...that means neither should they! I know I'm only 21 and have a lot of time to go... (maybe...unless my lungs fall out) but I feel older. Life experiences sped up my growth process emotionally, but I've always felt older. Probably because I was watching Shakespeare at age five. My level of understanding has always gone a bit beyond "Oh my god...what shoes should I wear with this skirt?" SOOOO not interested people. Don't ask me. How did I get off topic? Looking back, I see that I didn't. I haven't chosen a topic yet. But do I ever?

I'm at the library again, and then I head over to Granny's.
I'm in a weird mood. I invite myself over, because I know she loves my company. I love being there, and she makes me laugh...but I don't feel like BEING there right now. I don't feel like being anywhere. I don't feel like being in my own body! Maybe I'll float out and inhabit someone else for a day... yeah right.

Everyone has a someone... I'm one of those people who attempts to console myself by telling myself that I don't need another person to make me happy. Not only do I tell MYSELF these things, other people tell me this all the time...along with the grand old speech about it will happen when I least expect it, and he'll sweep me off my feet, blah blah blah. It's not like I'm looking for anyone, because I don't really know how. The bad ones find ME though...

Kelly is so happy right now... it's not like I don't want her to be. Candace is practically engaged, Sunnie and Paul...they're an old married couple. Jamie is a babe magnet...why did I know I would be the last? I'm not saying Kelly and Kris are off to the chapel or anything, but... they feel a lot for each other, and I've just never had that. Kelly's had it before, even...and I guess that's her right. She's older. I'm older than Sunnie though! Oh, well. That's counted for negative one hundred, trust me. Argh.

I guess it wouldn't be so terrible if the guys my sisters have found weren't so gosh darn wonderful. How do you top that? You don't... It's tough, because you can't. It feels like a lost cause. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore...it must be time to go.

Maybe I'll do my inner rationalizing and write more tonight when things make sense. We shall see... til then,

I'm the greatest person you'll ever know. Start loving yourself more, dummy!

HAHAHA!

C'est moi!

Hello all...er...me. How ya doin? I'm so glad to hear it! So anyway. The past few days have been interesting, to say the least. Or the most...interesting to the dullest extent. Whatever. I make no sense. DUH! Let's move on.

So Kelly's "friend" Kris has started talking to me more. He no longer views it as "taboo". Which is cool, because he's cool. And if he and Kelly are going to be er...close... I have to know absolutely everything about every single aspect of him. Otherwise...it's a no go, my friend.

He's fun to talk to, although he's had the unfortunate experience of talking to me on the two worst days of my life! (Within the past few weeks...I get a three worst days of my life allowance a month) So...he has thus far missed out on the chipper me, the funny me...the "real" me...at least I think so. Oh, well. He will see the light someday...and it will be bright. Oh, yes. It will.

I still talk to BJ, and the Kelly/Corrie crisis has been taken care of. She's no longer upset with me for my brutal honesty, and I'm no longer upset with her for whatever I was mad about...sheesh, who knows? I do...but...well, nevermind.

Kelly and Kris have been having these nice long meaningful conversations lately, and thus flares the green eyed monster within me...sad, sad, sad. I have seriously contemplated throwing my cell phone away. The only person I call is Kelly, which is not only a local number, but free mobile to mobile. I can call her from home and it wouldn't cost me anything. It would cost HER, but she can afford it *smiles*. No, but seriously! I call Kelly, and I text message her stupid things like "word" when I'm bored. It's... a waste of hard earned money...HOWEVER

I mentioned wanting to get rid of my cell phone to BJ online last night, and he was like "Then how can I call you?" and I was like...huh? So, he did! It was fun. He sang Phantom songs to me.
I would have sung back, but... I can't.

Don't get me wrong, I have a beautiful voice! *laughs* But there's only one person in the whole entire world that I am 100% comfortable around when it comes to singing...and anything for that matter. You'd think it would be Kelly, and in most resepcts it is...but not music. Don't ask me why, because...because I don't want to tell you. Anyway! The one person? My brother Jamison. He and I do pretty much everything together, and I'm the person he counts on the most. But music especially is fun with him. Lately, every time we're in the car together he and I just belt out Phantom songs. My soprano voice that rarely makes an appearance just soars...and he's getting SOOOO good! It's great fun. I ask him annoying questions, and I know he doesn't lie...because he can be undeniably brutal. For example :

"Jamie, do I have a good voice?"

"Yeah, you do."

"Really? You're not just saying that because you're my brother?"

"No way. I'm a little brother. I'm supposed to say you suck."

Aw...you're so sweet. But do I have a good Phantom of the Opera kind of voice?"

"Of course!"

"Whatever"

"Whatever! Too bad when you sing along to the CD, you sound exactly like Christine! You're awesome, so shut up."

Isn't he just the sweetest thing ever? He learns all the guitar parts to my favorite songs by ear, and then we make recordings of the two of us singing along. He and I can stay up all hours singing karaoke...and we're BAD at it! Just listen to me rap, and you'll fall over dead. But it's fun. We have good times.

Kelly is probably my best friend, but Jammer is my best buddy. Ya know...a buddy. Someone you can beat on relentlessly and then go to the movies with. Throw things at each other and laugh about it. He pisses me off sooooo often, but he makes me laugh even more. He's the typical annoying little brother, and he knows, loves, and embraces that truth.

Since I've gotten him to go to youth group with me, we've gotten even closer. It's now his favorite part of the week, and he's made so many friends. He's even on the official First Lutheran "Getdown" poster! He's a regular, and he's loving it. That just makes my heart want to burst with soooo many different emotions. If you knew Jamie's church history (or lack there of) you'd understand why.

