The sickness doth cling, it does indeed. I sound a little less like a man. More like a teenage boy going through puberty. Very busy day at Caribou today. I feel like I fought a war. We got new blenders though, and they look very tomorrow landish...very "To Infinity and Beyond!" Buzz Lightyear style. They're kinda fun. I felt all high tech and important. Everyone was telling me how amazing I am, because I was everybody's glue...and I didn't fall over dead. I'd have to agree. I'm pretty amazing. HAH! Whatever.

So, then something fun happened when I was 45 minutes away from being done. I just told Kelly about it, so I will share that conversation in here:

KELLY: what's going on?

CORRIE: nothing out of the ordinary

KELLY: Slamming door and flying accusations, yeah

Corrie: see? Normalness

KELLY: yeah, which sucks

CORRIE: indeed I'm just rather...livid. I got off work at one today
PlanSeeDrama: but mom called me at Caribou freaking out, saying that Sunnie was very ill and she needed the carr immediately, wanted me to leave work 45 minutes early, and I ...well, I couldn't I was like "Sunnie has a car..." I was confused. so she hung up on me. so I race to get all my stuff done, panicking...basically ignoring the stuff Elke was telling me to do, shouting "Family emergency! I have to go!" so, I got home, sped might I add... and mom is sitting in her room, counting my tip money, and was like "Oh, you're home. I was panting, and I'm like...is Sunnie okay? "Yeah, she'll be home in about an hour and a half. She just has bad cramps and wanted me to bring her liquid tylenol. They don't sell it at Festival." I was sooooooo mad

KELLY: what the crap?

CORRIE she screams at me about an emergency, HANGS up on me, and then... she takes the car to go shopping

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

and slammed the door on the way out like I had done something terrible "My life cannot be focused around you and your working schedule!" good grief

KELLY: I was just gonna say that

CORRIE yeah

So that's my day so far. Fascinating, I know. Now I'm housebound and all alone, and I'm gonna take full advantage of it. I'm gonna...clean the basement! YES! Word. Awesomeness. Catch ya'll later!

Me

Sunnie's computer is ridiculous. It likes to throw in extra letters and spaces whenever it feels like it. I come across looking like a complete idiot! Oh, well. That's what I get for not proof reading before posting things. It's super...annoying. Anyway! What has happened since yesterday? Nothing extraordinary.

I worked at 5 this morning, and went home at 7. YES! We were over staffed, and i volunteered to leave. I was ill, and they were making fun of my manly voice. Well...fine. I worked two hours and went back to bed. Then I woke up, made myself eggs and toast, and got a lecture f rom my mother for not thinking of her.

It's moments like that that make me dread mother's day. She's buildinig it up so much, about how she's expecting t his huge meal, and she refuses to lift a finger. Which basically means she gets t o pick a d ay in which she doesn't have to feel guilty for laying a round doing nothing while ordering us about. Oh, well. It's what we're all used to.

So then after breakfast, I went BACK to Caribou to pick Megan up because she didn't have a ride to Century. I dropped her off and went back home. Then guess what I did? I went back to sleep. HAHAHA! Then I woke up, read and dozed...then I went to the movies. Makes sense. Deathly ill, why stay at home? GO TO THE THEATER! Duh...

I went to go see "Kingdom Of Heaven". It was better than I expected. I was afraid it would be a plotless peice of crap like 'King Arthur'. I don't know why I hated that movie so much, I just did. ANYWAY...it was good. Orlando was good. And good looking!

Speakinig of Orlando Bloom, Jessi comes home on Sunday, and then leaves for her next adventure the 23rd. That gives us a very tiny window indeed to catch up. And BOY do we have a lot to catch up on! I work all week, so...we'll see what we see.

I wonder when Nikki gets home? I wonder if I'm going to be able to fill her in on all she's missed before...before. Yup. Sooo...

So aftere the movie today, I came home...and ate some soup while watching the finale of Hope and Faith. I've seen that show three times now. It's so over the top, but it makes me laugh. Then I started watching something with my mom, I dozed off, and then I came online to check my e-mail and decided to ramble. Sunnie's late...she got off at 10. Hope she isn't dead. UNLESS Paul is home...huh. Nevermind then. I'll see her on Monday.

So I guess I will go to bed then. Nothing better to do. Write more when something interesting happens! If it happens...we shall see.

Word.

I'm sick. I'm really sick. I sound like a man. I look like a member of the Adamms Family. I'm mpale with h stringy hair, and horrible dark circles under my eyes. I got sick yesterday...in an instant. I was almsot fine, and then I really wasn't. REALLY wasn't. I was swallowing razor blades. At least that's what it felt like. I worked from 5-12, and by the end of my shift, I was absolutely miserable. I went home and went to bed. Yes, yes I did.

This morning I worked at 6. I knew there was no point at even entertainiing the idea of calling in sick, because Elke just flat out doesn't allow it. If you're ill, she makes you find a replacement for yourself. If you can't, you have to come in and work anyway. She will NOT come in and work for you if she's not already scheduled, and she won't take care of the problem like she's supposed to. It's supposed to be her responsibility, but it just isn't...

So, I worked this morning, and was absolutely miserable. Couldn't breathe, couldn't talk, my head was all spacey, I was weak and incredible achey. So, Elke hears me croak something out, and she says "Are you sick?" I say "Very" and instead of showing alarm that I was endangering customers, or concern that I could be very ill, she laughed and made fun of my sick voice. Shortly after that she had me do some heavy lifting and put all the flavor syrups away.

Thank God for Katrina, who offered to stay an extra hour and a half for me, so I could leave at 9:30 (when she was scheduled to be off) She felt somewhat guilty, because I got this wretched illness straight from her. Oh, well. I went home and curled up in bed and felt horrible.

So, it's 9pm and I still feel like I'm going to die, and I still sound like a man...but there's no such thing as calling in sick to Caribou. No, no, no. I checked the employee handbook just in case I could get Elke in trouble for refusing t o allow her employees to be ill... what does the handbook say?

"If an illness or emergency prevents you from reporting for your scheduled shift, you must SPEAK with your Manager at least two hours (or as otherwise required by your mananger) before your shift on each day that you are unable to work."

So, the company requires two hours. Elke requires be there, or have someone to be there for you no matter what. It doesn't say anywhere in the handbook that you will be held personally responsible if you are too ill to work, and the Manager was unable to cover the shift. That is not the job of a casual employee! I know, I should do something about it...but I won't. I don't know how. It's not worth the effort, really. If I die, maybe there will be a revolt or something. Unlikely, but hey...a girl can dream.

Not this summer, but by next summer...my life will be drastically different. Not entirely sure how, but it will be. It has to be. Caribou will be a distant memory. That gives me a little over a year to get over certain fears and go for it. Go for what? Hah...we'll see.

So, still sick which means i should maybe go to bed or something. I'm just glad I got the cycled Caribou illness now, instead of...later. Yup.

So off I go. I'm done with my complaining. I have to work at 5am. I hope a customer catched my disease and they fire me...and then I tell my story and they fire Elke and give me a million dollars. Sounds good to me.

Later!

Me

April 26th, huh? I haven't written anything down since April 26th. Makes sense, I guess. It's another one of those things...too much or too little has happened. In this case, I think it's too much. Some things I dare not write about, while others...just aren't worth it. What am I talking about? If I don't know, you have no idea.

Let's do the typical journal thing and talk specifically about what I did today. It was an okay day. Sort of bittersweet. One of those moods I get in from time to time. Opened at Caribou at 5am as usual. Today it was with Katrina. Only one minor disaster, when I tried tot brew coffee in a coffee urn that was already half full. Turns out the crappy closers *KATE* didn't empty them out. So, coffee went all over the place, but we weren't open yet, so Katrina was the only one who witnessed it.

I worked DT again, and I got to work with my two favorite guys, Adam and Kenny. They're both Christian guys who love to sing show tunes with me, so it's all good. However, you're very isolated and alone when you work drive-thru. So...I didn't get to chat or sing much today. Carrie had her friend Dave from another Caribou come and work with us today. I knew I'd have a great time when he s tarted singing Newsies a long with Adam...yes! SCORE! All four of us were singing so loudly...fortunately for us, the customers enjoyed it.

So, work ended and I went immediately to Target to pick up my copy of The Phantom Of The Opera 2-disc special edition DVD. YES! I had exactly enough money...all in one dollar bills. It was hilarious.

After that, I went home. My mom was giving me chores to do, and I fell asleep sitting up on the couch. My nap lasted for all of five minutes, as mom insisted on carrying on a conversation with me about alfalfa sprouts...