ANYWAY! The bad stuff, let's get it over with. Yesterday at work I was working drive-thru, and after about 2 hours, I stopped breathing. Yeah...not so fun. Elke took over for me, and I had to go (literally) collapse in the back. Severe coughing ensued, and after my throat and lungs were raw I started gasping...and there was blood, and it took me a good 15-20 minutes to get a solid breath. Sometimes I get terrifed...and sometimes I feel like my "condition" is perfectly normal...I don't know. It's...lonely.

In other news, in just a few weeks the fam and I take off to FLORIDA! It better be fun... and no more strange diseases I hope. I'll explain some other time... Jammer and me are gonna be roller coaster buddies! I'm excited. We're going on a 3 day cruise, too! 2 week vacation in all, and I am going to be hurting big time afterwards, no money..ouch.

Well, now that this entry is HUGE...I should go. I'm at the library and I have to go grab a billion movies. Then I have to go to a meeting, then grocery store...then pick up Jamie and his ice chest...um, yeah.

Til next time, I love you! (me) HA!

Me!

It finally happened!I've been waiting for it to happen, but I started getting comfortable in the idea that it never would. Let's back up :

At the very beginning of this journal a million years ago, I promised myself and everyone else that I would write the truth as I see it. It was my resolution, and I've stuck to it. From the beginning I stated if you don't want to know what I really think, don't read this. Unlike me in person, it doesn't hide anything. It's out there for the world to see, or ignore as they see fit.

In the beginning I kept up my great fear of offending someone. What if they read this and hate me forever? Well...they didn't have to read it in the first place, right? Then that started to seem cold. Then I realized no one really read this anyway. In the beginning maybe...refresher:

Tim Beier. He read it every day. I told the truth. It was painful, but in the end it turned out to be a very good thing. Because he knew the truth, he sped up the rejection process. Saved me a lot of overall agony.

The person I am closest to in the whole entire world is Kelly. She knows this, everyone knows this. She never read my journal. For some reason, I believed she never would. She's too busy. If I wanted her to know what was going on in my life, I would tell her. Tell her everything? Probably not. Nobody tells anybody everything. There's always some little morsel they keep to themselves and tuck in their back pocket. Especially the people they're closest to.

ANYWAY. The people you're around the most, talk to the most...the people who you're most like...who do you talk to about them? When you're so much like someone else, you can see yourself reflected back at you. Sometimes you don't like what you see.

Kelly when she was here for Christmas, It started out great and ended great. But somewhere in the middle things got sour, and I wrote a journal entry. That's what I do when I have a problem with Kelly, because she is so well loved, how do you complain? You don't...you write to yourself.

So, secure in the idea she never read my journal, I wrote how I was feeling at the moment. Last year it was worse, we really rubbed up against each other. This year, most of it was my personal problems that (and no blame here) Kelly didn't really feel like dealing with. Instead we were both just crabby. Rooms get smaller, air thicker...when the person you love the most doesn't seem to like who you are, you hate yourself and that person to a suffocating degree. I wanted her to leave.

The day Kelly left I cried all day. I never wrote that in my journal. Maybe because I was ashamed. I was even mad at her for leaving. While there was the "friction" a lot of it had to do with the stupid BJ incident. I felt betrayed for no good reason, and she seemed more interested in creating this new relationship than protection the one she has with me. I know that was a horrible assumption, and I was wrong.

I was furious, and at the time I really REALLY wanted her to leave. When it started getting close to when she WAS leaving, I started to panic. I had wasted time being mad and hurt over stupid things. When she left, I was furious with her, completely silently. How could she come back, and be my best friend again? I had something to do, and someone to do it with every single day!! We both did some stuff to piss each other off, and then we got over it. She left, and everything was back to crappy normalness...

To sum it up, Kelly read my journal. How much of it, I don't know. She read the honest truth of the moment, and I don't regret writing it in the slightest bit. It's something for me to look back on and think "You stupid dumb idiot...you overreacted" and that's my right. That's what writing is. It's a growth process.

She read the part where I said "Just like last year, I'm ready for her to leave." she probably read the stuff about us rubbing up against each other, and if she wants to deny that that ever happened, that's fine. I wanted her to leave, and I never wanted her to go away again.

She was too hurt to talk to me and she went away. As badly as I feel about it all, I'm still proud of myself for being honest. That sounds terrible...but I've screwed up too many things in life by hiding how I truly feel. She knows that the stupid BJ conversation bothered me now, and I spose that's a good thing. BOTHERED as in the past though, because it's really...unimportant now.

Anyway... I don't have to make excuses for what I wrote. It's my journal...I'm glad she read it. Mystery solved, right? At least I know she was finally interested enough to find out the process behind the madness... because most days that's what it is. The truth from yesterday will be different tomorrow. Looking at something with your nose pressed up against it in aggrivated assault turns into a compeltely different image when you take a breath and a step back. She knows that. I know that. And being as bad as I am with updating this journal, I never took the time to tell the world about the big picture. Oh well. Life is like that. You just have to move forward.

Peace. I'm out.

Corrie

Silly silly me. Tell me how silly can I be? I obsess over dumb things, and sweep big things under the rug. How great am I? Splendorific that's for sure. Oh well. Alas, such is life.

So, I've made a couple friends at Caribou (where I currently work if I haven't mentioned that before) One of them is moving to New York. Been there, done that! But I'll miss her. She's one of those people, ya know? When you meet them you just know they're going to be one of the greatest people you will ever meet...ever. That's Lara, and that's just how she is. The other girl I've made friends with is Sam. They're both coming over to my house this weekend for a slumber party. We're so nerdy! It's fabulous.

Sam wants me to move in with her. We'll see what happens with that. I'm sure I have other really interesting things to talk about, but I'm tired, and bed is looking really good right about now. Write more soon!

Always,

Me

Well...that darn Nancy Drew syndrome has caught up with me again. I went sleuthing. I searched for BJs screen name on my computer, and the conversation Kelly had with BJ popped up. So! I read it. God forgive me, I read it. I found it only mildy offensive "I wish they could understand we have other friends..." Well! Ahem. Scuse me! Did I say otherwise? By they, BJ was referring to me and Kris. Apparently we're similar "emotionally" Whatever. If they want to talk and be best buddies, I'd be fine with that. As long as it's not on my screen name! Hah! I'd like to say I'm kidding...but I don't think I am.

I think I came across as pushy and over anxious. Why? Because I sent BJ my picture and he was suddenly not online anymore. Interesting...just a coincidence, but I've been conditioned, and it's a hard thing to reverse. Granted my mother tells me how beautiful I am all the time...sometimes she even says "hot" but because of the opposite remarks she made ALL The time before... I can't believe a compliment. Even if I think it might be true, I tear it apart until it becomes simple words...dull and fallen to the ground. I reduce the nice words to words that don't mean anything to anyone. Blah blah blah is what I hear, the sentiment and good intention is swept under the rug along with the pointless words. I smile and nod and walk away, and they could have said "The broom has two ears" for all I know... they're just words.

Anyhoo... this morning screwed up my day. I'm crabby now. I have negative money all around...I can't afford medications or car insurance, and I'm beginning to panic. February we're taking a vacation to Florida, and I have to pay for park admissions. I make next to nothing at Caribou, and I just want to cry. Maybe I shouldn't go to Florida. Maybe I should skip my very last family vacation. I can't, but I should.

Not to mention that the vacation just happens to be resting on the very week that my very first one act play is going to be performed. I wrote it, it's going to be performed, and I'm not gonna see it! I'm...beyond depressed.

Well, anyway. That's two entries today. I feel like a compelte spaz, and I just want to crawl in a hole and die. Lovely sentiment...

Au Revoir!

Me

AHHHHHHHHHHH! Why does this always happen to me? Sometimes, I just want to run in one direction and not look back. In the true words of my younger brother, I HATE today. Some days I can't come up with one single emotion and go with it. This is one of those days.

I got hired at Caribou coffee with a promised full time position with 40 hours a week. So far, my schedule has barely cracked 24 a week. How does that work?? The job search was endlessly tiring, and I am not looking forward to doing it AGAIN.

Christmas has come and gone, and I can't say that that bothers me. Kelly is here again, and just like last year, I'm ready for her to leave. It pains me to say that, because while I love her the most, she and I rub up against each other too frequently. Half the time I feel like she resents anything that we don't have in common. I probably feel the same way, I don't know.

I got 2 Christmas cards from my friend BJ 2 days after Christmas. I didn't mind that they were late, I was very happy to get them. I had sent him one as well...but now I feel like I shouldn't talk to him anymore. Why? Let me tell you...

BJ and I had an amazing 5 hour conversation one night. He was someone I had found through Kelly, but he was not a FRIEND of Kelly's...I made sure of that. Why? Because I hate the he said she said crap of high school, and I didn't want to go through that with her. She told me not to talk to Kris (BJs best friend) so I didn't. Kris told Kelly not to talk to BJ, and she didn't...for awhile.

Last night, I went to bed early because I had to get up this morning. I woke up at 5am, and Kelly was still awake, chatting to BJ on MY MY MY....MY screen name! Okay, first... I don't talk to Kris because SHE didn't want me to! Second: It's my freaking screen name, get OFF! She said he started it, he messaged her/me...well, SIGN OFF! Make me look rude, I don't care. I don't care who she was talking to, just don't be on my screen name.

I had about a billion early high school flashbacks with online drama, and I wanted to cry. "Bye BJ" I said to myself as Kelly closed the chat window whenever I walked into my own bedroom. Something she didn't want me to see apparently...

Part of the excitment of talking to BJ was knowing that Kelly didn't. Call it sick and twisted, but she talked about KRIS 24/7 and I was openly jealous about their connection. She's jealous too, but she won't admit it. Why else would she do that? She could have signed off, left it alone, been content with what she had. I don't talk to Kris, she talks to both.

Whatever, I've resolved not to care. I just...won't talk to him anymore. Things will get complicated if I do. I don't need to explain why, they just will. I'm disappointed in myself for caring at all in the first place. The internet has always been Kelly's domain, I should have learned to keep my distance. He just seemed so spectacular. A great friend in the making. I went for him all on my own, and now she's got him too. She knew of him first, but I knew him first. I know it's not a competition, but if it were...I just lost it.

Wow, would you look at that! I'm writing another journal entry the NEXT DAY! I'm not really sure why though...it's not like I have anything terribly interesting to say. Ah well, I can babble on like an idiot! It's MY journal!

I want to go see Ocean's Twelve today. I mean come on! Twelve is the new Eleven...yeah, anyway. Last night after I wrote, I had this stupid away message up. Most of it was just trying to sound deep and intellectual, but some of it was the truth. It led to this aggrivating conversation with Kelly about my self terminating paranoia, and my tendency to sabotage new friendships. But...I don't really do that anymore...do I? I don't think so.

I'm at the WBL library now, using AIM express and annoying people with my survey question. Observe:

In your opinion, what is the most difficult? Talking to someone you've never met, talking to someone you've met but don't remember, or talking to someone you don't want to talk to?

I thought it was a good question. But...overthinkers like myself would think so. Because we think a lot...too much. ANYWAY!

I fell asleep at around 3:30 am... with every intention of getting up early for a jaunt around the lake. I've decided I don't really need sleep all that much anymore. I don't like it. Sleep means dreaming, which means accomplishing things subconsciously that are virtually an impossibility while I'm awake. That's what dreaming is... BUT...I didn't get up three hours later like I wanted to. Jamison woke me up at 11:30 and wanted me to drive him to work. Not a problem.