Fortunately, she left and I could sleep! Except that I didn't. My mind was racing through different scenarios of certain events t hat might take place in the near future. I haven't slept for a few days... too much going on upstairs.

There's a ministry fair coming up at FLC, and they've asked me to set up a drama booth to really kick the program into high gear. WOO! Except that...it's only me, you know? And that's a lot of work for one person who works crazy hours like I do. Oh, well. I can handle it. Anyway!

So, I read a book instead. A dumb book, but it kept me busy. Then I had my meeting with Ben and Perry. It was during that meeting that I realized I will be missing the final GetDown of the year. The party, the blow out, etc, etc. It's on May 23rd, and I have a prior engagement. A prior engagement that will have me engaged until around 11pm, a couple hours too late for Getdown. I haven't told Perry yet, because I don't know how. I'd have to have a really good explanation, and I don't feel like it. Needless to say, I was not very talkative during the meeting.

I got home, and I was just restless. So, I got on my bike and started riding. I stopped at the library to return na couple of movies, and then I took a ride down the new Clark Street (Kelly, you haven't seen it...you'll be amazed). I rode all over Lake Avenue (the most beautiful bike ride ever) and I felt at peace for a little while. My head was almost quiet.

The weather was perfect. The past few days it's actually been snowing, and today people were wearing t-shirts and playing soccer in the sunshine. Psycho state...sheesh. Anyway. I rode down to optimist beach, and then my head would NOT shut up.

I walked over to the swing set, and suddenly my head just started...spinning almost with all of these thoughts, ideas, and...fears. The beach was completely empty, and I love it when it's like that. Everything was so calm. The only company was a couple of ducks waddling back and forth alonog the shore line.

I walked over to the swings, and picked out the one swing with a blue seat. It was different from the rest. As I got closer, I realized the seat said "Miracle" on it. It made me smile.

After taking a seat on the swing, I was suddenly a child again. My knees went together, and my toes pointed in, and I began pumping me legs back and forth as fast as I could. I remembered back to when I had been on that very same swing set, had swung as high as I could, and then just let myself fly off onto the soft sandy beach. I couldn't even dream of doing that now. Like so many things in my life, I'm too scared of gettinig hurt.

For a little while, I remembered how I used to feel when I was little. I was always more content by myself and my own imagination. Living vicariously through the characters I'd create in my head. I wrote stories on and off paper, always coming up with the best possible outcomes for each tale I'd create. I was always the star, and I was never unhappy.

I wasn't a loner, I enjoyed other people's company. But it wasn't necessary all the time. I could be by myself and be just as happy. Sometimes I wish I could still be that way. For a moment today, I was...until I looked at the empty swing next to me.

I was suddenly completely overwhelmed with an urgent need of having someone there beside me. I wanted someone to be there so badly, it was almost suffocating. Suddenly I didn't like it there anymore, so I got off the swing and walked to the water. I walked the length of the beach but it was too quiet. The water w as still and suddenly sad. I turned and walked back to my bike. I climbed the hill back up to Lake Ave. and rode straight home.

I busied myself with helping mom make dinner. We watched American Idol, and then I went to go watch One Tree Hill. I fell asleep halfway through. I bet it was good though.

The night ended as it usually does, with a much needed conversation with BJ. Then it was off to work yet again. Alas, alas. The cycle continues.

I haven't written in here for a long time. Partly because my computer is broken, and partly because life's not that interesting. Either that, or it's really interesting and I just don't have the energy to record it all down. I don't even know where to begin. I'm sure I'll leave too many things out. So I'll attempt to be brief, and somewhat informative.

Caribou is slowly killing me. Kerry quit (my Pope, my never ending supply of laughter) and I can't blame him. Kelley was fired (My person to vent to, my rock...) and now I find myself to be oddly important. Don't think I like that very much. Too much responsibility.

Dramas are up and running at First Lutheran! It's craziness. So much work, but it's so rewarding. Since they've never really had a real drama program before, after a skit takes place the actors are treated like celebrities. "Wow! You were so good! That was fantastic! Amazing!" It makes me laugh.

Work and work is pretty much my entire life. In between I get the chance to indulge in a few stolen moments at the library, or a few precious hours of my favorite select TV shows. It's rare indeed to have time to myself while I'm conscious.

So, I have Caribou and church, and meetings galore. Getdown, Missions Trip stuff... and I just feel tired all the time. Up at 4 every day doesn't help much. And certain fun health/girl issues. Bleck. I maintain a healthy attitude though, and I feel better about things as each day passes. I almost feel like I'm going in the right direction... as long as it gets me to where I want to go.

Now... I'm not one to exploit certain personal issues over the internet, but I can't help but sharing how much BJ means to me. I love him, I really do. I don't know in what way I'll love him five years from now, but I know how I love him now, and I know that will change no matter what. I just...don't know how. He's always there, and he won't let me trap myself in any of my stupid holes, and I cherish that about him. He's tough, but in a good way. He won't let me let myself be taken advantage of, and that's a first for me. In the past I've just let things slide, while secretly holding grudges against...well, me for being such a chicken. He makes me feel important. I know I AM important in many aspects of my life, but I haven't felt that way in a very long time. Then there's all the things we have in common. Call it cliche and stupid, but seriously...we never run out of things to talk about. It's hard to forsee that ever happening after almost five months of talking every single day... I'm just...very fortunate to have him in my life. He's very much a blessing, and he makes me happy. Or rather he makes me feel like I CAN be happy, and that it's okay to feel that way. Does that make sense? Well it doesn't have to. This is MY journal.

So anyway, there's that little truth. Enough said. I'll keep the rest to myself. Like they say in 'Win A Date With Tad Hamilton' --- "You have to love someone for their details"...and I do. But those details are all for me thank you very much :)

Well, another early morning tomorrow. *duh* So I better start the getting ready for phone call...er, I mean...bed process. *GRIN* I'll try to keep up with this journal a little more. Or not. We'll find out.

Peace, yo. I'm out.

ME!

I'm beginning to find all the good parts of my job. I don't absolutely despise it anymore. Granted, I hate upselling and working drive-thru every single day, but... the people make it worth it. Kate's not really my favorite so much anymore. Even though I saved her butt a few too many times. She's just not very nice. I don't think she's as great now that Sam's gone. The two of them together were pretty spectacular.

I absolutely adore Amanda. She's so great. She's moody, but in a funny way. But she's looking for another job. She hates Caribou. I guess I can't really blame her. Megan gets on my nerves, but she's nice so all's well. Alli i adore because we worked at Avalon together as well. We go way back...haha. Karley I used to not like, but now I really do. Kelley and I get along pretty well. She's fun to complain about Elke with.

It's the guys that have been making life at Caribou so entertaining. Jon is a great guy. Great MARRIED guy with too many cute stories about his wife. Adam is a pal. Get this...he's an actor who works at Caribou for cash, and he even auditioned for the latest Superman movie. Made it to the top 50. I could almost see it... he's a lover of show tunes, and I made him a copy of the Newsies soundtrack. Now he wants to borrow "The Notebook" to watch with his girlfriend. Alas alas. We really enjoy singing our favorite musical selections together behind the counter. We're the entertainment for Amanda, as she slaves away on the bar.

Kerry lives with his girlfriend, so he has a lot of stories there. But he makes me laugh so hard... on Friday he made up an ongoing song for about half an hour to the tune of "Phantom of the Opera" (which he really didn't know, he just heard me humming it) called "The war of the chocolate" and was singing in this high little voice, and I was literally on the floor, unable to breathe. "The chocolate died today, it's very sad. I killed it gratefully...but I feel bad. We needed mochas, and cocoas too... the chocolate died a lot today for me and then for you..." Then went on to talk about the horrible chocolately battlefield, and how his apron was stained with chocolate blood. (He had been 'making chocolate' which consists of mixing ghiradelli chocolate powder with scalding hot water. Poor, poor chocolate.) But then he moved on to singing about everything! "I scoop the ice out of...the ice hold-er. I put it in the drink, so it's cold-er! And then I stir it up, and drink it fast. It tastes so very good it's hard to make it last."

He's just so funny. I made him promise to make it a good mid-shift, and make me laugh. So he did! He made me an oreo snowdrift, but he made it his way...which is lethal. I swear i'm still full. There were soooo many oreos in that thing.

Aaron is fun to work with when I actually work with him. He's always humming movie tunes. He has a very dry sense of humor. Lots of sarcasm. If I weren't so hung up on someone else, I'd probably have a crush on each and every one of them.