Last night I made my parents dinner like I usually do, and last night they trashed the kitchen completely after I cleaned it up. Have they never heard of rinsing off a dish? Come on people! Anyway, after I drove Jamie to work, I tried to get online. My computer is going down fast, people. Second hand laptop...4 years old...and my dad loaded so much crap on it, it's stuck in a time warp and is about tp become a dinosaur.

Well, library comp about to kick me off! I gotta go! More later!

Me

Good heavens... I can't believe how lazy I've gotten with the whole journal thing! I toyed with the idea of getting rid of it all and starting over, but... no. To any new readers who might wager a query into my life one step further...there is some vital information in previous entries that I don't feel like re-explaining. So!

When I last wrote, I was working for Kristin and all was good. Well! I fell in love with that little boy...and what did Kristin do? She let me go... See, I went down to Tennessee for cousin Melissa's wedding, (I was a bridesmaid) and I spent the majority of my savings getting there and back. When I get back, I call Kristin so see when she needed me next. I worked every day, so i figured the day after I got back. Not the case. Turns out, Edmond's grandparents were going to be visiting, and wanted him all week.

Many weeks passed, so I finally called Kristin and asked what's up...turns out, she had decided she was going to stay home with Edmond every day instead. She also decided she didn't need to tell me that. I found myself without savings, and without a job, right before the holidays!

After a frantic search, I landed a job about a week and a half ago. Caribou coffee! Woo! Yeah...haven't done THAT before. Well, at least I don't have to go through a lot of the pre-training anxiety. I know coffee pretty well. My training actually is officially done, and my first "Real" shift starts Monday.

Aside from the no money job thing...my plate has been pretty full! The youth drama thing is a weekly event, and that keeps me busy! And there's this one act I'm writing for WBLAHS (White Bear Lake Area High School for future reference). It's a project with pal Kelsey, she came up with the story, I wrote the script. I ALMOST wrote the script, anyway. I was almost done...when my imac blew. Like...died. It was gone. Dead. And the script had to be done within that week. I panicked.

I called the Apple Store, and since I got it second hand, they said I was past the free technical service period, and it would cost me $50 just to talk to someone. I was outraged! So I hung up. I decided to just bring my computer to the store, instead. That worked out better...except that it was heavy, and I didn't plan out transporting it around very well. ANYWAY...they did a data retrieval, and that too would cost me $50. My mother offered to pay it, if she could get paid back. BUT...I started to re-write the one act, just in case it didn't work. Good thing I did! They called and said they got the data, I told my mom, and she said "Oh, honey. I can't afford to pay for that!" So I would have been screwed! I'm still screwed if I don't get that disc. It has all these novels on it...fun ones that I wrote just for myself...but I didn't back them up anywhere. Partially because I didn't have a disc drive on that machine from hell...and partially because I didn't share them with anybody. But that doesn't mean I wanted them to disappear! I know, I know. Back up your files no matter what. I've learned my lesson.

Anyway, I completely re-wrote the entire one act. I think it may be really good! Kelly read it, and she thinks it's funny. So, moving on. I'm sure everyone is DYING to know about my current guy situation. But here's something I've noticed...a trend if you will in the life that is my own. I never really have a real guy situation!

The weirdest thing happened a few weeks back. First, I must tell you about Lance. Senior year of high school, my friend Lisa and I took a college in the schools class...we got lost so often, that we just kind of tuned out. (We both got good grades in it though...imagine that) We wrote poetry instead. A lot of it was stupid cheesy stuff, a lot of it wasn't. One day, she brought in a poem from her friend Lance. It was good. I have this disease though...any intellectual male makes my heart go all a flutter. I kept my mouth shut, though. Lisa, however...did not. She took the poems we wrote, and showed them all to Lance!

She ended up giving him my e-mail address, etc etc. He and I began talking all the time. One day he and Lisa came over to my house, and the three of us hung out. One night on AIM, he told me he was falling for me...hard. No one had ever told me that before, because I'm typically the match maker, not the one being matched. I wasn't quite sure what to do! He had spent the first few weeks of our conversations telling me how in love he was with my almost friend Stephanie.

Anyway, I was excited and scared at the same time. He ended up going to our senior prom (he went to a different school) as Steph's date. I spent the night hiding from him. I don't know why! I just did. Lisa found me and told me he had been looking for me, he wanted to dance with me. He ended up finding me after the last song. He made about five different people take a picture of him hugging me. That was the last time I talked to him...til recently.

Lance has been on my mass e-mail list for a long time. Apparently...he switched addresses way way back, and I never knew that. I thought he had just decided to write me off. Well, a few eeks ago, he checked that old e-mail address for the fun of it, and freaked out. He e-mailed me back, saying "Wow! I can't believe it's you! I thought you wrote me off a long time ago!" I was in shock!

Lance went on to tell me that he is currently stationed in Korea, and will be heading to Iraq in the near future. WHOA! Not fair. My jaw hit the floor. I wrote him back, asked what his job was. He...like, looks for land mines and stuff...yeah...he'll probably die. Worst part is....if he did, I'd never know it!

So, that was a long story...but it needed to be said. Ther aren't really any other guys in my life. I made a new guy friend online last night though! We talked for like... 5 hours! It was long. And I could have almost sworn I was talking to myself. It was creepy...in a good way. A LOT of similarities, things in common, coincidences...he's an incredible person, and I am very priviledged to know him.

Well! I'm going to do better with this whole journal thing. Maybe life will start getting interesting again! Wouldn't that be nice?