Anyway, Caribou hasn't been so bad as of late. ON Thursday? Oh my gosh! I was working with Carrie and Erica and Travis stopped by (another fabulous guy to work with) and a huge truck with a huge trailer thought it would be fun to try to go through a drive-thru. First they were on the curb, then hit the light post, then couldn't make the turn, so they decided not to. Instead of backing out, which they could have done...he decided to drive through the grass. (New sod after two days of rain. Hmmm...basically a wet land) It ended up with him being stuck for an hour and a half, me closing the drive-thru by chasing cars away. (Literally) And our entire new landscaped lawn completely torn up. COMPLETELY! They had to get towed out by Amoco next door. Our district manager made us file a report so the police had to come. It was very interesting.

So that's Caribou. In other news...there really is a drama program, and I really am in charge. Sarah Jenkins is my second in command, and I'm sure Brant will help her out if i leave. Oh, did i say if? I meant when.

I'm trying to remember all the things I told myself to remember to write about. Oh, well. I fail... I can't think of anything else. I'll write more later when something interesting happens.

A Bientot.

C'est moi!

I'm so weird. I don't understand me. I'm not unhappy, I'm just not happy. That makes no sense, right? It's strange things I notice about myself. The biggest thing? I don't make any sense.

I went to work today at 5am as usual. It was storming outside. Adam was telling everyone his plan to propose to his girlfriend in a couple of months. All the girls were like "aww...that's so cute..." and I was just...annoyed. I mean, it WAS cute.

A few times a year, Adam and his family go to his uncle's ranch, go horseback riding, and do a scavenger hunt. They hide stuff for each other all over the ranch, and they have to find them all. Well, one of the things on his girlfriend's list to find will be a certain bucket or whatever, and in that bucket or whatever, will be the ring box. Awww...so sweet. I just wanted him to shut up.

Jon was talking about all the surprises he had lined up for his wife's birthday. Be quiet be quiet be quiet! I don't want to hear it! Or do I? I don't know. I'm just all around crabby. I try to make myself believe it's just because of sugar week, but I don't know.

I'm not suicidal, I have no interest in hurting myself...but sometimes I wonder if I'm "all there". I don't know... just things I notice myself doing sometimes. I never wear a seatbelt. I don't consciously refuse, but I know I remember to, and ignore it. Stupid little things like that.

The thing that struck me the most, was when we were on the cruise ship. It was so beautiful. I couldn't describe the feelings that went through me when I would walk along the boat deck. It was something I had dreamed about doing so many times, and I would be thrilled to do it again and again. However...I would stand there by myself, staring down at the water. We were cutting through it and it was falling away like broken glass, and the sound of the water against the side of the ship was so smooth and calming...I wanted to jump in. It was the strongest, strangest urge to just...fall off. It wasn't a "I want to end it all and jump" kind of feeling...it was almost normal. It was so strong, it was alarming. It doesn't make any sense.

The whole time I was on that ship I was wishing I was someone else. Anyone else. The sunsets above the water were the most romantic things I had ever seen. Kelly wanted to sleep, so I had no choice but to dwell on how lonely I felt. I did feel lonely. I had wanted someone there with me...but not just anybody.

Anyway... life is getting into that routine again. That boring...blahness. It's not unpleasant, and the days are not without their own spectacular moments... but it isn't right. There are definitely things missing. I'm pretty sure I know what they are. I just don't know if I'm brave enough to go after them. I much prefer the idea of them coming after me, but I know life doesn't work that way.

I feel so uncomfortable with myself sometimes. I stare in the mirror and wonder why what I see is so different everyday. Somedays I honestly think "Huh...not too shabby." Other times, it's like "Gross! Nasty! Ugh! I can't even look at you." And then there are the pictures. Every single picture of myself I see, I despise. I guess that's normal. But seriously! I can't stand a one of em! Every picture...it's honestly like "I look like that? Really? I didn't think I looked like that when I saw myself in the mirror that day. Wow...that's unfortunate. We must have those 'lying' mirrors all over the house."

I'm not vanity obsessed, and I'm not constantly primping or anything of the sort, but I'm a girl nonetheless, and constantly afraid that I won't be able to meet people's expectations.

Lately, people have been telling me how "beautiful" I am, and how "cute" I am, and I think they're all on drugs. I don't know how to believe them! It's just ridiculous! Coming from mom it's like...liquid lies. So syrupy and sweet that it makes me gag. Yeah right I'm your "beautiful girl". And my dad? SHEESH! He's...odd. He tells me I look sexy. Not from your FATHER! Geez...

Kelly told me she thinks I'm 'way prettier' than her. HAH! Bet she doesn't think that now...but before she did. She told me that in Florida. She told me one of the reasons she didn't really want me to meet Kris (at the time) was that she was afraid he would like me better than her. That's funny...

I guess I'm too hard on myself...I'm too critical. That's what I'm told. I guess I'm just scared of being...unacceptable. For what? Life. Oh, well. I can fix it. I think...

Anyway...there are a lot of things I want right now. Things that seem so attainable and so impossible at the same time. How can it look so close and be so far away? At least I have a positive...something. There's one thing I know I want for sure. Really really bad. I'm hoping God wants me to have it. I ask him everyday. "Please God. Please let this be right." I really hope and pray it is.

Well, I'm at the library, spending some much needed time by myself outside of work and home...which is more work. Sunnie is doing well, Paul is waiting on her hand and foot. Lucky gal. I want to be taken care of...anyway.

So that's that. Enough rambling. I obviously needed to say something though...clear my head. Not that that's possible, but it's an idea. A subconcious 'i babbled for a long time, so I must have made something better' kind of thing.

So! That's that. The end. For now.

Me

Hum-de-hum-de-hum... yeah I have no idea either. So! What have I been up to? Easter happened. It was it's usual stress filled event. Fun stuff. Dad only swore twice. (Mom dropped the turkey on the table because he wasn't fast enough, and a bottle of ginger ale exploded all over the living room)I got to talk to BJ so much over the weekend, I was so unbelievably spoiled. It was so much fun! He was on the phone with me forever on Saturday. I got a call to pick Jamie up, so BJ came with...hehe. Then we went to Caribou, then to Festival, and then to Target, and then back home... and we were STILL talking as I started preparing the homemade stuffing for the Easter Turkey. It was so much fun. On Easter he talked to Sunnie. He's making the rounds, introducing himself to the family. Dad's next!

So Easter was all well and good, the usual. I had to work the next morning at 5am, so I went to bed early. I worked with Kate, who wasn't AS crabby, and didn't seem to hate me anymore. It was a long day. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Guess what started yesterday? SUGAR WEEK! I hate my life.

After work yesterday...(it was a double) was Getdown. I slept for a couple hours in between, but it wasn't enough. I was dead on my feet. Caribou is killing me! I was a total zombie.

I was sitting out by the sign-in table during worship like usual, and I ended up talking to Brant. He and I have never had a conversation that lasted more than two minutes, but he's been in my dramas many times. I basically knew him as the guy that Sunnie and every other girl at First Lutheran had a gigantic crush on. He does sort of look like he stepped off of an Abercrombie ad... anyway! I chatted with him for awhile about his upcoming missions trip to Haiti. He leaves this coming Monday. Then he and I ended up discussing how disgusting cute romantic gushy couples are. (I was complaining about how perfect Sunnie and Paul are.) Fun conversation.

So, I made it through Getdown, and then I went home and fell asleep, and woke up when BJ called. Always a welcome sound.

Today I opened again, and worked drive-thru again. I worked with Kelley, and I was in the strangest mood! She was just laughing at everything I said. She'd hand me a mocha, and I would be like (in a deep manly voice) "Thank you, for all your cooperation!" And she'd just lose it. I was such a weirdo. At sunrise, I started singing "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler On The Roof, and then she was talking about nature around 9am, and I was like "Boy ain't nature fascinating, when you's gotta walk!" which brings me to my current mood...

I have re-fallen in love with my Newsies soundtrack, and I just can't stop listening to it! I'm listening to it right NOW! I love it so much. I wish I could dance like they do, because I would do it all the time! I have no coordination though...I'd end up looking like a clown on speed, which isn't too hard for me to imagine...anyway!

"When you've got a hundred voices singing, who can hear a lousy whistle blow!" It's just so fantastic! Anyway...I've been singing it at work, and Adam and Jon join in whenever possible. It's so much fun. But I was soooooo out of it! I was walking into everything. And Jon mopped by the drive-thru, and I KNEW he did, and normally I take all necessary precautions...but today I felt like falling down. Yes, yes I did. I tripped over the stress mats SOOO many times...I was just laughing so hard at myself.

Someone left a necklace in the tip jar today...a gold chain with a glorified flip-flop sandal charm on it. Elke came up behind me and put it around my neck...yah... "So they gave their word, but it ain't worth beans! Now they're gonna see what 'stop the presses' really means!" Ah...I love Newsies.

So, yeah. I think I was supposed to have a meeting today, but it never happened. Oh, well. I feel so un-good. Curses to sugar week. You're ruining my life! Hahaha. I'm such a freak. Well, that basically brings me up to now. EXCEPT! I had a fun conversation with Aunt Jackie Easter night...hmmm

Basically the topic of me moving down there came up once again. She told me to start saving so I can get a car when I get there, and she'll help me have a job lined up, I'd be a built in Melody babysitter, I'd get Missy's room, and I'd run a new drama program, and be on the worship team. WHOA! That happened fast! Can't say I'd refuse! Every reason I've found NOT to consider that option has been squashed. Seriously... everything I want seems to be down in the southern direction. Hmmm...I wonder if it's what GOD wants for me? I hope so...

So, that's that! I'm gonna go lie down and moan in misery and cover my head with a pillow. After I take some more medication. Oh yeah...I choose numbness please!

OH MY GOSH! DUH!!! Sunnie's in the hospital right now. I'm such a spacey moron! She is getting her gall bladder out! Oh, what a horrible sister I am. It's a huge deal, and I've been making it a huge deal, and then I forget to mention it. I couldn't go because i THOUGHT I had a meeting, but...I didn't? Argh. But Paul came to be with her, and dad took the day off. So she's got mommy and daddy and Paulie boy...I wish I could be there too. I love my little sister. She's a pearl...really. It's taken a lot of hard work for her to become the person she is now. She's always been beautiful, but now she's polished.

So, anyway...now I'm done. I swear. I'm done. I swear. Bye.

Me

At the library...WEE! Because my computer has no internet...AGAIN! WEE! Fun stuff, yo. Not the Maplewood library though (my favorite) because I have no car, so I had to walk to White Bear...which will just have to do!

So, tomorrow is Easter. Yup! Turkey day. Paul is home, and last night (Good Friday) he and Sunnie helped me out with that Drama. It went very very well! I was worried over nothing.

Crazy! People from the Channel 13 cast are here! This is nuts! *hides* I wonder if I am hated by them. Oh, well. I don't care. So!

Nothing really all that interesting to report. Life is pretty life-like. Work, sleep, eat, sleep again...fun phone calls...work, sleep, eat, sleep again... and then meetings and drama galore! Wee! I have no internet once again, so that's always giggles. I really have nothing to write about in here...but I have a whole hour of internet time, and nothing to do with it. Oh, well. I COULD update Downside, since I have to re-write the whole thing anyway. Eh...I don't wanna.

So... work is normal, life is normal... and tomorrow is Easter. Ooh...I wanna dye easter eggs. I think I will...after I walk home. So! So there.

Later! I'm gonna go look at DVDs now.

Me

WOO! Yay! That last journal entry took forever to write, and I thought it disappeared! But it didn't! Turns out the ol' gal pulled through. Why is my journal an old gal? Because... I'm so weird. Sheesh.

So! Preparations and nerves away for tomorrow! (Good Friday) Lots of work to do, and no time to do it. All I wanna do is sleep.

Last night I started re-watching "Shattered Glass" because I started watching it a long time ago, and never finished it. So I had to start over. Pretty good so far! Then I had a fun talk with BJ. I'm such a goof sometimes. Bah...anyway! Woke up too early again, and got ready too early again. Checked my e-mail...got some junk from allposters.com. THEN OFF TO WORK! Woo!

I opened with Kelley, who is someone I've come to enjoy more and more. She used to scare the crap outta me, but I've learned how to deal with her. We blast music in the morning whilst we brew coffee and arrange scones...how relaxing. We tell stories, complain about Elke...she used to be one of my sister Kelly's best friends...but they haven't talked in a million years. She makes me laugh, she's SOOOOOO sarcastic. So am I sometimes, so it makes for some interesting conversations. If you didn't know us, you'd think we absolutely despised each other.

Then I was on drive-thru. (duh) Busier than any other day recently. I had the worst pressure headache and stomach ache combined...I drank so much water I was floating, and we were too busy for Travis to cover for me. I got to work with both Travis and Aaron, who are two of the highschool kids, and they just crack me up. They're on spring break, so they get to work mornings with me. And oh, yes. It's a priviledge!

Aaron was on bar, and he decided each completed drive-thru drink deserved to be accompanied by a song! So he hummed the hobbit's theme from LOTR every time he handed me one, and I just cracked up. Then we came up with a system. If it was an espresso drink, it got Star Wars. If it was a cold drink, it was LOTR. If it was chai, or another kind of tea, it got Indiana Jones. I was laughing so hard. Then we decided we were in "Caribou the opera" and soprano sang everything we said to each other. Yesterday, Aaron would only respond to me if I spoke to him in a british accent. I asked him why...and in a very BAD accent, he said "Baycuz it would mik may hoppay!" - spelled the way it was spoken.

So work was more enjoyable today. I came home at ate my turkey cherry salad Kelley gave me, and then Mom, Jamie and I went to go see Miss Congeniality 2. Oh, how fun it is to laugh! Mom and Jamie were sitting on either side of me, and I was leaning forward, so they kept leaning behind me to talk to each other. ARGH! Uncool, man. ESPECIALLY when they pulled my hair and put a mint down my shirt. Bah.

So, mom dropped us off at home while she went to Super Target. Jamie went to Matt's so I'm here on my own. Time for a nap! That's what I say! Sleepiness. Dangadoodle! Sunnie's home. My nap will have to wait. I have to go bug her and jump on her or something. She's so fun to annoy. She tickles me, she really does. Paul will be home tomorrow for Good Friday - Easter. He gets to celebrate with both his families. Ours being one of them...well, off I go to pester. HUGS!

Peace, yo.

Life is fun! - Or at least it can be - Anyway. Things are getting back to normal. Just needed to breathe. Yesterday was crazy, but possible. I made it work. What am I talking about? I'll explain.

Yesterday was Tuesday...crazy drive-thru shift. But some of my regulars are just so great, it's hard not to smile. They're so sweet! They like me, they REALLY like me! Ba-ha-ha. Anyway! So...crazy shift, went home... mom and I were going to go see Ice Princess, but I knew she would change her mind. She went to "return a few things" and said she'd be back in an hour. HAH! Not likely. It's okay. I took a nap. Then I continued with my back to back viewings of Superman 1-4. I finished #3 and then remembered I had to return a movie to the library.

No car! So I walked. Er...without my inhaler. Oh, well. Wasn't that cold! Except that it was! But I figured out a trick. I had my headphones on listening to RJ Helton. If I can't HEAR how bad my breathing is, I don't panic as much and I'm just fine. I can feel how tight and strained it is, but I'm not as gaspy. Cool, huh? Not really.

I came home and wrote a bit of a little somethin somethin, and then I started #4 at like...a quarter after five. I ate some soda crackers and drank some Sprite. I can't remember the last time I wasn't tired and just plain...ill. I'm creating a monster! I really am. Anyway, anyway. At 6:30 Kathy Stauff picked me up to gow ith her and plan out the Good Friday service. YAY!

No, it was fine. I always enjoy spending time with my sister's boyfriend's mother...weird yet true. But anyway! We read all the scripture readings, and came up with all these scenes, and then we raided the costume room...well, the heater/sewing/junk room... and found costumes for Mary, (me) Mary Magdalene (Sunnie) Peter, John, and Jesus. We needed three guys, so we decided Paul would be one of them, and then we raided the college and young adults group to find two more. And we did! These two amazing lifesaver guys...Joe and Andy. I don't know their last names, but I know they're Jesus and Peter! *whew* We spent a lot of time on it, and my head was spinning. But we got it done. Then I found out something fabulous!

Kathy and Sarah told me they saw the church budget, and there was a new program that they were allocating money to. Guess what it is? DRAMA! There's an existing drama program! I can't believe it! And I'm in charge...that terrifies me. That's...going to be a lot of work. We're going to do a prop and costume drive...I'm in charge...I'm in charge...it's mine, mine, mine...

As much as I love the directing aspects, I miss being on stage. I told Kathy that. So what does she do? She calls her sister who works for Oops! Dinner theater. AHHH! That's the same place Becky from The Avalon Tearoom called and told them that "There's a girl in White Bear you need to have on your stage!" Craziness.