I get a year older in about 4 days, one hour, and 20 minutes. I'm gonna be 21! Woo! And I'll be at home, going to bed early, because I work the next morning. Happy Birthday to me! Not like I would go do anything extraordinary anyway...ah, well.

More to come soon! I swear!

Ciao!

Au Revoir!

Aloha!

Later...

Always, ME!

Well, I haven't written in here since Jauary 31st! It's now... a lot later than that. Sheesh... where do I even begin? I'm doing this more for me than for anyone else, because I know I'm the only one who even looks at this thing.

I moved to New York in March...and it lasted two months. I worked for the devil herself, it was not good. I came home, and had no job. (I'll elaborate on New York some other time) So! Currently, I am watching my step  second cousin's 8 month old little boy, Edmond. Yes, I thought it was a terrible name for a baby too, but it fits him so well now...

ALSO I am truly in charge of the drama program at First Lutheran Church. Not only that, but I've started an independant theater company entitled "Plan See Christian Drama Ministries". And I'm so excited about it! I'll write more about that later on as well. Well, I have to get back to baby Edmond, so I'll write more LOTS more soon!

Later taters!

Peace out...

Me

Well, Sunnie's party went very very well! Paul was very nervous, but it all went over well. We rehearsed and everything. It was funny.

She was really surprised, and I'm really tired. So that's about all I have to say right now! So goodbye.

Bye

HOORAY! Saturday has come and gone, and I am still alive. I'm at work, of course... and I'm finally getting back to a semi-normal sleeping pattern. Life is...okay. It got even a little sunnier today, when Ken Wanovich (My long time worship leader from church to church) stopped by Dunn Bros. to talk to Sunnie and I in passing. He then mentioned that he had purchased the rights to one of Judy Johnson's (Drama leader @ Eagle Brook who hated me and never gave me a chance) plays, and that they were going to perform it at First Lutheran, where I've been attending. I asked who was directing, and he said he wasn't sure. Hmmm...

Then he said he had asked Judy Johnson to direct it. (Ahhh! Last time I saw her, she had kicked me out of the musical for missing a rehearsal when my mom was in intensive care! She's...grr.) So I knew I didn't stand a chance. I wouldn't even be able to be in it, because she would never let me! So, my heart dropped, and I was like "So-long opportunity. Nice to meet you."

THEN he said it sounds like she's not going to do it. I then told him basically, directing is something I do. He seemed iffy, unsure of whether or not I could handle it. So I was like, listen buddy. Do you know what highschool theater is like? This musical would only have rehearsals once a week. Hah! Makes me laugh. Of course I can handle it! So, he says he's going to give me a call, and wants me to be involved one way or another.

So that's good news! Finally. I deserve some methinks! Well, it looks as though it's time to go back to work now. Curses! Oh, well. It will be okay. I only have an hour and 45 minutes left. I will survive! I just typed that whole sentence with my eyes closed. I am so awesome...well, I'm- a gonna go now. Later taters!

I love you forever and always!

Especially you!

Me

*yawns* I am so sleepy. I haven't slept in the longest time! And when I do, it's fitful, panicky, and full of nightmares. Tomorrow is the Titanic tea. My last minute cast acts last minute. It's making me crazy. I just...my head is going to explode. And all my line memorization time? Gone. Mary had her baby almost a month early. So Sunnie and I get her shifts. Well, well, well!

I reunited with my best friend from fifth grade the other night, along with Christy. We went to Rosedale...forever. (I hate shopping, I hate it I hate it) And then we went to my house. We sang karaoke, we watched a movie, I drove them home. It was great...

I've been crabby ever since then. I have no real reason, just that I have plenty of reason and no reason at all. So there!

I'm at work right now, of course. And I'm closing tonight at ten. Then I have to go home, make final costume arrangements and all that jazz. Then I can finish memorizing my lines, before going to bed and then getting up bright and early to get to the tea room. I'm so...grrr! Oh, well.

So yeah...I want to be part of an "and". Sunnie AND Paul, Sarah AND Andre, Sunnie AND Alex, Lurae AND Nikki....I've never been a part of an and before, except in "Corrie and Sunnie's house..." and...that will not do. I want to be associated with someone enough to be their and. That's what I want. You know what I also want? A Valentine's Day. I haven't had one since 5th grade, when valentines were mandatory. In 12th grade, my locker that I allowed two other girls to use...was totally decked out in Valentines day stuff. MY locker...none of it was for me. Not even a note. There were bears, and chocolates, and roses, and poetry...all of it was for the two other girls. In my locker. Nikki and Lurae....someone I thought was our mutual friend did it....that's just so...cruel! How could you? Even if you hated me, you don't decorate a locker for 2 out of 3 people who use it. You especially don't cut out the person the locker belongs to! Ugh...it still hurts. Oh, well. During passing times, I took friends to my locker and told them to help themselves to the candy. It was just...so hurtful, I needed to get rid of it. I hated letting them use my locker after that.

Well, anyway. I'm not expecting a Valentine's day...I just...want one. Oh, well! I don't need it. I'll watch a few love stories, all will be well. I have to get going back to work now... and I'm gonna fall asleep on my feet! Oh, well. Talk to you later....journal.

Me

AHHH! Boy, I haven't written in here for a long time! Everytime I tell myself "Gee, you should really be writing a litlle somethin somethin in that journal of yours!" I just...don't. I get overwhelmed because I'm like "What do I write about" at first, and then it's "Well, then I'd have to write about this, and this, and this, and this..." And so by the time I actually write anything, I'm sure that so much ahs happened, that I leave out all the good things! LORD! Okay. I'm over it.

So! Looking back, I haven't had anything all that interesting to talk about. So let's see what ground I can cover tonight!