So that was yesterday. I was so dead when I got home. Went online quick to check my e-mail. Got one from Perry about upcoming leaders events, and one from Pastor Steve about upcoming sermon series meetings. Lots of hard work on the horizon. But I won't back down!I hope I hope I hope...

Today, got up at the butt crack of dawn and went to work. I WASN'T on drive-thru...I didn't quite know what to do with myself. Aaron is in highschool, so he's the afternoon drive-thru pro, but he took my place this morning...(he's not so good at the morning rushes) and I was his super-glue. (I get everything people order in the drive-thru) For some reason Kate was really in an un-good mood. I can deal with that, really. But...she decided that she would take it out on me, not everyone else. So...she just wouldn't talk to me all day. Okay... I had a blinding headache. Literally. Every few minutes I'd get this horrible pain behind my eyes and semi-black out. Shaking the whip canisters today almost threw me over the edge! I was so overly happy to leave work today. Then I had my "date" with Kristin.

She picked me up, I went over there to visit with her and Edmond. He's...HUGE! So much hair! I took pictures. He's not only walking, he's running...it was almost depressing. I love that little boy so much. He's still so cuddly. No talking yet, but he held my hand and showed me his new world. It was almost like he remembered me. I wonder if he did.

Mike wouldn't acknowledge me presence...oh, well. Whatever. I was there only for a little while. He's such a cute little boy. I love him and miss him so much. So so much.

I came home and tried to get script stuff done. I tried to get things accomplished, but I felt so not good! I went online for a little while, and BJ called me on his break. Then I helped mom in the laundry room and then I fell asleep. When did I wake up? Oh, 8:30!!! What the crap? I missed half of Alias! So I couldn't watch the second half. Then I made myself dinner. And now here I am writing in here!

Mom and Sunnie just came home. Mom bought me an outfit at Old Navy. Yay! *grins* Now I'l talking to Paul and Lee online...but Sunnie needs the internet. She's so funny... she gave me sunglasses because they made her nose look crooked. Te-he-he! She makes me laugh.

So... that's life for now. I work at 5am again, so I should go to bed. Thanks for listening! For those of you who read this...please pray that my health problems stop being problems. I prefer seeing to blindness, and smiles to vomit. So! Love you, take care.

Me

Craziness!

The world seems a little...off lately. All the things I'm used to haven't been there. It's confusing. Let's see. Where do I begin? I have to make this as short as possible.

Elke is being so nice to me, she really is. She wants me to stay. She keeps saying "Oh, Corrie!" Like I'm just so adorable. And "Corrie, you are SO good at your job!" No negative critiques, like I used to get.

Day before yesterday (which was Friday) I had a blah day. One of those...blah days. I worked from 5:30-11 on drive-thru (surprise surprise) and then I went home. I took a nap, then my mom went shopping. I was planning on taking myself to the movies, because Sunnie is gone for the weekend and loaned me her car. (woo!) So what do I do when I could be mobile? I stay home and watch a movie that made me bawl my eyes out on Lifetime. Makes sense. It was really snowing a lot though!

After that movie, I attempted to write. But I was sad. For a variety of reasons really. I just felt...off. I talked to Kristin for awhile, and she e-mailed me pictures of Edmond...he's so old. It was so depressing. I'm going over there on Wednesday, I guess.

I sat and stared at the wall for awhile. (Really) I thought about a lot of things. A lot of the things I thought about I had thought about before. So far, that's all I can do. Think about them. I waited on the couch for Jamie to get home. The day before had been his 16th birthday, and we had planned to watch the present I gave him the next day. (Earthsea)

He got home, and I was almost relieved. Enough time by myself, dummy! Gives me too much time to wallow. So, we watched the movie (it was good! Better than I thought) with dad, actually. He'd come home early. Then mom came home...after that movie, I went to bed. Early... and slept. Slept too much. I never woke up like I usually do. The phone never rang like it usually does. Saturday therefore, was very off balance.

I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday, gave myself roughly 10 minutes to get ready. (So I'd have enough time to remove the mountain covering Sunnie's car) Went to work, they put me on drive-thru. (DUH!) And it was the slowest thing EVER! Normally there's never a break in the cars. I only had two rushes my whole shift! I was so...confused. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was aggrivated, because not having my continuous 'I want to kill myself I'm so busy' drive-thru, my mind had way too much time to wander. It wasn't good. Thankfully...my shift ended without too much mental damage.

Everyone had been so nice and funny...that it didn't feel right. Like there was a secret I didn't know abou. I walked out to the car, and noticed I had two new voicemails. The first one was from Amy Turnbull, who's Pastor Steve Turnbull's wife, who wanted me to come up with something fabulous for Good Friday. HA! A little too late for that. I still don't even have a proper name database for all these people! Grr argh!

The second message was from Dom Rodriguez. Who's that? Oh! Well he's the father of the kids I was a nanny for in NY. Basically, it was a message begging me to come back. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's what I did. I laughed! Yeah right! What the crap! Never in a bazillion years! If I move outta this place, I'm not moving east again, I guarantee it! I prefer the south...

So, that was hilarious. I went home and fell asleep...in my coat and Caribou clothes. My mom laughed hysterically. I just literally fell over on my bed with one arm over my head...flat on my back. I don't know why I was so tired.

My mom decided the whole family was gonna go to Eagle Brook last night, then out to dinner at Buca, and then to the movies to see The Ring Two. So we did...

I don't like Eagle Brook, and it was like a recession in a way, like I was sliding back. My old life wanted me. New York, Eagle Brook... but I want no part of it. No! The service was blah, and I wanted to leave. It all feels so fake to me. All the high tech presentations don't say anything to me except "ooh, look how we use your money! Give us more so we can make another movie montage!" It bothers me. They don't even have a cross anywhere visible in that entire building. Except on Easter. BAH!

Afterward, we ran into Amy Carey...whoa...and Paula Bolt. We talked to Paula for a long time (mom and I) Well...more like I stood there with a few sarcastic comments. i couldn't help it, I was crabby! Paula suddenly turned to me and says "I just can't believe how pretty you are. You're beautiful! You've grown into such a beautiful woman." And I was like...um...k...

THen we went to Buca, and that was fun. My crabiness went away for awhile. Then to the movie. I sat next to Jamie. Jamie likes to touch my arm. When he wants to show me things, when he's scared, just when he wants to tell me something. Not just my arm, my shoulder...he likes to tap. Lately, I've despised it all of the sudden. "Don't touch me!" And not just from Jamie. I don't like anyone to touch me. They're not...the right people. The affectionate...whatevers aren't the affection I need anymore. Ready for the next station in life, please. It's weird...but I'm being so un-nice, and I can feel it. I'm tired of so many of my undeserved responsibilities. But I can't get out without help. And back to New York is NOT the answer. Ha!

Anyway, time for church. Write more soon... argh.

Corrie

I'm so tired all the time. I don't think it's because I don't get enough sleep, it's because I just have to constantly get up at the crack of dawn. It's really tiring! I fall asleep really early, and then I wake up at a "normal" bed time. Then I can't sleep. Then BJ usually calls. (yay, my favoritest thing) After I talk to him, I can sleep peacefully. Then I wake up...and work. Then I come home, and sleep...and then work on other things. Argh.

Anyway...nothing unusual to report. Well, there probably is, but I won't put it all over the internet. So, it's Wednesday, and I'm watching Alias. It hasn't been too exciting. So, I'm writing while I'm watching it.

I get teased if I open my mouth these days. I'm being such a girl. I can't help it. AHHHHGGG... oh, well. Kate is such a character. She's hilarious. But she won't leave me alone. Why? Guess.

So...how boring is this entry? Very. I know I should be writing something else right now...like the story I was supposed to update forever ago. I don't feel like writing about someone else's love story. Bleck... Oh, well. Can't disappoint my public. Or "You Know Who You Are" - I still think that should be your screen name! That would be hilarious! Who am I talking about? He knows who he is. He told me so. HA!

Ok, I'm so boring... I really am. Well, off I go to watch Wife Swap.

Always, Me

So... I wanted to quit Caribou. Now I'm not so sure. Elke is trying to be really accomodating. Kerry and I get along really well, he makes me laugh. Adam...well, he's Adam. Kate is my favorite person there... there's nobody I don't like, except Elke sometimes...but she's really trying to make me like her.

The new assistant manager just happens to be Carrie Dahlke, who was my best friend in 5th grade. Interesting, no? I thought so. She and I are already fast pals again. I don't have to worry about working to get on her good side. Bwa-ha-ha.

The biggest reason I want to stay, is there are two places I want to go this summer, and I'm pretty sure Elke could make that happen. The missions trip to Mississippi is in June, and I plan on visiting BJ in July for his birthday. We'll see what happens.