So I confessed to seeing "Peter Pan" awhile back there, huh? Well, yes. I did...3 times total. Feeling guilty the entire time, ebcause I couldn't take my eyes off of 14 year old Jeremy Sumpter. I'm SICK! I know it. But hey...when you've been all alone for 20 years, you really notice attractiveness, no matter what more it comes in. So, Jeremy Sumpter is 14, but he seems older, I swear! And he's just sooooo adorable! Well, I continued to feel guilty until Nikki showed up for her usual limited 'Corrie time'. I confessed my cradle robbing sins to her, and then proceded to tell her everything about the movie. Suddenly, I had her ready and willing to go to the next showing. I was like...hey, if I'm going down someone's going with me! So, that was the third time I saw it. She was hooked. Swooning over the younger man right along with me! Bwa-ha-ha...so the guilt was SLIGHTLY lessened. Kelly still won't let me live it down though. Oh, well. I like what I like!

So, Nikki had to scurry home of course. That was a total of three and a half hours. We made plans for the following Wednesday, to basically spend the day together. I jokingly went and bought us each a Peter Pan movie story book...okay, maybe not so jokingly, but hey! It makes me happy. So, I idiotically waited for Nikki to call. And she did! To cancel... as usual. Silly me, thinking I'd get more than a few hours! How DUMB! I'm not Lurae...or anyone and everyone else. Which makes me far less important. I say it, because it's true.

Sure, her reason was reason enough, but i'm sure she never had to cancel on anyone else during Holiday break. I'm just that special. Anyway, she said she still wanted to stop by. So, the day I had taken off of work to spend with her, was me home alone all day waiting for Nikki to grace me with her presence for a measly 15 minutes. And wait I did! Waste, is more like it.

I presented her with her book, and she swooned and cooed before she had to scurry back home before her mother realized she was at my house. Of course, I always ENJOY the time I spend with her...but seriously. The whole day gone for that?

Oh, well. She went home without another word in my direction, and that's what I'm used to. The occasional e-mail will suffice. ANYWAY! On January 8th, it was Jessi's birthday. I made her a wonderful card, and bought her a LOTR poster card set. Not cheap mind you! And I had to reserve it. Klecker came, so that was fun. her mom was treating a group of ten people to Applebee's. I knew almost everyone. All but one, I think. But they were all sort of...past friends, you know? From like, Middle school and the occasional high school gathering. So! I talked mostly to Klecker and Jesse Gangl (Who is close with Jessi, but I didn't really know him that well.) about our Lord of the Rings action figure collections. Jesse won.

Afterwards, we went back to Jessi's, and I fell asleep almost, so I went home to go to bed at like...9:30! I'm a loser.

Since then, Jessi and I have spent some quality time together. We even started writing a play! It was...fun. We're weird. And we're in love with Orlando! Still...boy, is my guy list becoming quite extensive. Now all I need is a REAL boy, and I'm not talkin Pinnochio here people.

Well...I'm sure I'll think of REAL news later on, but as for right now...and i know I said I'd write the plot down of Nicholas Nickleby...but, I don't feel like it. I feel like being done now...

So, later! Bye!

Hello! Absolutely nothing interesting has happened lately...well, not since I last wrote anyway. I'm at work again, and I have to do counter and roaster today. So I shouldn't be in a good mood. But I am. I am one big roller coaster ride, that's for sure. ANYWAY! In my last entry, I forgot to mention my favorite movie of the moment. No, I don't think I have one favorite altogether...but this one is gosh darn good!

I had wanted to see it for quite awhile. What is it, you ask? "Nicholas Nickleby". It's a Charles Dickens play, and it was made into a movie a long time ago, and then they re-made it. it was up for best picture in 2002. ANYWAY! I had wanted to see it, because I love movies set back in the day, and I liked the cast. But I had never gotten around to it! Funny...I won't spend $5 to rent it, but I will buy it the minute it hits the $9.44 rack at Target. I guess I figure if I rented it and liked it, I'd have to spend twice as much to buy it later. Might as well take the risk and keep it forever, right? That's what I think...

ANYWAY! So, I bought it totally impulsively the day Kelly left. My mom sent me on random errands all over the place, and I needed some entertainment. So I grabbed it. There were a lot of new ones, but to distract my indecisive mind, I snatched up the first one that looked appealing, so I wouldn't have to analyze and later...regret.

After my numerous errands, I went home and did laundry, made my mom lunch, cleaned the house, took a shower, just so I could enjoy the movie undisturbed with no "to-do" list sitting restlessly in the back of my mind.

I popped the movie in, and began enjoying it the minute it started. If you haven't seen it, you need to because SERIOUSLY! It's fantastic. I think in my next entry, I shall record the entire plot. It's not exactly the kind of movie you'd go rent or buy on your own. Unless you're me! I feel like recording the plot down, then maybe I'll attract an audience for it.

Right now, I think I have to go back to work...but first. I love that movie! AHH! The lead guy who plays Nicholas Nickleby? He's HOT!!!! But seriously, the movie is good. He's not the only reason. (His name is Charlie Hunnam, he's british, and he's just...gorgeous.)

Well, I better get going. FYI-- the girl next to me, I feel bad. Her friend Dennis just called her cell phone, and she freaked out about something. She thought he had said he was at the highschool...but he said hospital. Then she called someone named Joel, and it turns out that Dennis' dad is at the hospital because he had a severe attack of some sort last night, and is not expected to live through the day. Apparently Dennis was crying on the phone...geez, I'm weird. But I have to know everyone's story. I love people and their lives...and then I write it down.

Well, now that I'm done eavesdropping, I should get back to work. (See? I know so much about other people that they have no idea I know. Bwa-ha-ha!)

ANYWAY! Over and out. Plot of Nicholas Nickleby soon to follow.