So, in other news. I got my written retraction in the newspaper after a long battle. It says I wrote it, but it was based on Kelsey's idea. No problem there, that's the truth. Did I say that already? I may have...I don't remember.

I'm the speaker this Monday for GetDown, and I haven't even started my lesson plan yet. What day is it? Saturday? Oh, yeah. Oops. I'll get it done tomorrow...or Monday afternon. CRAP! I work til' 5 on Monday. Scratch that idea. DANG. I'll do it during my time off from 9:30-11. IF that really happens. We'll see.

So I'm pretty sure I figured this one thing out, and I'm pretty positive I see the other side, but just in case I'm wrong, I'm not going to say anything else. I just want to document the possibility. The day I thought I was right... hahaha moving on.

Mom's driving me nuts. She says I owe her months of back rent, because she's been really nice, and hasn't been making me pay. She now says that I owe her all the coins in my tip jar... and gas money galore. Every time I drive her car, I put gas in it. Then she asks me for gas money outside of that, because "Corrie, I never drive my car! YOu drive it everyday!" Okay...let's look at that. I drive it most mornings, about 2 blocks away to CARIBOU! Well, maybe a mile...but still! And then SHE drives downtown Minneapolis. Hmmm...5 minutes versus 45 minutes. 2 blocks of highway versus miles and miles of 70mph freeway? Who uses the gas? And she goes shopping EVERY DAY! I spend 10 dollars every two days, and that's not enough. If I complain, I'm ungrateful and selfish.

Today...oh boy. She loves wasting all the gas zipping around everywhere, so when I go to work, I have to put gas in it just to get home. (I work across the street from a gas station) So! I didn't work today, so she asked me to go fill up the car. I told her i didn't have any money, and she freaked out. I got up before her, so I could have the house cleaned for her anniversary today. Then she trashed it...coffee filters, dishes, coffee spills, food... the living room...ahhh. How does she manage it? I don't know. So...she has me drive Jamie to work, and I come home...without having gone to the gas station. I literally have 2 dollars in my wallet. She goes absolutely insane! She starts screaming at me "I can't believe you! YOu don't put gas in my car, you don't unload the trunk and take the bags out like i asked (which she didn't) You just sit there!" Then there was a nice "Come down here right now and clean up the kitchen and living room! It's filthy! Do I have to do everything?" Then she slammed the door and drove away. So...I re-cleaned the house, and now here I am. Ready for a nap. I'm not sure, but I MAY have been on the phone til 6am. (hahaha)

BJ called at 8 something, then had to go, called back at 9:20ish, and we talked for awhile...until Lauren came in and violated our agreement. Oh, yes. She did. Then he called back close to 11. Had to take Lauren and friend to Wal-Mart at around mid-night. Then he texted me to see if i was awake around 3...I was. So, he called. That's that. 6am bed time. It was heavenly. We're almost talking about the things we never talk about. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway...I'm gonnago throw things at my mom's wall now... after I make her bed. Bah. Later taters.

Corrie

Word. For all of you who read my blog...I know there are thousands. Don't forget you can leave comments! Click on the time by the entry you want to comment on, and it will bring you to the appropriate page. Yup. That's what ya gotta do!

It's so dang early in the morning. I really don't have time to write in here, I have to go to work. But i was eating breakfast for the first time in a long time, and just sort of landed in my desk chair. Go figure. I feel odd not typing something while sitting here. So...here I am.

Can someone tell my head to shut up? Thank you. A little louder next time. Well, I have to go and dig through my mom's room in the dark to find her car keys. Argh. How poointless was this entry? Very.

I love you all!

Corrie

BAH! I don't feel well. All I want to do is sleep. Coming down off of such an emotional roller coaster, my gosh. I'm so exhausted. Here's the short version:

I wrote to the newspaper, I put that letter in here. The newspaper wrote back. I wrote to them because Kelsey said she was misquoted. The newspaper said otherwise. Observe:

"What was in the article was what Kelsey Marrin told me - I double checked my notes. I also called the Drama Club advisor and she also told me that Kelsey was the primary writer of the play, that you had limited involvement in writing it and that she was aware of your accusation. Unless I have documented proof that the article was inaccurate, I cannot run a correction. Kristine GoodrichWhite Bear/ Vadnais Heights Press"

Yay! Isn't that just the funnest? So, I called Kelsey, but her mom answered. She kinda lectured me about how I need to not accuse, Kelsey deserves at least a co-writing credit, and we needed to discuss legal matters. AHHH! I bawled my eyes out. Guess who got to hear me? BJ.

Thank God for Kelly and BJ, because without them I probably would have done absolutely nothing. I would have cried, sulked, kicked the dirt and held a grudge for the rest of my life. Poor them, because they hear all the tears. I'd like to think I've been there for them too. I know I've tried with Kelly, but I feel like I'm not giving as much as I'm taking from BJ. He says I've helped him out in ways I don't even know, but...I don't know, therefore...I don't know.

Anyway...I'm very grateful for both of them. It's nice to have people to talk to. So, my parents read the reply from the newspaper without telling me, and mom and dad were sooooooo mad. They sprang into action. We called people about copywrite laws and all that fun stuff. Mom called the newspaper and the theater director behind my back, but i guess it worked out ok. After long battles, we got the paper to agree to a retraction. They wanted to give Kelsey a co-write credit, but in script writing... it actually has to do with WRITING, and all Kelsey gave was an idea, which is exactly what she should get the credit for. So, the retraction is going to say that it's a play written by Corrie Killmer, based on an idea by Kelsey Marrin. And seeing as how that's the absolute truth, I don't have a problem with that. I talked to Kelsey, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with that either.

She still maintains the fact that the newspaper ignored the fact that she listed myself as writer. Whatever... I don't know if I believe that.

Anyway, moving on. I've decided to find another job. Caribou isn't... it just isn't anymore. It's the most work I've ever done for the least amount of money. I know I can do better than that. For sure. I get in trouble for things that shouldn't be my responsibility, and that pisses me off royally. So I won't be there too much longer. Hopefully I won't be in MINNESOTA for too much longer. i don't know how much for of this frigidness I can take.

So, I'm sure I have other things to talk about, but I can't think of anything right now. I have to go to bed now. I've had to wake up at 4 every day this week, and it's really beginning to kill me. Today I was sooo out of it, I slept enough. But not enough. I think I'm sick. Maybe I got it from BJ...over the phone, all the way over there in Alabama. Ha! Well...

Nobody really reads this thing, I don't think... but since my other peeps have but this is their blogs/journals, I might as well follow suit. Don't want to be the "uncool" one.

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you saw me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

So that's it for now then. I shall leave you with a parting thought I had today. We had abandoned donuts @ work. Kate gave one to me. I looked at the donut all day. I said no. "Think boyfriend. Think guy. No donut. Think skinny!" And then guess what thought won? "You don't have a boyfriend. You have a donut. Love the donut." And then the donut got eaten by yours truly. That pesky inner voice. But alas. I have (had) the donut.

Bye!

Today was... fun. Not really. It started out in panic. I was scheduled to work at 5:30am. I got there at 5:28. Nobody else was there. Not only that, but I forgot today was Saturday! Every oter day we OPEN at 5:30. Saturdays we open at 6. So, no one else was there, the store was locked up, and I thought we were already open. I panicked. I panicked even more when the milk delivery man showed up. He had about 70 cases of milk, each case containing 4 gallons. That's a lot of milk. He was sooooo mad. "What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't come back! This is ****. This is ****** ridiculous!" What was I supposed to do about it? It's not like I have a key or anything. So, Elke showed up at about 5:70. Turns out she was late, because she was speeding and got a ticket. How ironic! We had to rush like crazy to open in time. Nothing like adrenaline to get you going in the morning. Then I worked drive-thru from 6-11. The day went by pretty fast, we were insanely busy.

So that's work. The rest of the day? My gosh. I've had a horrible headache. No matter how many drugs I take, it will only go away for about 15 minutes. I got home from work at 11:15 and wanted to take a nap. So, I layed down on my badly unmade bed...the sheets took themselves off while I was laying still last night, I swear! Anyway...I was SLEEPING for all of five minutes when mom came in and asked me to make her bed. WHATEVER! But I did it anyway.

I then went back to nap time. At around 12:30 I was listening to mom and Jamie argue in the hallway. So I woke up. Mom left, and dropped Jamie off at work. I got up, cleaned my still messy from unpacking room, and checked my e-mail. BJ called for a brief moment, and then I decided to make myself something to eat. I had a chicken pot pie, clementines, and a blueberry scone. Nice, huh? I thought so. I watched half of the movie "Blow" on USA, and then my dad came home. He went to go take a nap. Sounded nice to me! Plus...my headache was soooooo bad.