BYE! --

Corrie

Know what? After I said the last entry I wrote disappeared, it reappeared. Imagine that. So! Where did I leave off? Let's see.... I'm gonna have to browse for a minute. Okay, so basically I was going crazy. Same old same old. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I was real sick awhile back. And guess what? Sick again!

Today, is New Year's Day. Kelly left on the 30th, and we did not part on the best of times. It seems Kelly and Sunnie tricked me into driving to the airport, during the busiest flight season of the year. I nearly died, and everyone mocked me for being terrified. A mixture of heavy icy traffic and having never driven on the freeway before is NOT a good combination. In other words? I hated Kelly when she left. I was crying hard, but not because she was leaving. I had to get home all by myself. It was a horrible, horrible day.

So! Last night, New Year's Eve, it was planned for my entire family to go to Ruth and Earl's for a par-tay. Well! I got home from the tearoom yesterday...well, no. I got off two hours early for feeling quite ill and coughing on people...so I went to the movies. (Saw Peter Pan...it was so good! Were I that kid's age, I would have the biggest crush! He's a cutie...ANYWAY!) So, when I got back from the movies, I discovered my mom felt too sick to go, my dad was staying home with her, Sunnie (once again) was invited to a party that I was not (duh duh duh) and Jamie went to a friend's house. i was so sad! Because this was the first time since 8th grade I had had New Year's Eve plans. So know what happened? I went by myself. Easy as that. I felt so out of place, because my aunt is really my mom's cousin's ex-wife, so...we're distantly related, and they had all of their family there. And I was just kind of....there.

It was fun, don't get me wrong. But the majority of that group is adorable newlyweds, so... once the clock struck midnight...it was kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss...and Corrie. YAY! Oh, well. I'm used to being around adults. I have no friends my own age. EXCEPT Jessi.

Jessi called my cell phone while I was in Peter Pan yesterday, to report that she had recieved a wonderful Christmas present that she wanted to share with me. Pirates of the Caribbean tatoos. HAH! So, we're going to have fun with those when she gets home on Saturday.

I spose I have other friends my own age, but I never see them. It's more of a long distance relationship *grins* ANYWAY! Why do I have to work on New Year's day??? Why does this place have to be open? Grrr... Well, I DID volunteer to work today...but that was before I had..."plans". Oh, well. My resolution? Next year, I will have someone to kiss at midnight. So there...

Well, I have to go back to work now. It's just me and Sunnie here today. We thought it would be dead...boy were we wrong! Lordy be. Well, later tater!

C'est moi

A bientot!

The last entry I wrote disappeared, so I kinda lost interest in this journal for awhile. And then Kelly arrived almost a week ago, and things were...different. I haven't had the time to write, I guess. But now I do, after being sent to my room like a 2 year old for the 20th time this week. Why this time? Because Kelly called me a Nazi, and I told her to shut up and stop calling me names. I got in trouble.

She called me a Nazi, because she was eating the ice cream Sunnie and I got for Christmas, and I growled at her for not asking my permission. She yelled back with "Corrie! You're such a Nazi, and you're so selfish! I'm sick and my throat hurts." (Word to the wise...dairy is the LAST thing you consume if you have a bad cold...duh!)

So, ever since Kelly arrived...I realized something. I didn't miss her as much as I thought. Her need to constantly belittle me so she can stand firmly superior wasn't missed...just forgotten. I forgot how small she makes me feel. And of course, since she's the eldest, and the one who has returned to mother dearest after four months...she's been endlessly praised, while I've been criticized for not being more like her...

I've cried too many tears this week. I'm back to invisible. It's not all Kelly's fault, and of course...we've had our fun. But I can't take all this again...now I remember what it feels like, and how much my entire body aches at the end of every day when the pressure starts to let up.

She arrived on December 23rd, and the next day was Christmas Eve. Holidays are never carefree at the Killmer house. My mother was a ball of stress for no reason, because the children were the ones doing everything. Nagging, yelling, pain pain pain. We ate some snacks and opened presents. I started to feel bad for my mom, because everything Kelly and Sunnie got from her seemed to be tossed aside unwanted. They didn't keep their opinions to themselves, either.

I got "Scene it?" so I was happy. (A DVD movie trivia game) It ended well enough, with me getting up extra early to clean up the HUGE mess left from gifts and food, so as to avoid the inevitable storm to follow. Then I was designated the official turkey baster..fun fun fun. My grandpa had flown in from Arizona for christmas for the first time in over 12 years. We were very very excited. But of course, my mom made it rather hellish with her continuous contradictory remarks of "Why is no one helping me in here!" and "Get out of here, I need to work by myself!" She even took to calling me useless when I tried to do all 3 billion and 50 chores at once she had given me... My mother was convinced everyone was out to get her, causing my father to almost cry before he retreated to the basement. She claimed she was as cheery as could be, while we were all spoiling her holiday. Yep...that's right. ALL OF US were the problem. She's perfect.

My grandpa, however (her father) actually stated "Penny really does drive those girls crazy, doesn't she?" to my grandma. FINALLY some recognition! We're not insane! WOO-HOO! Anyway...Christmas flew by, with my mom forbidding us from talking or laughing at the table. My grandpa gave us each $20, and then Kelly and I split to go see "Cold Mountain". It was good.....

The next day, Kelly, Diana and I went to Duluth to spend the day/night at Diana's apartment. Nothing too exciting. We basically just played "Scene It?" The whole time. Awesome, awesome movie buff's game.

We game home from Duluth on the 27th, and then I went to Target to spend a gift card. (It WAS for Candace...but due to some...difficulties...all of Candace's presents were distributed amongst the family) I got some LOTR books, some soup, a movie, and my mom made me buy her some coffee filters... Then TODAY!

I got up for church. Took an hour to convince Kelly and Jamie to go. I felt sooooo not good. I had slept in crappy positions during the whole Duluth thing, so i was in major major pain. (That combined with car accident injuries) Having not slept much at all last night, because of pain, I decided not to drive. No big deal, I always go with Sunnie. But Sunnie and Kelly insisted I drive, because of space. There was enough space, they just...yeah. I couldn't turn my neck (not safe for driving) and I had the worst worst worst feeling...whenever I've had those, something really really really bad happens. But like I'm gonna tell them that! They'd laugh in my face. I was seriously...so not okay feeling! So I said I wouldn't drive. (Besides, I hate driving with kelly in the car...passenger seat driver to the MAX!!!!) Then they both set in on me. Boy did they ever. Kelly couldn't drive because she was "dizzy". Whatever...Kelly is so good at making you feel like you're the smallest most insignificant unworthy being on the face of the planet, I swear. ANYWAY!

So I told them Jamie and I would go to Eaglebrook with Granny. So we did. After Kelly badmouthed me some more. Grandma was the happiest person alive though, I swear. She said she had been really depressed every week, because she was all by herself. I still don't like that church though. But i have no idea where else I fit in. I'm lost...

So! After church we were all...I was cleaning. Sunnie and Kelly were elsewhere. Jamie was playing. Mom was grring at me about not doing enough housework. Then Kelly and Sunnie came home, and we played with our cell phones and got new backgrounds and rings. (Background= Pirates, Ring = I Move On from Chicage)

Mom started shrieking, saying "Get out of the house! I want it to myself so I can do houseowrk! (All of which I had already done) So we decided to go see a movie. Then...Nikki called. We had absolutely nothing to talk about. The only person she had had time to see was Lurae. Isn't that special? Grand, fantastic. Last night I had a dream I told her I hated her, and she said "I know." I don't hate her of course, but apparently my subconscious does...hmmm... NO! Don't think so. I'm just...hurt by my own insignificance, I guess. Ahhh....

So! We had a boring awkward conversation about nothing. Then my spirits just...went flat, and my soul felt like it was deflating. Without saying a word, I got ready to leave. Jamie noticed, and followed me to the car. Then Kelly got the hint and got in after me. I'm back to that point in life when every little thing irritates me. Like, Jamie had movied my car trash sack to the other side, and I freaked out, yelping "This is MY car!" So, we drove to the theater in near silence. Then thank GOD! Jessi called my cell phone. My only friend! I was overjoyed. She invited me to her birthday party next weekend. Then she noticed I sounded a bit...weird. So we decided she would come over tonight around 7, and she'd give me my birthday present, and we'd chat.

So! We saw "Cheaper By The Dozen" which was very enjoyable. Then I went home, showered, organized my DVD wallet, and then Jessi came. She gave me a Spanish choir CD from Spain, awesome awesome. And she also gave me a chocolate bar from Spain. AWESOME! Then we chatted. I love her...she just...always helps me. Then we played two games of "Scene It?" and then one game of "Lord of the Rings" Monopoly, The Trilogy Edition. Then she went home. That's when I got sent to my room, for getting upset that Kelly ate my ice cream... Life's peachy keen fantastic, can you tell?

So, another compaining entry, but seriously. When else do you write? So the entry that got deleted was about Jessi coming home, i think. And she and I and her mom going to see return of the king...it was fantastic, and I was ecstatic to have her back home. She's going to Mexico next month for another three months, but then I have her for the summer. We're gonna make a movie or write a play. We haven't decided yet...

Well, one true friend in life makes it a life worth living, right? So I gotta keep going, because I've got something going for me. Besides...if I died now, I'd never meet Mister Wonderful...whoever THAT is....riiiight.

Over and out, I love all of my invisible faithful readers.

Peace out, yo...

Corrie

Happy Thursday! No, not really. It's a tired and yet busy Thursday. But it's my cousin Alyssa's birthday today *smiles* Hope she has a good one!

I had fun yesterday. It was good. I worked at the Tea Room, and got off early, because I had something to do! Tuesday night, I called Jessi, who is home now YAY! We decided to see LOTR together, opening night. I got to go with her and her mommy. ANYWAY! After the Tea Room (Which when I got there, they had a platter of birthday cookies waiting for me...awww...) I went to go pick Jessi up at her house. Then we went to the theater to buy our tickets in advace (Which turned out to be a very wise move!)

Then we bought candy, and then hung out at her house and watched some LOTR/Orlando footage I had taped while she was in Spain. We ate some pizza, and then her mom came home. I had given Jessi her Christmas present early, so she was eager to show it off. It's a pretty frame that says LOVE, with two silver hearts and a pink bow...in the frame was a picture of her and Orlando Bloom on their vacation to the Caribbean...at least that's what I made it look like!

So, we went to the theater an hour early, GOOD MOVE...and st in the very last row. It was fun, we laughed hysterically for an hour...stupid jokes. Then the movie started, and I'm telling you...it was incredible. I couldn't breathe through half of it I was so involved! Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. it was so good, people. It really was. I was so worked up duing it, I wasted all remaining energy. I got home a little before 11 (The movie started at 7:30) And then couldn't sleep, because I had passed from tired to loopy. So guess what time I got up this morning?? 5 am. Geez! I had to work at 6...I'm real bright. But I have an hour and 45 minutes left...and then I can go take a nap. Yeah right! My mom is home. It's not gonna happen. Well...hmmm...

It's time to go back to work already! Ahhhh....*whines* Oh, well. I guess something interesting must be happening later, because I have nothing else to write about right now... argh swash swash buckle buckle...haha! That never gets old...

Over and out!

ME