I went back upstairs and watched the special features on "Raise Your Voice" and then I fell asleep around 5. I woke up at seven something, and decided to write Lara a letter. My phone rang shortly after, and I dropped it and almost killed it. I ended up hanging up on BJ, but all was well. I called back, and we talked for awhile.

Mom came home shortly after, and begged me to watch "Ray" with her. Well, I tried but she would not shut up! I made a "huff" noise, and she asked me to leave. No...forced me to. I didn't object all that much. I missed most of it anyway. So, here i am writing about my pointless day for no good reason, really. Ah, well.

So...I'm nervous about that response from the newspaper. If I actually get one, that is. If not...I guess I'll have to call, dang it. I'll have to write myself out a script first, just in case. Haha!

I guess that's all for now. Later!

Me!

I have to be brief, because I have to go to bed. Work early early early! But I have to do a real quick re-cap. Sam has left my Caribou and moved to another. Kate stomped a mouse to death. Scuse me, it was a shrew. I've been corrected so many times. Anyway! Elke wants me to be a shift supervisor, but I don't wanna. Adam is the new guy, and at first I didn't like him...but he's turning out to be pretty cool! Pretty similar to myself in some ways. The whole youth leader, drama geek, singer and writer thing...yeah that. So! That's work in a nutshell. Moving on.

I took a big step in the whole resolving the Kelsey thing. I wrote to the newspaper. If you're reading this Kelsey, I'm nothiding anything from you. I'm trying to find out the truth, since you're not being straight with me. So! Here's a copy of the letter for ALL to read:

To Miss Goodrich, and whomever else the following might concern:

I am writing in regards to an article that appeared in your publication on Wednesday, February 16th 2005.

Miss Goodrich wrote an article entitled "Actors gain backstage perspective" highlighting three one-act plays that were to take place on February 18th and 19th at White Bear Lake Area High school. One of these plays was "Channel 13" and the information surrounding that play is what I am writing to you about.

The following is an exact quote from your publication:
"Holman and Marrin are co-directing "Channel 13," a comedy, written by Marrin, about a news broadcast gone awry. "While I was writing it I was envisioning what it would be like in my head," Marrin said. "It's so cool to see it all come together."

I was in Florida at the time this article first made its appearance. My sister, who was home in Minnesota, called my cell phone upon reading the article. The reason why the above paragraph was of so much interest to her, is because "Channel 13" is a completely original one-act play written entirely by myself. Miss Kelsey Marrin did not contribute a single word to the project.
Miss Marrin approached me with a proposal. She wanted to be a student director this year, and asked if I would write a script. I was more than happy to offer my contribution. I was a director in the White Bear school district two years before, and have many ties to that theater. I wrote the script, and turned it over to Miss Marrin to direct. Her direction is as far as her involvement goes.

I was incredibly angry upon reading your article, and really need to know some background information. Consider this a formal request for any available notes from the interview. If it is a case of Miss Marrin claiming the work as her own, this is a serious problem she and I need to discuss.

She claims she was repeatedly misquoted, and your publication blatantly ignored the fact that she listed myself as the author. If this is true, I will have to hold you responsible. Whatever the case, I am asking you for a formal written retraction within your publication.

I had planned to pursue publication of my script, and cannot do that as long as it is in print that someone else wrote it. Your article is preventing me from claiming my own work. Were that article to surface while I was trying to get the script in circulation, I would be accused of plagiarism.

In any case, I deserve the credit for my work, and really hope you understand my frustrations. As far as Miss Marrin is concerned, I really need to know if she claimed the work as her own in your interview with her. A 5 year friendship depends on it. I take my writing very seriously, and this situation has not been taken lightly.

Please get back to me as soon as possible, so that I might know which way to go from here.
Thank you for your time, and I trust in your cooperation in making this right.

Sincerely,

Corrien Killmer

So that's all for now, really. Have to go to bed. Later!

Hey! I'm back! And I'm brain dead. Why? Drama, drama...but when it gets down to the physical part, it's not without reason. We got home from Florida at 3am yesterday morning. I read something that made me want to kill something, and was so fueled with anger, I couldn't sleep. BJ text messaged me, and I wouldn't let him call because I wanted him to sleep (about 4:30am) so instead we text messaged til almost 7! Yeah, makes sense. My dad woke me up at around 8, and I had a brief phone call before I had to drive with my dad to drop off the rental van. After that, I decided to unpack. Still angry, I couldn't sleep. I didn't find sleep til about 1:30 this morning, and then had to wake up at 4:30 for my first day back at work. Nice shift too... 5:30am-5pm.

So, after being on drive-thru all day, my legs don't work anymore, and my head is pounding. But... I think it's primarily because of all the thinking I've been doing. Oh, well. So! The trip. The short version...let's see if there is such a thing.

A Timeline:

Friday, February 4th - Leave at 12pm in our rental mini-van

Sunday, February 6th - Arrive at Orange Lake resort (timeshare condo)

Monday, February 7th - Spend the day at Sea World

Tuesday, February 8th (Kelly's 25th Birthday) Spend day at Disney's Magic Kingdom

Wednesday, February 9th - Take the day off and hang out around the pool

Thursday, February 10th - Sunday February 13th - Cruise to the Bahamas on the "Disney Wonder"

Sunday, February 13th (later) - Check into Vacation Village timeshare

Monday, February 14th - Day off at condo

Tuesday, February 15th-Thursday February 17th - Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure

Friday February 18th, day off at Downtown Disney and Old Town

Saturday February 19th - Disney Animal Kingdom, MGM Studios, Magic Kingdom

Sunday, February 20th (Dad's birthday) - Tuesday, February 22nd --Drive home, Arrive back in WBL MN at 3am

Cool, huh? So, to delve a little deeper into the cool parts, my favorite was the cruise. I finally had an excuse to use all my ship lingo from my 14 year Titanic obsession! All the male employees were beautiful. (Disney doesn't hire ugly people) Peter Pan was amazing, our waiter Rodrigo was heavenly, and gave me a kiss on the cheek on our last day. I got to see a play every night, gained about 100 pounds devouring the most amazing food I've ever tasted in my entire life...got treated like I was the queen of...something good. Got to go to the Bahamas! First trip out of the country. There was a movie theater on board! It was my haven. It's like I created it out of my imagination. I got to forget about things for awhile why I was there. I really do know my way around ocean liners...yay! And I got to be in the middle of the ocean...I just...ugh.

The rest of the trip was good too, minus the obvious family frictions when around each other THAT much. I got really bad food poisoning our last day at Disney, and ended up throwing up A LOT all over the condo parking lot...and my pants. Ew. Prettiness. So anyway...might as well get to the bad stuff now.

I'm pretty sure I wrote about "Channel 13" in here before. I wrote a one-act script for Kelsey Marrin to submit to WBLAHS so she could student direct. I wrote it three tiems actually, and broke two computers. I had multiple nervous breakdowns, and I wanted to die. I worked my butt of, went to Hell repeatedly, but I pulled it off. It ended up being something I'm really proud of! It's hilarious. Kelsey originally said she wanted me to be involved in a lot of the process. I didn't hear from her unless I contacted her, really. I kind of invited myself to two rehearsals, and realized that I was going to be in Florida when the performances actually occured.

When I was in Universal one of the days, Sunnie text messaged my phone and asked "Didn't YOU write Channel 13" my heart plummeted to the ground. I said yes, and she said "That's not what Kelsey told the reporters..." and I couldn't breathe. I went off on a tangent, waiting for Sunnie to explain, and Kelly was just as upset. I ended up calling Sunnie, asking her exactly what the article said. My name was not in it...anywhere. Here's EXACTLY what it says:

"Holman and Marrin are co-directing "Channel 13" a comedy, written by Marrin, about a newscast gone awry. "While I was writing it I was envisioning what it would be like in my head," Marrin said. "It's so cool to see it all come together."

I was heart broken, and furious. She took credit for it. She stole my work. I'm so...beyond angry, beyond upset. I cried, and I cried hard. I trusted her. I really really trusted her.

Sunnie went to go see the play, and told me how wonderful it was. She also told me how Kelsey was listed as lead writer. At least I made second billing for writing every single word of the play I created...but whatever. I'm infuriated. I've been unable to get ahold of Kelsey, but I'm going to write to the White Bear Press and ask for a written retraction. I can't pursue possible publication if it's in print that someone else wrote it! She's...ruining me.

Last night, Sunnie started an AIM conversation with Kelsey. Kelsey didn't want to talk to me... well, that's too bad. Here's the conversation: (Kelly said I wasn't harsh enough. Ha!)

SKillmer19: Hey Kels.

soccerbaby045: Hi

SKillmer19: How ya doin'?

soccerbaby045: I'm alright. And youself?>

SKillmer19: I'm okay.

SKillmer19: I saw your play. Good job directing girl.

SKillmer19: It was funny.

soccerbaby045: Thank you. I saw you but then I didn't

SKillmer19: I had to hurry outa there.

soccerbaby045: Okay

soccerbaby045: I'm glad you saw it

SKillmer19: Best of the three.

soccerbaby045: Thank you

SKillmer19: I think Corrie is a little hurt though.

soccerbaby045: Why?

SKillmer19: She read the White Bear Press.

soccerbaby045: I said her name so many times. I
promise you this.

SKillmer19: Don't promise me, it's okay. I'm just the
sister.

soccerbaby045: ahhh

SKillmer19: ?

soccerbaby045: Nevermind

SKillmer19: Do you want to talk to her?

soccerbaby045: Is she home?

SKillmer19: Yes.

soccerbaby045: I don't know what do say and I dno't
think it would be a great idea right now.

SKillmer19: It doesn't have to be a fight.

SKillmer19: She's right here.

soccerbaby045: I just really can't handle anything
right now. I

soccerbaby045: Nothing against her I just...I need to
go

SKillmer19: Ok, sorry.

soccerbaby045: No, it's okay. It's just crazy right
now. Tell her I'm sorry because I was also upset
about what they didn't say.

soccerbaby045: Because I couldn't have done anything
with out her. She saved my butt

SKillmer19: Hey, this is Corrie

soccerbaby045: hey

soccerbaby045: How was your trip

SKillmer19: Kelsey...

soccerbaby045: yes

SKillmer19: it was good

soccerbaby045: Thats good

SKillmer19: so, here's the t hing. I'm sure things
were said and weren't said in that interview, but...I
wrote Channel 13. Every word. By myself.

soccerbaby045: I know that

SKillmer19: and even in the program, it said you
helped write it, but you didn't, Kels. And I got
second billing. You didn't write it... any of it

SKillmer19: and that really really hurt me

SKillmer19: you DIRECTED it and you did an awesome
job, and I give you the credit for all of that

SKillmer19: but I wrote it

SKillmer19: and I was proud of it, and wanted everyone
to know

SKillmer19: now no one does

soccerbaby045: I told people that you wrote it I told
so many people that you wrote it.

soccerbaby045: Words but you story by me

soccerbaby045: by*

soccerbaby045: Thats what it said on the cover of the
play

SKillmer19: the story wasn't by you. I put that on the
cover because I cherished you and wanted you to be a
part of it. You told me "I want to write a play about
a news cast where everything goes wrong, and they have
a fake hurricane"

SKillmer19: that's not a story. That's an idea. I gave
you undue credit, and that might have been a mistake.
That's not writing it, not at all

soccerbaby045: You're right.

soccerbaby045: I'm sorry I messed everything up. I
will make sure to tell every one I know that you wrote
everything. But I really need to go and I truely am
sorry about everything

SKillmer19: I need to know if you really said what
they quoted in the paper

soccerbaby045: I said so much more.

SKillmer19: but you DID say you wrote it? You took the
credit for it? "When I was writing it I was
envisioning what it would be like in my head..."

SKillmer19: you told them you wrote it?

soccerbaby045: When I was thinking of...the play

SKillmer19: did you say "When I was writing it"

soccerbaby045: Nop

SKillmer19: they made that up?

soccerbaby045 signed off at 9:57:49 PM.

So now she's really truly avoiding me. I'm going to contact the paper and ask for the notes from the interview. I highly doubt a newspaper would decide to lie about who wrote something. They wouldn't deliberately put themselves in that situation. She took credit she didn't deserve, and severely damaged any relationship we may have had. I have a broken heart. I worked so so hard. I didn't know it would end up in losing another friendship. But I can't overlook this, I just can't. If she wanted to be fair, she could have. It was up to her, and her decisions are in print. No escaping that.

This entry is pretty long now, huh? Oh, well. I just have one more thing to do. Things I used to do in there. Song lyrics! My favorite of the moment!! I Finally got the new Kelly Clarkson...since I was one of her first fans and all that...I've done a crappy job of proving it. Anyway! Here we go:

"Hear Me"

you gotta be out there/ you gotta be somewhere/ wherever you are / I'm waiting... / cause there are these nights when / I sing myself to sleep / and I'm hoping my dreams bring / you close to me / are you listening? / hear me i'm crying out / I'm ready now/ turn my world upside down / find me / I'm lost inside this crowd / it's getting loud / I need you to see me / I'm screaming for you to please / hear me / can you hear me? / I used to be scared of/ letting someone in / but it gets so lonely/ being on my own/ with no one to talk to and / no one to hold me / I'm not always strong/ oh I need you here / are you listening? / I'm restless and wild/ I fall but I try / I need someone to understand/ (can you hear me?) / I'm lost in my thoughts / and baby I've fought/ for all that I've got/ can you hear me?

So that's all for now loves! Will write more later. Back to normalcy...what a cruel sentence. I deserve abnormality, i really do!

Later!

Ciao!

I'm so thrown off...I'm so confused! I'm not entirely sure how to function at the moment. What's going on?? Good grief. So! Yesterday...

Yesterday I worked a double shift from 6:30am - 4pm. I had about twenty minutes to sit and do nothing, so I had to make a bunch of phone calls. Business, you know. I think the second shift was more fun than the first. Why?? Because Elke put me on drive AGAIN this morning. It's becoming a regular routine. Not so happy about that. Oh, well. I don't mind it, except for the breathing thing.

The second shift was just me, Katrina, and Emily...so of course it was fun. The weather was AMAZING! Everyone was walking in without coats. IN FEBRUARY! Usually we have another blizzard by now! The snow was melting (people were referring to our drive-thru lane as the Caribou River) and I could see GRASS! Makes sense that Minnesota would get perfect temp weather right as I'm about to go to Florida. Makes perfect sense, uh-huh. Life. SO! Since it was so beautiful, I volunteered to go pick up the garbage around the grounds. It was a dirty, messy, very wet job..but it was SO NICE OUT!

Anyway, my shift ended at 4, and I got out of there about 4:15. I went home, grabbed some LOTR figurines, and headed to church to help Perry make the Getdown Overnighter video. I forgot to bring a girl, so when we had to do the anti-PDA segment, Perry made Lurtz (The lead Uruk-hai from FOTR) and Gimli make out. Gross....

After that, I came home with every intention of doing my laundry. I was sooo tired.... (after getting almost three hours of sleep the night before) and I had sooo much stuff to get done! I was gonna go to Cub and cash in my coins, but I didn't. I went online instead to check my e-mail. The laundry thing threw me off, because my mom told me when I got home that she had already been working on it, and it was almost done. Say what?!? Good grief... I didn't know what to do.

So, it was about 6:30, so I got ready to watch The OC. I tape it every single week just in case somebody missed it. I lay down on my bed and settle in. (bad idea) I woke up at 7:30, half an hour after it had started. BUT-- I was sooo confused, I thought I had slept til 7:30 AM, and I was supposed to be at work by six! I jumped up and had a total freak-out moment, until I realized the TV was on, and the OC was playing. Instead of getting upset about missing that show, I sighed in relief and turned the TV off. So basically, I went to bed at 6:30 pm!!

My whole routine was abandoned, and all the stuff I have to accomplish didn't happen. I didn't talk to a certain somebody, and that threw me off. And the worst part? Oh....I can't even... so today (Friday) I work from 6-11. We're supposed to hop in the van and start our road trip around noon. Last night was my frantic last minute night, and I slept through the whole thing. I HAVE NOT EVEN PACKED YET! So here I am, with a full eight hours of sleep behind me, up at 3am to pack for this trip. I have to pack, then I have to work, then I have to cash in my coins, pick up my pay check, go to the bank, cash my check, go home, load up the rental van, make sure I have EVERYTHING I need, and then fall over dead. Sounds like a good plan to me! So, here I go. To the laundry room to see if my clothes really DID wash themselves.

Hopefully they'll have internet access at the first timeshare or whatever. The last one did! Then I can keep this updated. Unless of course the ship goes down or something, and we all die. YOu'll never know then, will you?!? Oh, well...

So! Until then...

Corrie